Recurrent Miscarriage Support Thread 15 - tests, treatment and trying again

[Justonemoretime]

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

Thank you Bootles and girlie, I think one of the reason so many of us stay on this thread when we are pg is because there is absolutely nowhere else where people understand that the pain and anxiety don't magically disappear when you are carrying a healthy baby. We also feel so deeply for people still going through losses, and know that heartbreak so well.

When I started on this thread, baking was the only pg one here, and she doggedly stayed with us through all our shit times. Bless her!

Anyway, am feeling a bit soppy this morning, ignore me xxx

Agreed, even in the April 15 (and Marchies) miscarriage survivors thread some people there only had one, or don't really get the pain of 2 or 3 or 4...

Although I am glad to have that group to balance the overwhelming blind optimism of the regular thread...

Gosh. I'm not even aware of those threads. I jumped straight on to this one and so glad I did. It feels like a complete life line at the moment, and such a positive thread. I've also noticed a (good) change in the language that several of you are using as your pregnancies progress, and it's so good to hear

Hey everyone. How are you?

Purple great news about the blue scan!!!
Bootles I'm getting headaches too plus all I keep thinking about is how can I have lost 3 babies. I'm still in shock I think and you've lost 5. :-(

I do agree though, how is it that we can do such much with modern medicine but it almost seems like we can't do anything with miscarriage.

I've booked acupuncture for next week so hope that helps. Also saw doctor as well yesterday - I've been signed off for 2 weeks - my first due date is a literally a couple of days after I go back so they've said I can extend it if need to.

But I've also come down with what seems like a cracking chest infection. How is this possible????!!! FFS?? Feel really quite ropey..

Doc also said we do need to wait until seen specialist to try again. Told DP this and he said we were told that at the EPAU. I don't remember that at all. Probably because I was in shock.

But yes , we are on an enforced break now...

Woohoo, go purple! Great news about purple-boy

belle Glad to hear you're feeling better! And don't know your DH before you've been in the delivery room, you might be surprised Are you planning NCT classes? We found those really helpful for DH to find out how he can be involved.

bootles I know how you feel - it's that state of panic, when you feel that you have run out of options of what else you could try. I would recommend reading Prof Regan's book again, even if you have already done that - I found the way that she presents the statistical data about miscarriages and their different scenarios quite soothing. Although I am hoping that maybe she will publish something a bit more up to date soon, her book is getting a bit dated...

I completely agree about the holding back from finding out gender and discussing names (although I find it incredibly hard not to start thinking about names the minute I find out I'm pg). They asked us if we wanted to find out the sex after the last mc, but we both agreed we didn't - I think it's a protection mechanism, not letting it get too close and 'real'.

Managed to re-schedule my appointment for the 28th. It wasn't the consultant's appointment at all, just an admin mistake (due to the fact that runs clinics in different places).
Yeah, DH really doesn't get it. At all. He said 'that's rubbish', when the appointment got cancelled, but then, last night, he had the nerve to a) tell me that one of his work colleagues is now pg with her third and b) to ask me what I thought about the names she had put on FB to hold a poll because she couldn't agree with her husband! I got so pissed off Which he noticed, but still it didn't click with him. By the time he asked me if I was upset with him about something (well, he noticed that), I was already half asleep and definitely not in the mood to discuss it anymore. Argh!

9 DPO today, but am having back aches and stomach cramps, so think that the red tide of doom is on its way. And I can't even have chocolate or wine because I'm back on trying to lose weight. Will have to vent my frustration in the gym tonight (which is not the worst thing to do, to be honest!).
Fortunately, DS is so lovely at the moment and provides lots of cheerfulness. This morning, he shared his plan of how to deal with monsters with us - you tie them up and throw them in the water, and then the whale will eat them. Makes total sense to me

Ugh, so many mistakes!

...don't knock your DH* before...
...wasn't the consultant's fault at all...

Brummie Unfortunately, mc can really knock you immune system, so picking up infections is quite easy. Do keep an eye on it and get seen asap if it doesn't get better! Insult to injury, eh...?

So cute of your DS cloud

This morning I had to open windows and say "shooo monsters, shooo" as my DD said there were pretend monsters in her room and my room...

Brummie don't worry there's few of us in the enforced break club, we can help keep each other sane x

brummie a chest infection too..as you say, FFS. Do look after yourself. The headaches are unp!easant (with one dreadful nauseating one where i thought I was going to pass out) but starting to ease. Its the tiredness that's hard to deal with now. Glad you have 2 weeks off. Enforced breaks are very hard, but getting yourself physically well again, and starting to deal with the emotions, is something for you to focus on. Acupuncture is a positive step.

cloud I really can imagine my OH doing exactly the same - frustrating. I hope you manage to get your point across to him later today. Glad you have another appointment in the not too distant future. And you're not out this month yet. Yes its the panic - there's the loss itself, of that particular embryo/baby/pregnancy, and also the growing panic that this really really might not happen. As always, thank god for DS.

He is also in the monster phase - he told me in the park this afternoon that he just saw a monster and an alien, but that it was ok as they were just people dressed up.

Evening all, just a quick one, I've been getting a few mild headaches (nothing as dramatic as Belle's), but they're pretty much daily. Got my 16 week appointment on Monday and I'll mention it, but do you think there's a need to contact my MW sooner? Dr Google has got me worried...

I had a lot of headaches with dd. Pretty much daily in the first half of preg,fewer after 20wks. In fact i think it probably contributed to me being so sick as they made me feel crap. Make sure you're drinking plenty of water. I think they are very common so try not to worry, but definitely mention it on Monday. You can of course take paracetamol, but I understand this isn't something you probably want to do regularly. Hopefully they will subside in the next few weeks x

Thanks, March, I need to step away from Dr Google. x

Girlie and Brummie count me in for enforced waiting. Boo. Durex wrappers in the bin- it's so WRONG.

Bootles and Brummie - I'm still exhausted too. I slept til 12.30 this morning. Please don't feel despondent, Bootles. Xx

Baking tins- thanks for reviewing my plan. Xxx

Lovely news, Purple! I love good news.

This threa

d is saving me. It's like reading a bunch of my own thoughts. (On bad days and good days) thank you lovely lovely ladies. and I'm so grateful I'm not alone.

Right here are my "bonus" reasons why a enforced break is good;

1. financially it's better and means I can save more and therefore have a longer maternity leave

2. I have more time to loose weight before I get fat again

3. I can get more jobs done around the house before I'm too tired. Next job is decorating the hallway.

4. I can eat pate/ soft cheese and drink alcohol

Get the idea where I'm going....feel free to add to the list. It's not idea BUT if it means that I get a sibling for DH then that's ok by me

just what has Dr google been telling you? Headaches in the 3rd trimester could potentially be a sign of pre-eclampsia, but that wouldn't happen at 16 weeks. Headaches are often caused by hormonal changes (I always get them in early pg, and now am suffering with them post mc) plus as march says, look out for dehydration - your body needs a lot more fluids in pg, as your blood volume increases by a huge amount (can't recall exactly how much). Agree to mention on Monday, and think you should seek medical advice before then if it becomes a really dramatic or worrying headache. Just my opinion. You are doing really well.

and counting I'm glad you are finding the thread helpful. I know what you mean too...there is nowhere else that I am understood, not OH, not close friends, not family - nowhere.

girlie
no dreaded TWW, no charting your cycle
no second guessing your cycle/body
You made a good list already. Sorry I forget, how long is your enforced break? You can definitely use it to your advantage.

I have to ask..DH is usually Dear Husband, can t remember what dear child is..but hey, we can start a new mumsnet language!

It's been three months so far and unless I can get next consultant appointment rearranged it will be another 3 months, so 6 in total.

I thought dh was shorten for daughter......?

I think its normally DD for dear daughter, DS for dear son, or DC for dear child more generally. DH is normally dear husband, though maybe there's a different meaning too.
All good positives for your enforced break girlie. I really hope they have a slightly earlier slot for you though. Frustrating to have to wait that long. I think with that long a wait there's probably a good chance of cancellations, so you never know.

girlie what stage of testing are you at? Sorry, I'm sure you have said, but I can't remember. Worst case scenario, you're half way through the waiting. Hard though. I agree that phoning regularly to see if there are cancellations is worth it.

I'm no expert on mumsnet language, I've never posted before being on here, so it's quite possible I'm wrong. DH/DD, I see what you mean - anyway, we know what you mean :)

Aw counting - make yourself at home! I know exactly what you mean. I never posted much on forums before this mc stuff but it's so good to be able to say exactly what you're thinking to people that get it. And the advice has been invaluable too.

Girlie -for your list - When you get a bfp you'll be more psychologically ready for it.

But the main reason is to have the tests and give yourself the best possible chance. I had a slight pregnancy scare in my first cycle post mc3 and suddenly realised how terrified I would be to get pg before having any tests. As it happened the tests were clear but at least I knew there wasn't a treatable cause that I'd failed to treat.

I wish I had used my break to get fitter and lighter. It was shorter than expected as it had always taken me several months previously but this time I got pg first cycle of trying.

Am in a bit of a grumpy mood this morning and have only been up 30 mins. Dd has been v whiny. Dh is still in bed. It's raining and I have no plans. A day trapped indoors with whiny dd is not appealing but she has been so squabbly with her friends lately that I am not sure I can bear inviting anyone over.

On the upside I have finally (5 days before the deadline) managed to get a tour of our local schools and make a decision which one to apply to for dd in September. Probably won't get into it anyway but feels good to have the form submitted and one less thing to think about!

Thanks for pointing out my error!??

The delay we've had is because the epu clinic refused to count the first chemical MC so had to get referred by my GP. We've had some blood tests done by the GP but not the clotting tests or the uterus scan. Frustratingly the registrar told us the epu clinic should have referred us as the chemical MC does count if you also have two "traditional MCs" His words not mine. He also said "time wasn't on my side" as I'm 38 this year. BUT despite all of this the outpatient appointments desk wouldn't make an earlier appointment not do they have a cancellation list.

Anyway not going to focus on what's done and focus on the future!

Longest- choosing schools is a nightmare. My Dd is also in a whinge mood. Thinks it's a age thing. Frozen is always the full back in our house. House spent dancing/ singing to the DVD... That's me not her!

How annoying girlie. GGood for you thinking positively.

Ah she loves frozen in theory but lately has been refusing to watch it, getting worried about Anna being hit by the ice etc. Maybe the soundtrack would be a better plan. Schools thing is stupid really. I have dozens of schools within walking distance but only one, maybe two if I am very lucky, we have a chance of getting into so the idea of choice is a bit nebulous but I still feel the need to traipse round and agonise about faith schools etc!

I think we all need a break from frozen (hiding the dvd as I type!) we've moved onto the other Disney films. Yesterday we had lovely day going to pick a new film we hadn't watched, making cakes to watch whilst we watched the film and then actually watched it. Took up the whole day and a good rainy day activity x