Please or to access all these features

Miscarriage/pregnancy loss

Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum. See also legal rights and support after baby loss.

Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 14 - tests, treatment, trying again

999 replies

Justonemoretime · 29/11/2014 17:38

Information, support, hand holding, tea, sympathy and a hell of a lot of combined knowledge - all welcome as we try to make sense of the RMC roller coaster of tests, NHS admin, heart ache and (hopefully) happy endings!
Please start with a recap of your stats :)

OP posts:
Flen · 28/12/2014 13:44

Hi everyone. bootles I am so very, very sad to hear what's happened. There are no words. The consultant, as others have said, sounds like an absolute arse and I too feel angry that you had to deal with him as well as everything else. It absolutely sucks. It all sucks. I send you hugs and hugs and hugs, and echo what everyone else says about taking the time you need - I took three weeks last time and I do feel it made a big difference to my capacity to get through stuff.

tanny lots of others have said it, but I say it too, I really admire your openness and strength.

I am completely bowled over by the wisdom and strength of the women on this thread. Again.

Justonemoretime · 28/12/2014 16:15

Feeling quite odd in the limbo stage; no bump (a little padding and reasonably strong core muscles from swimming mean that I probably won't be seeing anything soon), but I do look like I've eaten all the pies. And so have my boobs. Less nausea, still knackered. Trying hard to keep the 'what if it's stopped growing and no-one will find out for weeks!' voice at bay... sanity check please.Shock

OP posts:
Belleende · 28/12/2014 16:31

Right there with you just. For me bump is most evident first thing. I am thinking sneaky private scan in a weeK or so.

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 17:06

Just and Belle, you are entering the limbo land, and it is natural to worry. I begged an extra scan at 15 weeks, so if you can, go for it. Try not to worry too much, you are both doing well x

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 17:21

The last couple of days I've gone back to feeling sick which is a real bummer, as together with tiredness and grouchiness it isn't exactly pleasant being around me.

Thank you for your kind words. In all honesty I don't recognise the person you seem to see, I'm just your regular fuck up trying not to fuck up as much...

Bootles hope you're doing OK. I really hope everything goes alright tomorrow. Will be thinking of you xxx

TinyTear · 28/12/2014 17:36

Aren't we all Tanny
But you are braver than most...

longestlurkerever · 28/12/2014 18:03

Am still in limbo land too really. I have a bit of a bump and the occasional kick but keep worrying the bump has stopped growing and I am imagining the kicks. Imagine I will still wake up worrying that I have dreamed it after the baby is here!

Living room is now tidy for the first time in months! Dont ask about the rest of the house though. Mil is a car boot sale fiend and we have SO MUCH STUFF.

longestlurkerever · 28/12/2014 18:20

Ok I lied about the lounge too. It is almost tidy.

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 18:33

DH seems to have been on a tidy frenzy for several days, and for once everything looks less like we've had to abandon the place in a hurry! I hoovered the living room, dining room and stairs yesterday and then had to have a lie down!

Justonemoretime · 28/12/2014 18:45

I'm looking online for a wall based storage unit. Then I will put everything I own in it, and then my house will be like a show home. I wish.

Thanks, Tanny, you are very wise. My therapist once asked me what I really wanted (in the context of not trusting my body to get a damn thing right and how toxic those kinds of thoughts might be - hello future baby, would you like to make your home in the body I hate and think doesn't work? etc.). I said that I would like my body just to be able to naturally get on with doing its thing, and me trusting that it was all just happening. I think I really need to try to focus on those kind of happy (sane) thoughts.

OP posts:
bootles · 28/12/2014 20:44

Thanks again all. I am exhausted. Not sleeping, and DS is still under the influence of too much Christmas chocolate and late nights due to excitment, which means he is not settling at night. So doubly exhausted. I can't see how they will actually fit me in for an erpc tomorrow but I have been given instructions as if I am so really hope there's not too much waiting.

As an example of how mad I feel, I am now thinking: 'Oh maybe there's a stage of development they don't know about yet, when at 9 weeks something the heart actually stops for half an hour and then starts again but usually they never know this'. I am aware this is ridiculous, but I actually thought it, whilst knowing how desperate and bonkers I was being.

just yes I thought of you, as I was trying to think if there were particular chromosomal issues that tend to result in death at this stage. A random chromosomal issue would be the best outcome.

longest justand belle limbo land must be tough. I agree that getting an extra scan is the best way to reassure you, and can understand that the anxiety never ends. But you are all progressing well and there's no reason for there to be any issues.

Tanny you made me laugh...just your regular fuck up trying not to fuck up too much...That's me for sure..

Oh god I want the erpc over, I've had 2 and am reluctant to have a third, but need the testing, and its the best way of getting results (less risk of infection of 'products') and just think at this stage doing it at home would be too traumatic..too recognisable. Really hope its done and dusted tomorrow...

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 20:48

Just I think that sounds like a positive thing to think. I am constantly amazed by my body, and very freaked out, by what it achieves. Trusting it is hard to do after what we've been through...

bootles · 28/12/2014 20:48

firstimer I was on 20mg of pred.

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 20:55

Oh Bootles, chick, I so understand that wanting everything to magically be OK. I had it so many times, with thinking "maybe I did get my dates wrong, I just need to wait and everything will be a big misunderstanding..."

I never made it to erpc stage, but I think you are right to go down that route. Some genetic testing and more time to physically recover...

Big soppy hugs x

longestlurkerever · 28/12/2014 21:15

bootles your post made me cry. I want that for you too, for the scanner to have been broken or something. It feels so wrong that you can get such news so soon after a positive scan and after all you have been through.

Your plan sounds a good one. I hope they don't keep you waiting and you get the results you are looking for.

Have purchased new batteries for doppler and feeling better now as hb is now really easy to find so must be growing after all.

Marchgirl · 28/12/2014 21:19

bootles, big hugs for tomorrow. I really hope it is all resolved for you soon.
I had the exact same feelings with my first mc, as I was just in such denial that it could have happened. Even though i knew it was real ,I just so wanted to believe they had it wrong (Google didn't help as you can always find stories where they did get it wrong and my devastated mind just filtered out the bad stories, which didn't help as it gave me false hope). I was so grateful when they agreed to scan again before I took the tablets. Even though i knew in my heart of hearts that it wasn't alive in there i needed to see it myself. But i know that's not for everyone.
I'll be thinking of you x

Marchgirl · 28/12/2014 21:25

Glad you can hear the hb better now longest, that must be a relief.

Can I ask a question, those that took progesterone from cd21, if I don't get a bfp, will af arrive anyway as usual and then I stop taking the progesterone, or do i have to stop taking it before af will start? (ie does it falsely hold off af?)

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 21:44

Hey March, just take it until AF starts, I don't think it delays it.

Justonemoretime · 28/12/2014 21:57

March I thought it would delay af? Isn't it the drop in progesterone that triggers af? I always found that af came on 24 hours after I stopped the pessaries. Your natural cycle may override it, though. Test for a bfp before stopping it, though. Hope this helps.
Bootles, hope it all goes as well as it can tomorrow. ((hugs))
Longest, glad you heard the HB Grin

OP posts:
barkingtreefrog · 28/12/2014 22:01

March in my case it delays bleeding, spotting might still happen but no proper bleeding.

bootles · 28/12/2014 22:09

march I got pg first month of trying progesterone so don't know but researched that at the time, and apparently in some people it can delay a couple of days, in others not.

Its crazy to be in denial when its my 5th, but I guess thoughts are what they are. I will definitely be asking g for a confirmation scan and to see again..I always want to see .I have previiyaly had medical management and found it cathartic but just feel differently this time.

So sounds like I'm not alone in the crazy maybe its all a big mistake thoughts..thanks Tanny and march for helping me feel not quite so bonkers.

Aw longest, I didn't intend to make you cry. You and everyone else have been so very kind and supportive, and it really makes a difference. Glad the Doppler works! Hope it helps to reassure you little.

Xx

tannyLoo · 28/12/2014 22:18

March I take it back! I'm sure Just is right, and like Bootles I got pg in one cycle so know nothing really!

bakingtins · 28/12/2014 22:46

Hi everyone I'm back, and so so sorry to hear your news bootles I will be thinking of you tomorrow. I hope you get a great deal more compassion and kindness than you had at the scan.

barkingtreefrog · 28/12/2014 23:35

The progesterone thing is definitely different for different people. My consultant said it could mask a mc, and I didn't start bleeding until I'd stopped taking it after the scan that showed there was no point anymore. But I know someone else who started AF after a failed IVF before she stopped taking it.

Hope you don't have too much hanging around tomorrow Bootle, I'll be thinking of you.

Marchgirl · 29/12/2014 06:55

Thanks for your answers everyone. Let's hope I'll be like many of you who got pg on the first attempt.
Hope it all goes ok today bootles and that you see someone more compassionate. Is your oh going with you? Big hugs xx