Recurrent Miscarriage Support thread 13 - tests, treatment, trying again

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has experienced recurrent miscarriages and is in need of information, companionship, tea and sympathy. Newbies welcome to join at any stage.

Start with the traditional recap please......

Cloud. Its so frustrating. I swear your mind/body connection tries to stop you putting yourself thought it again. For me, thinking I had a tube blocked or something and booking an hsg (or whatever that's called) seemed to do the trick. Honestly, it only seemed to happen when I'd decided it couldn't and organised some testing. I've had to cancel investigations twice now...

Hello all, I lurk here when I can but I think I need to post more. I have posted occasionally but to recap:

Dd 3.2
July 2012, twin pregnancy, mmc at 8 weeks,
Oct 2012, spontaneous mc at 5-6 weeks
April 2013 mmc at 8.5 weeks
Aug 2014 mmc at 10.5 weeks, good hb and scans throughout.

No chromosomal abnormalities in 3 of 4 tested and all tests at St Marys back clear too.

Went to Coventry on Friday and have got progesterone but hadn't realised that need to try again sooner rather than later and am struggling to get my head around it

I will go back and read the thread as soon as i can.

Daisy, fwiw, the Coventry plan seems (touch wood) to be a good one. Will they give you heparin, too? Good luck. x

BTW, Daisy, were you on meds for any of your previous losses?

Hi Daisy, welcome. Like you St Mary's was clear for me, and so was Coventry actually, but the Coventry protocol has taken me so far to 20 w...

Scan tomorrow. Scaaaaaaaaared!

Tiny, good luck for tomorrow. I'm sure all will be well. x

at daisy plenty of Coventry success here to inspire confidence. It is hard when they cheerfully tell you to TTC straight away and you realise that an enforced break from all the worry has made life so much easier.

cloud sorry it was a BFN.

tiny good luck for tomorrow.

Bugger cloud. I have a friend, she was told she was pretty much infertile, one hormone 1/100th what it should have been. 4 rounds of ivf, nothing even to implant. Was going for donor eggs. She was having her hormomes and follicles measured monthly.(private) just before last christmas her consultant said her hormones & follicles were.looking better than they ever had done, but there wasn't time for another ivf round before christmas. Advised them to try naturally. I met her daughter yesterday. So it can happen but they did have to take pretty extraordinary measures.
Hey tiny what happens

At the 20 week scan? Is it just a peek to see all is ok or are there any tests? Must be weird seeing a little person forming in there.
Welcome daisy sounds like it is time for you to get back on the horse. Scary shit isn't it? Voluntarily doing it all over again, but this time you have a plan, and that matters.

Hey Daisy, I'm another Coventry advocate, but it did feel a bit daunting getting back on the TTC bus. Saying that, I had conceived before my results were back ..

Tiny good luck tomorrow, it is a "normal" scan, and a HUGE milestone!

Cloud sorry for the bfn. Bumbaskets. Is it possible to have a night out around ov time to try and spice things up a bit? Just a different routine (or lack of one) can help.

Had a panic last night and was talked down by a lovely midwife. So lucky to have them...

Everything apart from pred has been claimed, which is great.

25+5, next milestone 28...

Hi Daisy, it is very daunting, ttc again. I'll be there in about a month's time.

cloud, bugger to bfn, hope you're doing ok.

tanny, march and baking thank you for sharing how you have marked your losses. They all were beautiful. I planted a tree for the first one, but the other two I have done nothing. I am mulling it over. (Wrote a little piece on it on the blog last night: thingsaboutmiscarriage.wordpress.com/2014/11/22/things-about-miscarriage-no-14-letting-go-or-holding-on/)

Daisy sorry for all you've been through. I think the Coventry team will be able to help you, lots of success stories on here for women who've been there! Remember to take joy in your daughter while you're waiting. She will be a big sister soon and then you'll be shattered hehe!!!

Tiny wow you're 20 weeks! That is so great to hear. Good luck for the scan tomorrow. Are you going to to find out the sex of your baby?

Cloud sorry it's a BFN :( TTC is so tiring and does take the romance out of it. Me and DH felt like that a few months ago and stayed in a lovely b&b in a pretty part of Shropshire for a few days. It really helped

Tanny sounds like your midwife is great, makes such a difference. I'm undecided about the one for my village. She seems ok but I suspect won't go above and beyond the basics

My 8 week scan is on Wednesday and I am bricking it already. This is the 6th year of waiting to become a mum now. Miscarriage and infertility is the pits and most people out there just don't understand.

XxX

Good luck for scans this week tiny and cat (and anyone else). 20 weeks is great tiny. Enjoy it, you've absolutely earned it.

The 20w scan is the big anomaly scan, to see if all is OK.
I already know it's a girl as I did the harmony test

And I did nothing to specially mark the losses but planning on asking a painter friend of mine for something symbolic when I am done, with the live children and the miscarriages.

Daisy-understand your nervousness and I'm sure I will be the same once I've seen the consultant. Remember you now have a plan and you've got the support of the lovely ladies on here x

For those with scans coming up this week, lots of hugs going your way and hope you can distract yourself to have a few moments peace this weekend x

I've not marked any of my MCs in the past but I wonder if I should- food for thought....

Flen your blog made me cry again! In a good way... You have such an eloquent way of saying what I am thinking!

Daisy sorry for your losses. I can imagine that having to start TTC before you naturally would will be really hard - hope you can get your head around it.

Cloud sorry about the BFN

Tiny good luck for the scan tomorrow!

I am still waiting for a surgery date for my cystectomy and so not able to TTC yet... Just feels like wasting valuable time! Im not really feeling too good at the moment, am still struggling with life getting back to normal and peoples (especially DH) expectations that I should have got over it. Any suggestions for ways of climbing out of the pit of sadness?

Bristolian- feel & empathise with your frustrations. Have you got any other challenges/ plans you could focus on to "distract" you? We've distracted ourselves with getting a lot of DIY done around the house which we
Put off whilst I was saving for maternity leave (I'm the breadwinner) my sister has been doing the same after her last round of I've failed and we've both found it therapeutic particularly when knocking down the odd wall!

Bristolian feeling the same way here while waiting for testing, all that time going by! I find the limbo feeling so hard, not feeling like I can really DO anything or plan anything. I think girlie's idea is great - I've also found home type projects very helpful; both a distraction and feeling like I am creating something productive. Glad you liked the blog - that's one thing that is helping too.

I agree with girlie that distraction is good. I've been making living room curtains,which I've been meaning to do for ages, and we've now invited family to ours for Christmas, which gives me something fun and completely unrelated to pregnancy to focus on , which is good. And talking lots to a friend in a similar position was a big help. But I know how difficult it feels and probably when you get your surgery date it will start to get better when it feels like something is moving forward again. My appointment has really helped me feel like I'm moving forward

flen I've been asked the letting go thing too, by someone at church who is a trained counsellor - must be part of their "grief spiel". I've found the rituals to honour the losses helpful, but I'm not sure I even want to let go of them - it would feel like they didn't matter. I'm out the other side now, totally sure my family is complete and in theory should just put it all behind me, but it's not like that. I probably haven't dealt with the last three losses at all since I had 3 losses then a successful pregnancy all in less than 2 years - I was too busy getting tested and treated to process it all emotionally.

On a happier note, my DD is 6 months old today. I have no idea where the time has gone! Happy half-birthday gorgeous girl! not that she's got her mitts on any cake yet, still all for me!

bristolian I agree distraction is the way forward. I got into hosting ridiculously elaborate birthday parties.
I hope you get a date soon.

Thanks for listening to my moaning and responding, you are all so helpful and lovely. Keeping busy seems to be the advice of choice, so I shall find something to throw myself into!
Happy half birthday to your LO baking I hope you've had lots of cake!

Bristolian I can echo the busy thing. I've painted most ,of the rooms in our house following MCs, and made curtains, redesigned the garden, gone away for holidays, made jewellery, got a new job (not straight away), and generally tried to make myself feel like there are some things I can still do. It was really tough though, as it felt like I was in limbo the whole time.

Weirdly, when I did get pg this time, I went through a long hard process of looking at myself and realised that I had spent so long wanting something that it had become habit, and I wasn't sure that I really wanted a baby, or was just used to wanting a baby. This coincided with me finally making some decisions to move on, and have a new career. Funny how these things happen! Anyway, I DO want this baby, really badly, so that's alright then...

baking it's a tricky balance, I agree; letting go and holding on. Was talking to DH about it earlier, and trying to articulate that I don't want to be holding them tightly as though they are all I am. They are a very important part of me, but I don't want to be defined by losses. I guess that would shift for those of you who have had a little one. And happy half a year to your littlie

Maybe we can think of "letting go" as letting go of the grief, rather than letting go of the baby. To get to a point where you can remember the excitement you felt, and remember the plans you had, without actually feeling traumatised. I bought myself a tiny diamond eternity ring after MC1 and decided after MC2 to have it stand for any babies I lose. I wear it every day and I've got to the point where I can look down and feel ok... to me that's what "letting go" is.