Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 12

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has suffered recurrent losses and is in need of support, information, moral support or tea and sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Please can we start (as is traditional) with a recap of where we are on 'the journey'.

Yes, that's the one Thanks flen. It does seem an odd unwritten rule when you think about it. I think it will make it less stressful for us next time if some people know

I've always told people who need to know and people I'm close to, but I kept the big announcement until 13 weeks and a clear scan. It's such a personal choice, and while I wish it wasn't so taboo, telling people who knew I was pg about another MC was harder than telling people who didn't know, if that makes sense.

Thanks March and flen interesting article. tanny with first 2 mc I told family and friends and a few people at work but with mc3 I didn't tell anyone even though it meant I have to go in for erpc on my own . I nearly told my mum today but chickened out, I don't know what's wrong with me.

I think it's natural to want to protect people from the worry. I waited until I was past my "danger zone" before telling my mum. Glad I did...

Interesting blog. IMHO, its a personal decision who and when to tell, but I really object to the suffering in silence and fueling the taboo. In pg one I couldn't get my head around it so telling family meant saying it and that helped me get used to the idea. Then work knew because I had to be taken away in an ambulance once, and then all the time off... it was just easier if people knew. With no. 2, I told family and again was in and out of hospital so work knew. My aunt also had an mc years ago, and was a midwife, so it was good to talk to her though all of the spotting etc. Three, I was, again , in and out of hospital for scans and after the 9.1 week scan uclh said they were confident it was a good 'un, so we told a few more people and then did lots 'what not to say when someone's mc'd' for our frieds , many of whom said that it was really helpful to be more aware. I mc'd half way though a job change with mc3, and had all my RMC testing at my new job, so a few people know the history. So far with this one we've told my family but not dh's because after his dad died last year we want to give them good news, not more worry. But my family's support is very important to me. And I've told the school nurse at work because if I'm taken I'll I need someone to know what the situation is. I'll tell my line manager next week because of the time off for scans, but she's lovely and supportive.
I do feel a bit of a fraud in case it goes wrong again. I'd like to be the one who doesn't know for 12 weeks. You either suffer in silence or give dh regular 'wipe updates' (and they say romance is dead!). Tricky.
I'm feeling knackered, boobs kill, and lower back ache - v annoying. Fast forward 6 weeks please...

*friends
*ill
bloody phone!

I agree it's a personal decision but I hate the taboo. Like it's an extra personal test we women have to put ourselves through. We can't even tell friends we're anxious or sick without getting raised eyebrows and cats bum faces. Some people it's easy not to tell but sometimes all the lying and sneaking feels like a challenge too far and why? I can't help but feel it's to spare other people's publishes if we have to tell them we've miscarried and I really object to that. It's only my mum and mil I prefer not to tell as I don't want to upset them if it goes wrong but I told both this time as was going to be in Oz with mil for three weeks and didn't want my mum to be the only one in the dark.

Supposed to be going to a baby's christening tomorrow 2.5 hours away but really don't feel up to it right now. Dh doesn't drive and I have been quite sick this week. A shame to miss the opportunity to catch up with everyone though. Will see. X

Couldnt agree more about the tabboo thing. I have told my sisters and the friends who I would be v.likely to turn to if things go tits up. Told my boss as she is supportive and needs to know I might disappear at any time. Haven't told my parents, they are old and just don't need the worry.

I do have to work at keeping my gob shut. Despite all I have been through I am a born optimist. I reckon fundamentally I just dont think I am destined to be one of "those women" who are childless, pitied and whispered about. All this despite the evidence being that there is a real and not insignificant risk that this will happen. Part of me wishes I would protect myself a bit more, but I can't help but have a sneaky regard for this ability to be optimistic despite being terrified. It defies logic and risks increasing the devastation should things go wrong, but somehow feels right for me.
What about the rest of you ladies? Do you keep a tight lid on the excitement or let a little bit in?

Belle. I am with you! Convinced I will get there in the end and am really hopeful it's going to be this time. I have been pretty shocked by each mc to be honest, and will be if it happens again, esp now I am past my danger zone. A bit if excitement us necessary to get you through eh? X

I agree that a bit of excitement/hope makes things much easier and even though i steeled myself against that last time it didn't make the m/c any easier when it came. Now thinking it's better to make life easier in the first few weeks by allowing excitement/hope. I also still believe that I will have another eventually (though I find it a bit irritating when people tell me that as reassurance!)

Ugh, a bit more spitting So frustrated, just want the next few weeks to go by. I reckon I'm just coming up for 6 weeks. Next scan is Thurs.

spotting. fucking phone.

Vicariously, me too... C'mon baby Just, keep up the good work...

Thanks Tanny, its eased off and got browner (sorry TMI). I know, rationally, that I have spotting every time and actually it is rarely anything directly to do with MCs, all of which have been missed. I've had much, much worse, bright red, clothes soaking bleeds than this and seen healthy scans afterwards. Last week the scan didn't show any areas of bleeding inside the uterus so it must be irritation to the cervix. It's just so unsettling, nevertheless. I only wanted to be normal (didn't we all!). I'm not even at my danger point yet. I think this will drive me crazy!

Hang in there just. Try and keep yourself busy until scan day.

just sorry to hear you have been spotting again, it's not what you need when you are anxious anyway. Hang in there, we are all hoping for good news on Thursday.

After a pretty shitty weekend, we decided to cheer ourselves up with some Sunday afternoon sex. DS1 was out, DS2 was having a nap. Perfect.

Everything was going swimmingly. I enjoy sex when I'm pregnant, so was really getting into the swing of things. Perfect.

Except that DS1 came home right in the middle of it.

We shut the door as he made his way up to his room, and carried on quietly, albeit with slightly less gay abandon, only at the crucial moment I got a massive cramp all down my side which made me scream "Oh fuck!"...

Bump didn't revert to normal for about an hour after, I had to take paracetamol for the pain, and DS1 has shut his door very firmly!

I think we might need to rethink this....

And on that note I'm going to start us another thread! We've nearly filled this one and there's a newbie waiting for a new thread to join.

I think I should have prefaced this by saying that it made me chuckle....

lol Tanny! The closest I've got recently is a student misspelling of the word 'organism' in an essay
Thanks to March and Baking, I'm ok. Fed up, tired and icky (though not tired or icky enough for it to be of any comfort) and spotting seems to have settled. I have the right plan, I have the right meds. I just need to hold my nerve...

Hey all, that was a genius story Tanny - it made me chuckle lots :)
I think I need a good old fashioned slap with a salmon - I'm five weeks pregnant and all seems to be going happily - but then it always does until week 9 or 10 and I am shitting myself. I don't think I've felt so scared with any of my other pregnancies, I'm getting up six or seven times a night to check for bleeding and I think I'm slowly turning into a crazy person! We've got out first appointment and the RMC tomorrow where we'll find out the results of the last baby and I'm so worried they're going to say we're not compatable or something and we'll never have a successful pregnancy whilst I'm sitting there 5 weeks pregnant. I think I need to get a grip - we're so lucky to get pregnant only 6 weeks after the ERPC and yet I feel like the most ungrateful person in the world - Argh! Sorry for the rant

Boozle and Just- remember we're all hanging in there for you and feel free to rant away on here. I'm sure we'll all going to be the same at some point in the future x

Boozle. All fingers crossed and ears ready to listen on this board. So difficult when you're wipe watching but it all sounds positive so far. Remember this is the lucky board.
Speaking of lucky, are people superstitious or not? Next thread would be 13 baking

I'm not superstitious at all, but I will be if it helps...

I'm also happy to start dodging ladders and not dropping mirrors!