Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 12

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone! A thread for anyone who has suffered recurrent losses and is in need of support, information, moral support or tea and sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Please can we start (as is traditional) with a recap of where we are on 'the journey'.

I'm fighting back by filling fb with pictures of the cat...

I think I have hidden more feeds than now show on FB. My cat died four days before we found out about this last mmc. Man it's been a crappy few weeks! I still have partner and dog though. Both supplying many cuddles.

Sorry, bit of a blue day today...

Aww, sorry to hear about your cat, Flen. One of my cats was run over between mmcs 2 and 3, I was utterly heartbroken. Enjoy your snuggles with your DH and dog. ((hugs))

Hi ladies

marchgirl totally understand. I keep saying to DH "ooh, another one of the girls from the board is pregnant, how exciting!"

I'm still really struggling after last week. AF on Monday threw me through a loop, plus my counselling session was really rough - brought up some mental habits I have that are definitely not helping me long term. DH and I decided over the weekend to move his home office from a corner of the living room into the spare room, which was obviously going to be the baby's room. I feel like we're getting further and further away from having a baby. I've passed the DD of MC1 and I keep torturing myself with thoughts of what s/he would have looked like, how old s/he would have been today etc etc. I really don't know why it's suddenly bothering me so much, I guess AF arriving didn't help. I almost feel in denial over MC2. I still can't believe I'm "that" unlucky person. My mental state just feels like it's getting worse and worse at the moment.

Hello all,
Just a quick check in as away this week.
charlie sorry you're having a tough time, think AF does really make things hard and brings everything back up. Hope this week brings better things.
to those with BFPs and having the worry/excitement. Fingers crossed for you all and just hope no more spotting to be seen.
Sorry to read and run, sending you all Monday & and hope it's a good week.

charlie I send you hugs and strength. Bad days (or weeks/months) are just awful. I'm hanging on in here too. DD of mc2 coming up, mc3 less than a week ago... This is a tough tough journey we are on. I'm trying to let the feelings be, whether they are denying or collapsing or whatever - part of the process.

Charlie sending hugs. I completely understand your feelings and feel much the same, just a week or so behind you I think! Sending solidarity and sympathy and I hope this week brings better times.

Just I hope you are OK. Keeping fingers crossed.

to everyone else - hello to all newbies and huge congrats to all those with BFPs. Sorry for the lack of personal messages!

Hi flen/bristol/bythesea thanks for your kind words. It's honestly so so crap but I consider myself really privileged to have found you lovely group of ladies. I'm truly not sure what I would have done without you all xx

Belle - all I can think about is buying another and doing it tonight. I won't though probably. I havent been this obsessive historically. I guess recurrent miscarriage does that to you. I think I'll follow your advice and get some cheapies. That'll possibly satiate my obsessions without bankrupting me!

Oh Charlie. I totally identified with that post too. We're turning our 'nursery' into a study too . Its so rubbish and hard. AF is hard because its a horrible just when you're least able to deal with it due to hormones.

I feel like I'm actually never going to be a mum. And that literally no one in real life understands what I'm going through (even DH really, even though he's fab). It's terribly isolating. I sometimes think that its easier to obsess over symptoms and poas ridiculously early than it is deal with the 'big stuff'. Apologies, rambled on about myself there far more than I meant to.

Thinking of you Just.

Hugs to Flen and waves to Bristolian and bythesea.

*a horrible reminder

Hello Ladies, Thanks for all your well wishes, it means a lot. Very very small pale pink discharge today but less than yesterday, so hopefully that's the end of that (fingers, toes, everything crossed!).
Sorry you're feeling down today, if you are. What can I say? Its properly shit. I hope you all find peace soon and hopefully everything works out for you. ((hugs))

Yeah just so you can step down from defcon four. I dont reckon we ever get below a defcon 3 during pregnancy.

Sounds like everyone is having a bit of a crappy day. I think you all need wine or non alcoholic beverage a feel good dvd (maybe little miss sunshine or princess bride or grand budapest hotel) and some cuddles and if appropriate some more wine. And then bunk off work tomorrow and go for a walk on a beach or in a forest. We deserve it.

this is what I meant lots and lots of

Turns out should have bunked off. Our computer systems are all down.

Has anyone had any experience with the Zita West clinic? I just got a message from a friend of my mum's which mentioned it - first time I've heard of them...

Hope everyone is ok today, I have stopped crying (hooray!) and am watching crappy TV and eating popcorn.

Sounds good flen
I had my first counselling session today. Maybe it will get better or maybe I just expected to much, but she just seemed to repeat what I said with "I can see that you feel..." before it, as if she'd just come up with that. Hopefully the next one will be more productive.

March see how you go with it. I work in the field and my best advice is to work with someone you feel comfortable with. Give it a few sessions, and don't feel bad about looking for someone else if it still feels not quite right. There are different counsellors and different approaches, it can take a while to find the one that is best for you.

Sorry to see everyone has had a rough few days. Sending hugs to everyone xxx

Been feeling a bit blue myself as moved my DH out of the nursery into the bigger room as we have the space. And we promised her back in January before first mc. Nursery is still empty and don't want to empty it or turn it into a office, As will seem as admiring defeat..... Oh well I'll just shut the door for the moment.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring better feelings for everyone x

Thinking about you today purple please let us know how you get on. I hate that scans for us are much more likely to induce feelings of doom than joy and anticipation. One here holding your hand.

Lol March it must have been the day for it - I had my first session in which she said hmmmm so many times I found it hard not to get the giggles. She kept asking me what I want to achieve from Councilling - I said a tool box of coping mechanisms and a reassurance I wasn't going to have some kind of breakdown in the future - think it was the wrong answers though because she kept mmmmming and asking the question repeatedly. She also said how many sessions did I need - I haven't a clue!

Need a bit of a fish slap here, however hard I try to pretend I'm just not pregnant I'm running to the loo every 5 minutes to symptom spot! Argh! Need to stop acting like a crazy person but don't seem to be able too!

Also keeping everything crossed for your scan today Purple. It must have felt like an age coming

Purple joining in with Belle, and crossing fingers and toes for a good scan. I think we can all identify with the doom...

Sorry I've not been around so much, but I'm still lurking. Just been so tired and still stressing about silly things. My midwives are so brilliant with me, I want to kiss them!

Sorry there's been such emotional upheaval on here recently. Its bloody tough. All of it.

Hugs to all x

Good luck today purple and hugs to all that need it...

It's tought when you don't click with your counsellor... i stopped seeing mine after a few sessions as i wasnt clicking and also due to stuff we skipped a few sessions and there wasn't much continuity. good to know they are there if i need to go back, but it would be a different one, id ask for.

Purple, good luck and hand holding for today. Everything crossed for you.
I've got mine tomorrow morning. I don't expect to see much at 5 ish weeks, but hopefully will get my heparin prescription. Spotting seems to have settled; I've taken your advice on the, er, delivery method. FX irritation was all it was.

Re counselling, I tried it and didn't like it, but then I tried cognitive hypnotherapy and I think it really helped to disassociate some of the negative feelings about my body, hospitals and so on. She gave me some relaxation recordings to help me chill out, too. Maybe check something like that out, rather than only talking? It felt much more practical to me.

Just tomorrow you will feel more relaxed than in any scan ever, because you know there won't be much to see and you just want your prescription... that scan was my most relaxed...

The ones after that, well, you know...