Recurrent Miscarriage Support - tests, treatment, trying again - thread 10

[bakingtins]

Welcome everyone - pull up a chair! A thread for anyone who has suffered multiple miscarriages and is in need of information, moral support, tea or sympathy. Newbies very welcome.

Can we start the thread with a recap of where we are all up to again, please?

Hi Francine. Really sorry you find yourself here but 'welcome'. Really identified with alot of what you said in your post. Particularly about life feeling darker, and the anxiety at the prospect of not having children. I try and remember that even after multiple miscarriages the likelihood of children is still good. After three miscarriages you should be able to get referred for tests so fight for that if you can. Another thing I noticed was your tendency to get pregnant very quickly which is similar to me. Something I've googled (i.e no Doctor has told me this) is the notion of hyperfertility, where essentially the uterus isn't fussy about letting embryos implant where other uterus' might have seen they weren't viable and not allow it to implant. So people end up with very early losses where others wouldn't have got a bfp. I hope I haven't overstepped the mark mentioning that. I found the notion comforting so thought I'd share it.

Hope you get news (and a bfp) next week Tiny.

Prof Brosens did mention hyperfertility to me... my first 4 pregnancies were all very quick in the first or second try... only the 4th was sucessful... that is why when it took 8 months for the 5th pregnancy I was hoping my body would have learnt what to do and that is why mc4 hit me do hard...

Sorry Tiny . Should know by now that what's comforting to one might not be to another. Hugs and

Gosh, lots going on here!

twilight Wow, that must have come as a bit of a shock! But good that they are acting on this really quickly, so hopefully, you'll be back to normal in no time. Of course it's not nice having to have an operation, but if it means that it might improve your chances for ttc... Fingers crossed!

Welcome Francine, sorry that you find yourself here. You have been through the mill... I think that all of us here can relate to how you are feeling - mc is such a roller coaster, it really takes it out on you, both physically and emotionally. And yes, sometimes it really does feel as if there is no hope and as if it's never going to happen.
You might find that giving yourself a break from ttc might be really helpful - I did that after my 3rd and my 4th mc, and it felt such a relief! Just getting on with life for a change, not constantly worrying about where I am in my cycle and what I could/should/need to do to get (and stay) pg. It really helped me to get my head back together, have a good think about it all, and most importantly, to ask (and answer) the question whether I want to continue with it all.

And you are being proactive! Getting tested is the first step - it might give you some answers as to why this keeps happening. I have heard lots of very positive stories about acupuncture, so definitely worth a go! I would love to have reflexology, which is also meant to be really good, especially for women with ttc issues.
And maybe just do something for yourself that you really want to do - regardless whether is has anything to do with ttc or not. Massage, facial, yoga, a nice holiday, whatever just as a treat - you deserve it after all you have been through!

I had my first counselling session yesterday - and I 'enjoyed' it (for want of a better word) a lot more than I thought I would! Only cried a little bit, but it was no problem at all (box of tissues ready and waiting when I walked into the room).
I had not anticipated how good it would feel just to talk... Honestly! Yes, I have DH and friends, but this was different - the whole focus just on me and what has happened in the last 2 years. Never thought it'd be this...kind of liberating... And the counsellor immediately recognised one of my main issues - that I tend to push my feelings about the mcs away, in order to get on with things.
I'm glad I've decided to do this. It's too early to say if and how it will help me, but it definitely felt good!

Yay - very pleased that was such a positive experience JBrd. Is she a specialist pregnancy loss counsellor or generic (if you don't mind me asking).

Glad the counselling went well JBrd

My first appointment of the next set of 10 in on the 12th...

And twilight don't worry... you didn't upset me... I am going though one of my "strong" (ha!) phases...
Just that even when you have the hyperfertility shite, even when it takes time doesn't always work...

grumble grumble bloody bodies it would work if I was an unemployed 15 year old bla blah - this is my negative side talking...

Hi everyone. Same old here, but no news etc...

Francine welcome to our club. I can recognise so much of myself in your post, I think we all can...

I can echo everything said, and certainly think a break has helped me enormously, both physically and emotionally. It will enable you to have all the tests (most of which require you to be nonpregnant) and your acupuncturist will want a few months work on you to make the most of the treatment.

I am super-fertile and old (42) and have nothing wrong in any test results, but am under the care of Prof Brosens in Coventry (privately). I'm currently 8+3, which is unchartered territory for me after 5 consecutive MCs, and I'm on a bit of a cocktail of drugs that "might work". This is my last go, whatever the outcome.

The support and advice here got me to Coventry, and this far, so this is definitely a thread baby in waiting.

We're here for the hand holding, the fish slapping, the ranting and the celebrating.

JBrd sounds great. Just lovely to have that time for you.

Hello Betty and Francine. Sorry you're going through this too. Betty, That sounds rough and I agree. Even at St Mary's which specialises in recurrent miscarriage there are lots of pregnancy leaflets everywhere and a big wall of baby photos which are a symbol of hope but equally a bit hard to look at when the miscarriage is still so raw.

Francine We all know how you feel. I recognise myself three weeks ago in your post. Please don't give up though. I don't know how much research you have done yet but your chances of a good outcome next time are really very good. That was the first thing the Dr told me at the rmc and he showed me stats and graphs to prove it. That said, I have found this third miscarriage the most emotionally gruelling, despite knowing physically what to expect. I think I was in a fragile emotional state anyway after the ttc and previous miscarriage stress and I am worried that I am in a pattern now. It also seems less fair this time- like I have had my share of grief now and it's my turn for a happy ending, which leads to jealousy and so on which I am not proud of.

That said, I am pleased with myself today. 2 of my close friends had their twelve week scans today. Their due dates are bang on what mine would have been and we have dds the same age. I babysat for one of their dds while they were at the scan and I coped, didn't cry and even felt genuinely pleased it had all gone well. We talked babies, birth, etc and even how perfect timing a Feb due date was without me breaking down. Feels like a milestone and hopefully I can move forward a bit now as today has been hanging over me a bit. Might cry on dh after dd is in bed though!

Hugs to everyone. Glad counselling was good Jbrd.

Welcome francine. Sorry to hear all that you and DH have been through. Sounds like it's been a long and hard road.

The good news is you are young and you are getting pregnant easily. I recognise the bad news is you have suffered three early losses.

Me and DH have been trying for 5 years and have had lots of fertility treatment plus two mcs this year.

I don't have a vast amount of knowledge but I would suggest being pushy with drs. It was 3 years before we finally got the help we needed and at 34 I really regret that now.

The ladies on here are really supportive and will share their knowledge with you. Fingers crossed your next BFP is a super sticky one :)

X

Hi everyone!

Thanks betty for asking about Faith, she is doing really well, nearly 10 weeks old and time is simply flying past. There is a definite added sweetness to a rainbow baby, I am so aware how blessed I am to have her. My DS2 was a nightmare baby so she is easy by comparison. I'm never doing this again so I'm determined to enjoy every minute.

tanny so pleased to hear it is going well. It's true that other people's pregnancies fly by, I'm sure it feels interminable to you. Good luck for Monday.

jbrd the counselling sounds great! hope you find it helpful.

francine sorry you find yourself here, but the support is fantastic. You have time on your side and in the vast majority of cases women do take home a baby eventually. that's not to minimise the emotional trauma of repeated losses, but there is reason to hope. Many of have found having a break and getting the tests done is helpful in itself.

Off to Laaahndon Taaahn in the morning with my mum for her birthday treat. Looking forward to a totally different couple of days. V&A, theatre and British Museum on the agenda, as well as lots of

Londoners, look out for the excited looking country bumpkin with wide eyes!

thanks twilight and all for lovely words :) Hmmm, yep- I may complain... about their crap waiting room policy and that I know they lost me in their system for about 2 months. I know they did as the story on the delay kept changing !!! Pretty basic stuff to get wrong.

Francine I'm sorry you're here but glad you've found a place you can turn to. I really hope you get your referral through without too much delay. Mine took a bit of chasing, as did the tests and scans even after the first appt. Sorry to hear that Cat and tiny are finding themsleves chasing or having had to chase appointments, help and results. Acupuncture sounds good. I can relate to the feeling of really needing to do something positive or restorative. (or having control over at least something if not the situation, if I may speak for myself) Being here was one of those things. x

JBrd glad your counselling went well- you sound as though it was very worthwhile, Too 'easy' (wrong word, but know what I mean?) to push how you feel to side in order to function. Doesn't stop it jumping out from time to time though. Just when you think you're ok. So this sounds like a really positive way of letting them surface. x

longest you sound like a lovely lady to feel so happy for those other expectant friends :) x

Wishing everyone at the very least some good rest x

twilight Yes, it's a counsellor that specialises in miscarriage and still birth, and you could tell - she knew what I was talking about at all times, there was no need to explain anything, it was so easy to talk to her.
It's a charity that offers this service, and I am already thinking that I would really like to support them, in any way I can. This is something that should be available to all women who have gone through this, regardless of whether it was once or 5 times, and also regardless of early or late loss.
I think the only reason I have been offered the free counselling is because I had a 2nd trimester mc, it was never ever mentioned at any of my previous mcs, which were early ones.

longest Well done for holding it together while babysitting. We can surprise ourselves sometimes! I went to meet some friends for dinner on Tuesday, and one of them brought her 16-week old baby with her (just to say hi, her DH took the baby home after that). She had been born 7 weeks premature, so dinky... And I managed to hold her and have a cuddle without losing it. I did, however, think how much I wanted one and really didn't want to give her back.

tanny Enjoy London! V. jealous - I love that city, haven't been for ages. Really need to make an effort and go there, but it needs to get a bit cooler first! The V&A is one of my favourite museums.

Well, I got a +ve OPK last night - but I am only on CD11 today, bit confused and worried that it's so early. My cycles seem to be getting shorter...
Kind of undecided whether we should try 'properly' this cycle already, or wait to give all the vitamins and supplements a chance to work their magic.

Thanks Betty but I haven't felt like a very lovely person lately - more like a jealous and self-absorbed obsessive. Hope that I'm over the hump now, though feeling a bit sad again today.

Enjoy London Tanny - Give me a wave if you pass Big Ben - I work right next to it (or in it, if dd is to be believed - she thinks all mummies work in clocks).

Good luck with whatever you decide JBrd - If you resist the temptation to try "properly" you are a stronger and more patient woman than me though. Having said that I suddenly got quite scared last night that I "felt" pregnant, though think it is just the agnus castus kicking in. Have not been 100% careful and although on the one hand I would love to be pregnant again on the other hand I getting the fear made me realise how much I can't face another mc just yet. Will definitely be careful now until I get the go ahead from Mr Rai.

Bad day today... toddler being a toddler and as I am working from home today couldn't just leave.. now feel guity as I shouted at her...

don't know if this is a good sign - hormones up and down and i feel weepy - or a bad sign - pms a few days earlier

anyone know if the cyclogest affects the moods?

Tiny I think toddlers affect the mood - I wouldn't feel too guilty! I have learned to try not to read too much into symptoms either way - there is such a crossover between PMS and pregnancy. Well, when I say "learned" - there is a difference between theory and practice here -and shaking hands has so far been a failsafe pregnancy symptom for me so I find that one hard to ignore. Fwiw I do get a bit fiery tempered in early pregnancy, but I can't claim it's exclusive to that time! Fingers crossed for you anyway. When are you due to test?

Due to test next wednesday...
Another week to go...
Sigh...

tiny cyclogest made me very grumpy and tired. Don't be hard on yourself, we all know that hormonal feeling. Sorry to hear you're back at the clinic this week. It's enough to make anyone fed up.

Longest I spend my whole life feeling bitter. Even towards my brother and sister in law who've just become parents. It's hard not to sometimes.

Tanny enjoy London!

Baking your little bab sounds amazing!

Sorry I've lost the thread a bit but hope you're all ok and having a decent week. As decent as we can!

X

Hi everyone, a couple of days off line and am struggling to catch up with you all!

To all those who are femneling rubb

Not what I meant at all! Stupid mini tablet thing. I meant:

To all those who are feeling a bit rubbish I wish you strength, and nice things.

Francine, welcome, and sorry to hear about your losses. My RMC appointment took 3months after my third mc, and I had 1 lot of tests then, and more bloods taken 6 weeks later. The full results took a few weeks after that I think. The Dr basically said it wouldnt be a disaster if I got pregnant in that time (though as you seem to get pregnant so fast, I reckon it would be best to wait at least until the first two lots of tests are done). I am finding this very supportive thread so very helpful, because everyone gets it. Even though our situations and losses may be different, I think I feel more understood here than anywhere else.

Tanny hope next Monday comes quickly for you. So glad you are feeling so sick/bloated/knackered! You know what I mean. Its awful I know, but a good sign. So all your results were negative? Including NK cells from Coventry? Sorry for firing questions, but wondering about the NK route..

Am hearing a lot about agnus castus...but know little..think will shell out on some supplements.

jbrd that's great the counselling went well. I guess her answer to you pushing thoughts to the side in order to continue functioning, is to pull it all out and 'deal with it'? I mean that in a good way. I definitely do the same. Am not sure I can unpack it all yet..too much to do..bad excuse I know.

longest I am really intrigued about your results and really want to know what Mr Rai says! Bloody nursery. Have personally always been phobic of them but DS going to have to go at some point before school I think, he's always been looked after by me or OH so may struggle otherwise.

Have been having ongoing strong cramping, though its abated today. Back to work Saturday and Sunday..on stupid 12 hour shifts. Not ideal but that's all my weeks hours so have rest of week off.

I don't know how to move forwards now. After 4 consecutive losses, St Mary's have found I seem to have a slightly exaggerated clotting response when pregnant, but that it's unlikely to be responsible for losses 2 and 3 (tfmr unknown cause, and T22). Number 1 we'll never know, no 4 awaiting results.

NK cells is possible I guess, but again don't think 2 and 3 fit. For various reasons (long comp!ex story) the last 2.5 years have been incredibly stressful in every area, and I have an unscientific notion that this has taken its toll on my reproductive ability. My instinct is to try again, with supplements, clexane, acupuncture. I don't know. I do wonder if I am slightly bonkers to try again, and to continue just hoping it works out.

Anyone have acupuncture in sessions under an hour? Wondering if can fit it into a work lunch hour..

Sorry for not naming everyone, but thoughts are with everyone x

Yeees..my attempt to make my posts more concise is clearly going really well..

To those asking about waiting times - I got my NHS appointment at St Mary's through today - 19 August, which is only a month after I handed in my GP referral letter so that is pretty quick I think. That said my gp was only willing to refer me to St Mary's because I was paying for the initial tests privately - otherwise she said it was too expensive and I'd have to go via my local RMC who would run the basic tests first. But Mary at St Mary's said that's not right and I should have had a choice so maybe if I had pushed I would have got somewhere.

Also I made a GP appointment for tomorrow to talk about snoring. I have always snored really badly - everyone teases me about it and I was reading about a link between sleep apnoea and infertility/miscarriage so I thought it might be worth getting checked out just to make sure I don't have that. In the meantime I got those blood test results so I am not sure it's still worth going to the GP but snoring isn't meant to be great for your long term health anyway so maybe I should go? It means working from home again tomorrow but barely anyone was in today anyway.

Bootles - obviously I am no expert but it sounds to me like you might have had separate causes for your mcs. I hope that means you can treat the clotting one and won't be unlucky again with the chromosomes and have a healthy next pregnancy.

Night everyone

bootles just wanted to say that I'm reading a book at the moment that says just that - if you're too stressed, either physically, emotionally or mentally, your body will go into fight or flight mode and the energy is not available to produce or sustain a pregnancy. Might be completely 'woo' but it then recommends meditation, yoga, healthy eating, acupuncture etc. All health mind and body stuff basically, which is exactly what you're doing.

bootles my acupuncture is about 45 minutes. You must do what's right for you but I feel you will get there and hope you don't give up. It's so worth fighting for!!!

I do agree with longest that there could be something in stress. I'm doing yoga at the moment and it's helping me to get into a more positive frame of mind. What do you ladies do to relax / unwind?

2ww for me now on my meds. BBT really spiked today, that's an encouraging sign for me :)

XX