Mmc what now? Can you please share your experience?

[TeaRex]

Hello, I had my 12 week scan on Thursday and it seems my baby died at 9 weeks so a mmc. I'm absolutely devastated, shocked and overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling at the moment. I've been told I have to wait until next Thursday the 16th for a follow up scan for confirmation I assume and then my options will be discussed.

My heart's breaking but I'm also filled with a sense of utter dread over the choice I'll have to make next week, I understand it will be wait it out for nature to work, take some tablets or have a d&c/erpc? The Mother nature/pills options scare me as I'm not sure I'm mentally strong enough at the moment to handle the physical and mental pain of a miscarriage. The erpc option also scares me though as I had a retained placenta after my dd's birth and I'm worried having this op again will increase my chances of Asherman's syndrome :( my heads going round and round and it's making everything so much worse as I feel like I'm unable to start grieving properly for my baby :(

I realise that the hurt I feel can only ease with time but if I can ask you all for your experiences with the direction you took with your mmc, and if in retrospect you were happy with your decision? The only person I know in real life who's experienced this is my mother who had many many miscarriages before having my sister, but this was back in the 70's so I wanted to hear from others who have gone through this. Also anyone reading who's trying to make the same decision right now? Sorry for all your losses, :( I have had a read through some threads and there's so much sadness but also so much strength which is a real inspiration and comfort to me right now, thank you for reading xxxx

After my first mmc at about the same stage, I was asked what I wanted to do. I was worried about the thought of staying in for a D&C so chose to let nature take it's course.

It wasn't horrendous, but was uncomfortable and unpleasant when my body finally decided to expel whatever was there. Think severe period pains.

It took a few months before I had a normal cycle and could start trying again.

After my 2nd and 3rd mmc I was just advised by the hospital to have a D&C. General anaesthetic. First one I stayed in overnight, but that was only because the procedure was done so late in the day. After the 2nd D&C I was home a few hours later. A bit of cramping but not too bad. It was much quicker for things to get back to normal, so I'm glad I did have that choice.

Sorry.....forgot to say sorry that you are going through this.

Tea, I'm so sorry about your MMC.

I've done all three options.

I think it is decision that really depends on what suits you personally.

If the PG was measuring 9 weeks then this means MC naturally will involve losing quite a lot of tissue, and it will be painful, although they can give you painkillers in anticipation, so a lot depends on how you would find the practicalities of coping with that....the medical management is basically the same except the tablets ensure you know when this is going to happen.

The EPRC in my experience is fairly straightforward, and as far as I understand it there is little risk of scarring unless something goes awry, which is statistically very unlikely. You go to sleep and when you wake up it has all been dealt with except for 1-2 weeks of lighter bleeding.

In one way I found the ERPC easier as it took away the physical practicalities, in another way I found it slightly harder to accept afterwards and come to terms with, perhaps because I hadn't had to face it so head on at the time if that makes sense.

I would say if you are worried you aren't mentally up to a natural MC at this point, as you suggest in your OP, then it sounds like that might be your instinct and I'd therefore go the ERPC route.

One thing I would definitely say is to set yourself a time limit- sometimes it takes a long time for the natural MC to happen- can be literally weeks and weeks, and having a long period of this waiting is pretty cruel and heartbreaking in my experience. My last MMC the hospital suggested to me if I wanted to do it naturally to still book in for an ERPC for 2 weeks hence- if it had happened naturally by then the op could be cancelled, if not there was a definite end in sight. I found this a very kind and helpful suggestion.

Thank you both so much for replying and so quickly. It's so helpful to hear other experiences, I think I will have to 'commit' one way or another next Thursday as the waiting is just torture, if these next few days are like the past 3 I might have to go the erpc route even though I have fears as the others ways also scare me. I suppose that ultimately it's a decision none of us ever want to have to make as it's horrible so I guess there's no 'right answer' just what's right for the individual at the time. It's reassuring to hear of erpc 's not having complications, it takes the edge off my panic though. Can I ask if you felt more able to grieve properly once your miscarriages were complete? I'm in some grief/ denial limbo at the moment :(

Sorry for you loss.

I've had two MMC's and both times chose ERPC. I agree with earlier posts that it's a very individual decision but I didn't want to experience and natural / medical MC and I also wanted the MC to physically be completed as soon as possible. Also from posts I've read on this forum at nine weeks it won't just be a heavy period. I think you are right that until the MC is physically complete it can be hard to deal with the emotional aspects. It's probably worth taking a look at the information available on the miscarriage association website.

Also I conscious that both myself and an earlier poster have had more than one MMC. I believe that this is rare but in general women are more likely to be on this forum if they've had more than one MC - so I don't want you to worry about this.

Which ever option you go for be especially kind to yourself over the next fews weeks.

So sorry for your loss Tea I went through the same thing early last year. I chose the ERPC as I honestly just wanted it over and done with as quickly as possible, I couldn't bear the thought of bleeding for days, plus from a practical view I'm a SAHM to a toddler so needed to know how long DH would need to take off work.

Physically it was fine. Feel free to skip the next paragraph, it's just what actually happened on the day of the ERPC.

There was a lot of waiting around in the hospital, but it was me and DH in a little room so it wasn't like I was surrounded by other people. I remember sobbing when they were giving me the anaesthetic, a nurse held my hand and comforted me. The next thing I knew it was 30 mins later when I came round, again I had a nurse with me to make sure I was ok. Got wheeled back to the room where DH was waiting for me, and the nurse brought us both tea and toast. Just had to stay an hour or so until the anaesthetic fully wore off, then home with some strong painkillers.

I felt a bit battered for a few days but no more than a heavy period, I didn't need the painkillers they had prescribed me. I bled on and off (lightly) for a couple of weeks. I definitely only started processing the emotional side of it after my body had healed physically.

I'm now 33 weeks pregnant, fell pregnant one cycle after the ERPC, so experiencing it once doesn't mean it will happen again. Good luck for whichever option you choose, I know ERPC was the best choice for me.

Thank you Forester and Rockchick x

I'm sorry for your loss tea

I had a mmc in early december. I was 13 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks.

I waited for nature to take its course and it actually started to happen about 10 minutes after my scan.

I will be honest because i wish i had been better prepared, it was worse than I expected. Having being through labour it was like early contractions. Which felt so cruel at the time because it reminded me of childbirth. The pain side and contractions lasted about 2 hours, once everything had passed which was far worse than I expected, I didnt feel any further pain. The bleeding carried on for two weeks but was like a normal period.

I'm still coming to terms with it all. Some days are good, some days are hard.

Luckily you will find a lot of support on here. There is a poster called zing who replied to a thread I put on here and her words helped me more than I could ever tell her. I'm sorry for your loss.

Im so sorry you are going through this. I chose medical management when I miscarried at 6 weeks. I was a bit unlucky in that even after 5 doses of meds I didn't pass the 'products' (thats a horrible term I know) and they were manually removed with forceps as my cervix was still open.

Even at 6 weeks it wasn't a heavy period - I had a lot of bleeding and it was painful although I was given painkillers. If I am ever in that position again I don't know if I would choose medical or surgery.

Tea this is awful news and I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I had a MMC in November at 11 weeks, with embryo dying at 6 weeks. I echo everything up thread about this being an individual choice, there really is no 'best' route, just what feels right for you.

Like you, I was a bit scared of the natural/mm routes and wanted ERPC but, again like you, had to wait 10 days for a follow up scan to confirm MC before it could be booked. Knowing my preference, it as sent home from EPU with not much info on what a natural MC would be like other than 'period like'.

Luckily bakingtins pointed me in the direction of this thread which was fortunate as nature decided to take over 4 days after my scan.

I MC'ed naturally at home. It was painful and it was scary and it wasn't anything like a period. That said, I am actually glad now that my body did get to do it naturally. My cycle has returned to 'normal' (so far) quickly and I know with hindsight I would've hated being in a hospital.

Whatever you decide, know there are lots of ladies here to support and empathise with you whenever you need.

I forgot to say - my period returned after 6 weeks but I think I had a chemical pregnancy so it might otherwise have been a bit sooner.

Please look after yourself and let DH take care of you.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is very hard physically and emotionally.

I have had two early miscarriages. The first one started off with light bleeding for a few days then the miscarriage happened. I went to A&E after and they checked for infection (none). They booked me in for a scan a few days later to check the miscarriage was complete.

The second miscarriage I, like you, found out at the dating scan that there was no heartbeat. I opted for the natural route (I was willing to wait for a few weeks). Two weeks after the scan I miscarried. It stopped and started. So at first I had to stay on the loo, then I went to bed and got up a few hours later, then slept again and woke up in the morning to pass more. It is hard because it seems like things have quietened down then they start again a few hours or day later. I took paracetamol so I could sleep. The pain I had was like a cramp that doesn't stay. I had a scan and some placenta was still there so am waiting to scan again next week.

It is hard but I prefer not to have an operation. Be kind to your self no matter what you choose. It is really hard. For me I prefer to go through it. But I found the waiting in my second miscarriage hard, I started to doubt my body could do it and got anxious about it.

Inbetween my two miscarriages I did have a son.

There is another thread about miscarriage and what to expect. I am very sorry.

Thank you for your experience Drifting and I'm glad this website is helping in the long term, I feel really glad I posted and that I've got somewhere to 'talk', my husband worries as I have to process so much internally before talking to people normally, it's easier on here somehow.

I've not told any friends in real life, just my mum. it's difficult as they've pretty much all just had babies, are about to give birth or are due in the two month proceeding when our baby should have arrived and they didn't know I was pregnant so I'd feel bad bringing up miscarriage in front of them.

There are a couple of friends I might tell in the next couple of weeks but I'm not sure I'm ready to acknowledge all of this yet, and I'm petrified of the 'pity looks' people feeling they can't discuss their happy news with me (I'm not jealous of others pregnancies as its my baby I want, not theirs) and also my husband has a massive family which would mean half of Scotland 'gossiping' about it, can you tell I'm over thinking things? I'm just quite a private person really and ultimately want to mourn in peace I think.

I'm rambling, sorry, Parsley I think that's what I want, my body to just get on with it and then there's not a decision for me to make but I've had no pains at all so not overly hopeful. Thank you for the tread link as well, I'm not prepared really if things start so will send the husband to the shops for some stronger pain relief/heat pads today.

Cybercat, thank you, I'm very lucky that my husband is behind me whatever happens so I'm lucky to have that support :)

GWLondon, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this twice :( I'm dreading it happening again which is I suppose inevatable really, the fear never leaves but it's given me hope hearing you've had your son. One thing my mum said and I just keep repeating is that, although at the time her miscarriages were the worst thing ever, when she finally got my sister (and later me) and was holding us she realised it could never have been any other way as we were the babies she was supposed to have. And if any of her earlier pregnancies had been successful then me and my sister wouldn't ever exist. I just have to believe that this is how I'll feel in a few years, and even if my Dd is my only child then I'm so blessed really.

Thank you all again for reading/posting, my husband says thank you as well. It really has helped so much already xxx

Tea, that's a very good way to think about it and fingers crossed you'll be holding your take-home baby before too long.

In the meantime, feel free to keep offloading your thoughts here. Rambling doesn't exist on this board, we are all (sadly) only too aware of the many and complicated feelings you go through after a MC, and always happy to listen/read.

I would just add one more thing, and that's to take more time off work (if you do) than you think you'll need. The hormonal effects of a MC and just the natural grieving process can result in lots of weird emotional outbursts, not to mention the physical side of things, so some r&r and vegging is totally allowed. I am also a very private person when it comes to personal stuff, and having some down time to process everything was invaluable.

Thanks again Parsley, felt a bit better yesterday but of course that means today I feel worse, not helped by my husband going back to work. Saw a pregnant lady walk past my house and burst into tears, utterly ridiculous as she was 8 months gone at least so nothing like I was, but I'm obviously not as okay with other pregnancies as I thought, maybe just the shock of seeing someone unexpectedly.

I'm actually still on mat leave with my daughter, back to work in a few weeks, not looking forward to it at all, lots of 'restructuring' going in so think I'll be made redundant in the next year, the atmosphere there is awful at the moment according to work friends. I was alright with it all as thought I'd be going on maternity leave again, I just hope I feel better by the time I start.
Dreading Thursdays scan yet at the same time I can't wait for it to arrive I need to move forward and I really don't think my body's going to do anything so at least I can get a better idea of options/time frames etc.
hope everyone is doing okay today x

Thank you so much katatonic, I'm so happy for you that you are pregnant again and it's all going well, and you've given me hope that time will heal and bring me a sort of acceptance as my mum said. All the best for the next few months for you x

I'm so sorry TeaRex. The exact same thing happened to me - they diagnosed a MMC at the 12-week scan, said the baby died at 9 weeks, gave me the choice too.

I picked the ERPC, because a) it was too painful to just wait for the eventual MC knowing I had my dead baby inside me, and b) I couldn't face the physical reality of the actual MC, sitting on the toilet waiting for the foetus to drop out.

I would do it again. It was quick and painless, very clinical, which made it a bit less "real" to me. Everyone at the hospital was lovely and compassionate. I'm not going to lie, it was still horrible. I cried every day for a month, and even now (one year later) it still makes me really emotional to think about it.

But my story also has a hopeful ending: I had the ERPC on December 7th last year, had my period about 4 weeks afterwards, and conceived immediately afterwards, in mid-Jan. Easy pregnancy with no issues, dd is now 3 months old.

Big hugs to you, and good luck.

ETA having just read katatonic's post - thank you. That's a lovely, bittersweet way to think about the MC and to remember my baby.

Now that I think about it, my mil told me the same thing at the time. She also MCed right before my husband was conceived, and she told me, "it was horrible, but in hindsight... it's also what gave me Mr Chacha."

That's lovely to hear another person going onto have a baby Chacha, thank you for your words as well, the past week's been pretty hellish so I am leaning more to the surgical route now, I just want closure on this now, the waiting is horrible. I'll keep this updated with any changes for my sanity and also just in case anyone in a similar situation stumbles on this thread, thanks to everyone again x

I had 3 miscarriages, then all the tests and nothing showed up.

I got pregnant for the 4th time and was bleeding. A scan showed that it would have been a twin pregnancy, but that i was losing one.

I went on to have DD1 with few problems.

And then I had DD2 with no fuss at all.

So sorry to hear this. I had the same thing happen to me back in May last year. Found out at 12 weeks that the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks.

I chose ERPC as I didn't relish the idea of waiting for it to happen naturally when it hadn't come out after 3 weeks as it was. I waited a week from finding out to having the op and I started to bleed in that time. The experience at the hospital was as good as it could have been, the staff were lovely and put me in a ward on my own so hubby could stay with me and we had privacy. The hardest bit was about 2-3 hours after I had the pessaries (the same as they use for medical management). I was last on the theatre list so I was waiting longer than they expected so they'd started to work and I wasn't really prepared for the pain and the bleeding - it was what I'd been trying to avoid. That doesn't mean it should happen to you but I wanted to mention it as it's better if you're prepared for things.

I still have good days and bad 8 months on; today is a bad one! Although these days the bad days are infrequent and I still have hope that we will get pregnant again.

I had a mmc managed with tablets, it was fine. In my hospital they gave me a side room, it is probably not that nice if you have to share a room with other people and don't have your own toilet. I think medical management is a nice option between surgery and natural because you are in hospital in case you get a heavy bleed or something goes awry, and you can ask for advice and help, the drugs are great too but you can also eat and drink normally ( I stilk had awful morning sickness and fasting for erpc seemed impossible). Misoprostol, the drug they give you, does give you powerful, early labour-like contractions but it also softens the cervix which helps because your body doesn't have to pass big clots through a hard cervix. A few hours into the miscarriage I passed huge lumps with no pain at all which I was astounded of, after the intial contractions did their job.

The scan went as expected very upsetting still but no surprises, just thought I'd add info for any future readers, was seen at Redhill/East Surrey Hospital, the nurse who was dealing with was really very lovely, had the scan then a chat, they put me and my husband in a small side room immediately as I started crying as soon as I checked in which I was really grateful for as there was a delay so took about 40mins to get the scan. After we went back to the room and the nurse said she could discuss options or give us time, I said I wanted to discuss options then so she talked through and said I didn't have to make any decisions today but having had the past week to think I said I wanted to go for the surgical option. At redhill it's in the morning, should be discharged at lunch time if all goes well. There was paper work to fill in, two short questionnaires and bloods to be taken which again she said I could come back and do as some women are too upset but to be honest having already had a week to come to terms with things I just wanted to get it all done so did it all when there. The op is booked in for Tuesday and I feel 'happy' with my decision and as if now I don't have to worry about the how I can now just concentrate on the way I'm feeling if that makes sense. She did discuss what to do if it occurres naturally over the next few days as well.

Zebrapig I really hope you have good news soon and 2014 is your year x
And thank you 2kids and homehypno for posting x

Hi tea, well as these things go it sounds like you've been well looked after at your hospital, so now that you've made your decision I hope you can have a restful few days before the op.
I hope it all goes OK, and remember there's always someone here to listen when you need it.