Mmc what now? Can you please share your experience?

[TeaRex]

Hello, I had my 12 week scan on Thursday and it seems my baby died at 9 weeks so a mmc. I'm absolutely devastated, shocked and overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling at the moment. I've been told I have to wait until next Thursday the 16th for a follow up scan for confirmation I assume and then my options will be discussed.

My heart's breaking but I'm also filled with a sense of utter dread over the choice I'll have to make next week, I understand it will be wait it out for nature to work, take some tablets or have a d&c/erpc? The Mother nature/pills options scare me as I'm not sure I'm mentally strong enough at the moment to handle the physical and mental pain of a miscarriage. The erpc option also scares me though as I had a retained placenta after my dd's birth and I'm worried having this op again will increase my chances of Asherman's syndrome :( my heads going round and round and it's making everything so much worse as I feel like I'm unable to start grieving properly for my baby :(

I realise that the hurt I feel can only ease with time but if I can ask you all for your experiences with the direction you took with your mmc, and if in retrospect you were happy with your decision? The only person I know in real life who's experienced this is my mother who had many many miscarriages before having my sister, but this was back in the 70's so I wanted to hear from others who have gone through this. Also anyone reading who's trying to make the same decision right now? Sorry for all your losses, :( I have had a read through some threads and there's so much sadness but also so much strength which is a real inspiration and comfort to me right now, thank you for reading xxxx

I've got to go in on wed which is 1 week since my medical miscarriage, maybe its because I had the medical rather than surgical that I have to be re assessed. They said i would have blood tests to check my blood count after the bleeding, a urine test/pregnancy test to check on hormones and a re scan to check i'm healing and that nothing is retained. Maybe its just the hospitals policy to re scan. There was a couple of girls in when i was there who had bits retained even after the d&c so i'm glad they r rechecking me. Least its abit of closure on the medical side and then i can move on.
Sounds like u 2 will both b expecting again in no time

I don't know, I've hot really odd cycles, have about one 'perfect 28 day cycle' a year and then the rest vary, longest can be over 80 days so might be ages before I get to actually try, I'm a bit worried about it actually (prob over thinking again) my daughter was conceived two weeks after a period so a good cycle, the baby I just lost was conceived 6 weeks after a period so now I'm paranoid about it but I guess that's just the way it will be for all women that have lost a baby, paranoia and over thinking. Still who knows, I think I will head over to the ttc board in a week or so even though I want to wait for my first proper period to try, I think that again it will just give me somewhere to post and read others people's, also I actually really like hearing about success stories post mc, gives me hope and I feel genuine happiness for the women :)

I know what u mean about being positive and happy for others, i was on one of the ante natal boards and am still following their progress, they set up a fb group aswell which i'm still on, afew cant understand how i can b pleased for them but my mmc hasnt affected me like that.. I'm happy for others, just sad for myself.
Wow ur cycles sound very unpredictable, mine were always about 30 days.. Took me 6 mths to conceive ds, we didnt prevent after having ds and i caught the week of his 1st birthday. With this baby i decided we should try in nov and caught first try! I hope its that easy next time we try.

Tea, it wasn't until last night I started to think how in the dark I am about when I should do a test to see if it's negative or not, when it's advised to start trying again, etc. I found some answers online but now thinking it's a bit odd not to have been advised of any of this stuff by them. I don't like to criticise, my surgery went so well and they were so wonderfully kind to me, but a bit of work is needed on the aftercare advice I think.

I've been lurking on this thread for a few days now. Had 12 week scan on Tuesday, no heartbeat and baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks 1 day. I'm going into hospital for a medically managed miscarriage tomorrow. I've literally just started spotting though, so who knows what tonight will bring.
I decided on that, rather than an ERPC, because I need to feel it. I'm not sure if I've made the right choice, but it makes sense to me at the moment. I need to know that it's over.
I'm finding it incredibly hard to deal with. This is my second miscarriage in 5 months. I'm so very sad about it.
Dreading tomorrow.

Oh fizzy I'm so sorry :( and how horrible this is the second time for you :( did you have a medical last time? If not Jazzy has posted some of her experience up thread, I really feel for you, it's just the most heartbreaking thing I've ever been through, if it's any consolation everyone's here has been through the same emotional roller-coaster so we're here to listen, so ask questions and or rant away as much or as little as you need, massive hugs for tomorrow xxx

Thank you tea.
Last time it all happened naturally and at home. But I was kind of prepared for it as I'd been bleeding on and off for a week.
This time I've got no idea what will happen, hence the terror.
I did post on this board after the last one. The support I received was amazing.
Just want tomorrow to be over so I can start to deal with it properly, if you see what I mean?

Ohh fizzy i'm so very sorry, we will all b here for you to talk to, scream at, cry to.
I also had the medical on wed, for me i wanted it to b the most natural it could b.
Have u had the first tablet and then gone home? I had the first tablet on monday and this did trigger bleeding but they still gave me all of the treatment in the hospital and i was aware when everything passed.
It must b so hard having had another miscarriage so close to this one. Which route did u go down last time. If this is different and ur worried ask away and i'll try and answer any questions u have based on my experience.
Tea and misery.. They told me to complete at least 1 full cycle before trying again. They said they do the pregnancy test to show no pregnancy tissue has been left behind. Strange how different trusts provide different care. Mine were excellent and were very supportive (even when i was asking about where they take my tissue now) x

Not had anything yet. I just need to go in tomorrow and it should all happen within 6-8 hours.
I'm the same as you, I need it to happen naturally. I need to experience it.
I'm just feeling really angry. My sister keeps wanting to talk to me about it. I don't want to talk about it. She's really pissing me off. She's got no idea. She's pregnant too and in the time she's been pregnant I've lost 2 babies.

Hi Fizzy, I'm glad you've joined us on here, being able to speak to you and to the girls on this post has been such a help. Will be thinking of you all day tomorrow, let us know how it goes, hopefully as well as this scenario can go.

It's good you got info on afterwards Jazzy I was thinking of waiting one or two periods before really trying. That will give me time to sort out my diet, etc. I was thinking of doing a test a week after the surgery and seeing what it says, but I am dreading the BFN showing up, even though I obviously know it's over.

Fizzy The fear if the unknown is horrible :( but I'm sure it will all be fine and yes, I felt the same in the sense that when the physical side was over that I could concentrate on getting better mentally, and I have found the whole thing easier now that I'm not filled with the feelings if dread about the actual miscarriage. Please post here as much as you like and let us know how you're getting on.

My hospital were good but I was in such a state I think I'd really have appreciated some booklets on things that I could refer to at home, but that's just me, others might hate the idea of being sent off with info and would much prefer to talk, I just found I didn't listen that much and forgot everything I wanted to ask. We did decide to have our baby cremated and we'll be bringing the ashes home, I understand that's not for everyone but we just felt like our baby should be with us, that decision has really helped me, but it is all so personal that what works for one doesn't for another x

I wasnt offered the chance of bringing mine home.. I really wanted to.. I mite ring tomorrow as i know it was getting sent to pathology for tests and was told all the pregnancy material gets cremated together. Did u hav to pay?

Fizzy, ur welcome to pm me if u need any further info on what will happen tomorrow. U'll b ok. X

No, don't think I have to pay jazzy the chaplains calling next week to confirm dates etc (won't be till march) but he's never mentioned payment. We were given three options, cremation or burial (both with other babies and then all remains placed together in unmarked location) and the third option was call the Chaplin so I called and spoke to him and he said it was fine for us to have the remains and he basically organises it all, he sounds like a lovely man ( we're not religious but think that's just the way it works at my hospital) I did think about it for a while as I thought that actually my baby being with others was quite nice in a way but decided not too, my mum said that she was never offered any options at all and they didn't even discuss what would happen which I think is awful, I think that hospitals are a lot more sensitive to people now days. Def give them a ring though and check, that way you know x

I rang as soon as i posted my last message as couldnt stop thinking about it.
Things are a little different in my case. My baby died very early on, but my sac and membranes continued developing for almost 10 weeks. When i had the scan they couldnt see the baby just the sac.
I've just been told that it has definitely gone to the labs for testing.. If they fund any tissue then it will go with the other babies for cremation and if its just sac and placenta it will go with all the other human tissue.
I've asked if i can just hav it back no matter what... Cant bare the thought of it going with other tissue.. Even if the baby has all gone to me it was gona be my baby. Can handle it going with other babies.
Am i being silly.. Should i just let it go and move on... I was planning on planting a tree or bush in the garden in the spring as a memory.
What ru going to do with ur ashes tea?

jazzy you're not being silly at all, if it's possible then why not try, if it brings comfort it's a good thing. We've not decided what to do with the ashes yet, we start to talk about it then I get upset so we'll leave it for a while and then I hope something comes to us and feels right if that makes sense?

Fizzy best of luck today, I will be thinking of you x

Thinking of you today fizzy x x

Yeah i've got to ring back again on Monday to speak to sum1 when the labs r back open.

Hope everyone else is feeling ok this morning?

Thinking of you Fizzy x

I feel awful today, have done nothing but cry since I woke up, which I admit wasn't long ago. I'm alone all day for the first time since I found out on Tuesday and I didn't realise that would be a problem, but apparently it is.
Going to dye my hair later, as was obviously putting it off, but no need now. I will be glad to have nice, no roots hair again.

How are you guys this morning?

Tea how was your night of wine and junk food? xx

Ohh misery i hope a bit of pampering will cheer u up, i'm booking to get my nails done later this week and a little clothes shopping i think. Been invited to my cousins birthday meal in 2 weeks so want to look nice seen as it will b the first social event I go to post mmc.
I've not had a drink yet, still not feeling like i'm allowed to. Actually might cut it out all together to help with the health drive.
Just wondered how everyones friends have been since u broke the news, i had loads of fb messages initially but not really spoken to ne1 for days. Non of my close friends have had a mc let along a mmc so feeling quiet isolated. Thank goodness for you ladies x

I feel the same about the booze Jazzy still feel like I'm not allowed. I jump between thinking that and thinking screw it, I wanna get drunk, but then have fear of what state I'd be in if I did, so I am avoiding as I am not really the 'two glasses of wine only' kinda drinker.

Nice to have your cousin's birthday dinner to look forward to and it's far enough away that hopefully by then emotions will have settled a little and you can enjoy the distraction of something nice.

My best friend (currently 6 months pregnant) has been great, she had a mc around this time last year so she can relate to the feeling of loss. My other friend lost twin babies in November to a mmc, so we have been chatting lots, as I really feel like she has been bottling it all up with no one to talk to.
Any time you want to talk, just come here Jazzy I dunno what I'd do without this place and being able to just vent and chat with others in similar situations. xx

Bet its nice being able to talk to ur friend and like u say i'm sure ur a comfort to her.
Feel like i've known u girls for ages (not afew days).. Was thinking of setting up a secret fb group for us to chat.. Would ne of u b up for that or would u prefer to stay anonymous? (it wouldnt show up on your fb and i'd only add ppl linked through this feed who want to join) just thought it might b nice to put faces to names and to see how we all move forward. X

I'd be up for that Jazzy however, I was talking about a similar group with my friend I mentioned above and she was telling me that in the one she joined, someone had recently managed to fall pregnant again and was posting all about it and her scan pics, etc, which some people thought was a bit much to take, especially as new people who had just had a mc had joined and this was the first thing they were greeted with...

I think a group would be a great support but on the condition that we could have a separate one for anyone who was actively ttc or had fallen again, etc, where we could discuss the positives away from the page where we can talk openly about mc's etc.

Does that make sense? I know it might seem odd the keep the two things separate but I can imagine it being insensitive to anyone knew joining to be greeted with pics of scans etc...

Sounds gud well what i'll do is start one off.. Think there are only about 6 of us on this thread at the mo and probably afew ppl watching it.
I'll start a group for us and if u pm me ur real names i will add you to the group.
Lets start with it as a support group for mmc and then see how many members we get, mite only b afew of us anyway so mite b able easier to deal with if we do start trying again??
But for now lets just focus on the here and now

Any suggestions on group name? X

Jazzy that sounds good, if it was a group for just a few of us, where we can share what we're feeling and what we're doing, etc, rather than a group where new people can join at any time. I feel like we've all really bonded over the past few days and I would love to keep in touch and see how we all get on over the next few months.

Not sure on a name, I can't seem to think of anything right now! Got some art work to work on and every time I pick up a pencil I just sorta stare at the paper not knowing where to begin.

Yes it will b a private group so cant b searched for on facebook and i will add ppl if you pm me your real names.
Just for mumsnet girls and that way hopefully we can support each other through this experience and look forward to the future together.
I just like being a little more personal, finding out a little bit more about people.. I know sum like mn anonymous and thats fine we can still post to here but just another outlet we can use.
I'm trying to think of sumthing more positive than dwelling on mmc for the name .. How about ..
mmc mums moving forward?