Mmc what now? Can you please share your experience?

[TeaRex]

Hello, I had my 12 week scan on Thursday and it seems my baby died at 9 weeks so a mmc. I'm absolutely devastated, shocked and overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling at the moment. I've been told I have to wait until next Thursday the 16th for a follow up scan for confirmation I assume and then my options will be discussed.

My heart's breaking but I'm also filled with a sense of utter dread over the choice I'll have to make next week, I understand it will be wait it out for nature to work, take some tablets or have a d&c/erpc? The Mother nature/pills options scare me as I'm not sure I'm mentally strong enough at the moment to handle the physical and mental pain of a miscarriage. The erpc option also scares me though as I had a retained placenta after my dd's birth and I'm worried having this op again will increase my chances of Asherman's syndrome :( my heads going round and round and it's making everything so much worse as I feel like I'm unable to start grieving properly for my baby :(

I realise that the hurt I feel can only ease with time but if I can ask you all for your experiences with the direction you took with your mmc, and if in retrospect you were happy with your decision? The only person I know in real life who's experienced this is my mother who had many many miscarriages before having my sister, but this was back in the 70's so I wanted to hear from others who have gone through this. Also anyone reading who's trying to make the same decision right now? Sorry for all your losses, :( I have had a read through some threads and there's so much sadness but also so much strength which is a real inspiration and comfort to me right now, thank you for reading xxxx

hi TeaRex

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I just wanted to let you know that I went through a similar thing and had the ERPC yesterday. We found out at 6 weeks that there was a problem, confirmed at 7 weeks. I knew I wanted either medical or surgical route but found the choice between the two options so hard. in the end I thought that I've been through enough so just wanted it done straight away and didn't feel like I could bear actually passing anything.

Everyone at the hospital was so nice and procedure was really quick and went well. Had some slight cramping immediately after but no pain at all since then and only slight bleeding.
I felt so much better straight away like something had been lifted. not sure how I'll feel over the next few days but hopefully the worst is over and I can start moving on now. I think the waiting was the worst part. at least the worry is now over.

Wishing you all the best for next week. Such a horrid time but I hope it goes as well as it can and am sure next time will be your time xxx

So sorry to everyone for your losses. With my first MMC I decided to go for the medical management option, as I didn't want to wait for nature to take its course, and i was trying to avoid surgery. For me it was a horrendous experience. The first attempt, i was in hospital all day waiting for something to happen and it never did. i went home and passed a few clots but then it all stopped. A week later i went back into hospital and tried again with tablets/pessaries. Again nothing happened. I was distraught by this stage, just wanting the fetus out. A week after the second attempt, the pessaries popped out whole -they had never dissolved in the first place. So I went for D&C. It was so quick and easy in comparison. I was out the same day, had a few days of fairly light bleeding, no complications and my period returned about 4 weeks later.
I am opting for another D&C follwing the mmc I've just had. Due to go into hopsital in 10 days. I am just so upset that this nightmare is all happening again.
Your decision is right for you, Tearex, I'm sure it will be fine. Here's hoping we can get over it soon...and move on to happier times...

Hi starfish, how are you doing today? I hope that you're feeling okay? I started getting brown/red blood (just tiny bits) on friday and sat but it seems to have calmed down a bit, but now I'm petrified its going to all start before Tuesday, arrrgh! I hate this all so much, loosing your baby is just the worse thing ever but all this extra stress/heartache about the how and when is just a slap in the face and I'm sick of it. Thanks for letting me know your op went well and I really hope you feel a bit better every day x
Ericabee, I'm so sorry you're going through all this again :( how are you holding up at the moment? x

Thanks TeaRex. I'm really wavering between good moments and bad moments. I have a sort of parallel thinking thing going on...where i keep imagining what it would be like if the news had been good at last week's scan. Lots of crying still, but from previous experience i know it takes time. I think the only thing that will really help will be ttc again...it will make me feel like i'm doing something proactive to right this awful situation.Very good luck for tuesday. It will be over soon......

Thanks EricaBee, parallel thinking is such a good way to describe it, it's awful having your mind in two places at once :( me and my husband wanted two kids close together, I wanted them in the school year after each other and when I got pregnant this time I said to my husband I can't believe we're this lucky and that I'll have the family I always wanted, talk about tempting fate :(

I still want my kids to be close together so I too want to try as soon as possible, also as I said up thread I think it will help me to move on/understand why I couldn't keep this baby :(

Are you due to go in a week Monday? I'm not surprised you've opted to go straight for the d&c given your last experience, I hope it goes well for you and the week passes as quickly as possible x

Dear TeaRex, so terribly sorry to read your message, I'm so glad that you came on here - I have made some very dear mumsnet friends who I am so thankful to for their care, support, advice and time to reply to my messages.

I hope you are ok this evening. You have been describing a situation very similar to what I have experienced recently. Had a daughter in June 2010, and had a retained placenta too. In December 2012 I was told that I had miscarried, but 3 weeks later was rushed to hospital because it turned out that I had an ectopic pregnancy. Tube had to be removed due to rupture. Took a long time to recover mentally and physically. Then during the middle of the year we thought we'd give it another try. We were very lucky and fell pregnant fairly quickly. In September we had a scan at 6 1/2 weeks, saw heartbeat. In November we had scan at 12 weeks, baby had died at 10 1/2 weeks. I knew that I was not going to wait for it to happen naturally so opted for the ERPC.Was booked in for 5 days after scan. The evening before the scan I started to have period type cramps in my lower back and then tummy Started to have spotting and did pass a small clot (50pence size - sorry TMI!) but did 'hold out' until the operation.

I had the ERPC on 18th November and emotions aside, it was a very quick, painless experience. The nurses were so caring, I was a bit of a blubbering mess. I asked them about my retained placenta and they said it didn't affect anything. Scarring etc is so so rare. I did bleed very lightly for a time after but now I am 'back to normal'. Periods returned and physically I feel very well. Yes I still find it hard to see pregnant women and small babies but it is getting easier. I allow myself to have a wee cry every now and again and remind myself that it's ok.

Sorry to kind of hi-jack your message! I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you. Do not be worried about Tuesday, you will so well looked after and home around lunchtime. It will be so quick and I was so glad to have it 'all done' whilst I was asleep. And like you, I needed to feel like I could start grieving for the baby.

Let's hope 2014 brings us all happiness and good health x

BushMills, thanks for taking the time to post, sorry for your loss too :( everyone here really has been so lovely it's helped me so much already, just the understanding really (though I do wish it didn't happen to so many women) Your post also helped eased my fear that with some spotting they won't do the op so thank you for reassuring me :) and I hope 2014 is the best year for you xxx

I forgot to mention this before - it makes me laugh to think that I did it! When I was waiting for the op they have me a pessary to soften my cervix to help during the operation. I was convinced that I would miscarry then and there so I lay on the bed, put my hands under my bottom to lift it up, trying to reverse the effects of gravity! I didn't move until I had the op! The nurse did say that it could start things progressing but not to worry , they wouldn't cancel the op. I'm sure they have seen many women with raised bottoms and legs awaiting the op!

Thanks to everyone who has posted here.

I, like Tea, went for the 12 week scan today only to find my baby had no heartbeat and had died at 9 weeks. Was given a booklet with the info on the choices and initially just said I would let things happen naturally. But a few hours on I am now thinking that the ERPC is how I want to proceed. Emotionally and physically, I don't think I would cope well with it happening naturally.
I'm glad to have found this thread to read some of your experiences and lovely to hear of you ladies who now have babies or healthy babies on the way.

I'm sorry Misery that you've been given this devastating news. It's a horrible time and please don't hestitate to post on this forum if you want to talk through your feelings or have questions.

Tea I hope your op went OK today and that you can now start to deal with the emotional effects of the MC.

Forester thanks so much, this forum is really helping with info and just reading other people are out there feeling the same helps in some way. I am finding it easier to open up here than to some real life people, but as long as I am talking about it somewhere then that's helping.

Hugs all round and hope Tea is doing okay x

hi TeaRex
sorry for belated response but just wanted to say that I hope today went ok and that you're being looked after.

Take it easy over the next couple of days and be kind to yourself. I found the day after the op absolutely fine but then really struggled the couple of days after. Think I just didn't want to move on and to accept that it was all over. But doing a lot better today. I guess hormones are all over the place too which doesn't help.

all the best xx

I am booked in for an ERPC tomorrow, so it has all happened so quickly. In a way I am very glad it has as it means I can try to move on once tomorrow is over with.

I am so scared, but trying to keep it together. After the surgery I'll let myself fall apart but I need to stay strong to get through this procedure tomorrow.

Hi misery, so sorry to hear your news :( can't believe how many women have to go through this, it's heart breaking.

If its any consolation my op yesterday went as well as it could, all the nurses/doctors were very nice and understanding, I was very upset before and after just with the emotional side of things but the actual op was really not too bad at all. I went to sleep and woke up an hour later, apparently I bled a fair bit in theatre, not a dangerous level of anything, I then bled until I was discharged and passed one large clot but since then I've actually only been spotting (looking at other stories on the Internet it looks like this could just be it for me or it might just be delayed for a few days, time will tell)

I had bad cramps yesterday from about 4pm but was home so just topped up the paracetamol and today have only had a few niggles (before giving me the ga they said while I was under they could insert a pessery which is apparently the best thing for pain relief, as I wouldn't have a clue what was going on anyhow I opted for it so not sure if that's what helped so much or not)

Having the physical side of the miscarrage over (near enough) has really been a weight off my mind Misery, I hadn't realised how scared/worried and tense I was about it. You might be surprised that actually after tomorrow you might actually feel better as you'll 'only' have the grief to deal with instead of having to fear the actual miscarrage as well. At least that's what I've found x

Emotionally I'm still a bit all over the place, generally functioning well but then it will just hit me again what I've lost and I'm off. I just know that with time I will cope better so I'm just trying to hold onto that really.

Thank you for thinking of me Forrester :) and good to hear from you Starfish, sorry you're having bad days, I guess it's going to be like this for a while, and your right the hormones won't be helping but thank you for letting me know how you're doing x

I'm floating about here if you need to ask anything Misery, the ladies on this thread have been brilliant and I'm like you, just can't talk to people in the real world, have only told my mum and one friend, I just don't think I can cope with everyone knowing just now, I need time to come to terms with it all myself so if you need to talk I'm here x best of luck tomorrow, it will be fine x

Tea thanks so much for posting, glad the op went well and as you say, hopefully now it's 'over' you can try to move on and grieve without that fear of the unknown.
I'm yoyo-ing from feeling numb one minute to heartbroken the next. I know hormones will be crazy for the forseeable future so emotionally it is going to be hell.

It really is horrific the amount of women going through this. I had told so many people as we'd had a private scan showing healthy baby and as we're getting married in 5 weeks, we had altered the wedding reception to save money for baby things, and told all our guests the news. Have now had to go and tell them all this and have cancelled the wedding reception completely and now only having family at the wedding. If/when I fall pregnant again I will be keeping it to myself for as long as possible. My mum had told some people at her work and told me today that the two women she told the bad news to today had also been through mmc's. As I say, horrific.

Thanks for the luck, I just wish it was tomorrow already.

Hope your physical symptoms heal quickly so you can focus on healing emotionally xx

Oh Misery, I'm so sorry, that must be so hard for you, you probably can't even think about it too much right now but actually maybe everyone knowing will be good from the support side when you're ready for it? I don't think there's a right way for any of this really :( I guess everyone just fumbles their way through as best they can. It will be tomorrow soon for you and then you can start to heal properly xxx

Misery- hope everything goes as well as it can today. Your story is so sad,I'm sorry it had to happen like that.

tearex- I'm glad your ercp was ok i the end. Now you will be able to think about the future and hopefully move on.

my ercp is next Tuesday. This waiting game is taking its toll. I'm so upset , could burst into tears at any moment of the day, but just about making it into work- i don't know how.
I've been looking into supplements/vitamins/ fertility diets as i know the only thing that will get me over this is ttc again. At least i feel like I'm doing something positive.
well, i hope the recovery for both of you goes ok. Here's to positive thinking for our future babies.

Erica, you're being so strong going into work, I really hope that the next few days pass quickly for you x I feel the same as you, I need to ttc as soon as I can, I feel it's the only way I can accept not being able to bring this baby home, so I'm already popping folic acid/pregnancare etc. as you said at least it feels like I'm doing something, I understand how you feel exactly.
Misery, have been thinking about you all morning, I hope you're through the other side and physically feel okay xxx

First time post on this forum..

Heres my story

On Friday 17th I experienced some very light bleeding which quickly stopped and turned into more of a brown discharge. I wasnt overly anxious about this and on speaking to my midwife she reassured me that everything was probably ok but if I wanted to she could get me an appointment with EPU on Monday 20th.
I went to the appointment on Monday, drove myself there and honestly thought all was fine, felt pregnant, starting to show, 3rd DC
Then I had the scan and the dreaded words..'i'm so sorry'...
Turns out that my baby had died very early on (shortly after implantation) but for sum reason the tissue which was to become the membranes.. Sac,yoc,placenta had continued to develop and was the size it should be at 9/10 weeks. Its whats termed as a blighted ovum.
I was transferred to a local hospital where my options were explained..1) let nature take its course 2) pills 3) d&c
For me option 2 was the best... I had carried for 10 weeks without miscarrying so it could continue for weeks ... D&c under general scars me to death.. I had retained placenta after ds and the experience of theatre etc was not a pleasant one. Option 2 seemed to me the most natural.
So I was given the first tablet orally on Monday.. Stayed for 30 minutes then went home..(this tablet blocks the pregnancy hormones so that my body recognised i was not pregnant)
Yesterday 22nd I went back into hospital as a day case.. Given tablets internally (you can give these to yourself but I thought it was best if they did this so that they get right up on the cervix) these tablets then start contractions and dilation of the cervix as in a normal induction so that you pass the material in the womb as naturally as possible. You are asked to collect all 'toileting' in kidney bowls.
At 1.45 pm 3.5 hrs into induction my star went to the sky.
I have to say the day and obviously now is very emotional.. I am fine 1 minute and the next in tears but for me this option was actually ok.. I was aware what was happening, the nurses were fantastic and I was also reassured as to what happens to my baby now.
We might try again later this year but I want to mentally and physically heal before trying again.
The epu said that they will always see mums who have any worries and to ring them directly next time.
Its nice to see others have had similar experiences as me.
X x

Hi all,

Home from surgery and it all went fine. I was unconscious for around an hour in total, though in hospital from 10am til 6pm. The unit was very busy but due to the nature of my surgery I was given priority over the others. Was so grateful for this and by 11am I was in the room with my DH, being given the info, etc. I was given a pessary to get the cervix going and antibiotics into my back passage. I was taken down at 12pm, was back in the room by 2pm, DH joined me and we were told that after 4hrs I should be able to leave. Was great being able to have a quiet room to ourselves the whole time and have him with me.
Had some pain when I first came round and was given painkillers, but eventually needed 2 cocodamol type pills which thankfully took all the pain away quickly. They asked me to collect urine samples each time I had to go and took my blood pressure a lot. It was initially quite low, but evened out as did the urine, so they let me leave just after 6ish. Was also given some antibiotics to take home.

Currently surfing the wave of numbness that has washed over me and awaiting the inevitable crash. I am trying to focus on the physical pain rather the emotional pain, just for today in the hopes of getting a night's decent sleep.

Thanks for all your thoughts, they mean so much.

Jazzy so sorry for your loss. Hopefully now we can both try to heal.

xx

I also wanted to add that I have only had very light bleeding so far and the doctor said that is a good sign and likely want increase, so that's a positive.

Glad you are ok misery.. I'm so glad I found this thread to talk to ppl in the same position as me at the same time.. Hopefully we can help each other through this.
I've been ok today.. Not really thought much about it all as my tummy is hurting and I really don't want to 'dwell' on it all!! Sounds horrid when i put it like that, almost like I don't care but the less I think about it i'm hoping I can move forward.
Hardest bit was walking out of hospital yesterday... Felt like i had forgotten sumthing!!

Such a sad and hard time for you. I had a mmc at 12 weeks- will never forget the lack of heart beat on the scan. It was horrific. The pregnancy had failed at about 9 weeks. I just wanted to get out of there so took a leaflet about the different options and left (with my in shock lovely dh). I started to miscarry a few days later while still thinking of what to do- and it was painful which I hadn't expected - already had Dd1 - it felt like start of labour pains. I didn't miscarry fully so had to have some of the 'products'removed back at the hospital. I then bled heavily for weeks- sorry to write all this down but I had no idea at the time and didn't know about mums net! I think knowing as much as possible about the different options is really important. Really hope you can rest and take care of yourself as much as possible. X

Hi Misery, I'm glad it went okay for you at hospital, I find that my feelings are very up and down still, look after yourself and just go with how your feeling and there are people here if you need anything, I really find writing on here helpful as it gets it out of my head so write away if you need too x
Jazzy and Noggie sorry to hear about your losses :( xxx

This thread really helped me prepare for today, so I hope anyone who needs advice in the future can take some comfort from us posting our experiences and go in feeling a bit more prepared or informed of what the options can be like.