Mmc what now? Can you please share your experience?

[TeaRex]

Hello, I had my 12 week scan on Thursday and it seems my baby died at 9 weeks so a mmc. I'm absolutely devastated, shocked and overwhelmed by everything I'm feeling at the moment. I've been told I have to wait until next Thursday the 16th for a follow up scan for confirmation I assume and then my options will be discussed.

My heart's breaking but I'm also filled with a sense of utter dread over the choice I'll have to make next week, I understand it will be wait it out for nature to work, take some tablets or have a d&c/erpc? The Mother nature/pills options scare me as I'm not sure I'm mentally strong enough at the moment to handle the physical and mental pain of a miscarriage. The erpc option also scares me though as I had a retained placenta after my dd's birth and I'm worried having this op again will increase my chances of Asherman's syndrome :( my heads going round and round and it's making everything so much worse as I feel like I'm unable to start grieving properly for my baby :(

I realise that the hurt I feel can only ease with time but if I can ask you all for your experiences with the direction you took with your mmc, and if in retrospect you were happy with your decision? The only person I know in real life who's experienced this is my mother who had many many miscarriages before having my sister, but this was back in the 70's so I wanted to hear from others who have gone through this. Also anyone reading who's trying to make the same decision right now? Sorry for all your losses, :( I have had a read through some threads and there's so much sadness but also so much strength which is a real inspiration and comfort to me right now, thank you for reading xxxx

Hows everyone feeling today?
I've been up and down today, emotionally drained and feeling ill aswell.. Putting this down to hormone change and tummy pain.

Been quite busy today so only had one crying outburst, feeling just a bit meh really :( been bleeding a bit more but still quite light overall, hoping it tails off soon really, the reminder everytime I go to the loo is horrible, anyone else finding that?

Tea I can't believe how little bleeding I have had. It's literally a few drops when I go to the loo. I was expecting a period like scenario.

Feeling numb today. Had to go to doctor for strong pain killers this morning so they are numbing the emotional pain aswell as the physical.

Dunno about you guys, but I look like a zombie. Have huge black circles under my eyes and am really pale.

That's good the bleedings not bad, I was expecting a lot more too. I look okay now but on Tuesday I did say to my husband I thought I looked like Uncle Fester in a wig. Not good. But was looking a lot better by Wednesday evening, I've been taking iron tablets though, not sure if its made any difference really but figured it couldn't hurt.

I think I might go get some iron tablets tomorrow too.

How are your pain levels Tea? Hoping the pain eases soon.

Actually the pains okay now, I just kept topping up the paracetamol Tuesday and Wednesday and then yesterday only needed to take some at lunchtime. I've had a few twinges today but more discomfort than pain, hopefully your pain will ease soon x

Orr tea thats how I feel everytime i go to the loo its like a kick in the teeth everytime i look down.

My pain was horrendous this morning and i look like a zombie, my skin is pale and with the hormone change my hair is falling out.

Was bleeding quiet heavily (not sure if any of you have had children already so sorry if you havnt but the bleeding was just lie after giving birth)

At lunch time i was feeling really sick aswell and went to the loo.. Sat down and passed a massive clot. It was like an instant relief from the pain and the sickness subsided straight away.

Very strange, the bleeding has settled aswell, my body must of just knew they was sumthing left.

Have any of you got to got back in for re scans/check-ups? I'm back in on wednesday and am dreading the scan.. Seeing my empty womb and also got to do a pregnancy test.. Its just gona be difficult seeing the negative (sorry to ramble, just nice being able to talk openly as none if my friends have had MC) x

jazzy hopefully that clot was the last of it then since you had such relief afterwards. Please ramble away. I think this is the one place where you are guaranteed support, from people who have been there and aren't struggling with what to say to you. Not that I blame real life people for not knowing what to say, I understand how hard it is!

I've stopped wearing pads as my bleeding has stopped. I have a little when I go to the loo but have noticed this morning it has turned to a brownish colour, so old blood, meaning I am hopefully not going to bleed again.
Pain was fine until I got out of bed, but I have my painkillers for that, so not too fussed.

Had a horrendous cry in bed once my DH went to work. It's the first time I've been alone since finding out/having the op and I think I just needed to scream and cry and wail. Neighbours probably thought I was being murdered but I don't care. I feel better for it and will try to have a wee cry when I feel like it, as I do feel it helps.

No follow up appointment required here since I had the surgical and they know that everything is gone there and then. I am glad. I don't want to have see them again.

Probably makes me sound crazy, but I was hoping to focus on the physical pain for longer to try and delay the emotional pain shining through, but the physical side has been so easy that I have no choice to face the emotional. I know it is for the best and putting off dealing with it is unhealthy, but I have never felt this empty/heartbroken/destroyed feeling before and it is literally a million times worse than any physical pain I've had.

Or misery its hard isnt it, i've had afew moments over the past few days, went to bed before dh last night and had a cry. Just feeling so empty aswell.
Was thinking about when the best time to start trying again was and decided that around the time i was due in august would b best, give myself time to get cycles back on track and then can go away, enjoy my 30th, dd 2nd birthday, the focus on babies again.
But then i keep thinking that i'm 'cheating' on this baby, like i didnt want it thinking about the next one.!!! My brain is going mad!

I have been thinking about that stuff too and feel the same. Baby hardly been gone long and here I am planning the next one. But it's not like we're forgetting them. As hard as it is, they are gone, there's nothing we can do to fix it, so we need to focus on fixing ourselves and if that means planning to try again then so be it.

I think I want to try again soon, as soon as my cycle is sorted. I am starting to think of things I want to do as my lost baby was unplanned and I am very over weight currently. Would like to try and get healthier before falling again, but would like to be ttc as soon as possible... Will have to discuss wih DH as I think he'd prefer to wait for financial reasons, but I just don't know if I can wait...

Hope this makes sense, at least a little.

I understand completely, i've also decided to focus on loosing weight. My sister is getting married in Nov which is why i cant start trying straight away as i dont want to b a hugely preggers bridesmaid (i'd of had an 8 week old if this baby had been born)
So plan is to get fit.. I'm a 14/16 so b nice to loose abit and also to b healthier for when i do try again. A friend is doing juiceplus and has lost a stone since xmas so mite try that.
I'm glad others r having the same thoughts as me. Really helping x x

Nice to have a wedding to look forward to jazzy My own wedding is in 5 weeks and if we hadn't paid for it already I'd have postponed.

I was thinking of trying some juicing and smoothie making stuff, as it's such an easy way to get fruit and veg intake, and tasty too.

It is so good to hear other people feel the same, makes me feel so much less alone. x

Ohh misery that must b hard for you, but thinking positive could you maybe get a honeymoon baby?
Try and focus on your wedding, it will b a fantastic day. Ru having a big wedding or sumthing smaller. I've been married 5 yrs in July. X

Wedding was initially only for us and our 30 guests, but now we've cut it to family and best friends, there are 15 people. I just hated the idea of all these looks of sympathy from everyone and people asking me how I am. It's just too soon.

I am trying to look forward to it as I don't want to look back on it in years to come and regret not enjoying it.

Just trying to cling to anything positive at the moment to focus on, so will try and make it a lovely day despite it happening so soon to this heartbreak.

I can imagine it will b hard but having such an intimate day will b lovely. I just ordered a bracelet to remember my baby from ebay. I'll let u know how it looks when it arrives, the lady was really helpful and u can personalise with charms and birthstone beads. I've asked for january and august colours.
I just wanted sumthin to keep with me, i'm not a tattoo person so thats not an option.
Its got forget me knot beads aswell. Could u add sum of these flowers to ur wedding flowers as a way or including ur little one?

The bracelet sounds lovely Jazzy what a nice tribute.

My parents came round this afternoon and gave me a beautiful necklace.

This is it

It's the perfect little thing to remember my baby by. A tiny heart within a larger heart. It will act as a reminder of my lost love, not that I am likely to forget.

Thanks for the idea of adding flowers, that's a beautiful idea! My mind has honestly been so lost lately that I haven't been able to think of anything I'd like to include as a nice tribute. x

Orr that is so lovely, very subtle and u can wear it on your wedding day, i'll try and link this bracelet in a minute.

Are u going on a honeymoon?

bit.ly/1hwL5F5

See if this link works x

No honeymoon planned, but I was thinking of taking a look at sites like Groupon/ Livingsocial etc and maybe finding a little 2 day break. We have a little diabetic cat so it's not easy to go away, as he requires daily injections etc, but we could possibly manage a weekend if he's doing well. Might be nice to get away from the flat and life, for a day or so!

Oh jazzy it's beautiful. Again really subtle and lovely keepsake. x

Oh, lots of chat, that's good there's a bit of positivity on this thread. Misery that sound very promising with the brown blood, should mean it's all coming to and end physically, and I always have a good cry at bedtime. Just being alone and in the quiet I think, but it does make me feel better.

Those are some lovely ways to remember your babies as well Jazzy and Misery, I was hoping to get a necklace with this baby and my daughters name on when the baby was born but I think I will still do this when my family's complete and included the baby we just lost on it. I think having the small physical thing to remember them by is lovely.

I also need to loose weight but have decided that tonight I pig out, I have chocolate, pizza and alcohol, I'm not a massive drinker but I really need to get drunk, my husbands looking after our daughter and I've got a night off. A last blow out, I've got an exercise DVD that I brought 6 months ago and haven't started so tomorrow is the day, I need to feel in control of something and I feel like getting myself in better shape is a positive thing to do as I too want to ttc as soon as I can.

Misery, I really hope your wedding day is lovely, it's a day of celebration and I completely understand your sadness at loosing your baby but maybe you can also celebrate their short life on your wedding day too? Sorry if that's seems like a crass thing to say, but your baby can be honoured on your day maybe? Like jazzy said, small things like the flowers are lovely x

Yeah it would b nice if you could get away, is there not sum1 who would look after ur cat for a long weekend?

How ru feeling today? I've been ok generally. Trying to think about the positives x

Tea i've always wanted sum of those finger print jewellery sets.. I won my hubby sum cufflinks on a fb page last year and had my ds and dd finger prints added. I've decided when the time comes that I know my family is complete i'm gona get a necklace with all my kids individual charms and get a special one with a star on it.. I like to think my baby is a little star in the sky rather than an angel... Seems to me a lot of stillborns etc r called angels but i hav a star. X
The fb page is called forget me nots hand and foot castings

Tea not crass at all, just something I hadn't even considered. Such a lovely idea, will have to give it some thought as I'd really love to do something.

Sounds like a good night Tea. I'd love to have a drink but I am scared I might end up feeling worse for it. I have been pigging out before today too. Now trying to behave and shift some weight in the hopes of a healthier me by the time we start ttc.

I am worried how I'll feel tomorrow but figure I can just deal with it tomorrow.

My sister's got a finger print necklace of her sons Jazzy it's really beautiful. I also forgot up say that I've not got a follow up appointment either, which does worry me a bit :( I don't when to do a pregnancy test either, really font want to but know I should do really to check all is okay. Is it two weeks after the bleeding a stopped? For some reason I bled a fair but last night, seems to be worse for me at night which seems odd, would have thought it would be worse durning the day when I'm moving around.

Feeling a bit pants today, hence the booze, just really struggling today, just a bad one I guess. Hopefully it means tomorrow will be better. And yes, concentrating on the positives is a very good thing, I have healthy happy gerunds and family and really am do lucky in many ways, just keep reminding myself that there are people worse off than me and while that doesn't lessen my grief it does highlight the good things in my life.

misery last minute honeymoon could be a good idea, you can get some really good deals on hotels or a little cottage somewhere for a weekend xxx