Lost my baby at 35 weeks. So sad

[amyboo]

The title says it all really. At my routinegynaecologist's appointment today I found out my baby boy (DS2) has died. No idea what has caused it yet. I'm going in on Saturday morning to deliver him, as joy of joys we're moving house tomorrow. DH and I are devastated. I just don't know how to even begin to get past this. 35 weeks of pregnancy with no problems and now this.

I don't know what I'm looking for really... Support I guess. Maybe someone who can tell me they've been through it and come out the other side. Just feeling so lost and sad.

Thinking of you amy. I wish I could do something for you. Please, please don't be afraid to ask. I can also put you in touch with another lovely mum living near to you who lost her first DD late in the pregnancy, maybe you can share your feelings together.
Take good care of yourself my lovely. You've got a tough day coming up and a hard time managing DS' reactions to everything but you are indeed strong, and you have friends who love you dearly and who will be there for you. I promise xx

I' e finally dug out the strength to write on here again about what has happened. After finding out last Wednesday (16 April) that my beautiful DS2 hhad died at just over 35 weeks, we went on to move house on 17 & 18 April. The joy we should have felt about moving to the house of our dreams - our family home - was overshadowed by enormous grief, tears and sadness.

I went into hospital on Saturday 21 April to be induced. Ironically, this was my first delivery as DS2 was ELCS due to breech position. I gave birth to our gorgeous second son on Sunday 22 April at around 4am. We decided to call him Thomas Ian (2nd name after my Dad who died of cancer last year). He was so perfect and looked just like his big brother.

Thomas Ian was laid to rest at a private cremation on Friday 27 April, with just me and DH there. We've brought his ashes home with us and hope to plant something in our new garden to remember him by. I still can't believe he's gone. I know I'm lucky to have my wonderful 2 year old DS1, but we'd planned our family life in this house for the four of us, and there just seems to be this enormous hole that Thomas has left.

I'm planning to take my full 20 weeks maternity leave I think, bcause I really can't face going back to work with everyone knowing what happened. I guess a part of me also hopes I might be pregnant again before I have to go back in September. Thomas will never be replaced and will never be forgotten, but I don't think I'll be able to move on until I know I can get pregnant again.

Praying that the sadness fades with time, as I feel close to tears constantly. Poor Thomas deserved better tahn to die on the day he was born.

Oh amyboo. I have been thinking of you this week. I am so so sorry.
Thomas is my absolute favourite boys name, it's a perfect name for a perfect boy.
Taking your full maternity leave sounds like a good idea, you shouldn't have to face anyone you don't have to. I do hope you are being well looked after. It is a dreadful thing that has happened.
Thinking of you. X

so sorry amyboo x thinking of you

Oh Amyboo Thomas Ian is a lovely name for your little boy. Did you get to spend some time with him?

Wrt to returning to work Erin was born end of August and i initially agreed to go back in January so after 4 months. As it turned out I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again just 3 days before I was due back so I took another month to get my head around that and went back in February instead so had 5 months in total. I did feel ready by then and have now been back 3 months. See how you feel, don't put too much pressure or expectation on yourself. Don't commit to anything, take it a day at a time.

Be kind and gentle to yourself xxxx

Please contact any of us Belgian mumsnetters if there is anything we can do amyboo. Please don't hesitate. (((hug))) xxx

I just wanted to say I am so sorry for your loss Amyboo, I can't imagine your grief, but I hope you find strength in your DS1 and DH.

So sorry for your loss ...
May your little angel rest in peace x

i lost both my first 2 babies one full term and one at 33 weeks, the first one i was very young 17 and the second at 25, no one can prepare you for this kind of loss or unless there is a medical reason as to why this happens and it devastates you, you spend all your time wondering why asking yourself what you did wrong, it can be soul destroying, i have had 3 more babies since, all fit and healthy but i have to admit i was scared each time, my brain hurt from all the what ifs, so i honestly did not enjoy any of my pregnancies but i enjoy my 3 wonderful children xx take care and be kind to yourself xxx

Thanks everyone for the supportive messages and thoughts. We're doing OK. Taking each day at a time and trying to find comfort in our DS1. I'm beginning to not even look like I was ever pregnant, let alone 35 weeks pregnant. I guess that's both a good thing and a bad thing. Makes me almost think the whole thing has been a terrible dream. DH goes back to work next week - part of me is dreading being alone, part of me is jealous of him getting to do something else other than just sit around and miss Thomas, and part of me is looking forward to re-starting "real" life again. I just wish I wasn't facing 20 weeks alone - my little boy Thomas should have been here to share it with me. I had such great plans for the two of us and now none of them will ever get to happen. I wonder if I'll ever stop missing him?

Oh Amyboo this is just so sad. I have no personal experience of this but my sister did go through this with her little girl who died 1 day after being born. That was 13 years ago and they did learn to live with their loss but it never really goes away. She said you just cope with the feelings. She finds it tough at certain times even now, 3 children later, and especially at birthdays. So don't rush anything, keep talking to people and be really gentle on yourself.