Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

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Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

oh god nice that is awful. poor you. i can't even begin to think how horrible that is. I only had 2 weeks off work but to be fair i wanted to just get on with life. are you going to have some counselling.

What about IUI? do you need tubes for that? (maybe it's too early to think about it).

Did you get scanned early this time? I guess methodextrate wasn't possible though.

Awful, i feel for you. Hope the DC you have can bring you some comfort?

Hi tired and iLove. Thanks for replying. I don't know anything about IUI to be honest. Also at my age (40) any kind of artificial insemination has about a 10 percent success rate, a tiny chance for a lot of money. Been poked and probed and prodded so much in the last three years what with 2 ectopics and 2 miscarriages and a LLETZ (routine operation to remove part of cervix due to a decade of dodgy smear test results!) that if I never see a EPAU or Gynae unit again it'll been too soon!
Reading this I sound a right whinger and I am really not. I just don't feel like talking to any of my friends and loved ones face to face in great detail about it. Writing it is so much easier.
I feel really guilty about being off work (despite it being half term - I'm a teacher) but I am signed off for another week and can have more if I want. Because I am physically a lot better aside from weight loss and anaemia I feel a bit of a fraud. Ive had so much time off due to mc and ectopic. I also feel like I cannot go out if I am signed off although being cooped up cant be good can it?
Anyway thanks for your support it really means a lot. Xx

And yes iloveberries my DC is a total joy. 4 years old. Terrified about something bad happening to her though. Couldn't sleep last night for worrying about it. Aaarrrgghh!

YOU ARE NOT WHINGING!!!

You have been through more trauma and loss than any one person should have to go through in a lifetime. I hear my friends whinge all the time about stuff and it gets me as they all get pregnant very easily and have all produced perfect babies with no problem. People don't understand unless they've been through it.

Don't feel guilty about being off work either - you need this time off to cope and come to terms with things emotionally, plus heal physically. You can of course go out when you're signed off, though i know why you would feel weird about it. Do you live near the school? I guess you'd be better going out in the week when the kids are at school so you don't see them? But of course get out.

I hope you don't think i am being nosey but i don't really understand how it got to the point of them taking the 2nd tube. I had always thought that if it happened to any woman a 2nd time they would catch it early and get methodextrate so you were never left without your tubes?

Thank god for your DC you already have.

I also understand what you say about being poked and prodded. It's such a lot for someone to go through and maybe when you're ready it will feel easier to move on knowing that you will have a fantastic life with your DP and DC with all the many benefits of having one DC.

Keep talking to us!

Hi iLove. The reason they took the tube was because it had ruptured and was so damaged they couldn't save it. I didn't even no I was pg until it had already begun to rupture. Had v bad pains and bleeding Sunday before last. Went to work where the pain continued and bought a pg test on way home which I knew wd be positive. I knew the signs and symptoms were really not good but I was in denial and thought it can't be true until I've had a BFP. Went to a and e next morning and we were fast tracked. Had an internal scan for 45 mins (!) they could see fluid in my abdomen but nothing much else. hcg levels were1700 so they knew something was somewhere. Had another long scan late that night which was still inconclusive. Went in with a camera and found the damage in the tube so that's why they couldn't save it. It had been leaking for sometime. I had 2 days off week before with bad contraction like pain around my diaphragm. I thought it was a bug but it was actually leaking blood causing the discomfort!

god you poor thing. how traumatic for you.
hope your DP is being understanding and looking after you.
tough thing for you to go through once but twice must be unbearable x

Nice - can I echo what has already been said!
You have been through so much and I can't imagine how you are coping with the thought of both tubes now gone!!!!
Please go onto the ectopic website ( you must of heard of it) great advice and wonderful feel good stories of people with success after tube removals and operations etc!!!
Be kind to yourself!!! I have been off work for over a month! Getting over the physically and now emotional rollercoster of going back and facing people and 2 newly pregnant women! I spoke to my gp and asked to extend my sick cert! I work in a busy office and don't want to return until I completely up to going my job 100% I don't feel guilty at all why shouldn't I have the time needed to recover the loss of my unborn child!
Only you know the time needed off so do what's right for you!
I also have been out! I don't care if anyone from works see me, I'm sick not in prison!!!!!!! Sicknote is for saying your not well enough to do a job not you can't carry a bag with milk and cornflakes in it!!!!
Hope your getting RL support from your family and loads of hugs from your child!!!! Load of chocolate and maybe a movie or 2!

hi all, and hi to nice, so sorry you've been through it all again. I wouldn't feel guilty AT ALL about being off work. Being a teacher, you need to walk through that door at 8.30am ish and be totally on the ball from that moment on. You can't pop off to the loo for a quick weep if you feel a bit wobbly. DO NOT go back until you feel you're up to it. Only you can say when that is. I would definitely leave the house, it's part of getting better and building up your confidence again. You've been through an awful lot, I really sympathise.

I understand about feeling guilty about having loads of time off work, I've had a lot of time this year off, I had a MMC in November, as well as the ectopic in Feb. The MMC was a horrific shock, just going for a routine scan with no signs at all that anything was wrong and I was totally broken for 2 weeks, then took another week off just to start getting out of the house. But pregnancy related time off work doesn't really "count", as in I don't think you even have to declare it when you apply for new jobs (don't quote me on that though). I hope your Head is sympathetic, you've really been through it.

I've had a shocking day, just crying all the time. Told DD it was hayfever, it's all so undignified. I just slide into it sometimes, I felt bad just after I woke up when DH left a glass of water by the side of the bed and DD knocked it over. This sounds very insignificant, I realise, but please take into account, this has happened about once a week for the last 2 years and I have repeatedly nagged asked DH to put the glass where she can't knock it over. And Breathe. Then I arranged some counselling but my childcare fell through, so now I'm left....well surrounded by tissues and DD watching DVDs. How in god's name does anyone get to see a counsellor, childcare is such a nightmare! I'm either at work or with DD. I know I'm lucky to have her.

OK rant over. Sorry for that, just needed to get it out. Think PMT is taking me over

Tired, count, start and berries, hope you're feeling ok. Joby when's the 12 wk scan?

Ohhhhh tas I'm sorry it does suck doesn't it!
I guess taking dd is not a option????
My DH does it with half drunk cups of tea and also chewing gum which my ds happily goes and gets!!!!!! He took the cup downstairs then spilled it on my wooden floors sticky everywhere including the walls!!!!
BLAHHHH I guess I could blow my top but I know it would be my eractic hormonal rage and not the fact that I've told him a thousand times!!!

Nice you shouldn't worry about time off work. Although I feel very hypocritical saying that, I've had 6 wks off after EP then 2 wks after MC. I didn't dare have anymore time off after 2nd MC, I went to work and told them I was emotionally fragile so please be gentle.

My work has a strict sickness policy, I've got a wellbeing interview next week. If (please not!) it happens again I'll take time off with a clear conscience 'cos I definately wasn't functioning at all well after the 2nd MC. I'm a nurse so really need to be emotionally strong at work but have been really struggling and not coping with stress.

I imagine being a teacher is just ass stressfull so for your own sake please don't rush back.

Tas I hope you manage to get to your counselling soon

Sorry last post should read "just as stressful." That's what 2 glasses of does! :)

thanks count and tired, I'm feeling much better today. I had a melt down last night and DH was lovely, we talked a lot and I've done some exercise this morning so the world isn't so awful now. God knows what I'll do about the counselling, just find someone who can see me in the evenings, I suppose.

I know what you mean about not coping with stress. Funnily enough I'm not too bad at work, but at the moment, I have limited stress there. But at home, there are times when I can't really cope with knocking a cup over, the stress is just bubbling away under the surface.

I'm starting to think it's all too much stress TTC again, if I was in my twenties or early thirties I think I'd just take 6 months off, but I don't really feel I've got a lot of time left. I was so desperate for another baby after the MMC, the counsellor asked me "why?" and when I examined it, I realised that actually the world won't fall down if DD is an only child. It did help. But I still want another baby!

nice see what start said upthread if you are tempted to go back to work too soon. Hope you are ok today.

Thanks for all your kind comments. Am def not gonna feel guilty taking the time I need. I actually really like my job but it is hard to teach if you're not 100 percent and people make no exceptions for you being Ill. We tend to kick off the day at 7.45 so it's an early start as well. Two women in my dept are pregnant too and I am delighted for them but it doesn't make it any easier. Countmyblessings is your GP sympathetic about you extending your sick leave? My GP is lovely and I am seeing him wed. My initial two weeks is up then so in theory should be back at work next thurs but am gonna extend. Someone was saying (can't find the post now) about pregnancy/mc related absence as not counting as sickleave. You're right - it doesn't and you don't have to declare it if you apply for another job.
I am unbelievably tired, feel I could just sleeeeeeep all the time. Am up and about though, putting make up on etc.
It's amazing what kids pick up. We've been careful but my 4 yo keeps telling me how worried she is about having a baby.... I've reassured her and told her my poorly tummy has nothing to do with babies etc. they just know though don't they...
My best friend at the moment is red wine. I've been saying to dh it's full of iron. It is isnt it??? Makes me feel a hell of a lot better! A couple of glasses is ok Isnt it - it's hardly the same as developing a crack habit!
Glad you're feeling a bit better Tasmanian.
This post is very mememe. I will try to be less so in my next one - still getting it all off my chest I think
Xx

oh nice you're so allowed to be mememe! Red wine is great, my tipple is gin in terrible times. Very hydrating

Hi tired, nice and Tas - hope you are all well!
Wonderful you got to clear the air with DH and your feeling better! Up and on!!!!
Yeh to non guilty time off! It's not like your just off it's been a rough tough road!!!! And however you get through as long as you do!
Well I'm tea total as never liked alchol so don't have that as a guilty pleasure but the odd chocolate is worse! But I've decided to go the opposite way and go killer fit!!!! So want to not look pregnant anymore!!!
Here's to the new me!!!!! Cheers everyone!!!

hey ladies - Glad to hear people are healing and dealing.

i am freaking out here.... been experiencing terrible dizziness today and actually had to pull the car over as thought i was going to pass out. now seem to be able to feel twinges on my left side and am petrified it's another ectopic. I am only 7 days post ov though so SURELY even if it was an ectopic i wouldn't be able to feel anything yet???

I don't know what to do. think GP would laugh at me wouldn't they? Or at least tell me to wait till AF ius due and do a test if it doesn't come? I think the earliest they can scan you is 5 weeks anyway. It's probably just cause it was a hot day today but i am scared......

Hi berries if you're only 7 days post ov and if you are PG it'll probably be too small to be a problem, you could do a PG test at 28 days to put your mind at rest. How are you feeling now?

I'm having a shite day. Horrid day at work, really busy, very little support, finished late, cried most of the 30 mile journey home, got home and DS still awake, asked why he was still awake, DH got grumpy and put him to bed and I cried more. AF started today, 4 days early and everywhere I look I'm surrounded by heavily PG women moaning about how fat/uncomfortable/fed up of being PG they are :(

Ohhh ilove your head must be all the place, try not to think the worse case! Think positive and give us all hope too!
Today has been a good day was not consumed with my own thoughts I have been putting certain plans in place for the new me!

i was being really positive - i still am really but the dizzy spell and pains have freaked me out. I need to go to the docs anyway to arrange some counselling so think i will mention it.

count so tell us then - what are your plans??!

tired so sorry your day was awful! are you back at work today?

Nice
Read your post - and had to reply. I have had two ectopic pregnancies - one last year, and one a couple of months ago, and I've lost both tubes too. I am also a teacher, and was really worried about how much time I should have off. I also have a four year old - wow! All the similarities.

In the end, after my second ectopic I had about five weeks off. I was given three weeks, and then I went to the GP and told him I still has some pain but other than that felt ok, but he was brilliant and basically said that I had to have another two weeks off as I had been through so much. I felt soooo guilty about leaving my classes again (and I'd missed about three weeks last year too) but I am so glad I took all the time he gave me. When you are going back to crowds of children you need to be physically strong (and mentally strong too) and all I can say is I think any GP would understand that. Take as much time as you can.

As for long term recovery, I was fine for the first few months. I felt relief more than anything and just wanted some time where I didn't have to go through the stress of all that again and enjoy being with my four year old. But now four months later I feel like the grief is starting to kick in. One of my best friends has just given birth and it's hit me like a tonne of bricks...Coupled with the fact that my little one is due to start school in September I can't quite believe that I won't now get that time again, and all the baby stuff I'd saved won't be now used. I keep thinking about IVF, but firstly I don't think I could go through anymore pregnancy related stress (I certainly can't see how I could try to enjoy it even if I did manage to get pregnant) and also I don't want to waste anymore time I have with my DC by worrying and stressing out over another baby that might not ever happen. I also worry about something bad happening to my Dc, but I don't think you'll ever stop worryng no matter how many children you have.

Just to say (to try and lighten this up a little) that on most days I do feel blessed that I got through something really bad, and that I have so much to be grateful for, but today I'm having a wobble x

LVJ thank you so much. Your post made me cry for the first time since my op 12 days ago. Especially the baby clothes stuff. I sorted all mine out the other day. Nice stuff for eBay other stuff for the jumble. Need to do the same for the potty, the high chair, baby toys etc. all this stuff I saved hoping it would be used again. But it won't be - not by me anyway. Everyone on this thread is so lovely but goodness it's so good to hear from someone who is in the exact same boat plus some amazing similarities! All the ectopic stuff I have been reading about on the net is all about preparing for your next pregnancy, conceiving with one tube but almost nothing is out there for women who have lost both tubes to EP. Like I said to my hubby i guess there are so few of us you could fit us in one room.... I feel so sad. I saw my MIL earlier and she was going on about how much better i look, was I returning to work next mon and I had to remind her I've lost 4 babies in 2 and a half years, both my tubes and I nearly died with my first rupture. It's a lot. I am very nervous about work. Even taking my daughter to preschool today nearly had me in tears. Then in the supermarket i saw a mummy friend I hadn't seen for a while who was asking me if I had enjoyed the jubilee (!) and so I told her what had happened and it was really awkward because she didn't know what to say. Not her fault I know. All I want people to say is that what has happened is totally sh- t. I do not want people saying these things are meant to be......yes, someone has said that. No i didn't punch them.
Anyway i am rambling. Thanks again and hope your day gets better xxx

oh god nice - why do people say the things are meant to be crap. it's ridiculous.

both your posts have me sobbing. to go through so much is just ridiculous and unfair and all i can say is thank god for your 4 year olds.... however much i know that is small consolation. thinking of you both and hoping you find some strength xxx

Thanks for your message iloveberries
Nice - thanks too for your lovely post back. I feel exactly the same - it had helped me so much today to know there is someone else out there who is in a similar situation to me. In fact, you've had it worse than me. I haven't had two miscarriages to deal with as well. It is such a sh*t situation and I still try to get my head around why it happened. I just don't understand! I know exactly what you mean about stuff about on internet ectopic preganancies - there isn't much for us who have lost our babies and our fertility at the same time. A nurse, after my second operation said 'you have to treat this like a miscarriage' and while I am not for a minute belittling anyone's experience of a miscarriage, knowing you don't have no real hope of another go is something quite different.

I've had the 'it was meant to be' comment quite often - even from the nurse in the recovery room! I have had some strange comments too such as someone saying that now I've lost both tubes at least I can't have another ectopic pregnancy !? My big problem is that I don't want people to pity me and tiptoe around me, but at the same time I can't quite cope as if everything is normal and that I'm fine hearing the ins and outs of other pregnancies and choosing baby names etc. I found going back to work quite daunting too, and was really nervous walking in, but luckily not much was said and only a few people knew so I didn't have to cope with explaining the situation to many people. Overall, going back to school did me good as it takes you away from your situation a bit which you can't quite do when you are mooching about at home.

I know what you mean too about the pre school bit - I've often had a few tears on the way home after drop off. And I was fine about the school thing until recently but I will be a mess come September. You are really brave about sorting out the baby stuff. I've left it all in the loft for now, and will try to sort it out when I feel I can do it.

Anyway - there's a lot more I could say, but most of all I wanted to say to you Nice that reading your reply has made my day better x

an ectopic is not like a miscarriage. I cannot believe a NURSE said that to you LVJ. I felt like i kind of had to expect a miscarriage in my babymaking years as they are so common. So it was hard when i had one but NOTHING like an ectopic.

all experiences of losing a baby are awful but an ectopic is a loss of fertility as well. It is even more ridiculous that she said that to you 2nd time around.

My EP was at 7 weeks. Someone told me "at least it happened early and you hadn't bonded with the baby". I bonded with the baby the minute i saw the 2nd line on the stick. i wanted to tell that but think i just "hhmmmed"

Dreadful day here today. DS decided he wanted to carry his dolly round everywhere this morning and seeing him kiss and cuddle and love the baby just made me sob. (My m/c pregnancy was due in may). Then DCousin texted to tell me her 20 week scan showed she was having a girl. Her due date is the same as mine would have been and i have been trying not to count "i would have been X weeks along" but the text made me realise i would have had my 20 week scan about now too.

Now this afternoon I am off to see friend who's just had her DD a couple of days ago. DS is napping and i cannot stop crying. no idea how i am going to hold it together at my friend's house.

Shit this is awful isn't it. I am trying to count my blessings really i am but it's hard. I know my blessing it i've only had to go through this once.

Thinking of you ladies - glad you've 'found' eachother x

Iloveberries hope you're feeling a little better. After my first EP I found my friends pregnancies incredibly difficult. Around the time of what would have been my due date we all went out for a meal. One had recently given birth, 3 were pregnant, then there was me and one other friend not pregnant.Anyway it was babythis, pregnancy that and I was really trying to hold it together but I couldn't. I put my money on the table, said I was sorry and ran home crying. Totally out of character, I am generally very controlled and unmelodramatic. My friends felt awful but I have to say they were incredibly insensitive.
LVJ I am sorry to say that I CAN believe the nurse told you to treat it like a miscarriage. After my second EP surgery one of the doctors congratulated me!!! On what? Being alive!? He seemed to come to his senses and bid a hasty retreat upon seeing my expression. Oh and my (actually very lovely female) surgeon immediately after my op whilst I was still in the recovery room told me I had lost the second tube and showed me some photos of the surgery! Gee thanks!!
Right have to go. The 4 year old has decided to take her knickers off !x