Ectopic pregnancy support thread

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hi everyone, this is a place for anyone who's had an ectopic pregnancy - whether you want to moan, cry, fret or just have a chat with other people who understand. I know there's lots of other good websites on ectopic pregnancies but after hijackingchatting with sunshine on another thread, I thought I'd start one here.

Well I'll get the ball rolling with my story - after a MMC in November (found out at the 12 wk scan that the baby had died at 10 wks) I was just getting myself sorted, having counselling, when I had the ectopic. I know I am lucky in that I have a lovely DD. Having had a normal pregnancy, I knew from the beginning this one was not good and as soon as I got a BFP I was down at the hospital.

After 10 days of mental torture, waiting around, scans, rescans, blood tests, it got too late for the methotrexate (they finally saw the ectopic in a scan on a Friday early evening and the methotrexate wasn't in stock )

I finally had the surgery to remove one tube on the Tuesday. This was the end of February, at first I wasn't sure how I would cope, but I am just plodding on. I know I am lucky that it didn't rupture, but honestly I can't think of having an ectopic as being lucky. Especially after a MMC .

Anyway, come join me if you want to share your story, I have , and

---------------------

Hi there - this thread is a little old. If you'd like to know more about ectopic pregnancies, we've got more information here. MNHQ

[iloveberries]

count how are you feeling?

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

Hello! Been enjoying the sun all weekend. Glad to hear your feeling sick joby I felt very sick with DD, it really kicked off around 10 wks. All good signs!

tired hope appt goes well. And so sorry about your friend

berries love that thought, I'm the boss of my tube! Have felt very out of control over the last 6 mths with the MMC and the EP, have kind of lost faith that I'm the boss of anything!

hiya count how's it going?

I feel a lot better now my period has come and gone, think that it will be easier TTC this cycle. I'm going to keep an eye on my temperatures and use the ovulation monitor so I'm not left worrying about my cycle.

[iloveberries]

Repeat after me tas - I am a one-tubed-wonderful-woman... okay, that is puketastic, i took it too far!!! It is horrible to feel out of control isn't it.

i am using the CBFM this month just to check i am ovving but then i'll stop using it.

So tas - it sounds like we're on the same cycle (boarding school style weirdness) i am on CD 9 today. BFP due 21st June or thereabouts. (I'm not giving AF a due date, she can fuck right off)

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

berries thanks for the laugh! I read it as "I'm a one tubed wonder!" Love the idea of telling AF to fuck off!

Yes I'm on cd6, and I often ovulate early, so we can be "cycle buddies" or whatever it is they call it.

Had some acupuncture today and I'm feeling more grounded, thank god. Now I'm coming out of the black cloud of the MMC and EP so close together, I'm starting to realise how much it has all affected my confidence.

[iloveberries]

tas - you are a one tubed wonder!! COME ON Tube - do your thang!!!

Acupuncture sounds good. I was having reflexology when TTC last time but my reflexologist moved house! Stupid question but does it hurt at all?

How are you finding the TTC this month? Stressful or fun?

Tired - how was your appointment?

Well we are on day 12 here - i usually ov on day 17 i think so we had SWI last night, more for the S than the I BUT it was the first time since we were TTC before the EP that we have had sex close to the fertile time and when we were, ahem, in the moment i was overcome by this "oh my god what if i get another baby stuck in the other tube??" It was dark so DH wouldn't have seen the fear in my face. i managed to carry on regardless but it shows me that despite all my outward positivity i am still shit scared about what might be. Still, i am definitely going to carry on TTC as i will not be beaten by fear.

I am trying not to think too much about TTC and focus on other areas of my life as i don't want it to overtake everything. Easier said than done though isn't it!

[Countmyblessings]

Hi tas & tired - how are you doing?
Ilove- trust me I know that fear, it's actually quite weird that for month we have been wanting to get pregnant and now a month after my ep/op still no AF and worried that now I could get pregnant without the 2 cycle wait!
That's nuts what is the odds of it happening so soon anyway!
Amazing what Fear does to you and your confidence in your own body!
I was in the hairdressers the other day and the lady beside me overheard my HD asking how I am and she shared her twin baby joy 5 months after her tube was removed!!!!!!!!!
Hope is a good feeling!

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

hi all, yes berries need to start having stern words with my tube. It needs to STEP UP! My ovulation monitor started whistling and flashing this am, (day 9 - which is usual for one of my short cycles that follows a long cycle) so DH is in for a good time tonight.

I don't feel stressed this month, thank god. It was a bit too much last time. I know that sudden fear 'in the moment'. Not much fun. I think you have to make a decision, do I want another baby or not? If I do, then there are certain barriers to overcome - mental, emotional and physical.

I don't find acupuncture painful, but occasionally the needles sting a bit as they go in, particularly in sensitive spots like feet. If something is very out of balance, then it can sting a lot more and then I think hurt a bit during the session, but that hasn't really happened to me yet and I've been going on and off for about 6 years.

count I love that story from your hairdressers. Things like that keep me going!

It's the due date for my MMC this weekend. Everyone is sodding celebrating for the Jubilee. Not Feeling It. At All. Just want to go somewhere quiet, but sods law, we'll arrive in some country village and the whole place will be alive and kicking with bunting etc etc. I'll be glad when it's over.

[startlife]

Ladies, stumbled on this thread as I'm going through counselling and realise that I have not fully recovered emotionally from the ep despite it being 5 years ago. It was an awful, awful time as I had to have multiple operations and then eventually a ruptured tube. I suspect that the whole process led to PTSD. My advice to anyone is to not rush the healing process emotionally, even if physically you recover well. Seek support if you need it.

Just to give a positive - I did however have my ds a little while after and everything was against me odds wise - my age, dh's low fertility, one tube, previous mmc's.

Don't give up hope

[Countmyblessings]

Start life - thanks for your input! I had my 1st ep in 2006 and that was hard I never had op, and never got pregnant again till 2009. If you
Don't mind how soon after did you get pregnant?
Tas - yes it was a wonderful " life after tube removal" and coming from a complete stranger who heard me talking was really nice, she didn't have to share.
I love this thread and I love the fact that people understand what we are dealing with!

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

startlife sorry to hear you had such a tough time, it sounds horrendous so glad you have a happy ending with your DS, it does give me hope, thanks .

I had a MMC last year, I often think I'll never have another successful pregnancy . We're so lucky to have DD but I would so love another one. Starting to wonder if it's all worth it, I should just count my blessings and have an easier life. It's the due date for the MMC this weekend, we went to a bird watching reserve and I picked some ordinary flowers and made a posy and threw it in the river to say goodbye. . DD whinged and moaned while I tried to hide the fact I was crying! It wasn't very atmospheric!

Even though the MMC totally knocked me, (turning up blissfully unaware for the 12 wk scan nearly broke me with shock) the ectopic in a way was much worse. The two of them within 3 mths was a bit too much. I feel defined much more by the ectopic now. I don't go on the mc threads so much. Thanks for being here ladies!

[Countmyblessings]

Big huge hug to you Tas!

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

thanks count

[tiredandiwanttogotobed]

I would have been due to start my mat-leave for the EP next week, instead I'm having appointments with the miscarriage-doctor :(

On a brighter note, the consultant was quite positive; she said she suspects there's no reason for the miscarriages, only pure bad luck made more likely by my age. Me and DH have still had genetic testing to make sure this isn't the cause but the Consultant thought this is unlikely 'cos we've got 1 healthy DS.

I've come to a bit of a decision. If I'm not pregnant by mid-August I'll stop TTC :(. It'd be a year of trying and a year of big emotional ups and downs. I'm really starting to want to put the whole period behind me and move on with my life. I've booked an evening course at the local college so I'll concentrate on that instead.

It's lovely to hear positive, success stories like Joby, the lady in the hairdressers from Count and Startlife but I'm beginning to feel that it won't be me and can't spend my whole life wishing for what will not happen. The heartache will send me mad it I do; I've got a beautiful DS and wonderful DH so need to put them first not TTC.

I'm getting a bit fed up feeling "it's so unfair" whenever I see a PG lady or new baby. I think if I make the decision to stop TTC, then it's my choice not "pure bad luck" so I think I'll begin to feel a bit less when I see this.

Hope everything's going well for you Tas?

[tasmaniandevilchaser]

tired that makes a lot of sense to me, I go between feeling like you and then wanting to just keep going for another year or two. Glad that your consultant was positive, fx that good things will happen soon.

It's been a difficult weekend, we bought an orchid to remember the MMC baby, it's beautiful, white flowers in a nice white pot. I also bought myself some flowers. DH didn't realise I'd want any

[iloveberries]

oh tas - sorry you're feeling down about the MMC. It is very very sad. When people bought me flowers after my EP it actually made me really sad as i felt that flowers were what you got when you had a baby, not when you lost one. Maybe your DH had that in his mind? I know i don't like anything that reminds me of the EP.

I just feel I want to forget it. When it creeps into my mind that i would be 4 months now i just push it out and think "It didn't work out, move on". It's almost too painful to deal with it but then reading startlife's post makes me think maybe i should....

tired appointment stuff sounds good. I understand why you're saying what you'e saying... but a year isn't that long - though i know you've been through a lot... what about stopping TTC but just not using protection and getting on with life? If it happens it's a nice surprise.

I'm realising maybe i am being too positive but just assuming i will have another healthy pregnancy soon..... oh fuck i can't go through it all again :(

[tiredandiwanttogotobed]

I'm glad what I'm feeling makes sense to other people, sometimes I worry that I'm being a bit negative/over anxoius/neurotic etc.

Tas I think you need to do what you feel you need to do. Blokes are rarely on the same emotional wavelengths as us, so the fact DH didn't realise you wanted flowers was probably just him being a bloke.

Berries I know what you mean a year isn't really that long, but DH is in his mid-50s, so I have to consider that he's of an age where babies should be grandkids not his own kids; it'll be harder for him too. Yes, if an accident happens then that'll be :) but I can't go on TTC for ever; I can't carry on wanting something so much only to be upset so much each month (it's been 3 years of wanting another DC but dodgy smear tests made me delay TTC, EP's/MC's have just prolonged it).

[iloveberries]

yes - tired it does make sense that you want to put it all behind you. Our DS is 2.5 now and I did have a moment yesterday of thinking "our life is so great and easy now that he's older, do i really want to go back to the start?" But i think that is just the fear talking.

I think it's great that you've enrolled on a course and have made some decisions about taking the control back yourself. Of course a BFP before august would be nice but if not you have your DS and one child is a blessing really.

I am not in the place of being able to not think about TTC#2. We have made a decision that if it hasn't happened in a year we are going to look at working abroad for a bit though. Just nice to have something else to think about isn't it?

[tiredandiwanttogotobed]

I know what you mean Berries. I think it's positive having "other plans" or "something else to look forward to," it gives you back some control over you life and stops TTC being the only focus in your life.

[Countmyblessings]

Big hugs from me to you guys!
It a really hard life changing choice to go ahead and still be TTC or if you should just stop as every month that passes and every AF that keeps showing up takes you further away from the time you set to get pregnant!
I'm in the place of as long as my body is still making eggs I will continue to pray if it happens it happens! I don't want to be consumed and obsessed about it all! It's happened without Temping,charting checking CM, oving sticks it will happen again! Or not I beginning to accept and Count my blessings xx

[iloveberries]

count - that is exactly how i feel. I have used the CBFM this month - mainly to check i am still ovving but next month (assuming i don't get a BFP!) i am just going to go casual!

Ectopic pregnancy is something you can only understand if you have been through it and i am so so grateful for this thread to be able to talk about what has been on my mind and what i have been feeling.

Thanks ladies

[Countmyblessings]

Hi ilove and everyone - hope you all enjoyed the long jubilee weekend!
I have had a livy few days spending it with family and just chilling! Taking it in turns to host and cook!!!!!
Today I'm cramping a bit so def expecting AF to turn up what a bitter sweet feeling! Trust me I'm happy that my body is going back to normal but I can't help but think of if I was still pregnant I would be showing by now!!! Blahhhhhhh
Off to see " Snow white and the huntsman" tonight!!!! Bring on the popcorn!!!!!!

[Countmyblessings]

Enjoyed the movie!!!!
AF is here my back is killing me.
The bleeding is not heavy at the moment but it just hit me my last period was before I was pregnant a few months on and I'm here!

[iloveberries]

i know - it sucks. I am on my first 2ww and trying not to even entertain the possibility that i could be pg as it's too scary, and too disappointing if i'm not! So i am just not thinking about it.

i really want to see the snow white film!

It is good that your AF has come back though - it means you're all 'working'. Try not to think of what could have been, just that it wasn't. When you hold your baby (which you will have) you'll know that was the baby which was meant for you xx

[Nicebeaver]

Hello,
I have just had surgery for my second ruptured e p and I lost my remaining tube. I was wondering how long people took off before returning to work? Last time I took about 6 weeks but I was very ill as I suffered enormous blood loss and also contracted pneumonia.
Although I am not nearly so unwell this time, my situation is worse as I am now no longer able to conceive naturally. We can't afford ivf and am not eligible for it on NHs as have a child already. I feel totally numb. Last time I was devastated and mentally not great for some time after but this time I feel very different. I would be really interested also to hear from anyone else who has lost both tubes.
Thanks

[tiredandiwanttogotobed]

Oh god Nice that's crap, poor you :(

I've only lost one tube so can't possibly begin to understand what you must be going through. I also had 6 wks off work afterwards.

I suspect that the numbness is probably the first stage of the grieving process, and (sorry to be the bearer of bad news) you'll probably feel worse before you feel better.

I'm in a similar boat; it's really frustrating when IVF is out of the question.

I hope you've got lots of support around you (sends a virtual {HUG}), stay in touch x