Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

I’ve just managed a miscarriage that started yesterday. Reading previous comments helped. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and manage the pain. I placed several towels on the bed to lay on and put on a maternity pad ( this had to be changed several times) I wanted to be comfortable rather than waiting it out in the bathroom. One mistake I made was to go through it with just regular pain relief. I would of in hindsight ask the hospital or my GP for something stronger to take as my cramps were very similar to contractions. Don’t attempt to look after children I’ve realised that you just need to lay,rest and heal mentally and physically for a few days. Take all the help that you can.

Hi everyone is there something wrong with me I've had contraction the past two nights but hardly anything passing I feel so alone and worried, I've been in work this week nobody there knows and I'm at home alone now. The uncertainty is killing me I've been bleeding for 8 days now but only v light and today tacky. I've started a new thread on here but just came accoss this one it feels like all I do lately is google miscarrige info, think I'm losing me mind xxx hope you all are doing ok and this is over soon x

Thank you for this thread. This was my first pregnancy, and I had a miscarriage at 11 weeks, although baby had died at 6 weeks. Me and my partner are devastated. The nurse at the hospital told me what to expect but I don’t think I quite registered what she was saying. My miscarriage was the most horrendous experience of my life and I had contraction like pain. The only reason I didn’t take any pain killers was because I got a rest from the pain between each ‘contraction’. My family have been amazing, and reading your stories really helps too. I’m staying positive and focusing on getting better and then I know we’ll try again, although I feel really anxious about it. Sending hugs to you all xxx

Apologies for my long story but hope it helps at least one person.

I found out on 8/4 i had lost my baby at 5/6 weeks( i should have been 10) as nice as the staff at the hospital where i left in what could only be described as limbo, surely if i had miscarried it would be like the movies, a gush of blood and thats it over right?

This does happen for some people but it didn't for me, i went to a&e because i was having cramps and lower back pain, i rang the early pregnancy unit who told me to go through a&e as they didn't see anyone before 16 weeks. I went about 9pm and found out during an internal exam at 2.30am there was no heartbeat but because of the babies size i was sent home to wait another week before discussing options because they cant 100% confirm a miscarriage til the baby measures 7mm or more and has no heartbeat and on the off chance i had got my dates wrong (i knew i didn't but hey we hold on to hope)

I finally started bleeding on mon 14/4 and had my follow up scan on Tues 15th which confirmed what i already knew but didnt want to admit, at this app i was given 2 choices, i could wait and see if my body was going to naturally pass the baby and because i was already bleeding this was a good sign or i could opt for a d&c.

I chose to wait it out, my bleeding was like a period flow for the next week, sometimes heavy sometimes light, i passed small clots! On sat past i had to ring my DH to come home from work to mind our kids as i was in agony, i was having what could only be described as labour pains and contractions! This went on continuously for 5 hours, i passed a few larger clots so i had myself partially convinced i had done it!

Back to my scan on wed (yesterday) i was told baby was still there and i had 2 options again as the baby was moving towards the cervix, i could wait it out and come back in 2 weeks or book a d&c, this time i chose a d&c because i honestly couldn't cope with another day of the mental torture of waiting.

I arrived at hospital at 8.30am to be told i had to wait on a bed 🙈 in fairness they were flat out and i wouldnt wish their job on anyone! (Big respect to nurses everywhere) i had the pessary inserted at 10am, finally got a bed around 12 noon, felt abs no different with the pessary in, was a complete emotional wreck all morning, knowing this was it going to be finally over and nerves for what was ahead! Was brought down for surgery around 2pm, nurses were lovely and so supportive, doc came out to explain what would be happening and i asked her not to (somethings i dont need to know and i had already signed the consent form) i was given the option to take the tissue removed home but i declined as i have plans to plant a tree in my garden and watch it grow, this was the easier option for me but each to their own on how u deal with that scenario. I was given anesthetic amd woke up in recovery at 2.45pm. After a few hours of observation i was en route home wishing i had of booked the d&c last week as it was nothing like i thought it would have been!

In short i tried the natural approach, it didn't work and the surgical approach was the best decision i have made yet in this whole situation, i came round from anesthetic feeling a new sense of relief! Dont get me wrong i have a while to deal with the mental side of things now and have no doubt i will cry alot but the physical side is over for me now!

My heart breaks for anyone who finds themselves in this situation, there is a complete lack of support/info for us ladies out there and only i found this forum and some amazing ladies to chat to i dont know where i would be!

If you find yourself here

1. You did nothing wrong
2. Nature can be a b*h
3. Talk about it, u have nothing to be ashamed off

Big hugs to u all xxx

I just recently found out I was pregnant a couple of days ago. I’m only 21, so me and my partner were surprised but so happy.

On 26th, I was 5+3, and started spotting lightly during the day, followed by cramps in the evening.

I woke up the next day and the cramps were worse. I dropped my partner at work and went home and went to go for a wee. When I sat down there was a large gush of blood, but no clots (sorry TMI).

Called the EPAU but couldn’t get through. Ended up calling 111 who advised I need to see a doctor urgently, and referred me to my GP for an emergency apt. Called GP and spoke to a nurse who advised there was nothing they could do as I was having mc.

I’ve been at home since, crying a lot and in a lot of pain. Ive tried taking paracetamol, hot water bottle, warm bath and nothing is helping. The bleeding is much heavier and I’m now passing large clots.

Any advice on how to deal physically and emotionally?

I’m trying not to ask too much of my partner, because he’s so heartbroken and I feel like a failure whenever I look at him.

Sorry for such a long post. As it was so early on we hadn’t told anyone yet, and I just feel very lonely.

@Missmp sorry that you've found yourself here.

Doesn't matter if it was planned, not planned, early on or further down the line, miscarriage is unfair.

I was 11 weeks pregnant when i had my miscarriage, i went to have a scan and found out i had lost the baby at 6 weeks. It's very cruel and i was emotional hurting a lot.

I have found that talking about it helps, whether its to my partner, friends or on here. If you don't feel like you can talk to your partner or to your family or friends, us ladies on here will more than happily talk to you.

Let us know how you're feeling and i can be pretty confident when i say that we can all relate to you.

So let us know how you're feeling, talking about it will help.

Sending hugs

Plattsy x

Just bumping as I've found this really helpful. Its ok to feel like you've been run over and it's ok to be clingy.
Hes back at work today after Christmas and I'm just sat wearing his jumper waiting for him to be home again.

I know this is an old post but I think it should remain a top post.
When I was in the middle of my miscarriage I frantically started to Google what was going to happen and what was normal or cause for concern. My EPU were useless on the advice part.

This post came up and it really helped me! Especially the part about buying thick maternity pads. This saved me from a lot of mess over the past few days after I had naturally miscarried.

@Nimz86 completely agree.
I was 5 weeks and had painful cramps and heavy bleeding.
My epu said 'do a test, if its positive come in for bloods tomorrow. If its negative you don't need to come in, you're not pregnant anymore'. So that was super helpful when I got a bfn and just sat at home googling what happens next.

@SweetpeaOrMarigold I’m so sorry about your loss. I was almost 10weeks when I miscarried and I agree the information from the doctors was not helpful at all. I was told it would be a heavy period and naively thought well I get heavy periods all the time so this will be slightly more heavier

My blood sugar dipped really low and I passed out and was taken to hospital. I was then told I had lost more blood then I should have. So yeah it wasn’t a normal heavy period! Anyways I want this post to help many more women who sadly have to go through this and have no one else to turn to. x

Thats awful @Nimz86 there should be a clear guide somewhere on the internet for what to expect, depending on your dates, incuding MMC, ectopic threat, how much blood is too much, etc.

Im so sorry to everyone who has filled this thread in but thank you for doing so. Your words of comfort and wisdom have been invaluable and made me feel less alone at this really low time. This advice should be given out freely or we should at least be told where to find it. I wasnt give any useful information on what it would be like or what to do. I dont think there is anything much I can add but reiterate what I found useful:

• Towel to sleep/sit on for security
• All the pain meds (safely!) available
• Sleep when you can
• Easy to cook food for when you fancy something
• Hot water bottle

for everyone x

•Inco sheets to protect your sheets and mattress
•Non scented pads especially if like me you need to wear them for 8 or more weeks. I used the scented ones to start and ended up really sore and irritated down there.
•lots of painkillers
•hot water bottle
•don't try and brave it out at home, go to the hospital if you need too. I got told off by the Dr for trying to ride the pain out at home. My Partner a Truck driver was away at the time but phoned me regularly to check on me
•Netflix
•Rest Rest Rest I spent the 2 weeks I was off work in bed pretty much the whole time. It took me around 5-6 weeks in total to fully miscarry though
•keep warm. I was constantly cold during mine
•don't feel awful for hating pregnant women or not wanting to see babies. It's 17 weeks since we lost our 4th Baby and I still can't be around pregnant women or look at babies without dissolving into tears. One of the hardest things for me was my scan to confirm our Baby had gone. I was on my own and instead of having it in the EPAU where I'd had all my others I was sent down to the ultrasound department. I was surrounded by pregnant women who were so happy and a couple who were cooing over their scan pics trying to decide which ones to Print off. I just sat there with tears rolling down my face. The Lady doing my scan asked if I was excited and I just said no not really cos I'm waiting to see if my Baby is gone. She did the scan and breezily told me the sac had collapsed, and left the room and the day before when I was admitted in the gynaecologist who was scraping clots out of my cervix talked about it like it was the most natural thing in the world. It was surreal too because I was in a ward with the curtains drawn round listening to everyone chatting about normal every day stuff.
•be prepared for insensitive comments off other people

@lozz22 I'm so sorry you had such an awful experience
I would write to the hospital and complain so no other women have to go through that. It doesn't have to be detailed, just make them aware.

Just wanted to say thanks for this thread - I had a MC at night a few weeks ago, and this thread really helped me with what to expect and what to do.

Thank you all for this thread.

I just wanted to add (from today’s horrible experience) - don’t trust that the bleeding will stay light once it’s settled. Had horrendous flooding with clots today (6 days after medical management) following 3 days of really light, old blood. It was awful and I was not at all prepared for it.

Thank you so much OP for starting this thread. You have helped so many of us you don't even realise.

I am one full week post surgery for a mmc.

My advice - the anaesthetic and terrible diet gave me incredibly painful constipation so if that's something you are prone to be aware and take precautions if you need to.

My only other advice is be kind to yourself. You are allowed to grieve. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

I just wanted add to this thread as I've just been through a miscarriage and reading these comments was a life line in what is a very lonely and sad time.

My story is a very balanced view. I wanted to just share my experience as the time I had to prepare I spent scouring the internet for others peoples stories and wanted to add mine as. Hopefully it will add a little comfort for those worried and need a hand hold that it might not be as bad as you are currently fearing.

First pregnancy first miscarriage. We had the miscarriage confirmed at 10 weeks but embreyo stopped growing at 6.
I opted for medical misscariage, had the pessaries at the hospital and sent home.
Prior to this I went out and brought all the junk food, paracetamol and ibuprofen, some extra big night time sanitary towels.
The pessaries took about 3 hours to really kick in, my stomach felt bloated and like the cramping was a dull pain.
At three hours I started bleeding and passing large clots. The pain was bearable but I was close to the toilet and went from the sofa and back again about 7 / 8 times whilst the worst of it came away.
Passing the clot was for me the most painful part but straight after it felt like the cramping passed.
I think this part took about 2 hours.
I took some more painkillers and went to bed. The following day I bled constantly but in hindsight it had significantly eased.
It wasn't until about 3 days after that the bleeding and clots ramped up again - I had fleeting stomach pains throughout and the bleeding lasted for another 4 days.
For me, from pessaries to when the bleeding stopped was 8 days in total.
Since then, I have no further symptoms of pregnancy and I am hoping to get a negative test at 14 days.

This is absolutely not to rub it in the face of those who have a dreadful and painful miscarriage - whilst I've written this in a very matter of fact way I've left out the weeks of crying at the drop of a hat and the horrendous emptiness I've been left with. I'm hoping the negative test to come will be the closure at the end of this story!

My tips are, buy all the food, I even brought new pjs (which might seem silly but I wanted to feel comfortable and I was already having a shit time I thought why the hell not)
Get lots of support. My other half was amazing and we made it part of our normal by letting those closest to us know what had happened.
Take the sick note and time off work to process things. Physically it might not have been as bad as I expected but emotionally my head took a battering!
Be kind to yourself.

Hi there,
I’ve just miscarried at 7+5 and am in a huge amount of shock, literally one minute I felt fine and within 48 hours I’d lost the pregnancy. I’d had a huge gestational bleed at my early 6 week scan (3.5cm x 1.5cm) so I’m convinced that could have been the cause but I guess I’ll never know. Does anyone have any advice as to when is the best time to try again? Emotionally I know it will take some time to get over the loss, but I feel at my age (39) I am probably best to try sooner rather than later
Any advice would be much appreciated

Went in for my 12 week scan today, to be given the news that unfortunately there was only an empty sac. Nothing there at all, so I probably would have lost the pregnancy as early as 5 weeks, but the sac continued to grow as if I hadn't. And my body hadn't realised so I was still getting all the normal pregnancy symptoms.
It has been an awful day, had to have my scan by myself because of the Corona Virus, so after being given the news, I then had to call my OH to give him the news, knowing he'd be at home taking care of his dying mother.
Could this year get any worse? He's got days left with his mum, and I have to give him the news we're now not having our much longer for baby.
Anyway, thank you for all your tips, think I'll be needing them over the coming days/weeks. Bleeding started 5 hours after the scan, weirdly enough. So it looks like it might all be natural rather than the surgical route I would have preferred.
I'm so sorry to all you other mum's, this situation is heartbreaking.

Oh Rosie, that is truly awful. Big hugs x

Thanks for this thread. I had my scan yesterday (completely alone due to covid as no partners or husbands allowed which made it even worse) and was told no progress since my scan 2 week previously so it looked as though embryo had stopped growing at about 6 weeks (should be 11 now). Still trying to process everything and work out what I want to do in terms of management - I don’t think I want the emotional pain of ‘seeing it happen’ and feeling the cramps but on the flip side I’m frightened to go into hospital and have a procedure in the middle of a pandemic. Will I be discharged same day? I didn’t really take everything in I was told yesterday and as I was alone there wasn’t anyone to listen for me and relay info when I got home.

Feeling very sad and in quite a dark place. Can’t even have my mum round for a hug as everyone is self isolating so just stuck in the house with my own thoughts. Husband has taken the rest of the week off work to watch rubbish films with me and bring snacks but we are both so sad.

Well, after lots and lots of cramp like pain yesterday, more like contractions because they were up and down, and lots of terrifyingly heavy bleeding, I slept through the night, thankfully didn't bleed through pads, and this morning, first thing, have to assume I passed the sac (that or a damn huge clot!!). I almost feel normal today. Have to say, the most helpful things for me yesterday was hot water bottles, paracetamol, proper heavy duty pads and hot chocolate.
I spoke to the Early Prgnancy Unit yesterday to double check on things, because I have a heart condition which I was worried about upsetting, but they said just watch out for the normal heart problems, filling up a pad in less than an hour or passing blood clots bigger than my palm? Now the sac, if that's what I passed, was bigger than my palm, but I have to assume it doesn't include that?
But also my heart rate sped up to way over 30bpm more than normal and I had chills and was pale as a ghost.
But assuming, again, that because I feel normal this morning, probably don't worry and when I go for the check up on Monday, hope they find nothing left and it's all over?
Sorry, all of this post is TMI, but it's a miscarriage post, so surely, most of it is...
I also have to say, a lot of websites say that a miscarriage is similar to a normal period, you shouldn't bleed more than a normal period, but it will be longer. Now, I'm one of those woman people hate, because my periods are light and last 2 to 3 days at most and I've never had cramps, so when I gave birth to my son, I didn't realise contractions had started until my waters broke... so this was a huge shock, and a lot more blood than I expected like loads more, was horrific. But going by other people's stories, that was normal? So why do so many websites say that when it's clearly so wrong? Some websites clearly need to educate themselves.

Sorry, this was long...

Today I has a miscarriage.

First of all to anyone else who is reading this who is going through it or has gone through this, I hope you find this thread helpful like I did. This is my story....

Two weeks ago I got some brown spotting on Monday. By Wed this spotting has stopped. On Thursday after sex I began to bleed again. This bleeding continued and having read that bleeding can happen early on in pregnancy I was still worried. I was 8 weeks pregnant. What also started to worry me was that my boobs stopped hurting and I had never felt sick. Again I had read that people may not get sick but this was still worrying. I decided to see how the bleeding was Monday and to ring if it was still there. The bleeding varied from brownish to a tinge of pink to red. And weirdly it sometimes stopped completely at night time. I rang the maternity ward and explained my bleeding. She said to come straight in. I was waiting for maybe forty minutes on a corridor. It was nerve wracking at the corona virus is a danger and nurses were passing by me on the corridor. I was seen eventually and was scanned on my belly by a sonographer who was quick to tell me that there was a heartbeat. I breathed a sigh of relief and got to see baby’s heart beating. She then asked me questions took some measurements and said the baby was coming in a little small. I didn’t really know what this meant but I was more focused on the fact that I saw a heartbeat. I told her as I was leaving I think the bleeding is stopping, as that’s what I thought. There was very little that morning only when I wiped and she agreed it was probably the sex + the lletz treatment I had a year ago + I went for a lot of long walks. These were all the things I told her I thought it was. She did say to call again if the bleeding got worse. Unfortunately the bleeding came back. I also phoned my GP and she said to rest so I did mostly in bed. I thought the resting was helping as bleeding kind of stopped mostly at night. Sometimes there was more blood than others but mostly only when I wiped. On Sunday morning I woke up, no blood, got up tidied kitchen and then went to toilet again and the blood was really bright red with clots. I rang my sister and she said I should ring. So I did. I was brought into a sonography room to wait this time, not the corridor which was a relief although I had to wait for over an hour to be seen by a doctor this time.

First she tried scanning my belly but then had to do internal scan which was painful as my cervix was tender. And then silence ...... she didn’t say anything. I closed my eyes and tried to breath. She then told me there was no heartbeat. This was heartbreaking and so difficult to hear on my own. My husband was called and allowed to come in. We consoled each other and the doctor told me my options and recommended I go home to let nature happen. I spent some of the evening reading this thread and trying to find out information of what to expect. I slept very little that night.

Monday. Today. No blood again this morning. After a while I decided to take a shower but I never got to the shower. I started to feel faint and nauseous. I kneeled on the floor and a wave of heat rushed over my body. I tried to make it back to the bed, but I fainted halfway there, and when I came to I noticed I had bumped my head. I eventually got to bed and just lay there resting. I told Siri to play meditation music and just relaxed. I started reading more of this thread and someone said you should have a bag ready in case you need to go to hospital suddenly so I got up and started packing. That’s when I think it happened. I had no pain, no cramping, I actually thought it was just a blood clot coming out until I went to the toilet to see. It def wasn’t a blood clot and was just resting on the pad. I got my husband to look at it and we think that’s it. It was tiny. I’m sorry if part of this has been tmi but this has really helped me. I have my meditation music on again now and I feel at peace. I am still bleeding but I am hoping it will stop soon. I don’t know what to expect now, but I hope I can sleep tonight and I will dream of the future.

My two cents

〰️ Your body is amazing
〰️Try to relax your body to let nature happen ( music helped me 🎼, Siri- meditation music )
〰️The blood can come and go
〰️Drink sports drinks to help with dizziness and fainting
〰️Eat chocolate
〰️ Know that you are not alone

I hope this thread helps someone.❤️🌈

I’ve found this thread so helpful, thank you. Just adding my experience.

We discovered last week at 11+1 that I had had a MMC and the babies (it was twins) stopped developing at around 8 weeks. Obviously, this was heartbreaking. I had decided to go for surgical management, if it came to it as we are in lockdown with our DCs aged 6 and 9. My body had other ideas though and I started to miscarry yesterday.

It started with a very light flow of old blood and constant period type pain - not too strong but unpleasant. My hormones felt all over the place and I cried all evening. I took painkillers and went to bed early, expecting it to all kick off in the night but woke up this morning to a completely clean pad.

At around 12 today the bleeding started properly and I have bled quite heavily all afternoon - worse than a heavy period but not the gushing of blood that some people describe here. I feel better in myself today though and the cramps are not too bad - it’s now been going on for 4 hrs and I’ve only just taken painkillers.

I have no idea how long this will go on for, or whether it will get worse, but at the moment this is not as painful, scary or distressing as I feared.

I’ve been for a 6km walk this afternoon with the family as I thought it might help to get things moving.

I am using Always disposable knickers, designed for for incontinence but they feel very secure and comfortable.

Hope this might help somebody else as the posts here have helped me.