Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Yes this is true.

How are you doing @TheLocation are you all ok? Worst waiting game ever.
Is this your first pregnancy also?

It's my second pregnancy. With my first pregnancy I had extreme blood loss at 6 weeks which lasted for two weeks. It was like a very heavy period. They said I was miscarrying. But a miracle happened and my son held tight. An ultrasound at 7 weeks showed a healthy embryo with a steady heartbeat. I couldn't believe it.
Was hoping for another miracle but I'm not that lucky.
I'm hiding away right now. In my bed. Wishing for it to end.

So I'm about half way through reading all the posts. I'm due smm on Monday as I was 12 weeks 3 days when I had light spotting which sent me to the early pregnancy unit. The scan showed a baby with no heartbeat and it had stopped developing at 9 weeks 5 days. They advised surgery was my best option as nothing was really happening. So now I'm at home and I'm full of questions and not sure if my gp can answer and don't think the hospital would help. I've seen so many helpful tips here which is really great to have. I am wondering if anyone has had c sections and now has a very thin uterus. I am concerned if the surgical option is really the best one for me as I would still like another child. I do have 3 under 5 currently. I'm not in too much pain and the bleeding hasn't been too excessive yet. My surgery isn't until Monday but I'm just not sure where to go for answers. Thanks if you've read this far!

@Funnybunnyfluff how are you doing?
I'm still in limbo land. Nothing has happened. Finally going to the hospital today to make a decision.

@TheLocation

So far I have had 2 x medical management last week, scan on Tuesday. It shrunken but not gone. Booked for the op tomorrow. Miscarriage was confirmed just over 3 weeks ago such a terrible process. I never knew this could happen.

I have never been to hospital and I'm terrified if I'm honest. Mainly scared about being put to sleep, silly I know.

How are you doing? What stage have you got to? Hope you're Ok x

I just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone who has posted their experiences on here. I don't think anyone realises how much their own experiences will help others at the time.

We have just lost ours at 8 weeks after 18 months of trying. My biggest shock was how empty I felt, immediately after passing mine.

Frightening how many of us have gone through this, and still no nhs help given at the beginning of pregnancy.

Hugs to all who have been there and those who are unfortunately experiencing as they read.

I wanna give an update because I hate it when people don't update.
So last week I went to the gyno to discuss our options and have one more scan just to see if the gestational sac was still intact.
To our and the gyno's surprise there was a fetal pole of 4 mm all of a sudden. Measured on schedule. No heartbeat though. But it was still early days.
So there was the Hope again. The doctor said it was a 90% chance that I would still miscarry. Come back in a weeks time. Oh joy. Limbo land again.
I prayed and prayed that week, to deities I don't even believe in.
But of course... a week later there was no more growth. We knew.
So now today I had decided to take Cytotec. And schedule a D&C for next Tuesday just in case.
Today on the day we arranged everything I lost my sweet little baby. Sac completely whole and everything.
I caught it using a sieve when I needed to pee. It was undeniable what it was.
I cried so hard but felt so relieved at the same time.
We went shopping for a big plant and a pot. I'm gonna burry it in the plant inside a glass pot suspended in water. But first i wanna open the sac and take lots of pictures. I have a memory box that I filled with all the scan pics and my dozens of pregnancy tests.
I feel so grateful that we're able to do this. And this way I can keep our little one close to me always.
I wish everyone luck on this thread.
May you find joy again. I hope we never meet again on this thread.

I have to say a big thank you to everyone who has contributed to this thread. It has helped me through the last few days.
I wanted to share my experience so far.

I had some brown spotting, mainly when I wiped. On the 3rd day of this I called Epu who advised me that as it was brown and very light it sounded like my cervix had been irritated. 4 days later still spotting and now a bit of red blood when I wiped in the morning. This was on Sunday. Rang Epu and they arranged for me to come in for a scan later that morning.
It wasn't good news. I was 10 weeks along and only measuring 4-5 weeks with no heartbeat :(. 5 weeks ago this had happened.
Another scan was arranged for a weeks time and I was sent home. In the last 3 days the bleeding has got heavier, red with a few clots. Still getting some cramps and a sore lower back. Not sure how long this is going to last for.
This was our first pregnancy and we are both devastated and can't believe so many people have to go through this horrendous experience.
I'm back for a scan next Monday but have no idea what I should expect?
Thinking of you all.

Glad i found this, going through a miscarriage at the moment, and my main concern is how i'm gonna cope tonight while sleeping, no ever tells you just how much blood there will be, doesn't help because i'm passing massive blood clots too. Running out of pants and clothes too. But i am very grateful that this post is still going, very hard finding something that gives details and information. Much better than NHS site

I wish I'd seen this thread before. I'll share my experience. Started bleeding on 14th December. Went to a&e for 7 hours. Had blood tests which he said showed I was still pregnant and it could just be normal bleeding. After the blood tests I passed huge clots. I could feel them coming out of my while I was sitting there (sorry tmi) They arranged for a scan on the Monday (17th) where they confirmed no heart beat and I should of been 10 weeks but measuring 8. Doctor advised as I was experiencing cramps and heavy bleeding I would go naturally and the medication would be to forceful. As it was Xmas they made my follow up appointment on the 27th. On that appointment they confirmed everything was still there so I took the medication. I bled for that day and a bit the day after but it then stopped on the 29th. I rang the unit on the Monday which they said to wait until the Friday (4th) and to ring back and they would make another appointment for the following Monday. I was to upset and angry to question anything. When I finally digested the info I coudknt believe I was going to be made to wait another week when I knew all bleeding had stopped. I called back and they said to come in on the Friday (4th). Again confirmed everything was still there. Doctor was useless. She said to prescribe me more medication. I asked could I provisionally book surgery incase I didn't miscarry which she felt was a bit of a n effort. But due to work I had to have dates to inform them. Luckily a nurse said I could call the ward the next day for a bed and they would do it on a weekend. By some miricale there was bed available and I had the surgery the following day (5th, yesterday) Going to theatre was a scary experience but I had to admit I've had hardly no pain. I did bleed quite a bit for the next hour but since then it's been light. I wish I'd taken the surgical option first but I was just terrified. When looking back I've been terrified for 3 weeks wondering if that day was going to be the day id miscarry. I didn't go out for 3 weeks and as it was all over Xmas it wasn't the best time. I hope this helps someone. I agree with every one when saying buy big pads, and if you do go in for surgery take plenty of magazines & books as I had to wait 9 hours for my surgery due to emergencies going in before me. But today I feel a huge relief has been taken off my shoulders. Best wishes to every one xx

Hi going through a miscarriage at the moment. Passed two large clots plam sized and smaller ones. Seemed to fill a pad (large night time one) in and hour 15 mins. Is this to much?

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses. Thank you all for sharing your stories though.

I recently found out I'd had a MMC. I should have been 8 weeks (I was certain on my dates) but the pregnancy stopped progressing at six weeks. I went to the EPU and as I'd had previously had a very painful miscarriage, we decided to choose surgical management (ERPC). I was lucky in that I only had to wait for a couple of days for my appointment.

The midwife put a couple of pessaries in my vagina to soften the cervix, which was far less uncomfortable than a smear and only took seconds. I had to wait for those to work for an hour, then they took me up to surgery. Everyone I encountered was incredibly kind, which helped a lot.
The procedure was really quick and I'm told it went well. I had fairly heavy cramps afterwards, for which I was offered paracetamol and ibuprofen. Needless to say, they didn't touch it. After a while, I found a nurse and told her I was in pain and she offered me co-codamol. To be honest, I was still in pain with that.

I was allowed to go home after a few hours. I wasn't given any painkillers to take home and was told to take paracetamol if I needed to. Fortunately, I'm prescribed decent painkillers for an unrelated issue, so I was ok, but be sure to have something better than paracetamol if you're in this situation.

I had pretty rough cramps for three days afterwards and light bleeding which lasted for about three days. I also found my vagina felt uncomfortable, but I'm not sure if this is normal.

The procedure was less than a week ago though, so if it still feels that way after a week, I'll seek advice from the EPU. To be honest, I'm hoping it goes away by itself as I really can't face the idea of more scans and people examining me so soon.

Take care, everyone.

Hi @glitterandunicorns - we must have been on October 2019 together. Sorry to hear your story but thank you for sharing it.

I had an early scan yesterday at 7+5 after brown spotting and mild cramping and found myself starting at a totally empty sac - no sign of baby at all. They unfortunately will require a follow-up scan before they can give me options as they have said they need to make sure dates are not wrong - but I am absolutely sure they are not; the maximum I could be off is really a few days in either direction. I had a strong positive 4 weeks ago today, my last period was 2 months ago, and my cycle is like clockwork.

So now I am in an awful limbo, and to make things worse I had a pretty awful quality of care at the EPU I went to and am dreading going back - I think the hardest thing for both me and my husband was that the doctor just showed us the empty sac before telling us anything. My husband said when the doc turned the screen toward us he was certain was going to show us a baby and instead, nothing. I keep picturing the empty sac and feeling so sad. I have been trying to get my EPU switched today but finding it so hard to talk about this on the phone to person after person.

I had prepared myself for it as well as possible as I prefer to prepare for the worst & hope for the best, but even so I have been absolutely devastated. I keep just bursting into tears.

I would like the surgical option if I am given it, but am scared I am going to begin miscarrying naturally before I can get in for the scan next week. It's such a scary thing to be waiting for.

Hi @coconutlatte44 I'm so sorry to hear that. The same thing happened to me in the loss I had before this one. I think I found it even harder to cope with than this time round; I had never heard of a blighted ovum before and just couldn't understand why there was no baby there.

Of course you're devastated. That is totally understandable. I know what you mean about being scared that you'll miscarry before a surgical appointment. I was afraid to leave the house until after my surgery in case it happened when I was out.

This time round, my consultant told me they're not allowed to confirm miscarriage/ failure to progress until they've carried out two scans a week apart. Perhaps that's why you've had the experience you have.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Take the time you need and be kind to yourself.

Thanks @glitterandunicorns.
Can I ask how much time you've taken away from work in these cases? I work in a school and they have been really helpful and suggested I take this week off, but part of me is hesitating to accept that as I am likely to have to be off at least part of next week for scan/possible procedure - at the same time I am all over the place emotionally and am really terrified of the natural process starting while at work so do realise it's probably best for me to stay home. I just feel weird sitting here when I'm not physically in a lot of pain - yet.

@coconutlatte44 I took three weeks off this time round. I self certified the first week, then the midwife signed me off for a fortnight. I needed that time and would have really struggled to go back before then.

The first time, I was off for about a month. There's no right or wrong amount of time to take though; just do what you need to do. There's no point in trying to rush back before you're ready- physically and emotionally- otherwise you won't be a productive member of staff and it may mean you take longer to recover in the long term.

Hi @Glitterandunicorns and @coconutlatte44 I was a snooper on Oct19 thread as I suspected I may not make it and I didn't. I guessed you had bad news when you didnt come back on after scan @Glitterandunicorns and it made me feel sad. So sorry you both ended up here. This was my 4th MMC and I had surgery Weds night, was due back at work today but decided it was too soon for me. You really just need to be kind to yourself and allow grief to come and go along with the hormones dips. I was lucky and I never get any pain after erpc's but I have light bleeding this time so it's very different for everyone.

Practical tips. Not much more to add to the good ones here. I always take Floridix with iron and/or Spatone to help build me back up again. Stay strong Mamas

Hi @badgerbird, sorry to hear about your story as well. I am glad there turns out to be somewhere for us to end up together though.

I had refrained from adding my name to the list and joining the facebook group as I had some worries as well and was hoping they were unjustified but apparently not! Not that it really would have changed anything.

So my win of the day is that after what feels like a million phone calls it seems like I am going to avoid the horror of the EPU I was at on Monday - I have private healthcare through my job which doesn't cover pregnancy in general (or much of anything to be honest) but apparently will cover me to get a private scan and an erpc assuming this is what I choose next week. I cried tears of relief when I hung up the phone because I had such a bad time with the EPU - understaffed, disorganised, total lack of privacy - I was really not looking to have them manage the next step of this. I'm just waiting to have appointment information sent through and hopefully they can do it on Monday instead of Wednesday as well.

Also, I was taking spatone for the pregnancy so have kept taking that after reading a few people here saying the same thing, thanks for the advice.

Hi @Badgerbird I'm so very sorry for your losses.
Thank you for the tip re Floradix. I'll pick some up.
@coconutlatte44 I'm pleased for you that you've been able to arrange private treatment. It sounds like you had a really rough time with your EPU, and at such a difficult time you don't need extra stress on top.
I've just spoken to my manager. I was supposed to be going back to work next week but even just talking about doing that made me cry so he's told me to take at least an extra week and see how I feel then. I'm fortunate that he and his wife have experienced the same thing so he understands and has been very kind in allowing me the space and time to recover properly.
Take care of yourselves.

Hey @coconutlatte44 well done on getting your private scan sorted for Mon. I hope you have some nice things planned to keep you occupied over the weekend. I actually went to the cinema on my own this morning! A couple of hours totally immersed in fiction. Unfortunately it was a proper tearjerker 🤦🏻‍♀️

Thank you so much to everyone who has contributed to this thread. My heart goes out to all of you for you losses.
Mine is a familiar story. Turned up to my 12 week scan, to be told that there was no heartbeat. It was confirmed by a second member of staff. No need for a second scan. This was on Mother's Day.
Monday, we were back in the EPU, where the nurse was very kind and carefully explained all of the options. Due to our personal circumstances, decided on surgical management.
I've had some heavy, period type bleeding in the meantime, cramps, and a few long, stringy clots. Unfortunately, I react very poorly to opiate based drugs, so am concerned about dealing with the pain post op.
In just over a hour, have to be at the hospital.
As an aside, I've been petrified, from the very beginning of this pregnancy, of this outcome - MMC only found out at the 12 week scan. I had no such concerns with my DD. I assume it is confirmational bias, although the midwife did say that in her experience, women often have some subconscious idea .
The very kind sonographer printed us off a picture without us even needed to ask.
I need to get going now, but thank you again, for your honesty. I've read through this thread completely, in the last 4 days. Don't think I could have managed without it.

The ERPC went well this morning, am in far less pain now that before I went in. Some bleeding currently, but light than before and much less clotty

Hi @Vebrithien
Sorry to hear about your loss. Glad the thread has been helpful to you!
I am two weeks post ERPC, so please ask away if you have any questions about my/our experiences.
I was tired/bleeding light a light period the first few days (after the initial fairly heavy bleed day of), had about a week of minor discomfort/gas pains, and just stopped the brown spotting yesterday exactly two weeks past the surgery. Haven't had any further complications and I am pretty much back to feeling like myself again with occasional moments of sadness that catch me off guard. I was off two weeks in all but ready to go back to work on day 5 post surgery - I found the first week after the scan to be the hardest by far.

Hope you heal up well and hope everyone else going through this is coping ok.

• like a light period