Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Thank you @Hortonlovesahoo. I am waiting for the bleed to start. I think it's trying to start as was actually something on the pad i was wearing today but was more brown but some small amount of tissue seems to be passing out. I can only presume it's trying to start. TBH I'm really frightened and heartbroken all at the same time. I just can't believe we've lost the baby we have been trying 5 years for and I don't think we'll have another chance as I'm 38 now. This is not something I was prepared for at all. Yes i was worried about mc but had tried so hard to focus on our 12 week scan which was supposed to be tomorrow morning and imagining seeing our little bean and a heartbeat for the first time I'd almosy convinced myself we'd be ok but this had just absoutely knocked us both. I worry about DH as he's trying to be strong and brave but i think he needs to properly grieve too. It's the first time i every saw him cry was when we found out the bad news.

I'm still only passing some dark brown tissue. Is this normal? How long does it take to start bleeding? This is making me more anxious which I don't need right now. Either I mc or I don't although I know that the hideous truth is our baby had joined the angels up above. I'm finding mother nature so cruel. Today is hard enough as it is.

I have lost my baby today at just 6+4. Something I wasn't prepared for was the smell. The loss smelled different to a normal period loss, sweeter and somehow familiar. Then I realised it smelled like my DS when I gave birth to him.

I don't know why you left us sweet baby but I'm glad you came along for a little while xx

Hi all, I discovered I’d had a MMC last week. It’s been a pretty harrowing experience but reading this thread (in its entirety!) made me feel at least more prepared for the practical side which has made a huge difference. I thought I’d share my story in case it’s of use to anyone.

My MMC was discovered at a private scan at 10 weeks - I’d booked one as I’ve generally been very anxious about this pregnancy as it took us such a long time to conceive (I had hypothalamic amenorrhea - no periods due to excessive exercise, though it went undiagnosed for several years) and also because my mum had several miscarriages. At the 10 week scan the sonographer couldn’t find a heartbeat and the baby was measuring around 8 weeks.

I got a bit confused about what to do next - I was pretty upset and the sonographer was trying to be helpful but kept saying ‘do you know how to contact your midwife? Do you know how to contact the EPU? Do you have a GP?’ So I was thoroughly confused about who I was supposed to contact about it. This was at about 6.30pm when everything was closed anyway, but after reading everything the midwife had given me the only thing I could make sense of was ‘if anything goes wrong before 16 weeks, go to A&E’ and that my EPU needed either a GP or an ED (I assume this is emergency department) referral. I wasn’t actually bleeding at this stage so felt a bit bad about going to A&E, but trying to get a GP appointment at my surgery is a nightmare so I went to A&E first thing. They were great, saw me in 5 mins and sent me off to the EPU with a referral.

It took a while to be seen at the EPU (I was there about six hours in total) but got what I needed. A nurse explained that a sonographer would do another scan to confirm the miscarriage and if that was the case I’d have the options of surgical or medical management or getting nature take its course. Having read this thread already I’d made up my mind that I wanted surgical so she made a note of that and sent me off to wait for the scan. (This all sounds very practical in retrospect but I did bawl my eyes out every time I spoke to a new nurse.)

The sonographer did an internal scan and confirmed that she could see what had been seen previously, and brought in another sonographer to be sure (as it’s NHS policy to have two people confirm). They sent me off (bawling again) to the quiet room (I think they forgot about me a bit for this point as had to wait ages) and then a nurse talked me through the surgical management. She explained I’d need to come in on the Monday at 7.30am having not eaten or drunk anything that day, have bloods done, then half an hour before the surgery they’d give me a tablet to insert to soften the cervix (they only do this if it’s your first pregnancy). I’d then be given painkillers then general anaesthetic, they’d do the procedure, I’d wake up and have 1-2 hours in recovery before being sent home. They also asked me to fill out a questionnaire (medical issues etc) and gave me some antibacterial body wash to shower with on the Monday morning.

On Monday I came to the ward at 7.30 and was given a surgical gown to change into straight away and a bed to wait on, which was good. I also had blood pressure taken and was given some paper pants and surgical tights, and they taped up my wedding ring. A doctor came to talk me through the process and what to look at for afterwards (any clots, or needing to change a pad more than once an hour, or still bleeding after 3 weeks, give them a call). Then the waiting began! I actually ended up not having the surgery on the Monday as they had some emergency cases and ran out of time. As I had my own bed it wasn’t too bad (I got loads of trashy reading done) though was very hungry by the time I was sent home at 4pm.

I came back the next day (today) and it was much quicker - I got my own bed again and did the same surgical gown/stockings/paper pants as previously. The anaesthetist talked me through the process too. At about 10am they confirmed I’d be definitely having the surgery that day and gave me the tablet to insert with some lubricant (unpleasant but not awful).

I think they took me to the anaesthetist (who was lovely) at about 10.45 and I woke up in recovery at about 11.10, so it was very quick. It didn’t take me too long to recover - I’ve had general anaesthetic for a broken bone before and it took me much longer to come to. They brought me some water and a sandwich and after about an hour asked me to get changed and have a wee in readiness for being collected (they’d given DH a call to let him know when I’d be ready). I didn’t have any pain at all, the only slightly awful bit was when the (lovely male) nurse helped me out of bed so I could get changed and I dripped blood all over the floor. From that I thought there were going to be horrific scenes when I went to the bathroom but it wasn’t too bad, it was just that the pad they’d given me hadn’t stayed in place very well. I was really glad I’d read the posts about bringing wet wipes to hospital as they made sorting that out a lot easier.

After that they gave me some medicine to prevent infection and gave me the discharge notes, and took me downstairs to meet DH. I was home by about 1.30pm (via McDonalds for a recovery milkshake).

I’ve been in bed since then but feel OK - I think the emotional side is probably going to hit hard in the next day or two but physically I’m in no discomfort and not bleeding any heavier than a light period.

Sorry for the essay but hopefully this is useful to anyone considering surgical management after a MMC.

This thread is so helpful - 7 years of pain, sadness, strength and experience from women all over the world. And now it's my turn

Found out on Saturday that my baby had stopped developing at 8 1/2 weeks old. I would have been going for my 12 week scan today. I'd been having some bleeding since last week but hoped it was one of those things.

After a lot of deliberation I have decided to get the medication tomorrow (although I am booked in for an ERPC on Friday in case it doesn't work although it's just the reserve list so I might not actually get seen). I feel like I want to do this at home and thanks to all the wisdom on this thread I feel largely prepared (although I am terrified too). Unfortunately I am going through this in the muggiest, stickiest heatwave in 40 years but hey ho there's never a good time.

I'm so grateful to have my son (toddler) who I have nearly squeezed to death with cuddles over the last few days. I can't begin to imagine how hard it would be if I had no other children to give me hope.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences, however graphic and lengthy, this stuff needs to be talked about more openly. Women are amazing and so are our bodies, even in sad situations like miscarriage.

Sorry for everyone who finds themselves on here. It truly is one of the shittiest things that a woman can ever go through.

Sharing my experience ..........

After 5 years TTC we finally got the BFP we'd be so much longing for. He was already at 5 weeks.

At 11+4, 3 days before our 12 week scan I ended up at EPU as I knew something wasn't right. A scan confirmed baby only measuring 5-6 weeks .......... we were given an appointment for a second scan a week later (for Tuesday last week) as a mc could only be confirmed after a second scan in case i had my dates wrong. I obvs my days were right so i was distraught and knew we'd lost our baby.

On Monday night, the night before our second scan I had the actual complete mc. It lasted 4 hours and was the most agonisingly excruciating pain I've every experienced in my life. It didn't help that we've been having this heatwave!

So my tips:

1. Be prepared with big pads for the bleeding afterwards, I got DH to get maternity pads from Boots.
2. Baby wipes (or moist toilet tissues) to help clean yourself up afterwards.
3. Get the strongest painkillers possible, ask the doctor for prescription ones, I didn't have this and ibuprofen did not even touch the pain. I was in agony so much so DH wanted to call an ambulance but the thought of being moved when I was in so much pain filled me with dread so I told him not to although I desperately wanted painkillers.
4. When you go to the bathroom, DO NOT lock the door. I made this mistake amd when I realised what was actually happening I was I so much pain I couldn't move from the loo. Thankfully I'd taken my mobile into the bathroom with me so phoned DH who was downstairs and would never have shouting for him from the other side of the house and on a different floor. I told him to bring a coin upstairs so he could unlock the door from outside and then bring the fan in from the bedroom as the bathroom was so hot. I would recommend keeping the phone close by in case you need to call for help.
5. Despite the heatwave I'm pretty sure your body temperature rises when going through the mc, the heatwave just added to the problem. If you have a fan use it to help keep your temperature down as much as possible.
6. Where possible have your DH/partner/ someone you're close to close by and ready to be there for you. DH was there for pretty much the entire hideous experience. Held my hand when I needed it. There to lean on when I needed it. Got me water to stay hydrated (if you don't have anyone to get you water be prepared with a large bottle of water in your bathroom). And to hold me up when I momentarily passed out right at the end.

It is the worst experience ever. That feeling of actually passing your baby and all the other huge clots along with pain like your insides are being ripped out. It was just awful. With no actual crying baby though to hold at the end.

The scan on Tuesday confirmed the mc and I had no retained products. I feel like my heart had been ripped out too. So I'm now mending physically and trying to start on healing emotionally too but i think it'll be a long long dark road.

InDreamland

I hope your body heals quickly and you give yourself the space and time to deal with the emotional side too. I can sense how raw it all is for you. I think I am still in denial.

If I take the tablet my MC will probably happen today or tomorrow. I'm really scared. Hoping it will be no worse than being in labour with my son but tbh that was pretty grim.

@DuggeesWoggle I'm so sorry your going through this. I hope you have the support you need to deal with the actual mc and healing afterwards. I've read others describe it as like labour pains, I've never been in labour as this was our first pregnancy so nothing to compare it to but I think from the amount of pain I was in it certainly I'm sure was as close to labour it can be. I could feel pain all across my back and abdomen, felt contractions so strong that I was trying to breathe through it and I think I must have screamed and cried out on pain throughout the whole experience.

I hope you have a better experience than I did and it's over quicker x

Thanks Dreamland I took the tablets at the hospital about an hour ago and within 10 mins the pains started and I went all woozy on the way out of hospital. Home now curled up on the bed watching iPlayer with husband next door WFH who will be at my beck and call if I need him. Would much rather be here than in hospital.

I have felt a bit emotionally detached from it all so far and have been trying to focus on the physical. I am almost trying to view it from a hypnobirthing point of view as in my body knows what it needs to do, I just need to try and ride the 'surges' and believe I can cope with it.

May be begging for mercy in a few hours though!

Oh @DuggeesWoggle wishing you a quick and un-painful (or at least nothing as bad as what I had) prices as possible. If you're in bed at the moment do lie on a folded towel to protect your sheets and matress. I folded a towel twice so it was 4 x thick to sleep on for a week.

Thanks. The sac actually came out very easily about an hour or so ago, literally just fell out of me with no pain or contractions. I just said 'ooh'! Squeaked and there it was. I fished it out and popped it in the freezer to take to the hospital later as they arrange cremations for miscarried/stillborn babies. It didn't look like a baby thank goodness.

I so hope the rest of it comes away with such little fuss. If so I will consider myself to have got off very lightly indeed but it ain't over til it's over and I think it's far from over.

This is such a helpful thread

Thank you for creating this thread. It's all a woman going through mc would need

Loads of love 🌷🌷🌷

I just miscarried last week and it was a bit of a shock. I had just started vlogging my pregnancy for a pregnancy website I help with. I didn’t know what to do but decided to keep vlogging as miscarriage is so common and heartbreaking but people don’t really talk about them. I hope others dealing with miscarriage will find them helpful. Here is the link for the post I made the day after I passed the baby. Feel free to share with others you feel it would be helpful for. We’re not alone!

I just wanted to say thank you to the previous posters for all the practical advice they have added to this thread over the years. I found out on Wednesday that rather than being 10+4 my baby had died shortly after my previous scan at 8+3 which had shown everything to be perfect and a strong heartbeat. I had first oral tablet yesterday morning and I'm back in for pessaries tomorrow. Apart from very small bleed on Sunday evening which was smaller than bleeds id had when expecting my older two children I have had no cramping or bleeding yet. I had hoped things might start before returning to hospital but it seems not. Wednesday was awful, was a complete wreck. Yesterday I seemed completely detached from the situation and probably overdid it trying to keep busy. Today I feel so emotional and like I have been hit by a bus. Absolutely dreading what tomorrow brings and preparing for the worst after reading this thread and hearing my friends similar accounts. I just want to be back in my little pregnant bubble where putting my hand on my belly made me smile about my little secret and not want to stay in bed and hibernate and not see anyone or anything.

Hello everyone,

Just looking for some help.

Day 11 of a MMC confirmed at 12 weeks lost 6/8 weeks.

I have had serve cramps since a 3pm today but the bleeding seems to near enough stopped now which is odd. I'm really fed up and going to call the hospital tomorrow for medication. (Had second scan Thursday to confirm it's still in there)

What happens just before you pass the sac?

Are you in pain, cramps? Could this be a build up to me passing the sac? I keep heading to the bathroom but I can't pee anymore there's nothing there. I keep trying.

Does it pass when you go for a wee or is there a build up and feel you need to head to the bathroom.

Has anyone still not passed the baby 11/12 days in?

Thank you in advance

Hi, I'm Cee from Belgium.
I've been stalking this board and specifically this thread for a couple of weeks now.
Just got confirmation after a worrying echo about 10 days ago, that at 5 weeks 4 days the sac isn't growing. My HCG is going up but too slowly with a doubling time of 200 hours.
They want to give me Cytotec. Pills that will bring about the miscarriage but I have to wait until next Thursday the 4th because they wanna be sure. To be honest I just think they're scheduling me in 9 days because they're hoping it will start naturally.
I've said goodbye to this baby all weekend and I'm ready. I'm a wreck. I just want it over with so I can move on.
I'm in Limboland and it's killing me.
I feel for all you ladies who have been through this. It's hell. I've cried so much I'm all out of tears.

@TheLocation

Hi there, I am so sorry for your loss and understand your pain.

I yesterday took Misoprostol at the hospital been bleeding for 2 weeks tomorrow. I am too fed up and want it over with. However the drug only works for 80% of people and think I am one of the 20% Just my luck.

I have to go back tomorrow and take more and if that doesn't work I will have to SMM which I am dreading.

It's a terrible waiting game.

One thing on medical management-the standard NICE approved protocol is misoprostol only-but there is the option of mifepristone as well if you can convince your unit to give it to you.
They used to use both drugs years ago for miscarriage- it's the same protocol as they give for abortion.

Basically the mifepristone blocks the hormones that keep the pregnancy going, and then two days later you have the misoprostol which starts your uterus contracting.

Last time miso alone did nothing for me despite a dose and a half but I pushed to be given Mife as well (wanted to do everything to avoid surgery) -they eventually said yes and that's what worked for me.

There's a trial ongoing at the moment to try and prove the two drugs are more effective than just the miso in miscarriage. X

@Laney79

Thank you for that information I am going to look into it now.

Hey Funnybunnyfluff. Thanks for your reply.
So so sorry for your loss. So sorry to be speaking with you on here.
I can't believe you've been in limbo for two weeks now. That's horrible. You getting the procedure done?
It's surreal I'm sitting here wishing for a miscarriage to begin. Disappointed every time I go to the toilet and wipe and there's no blood.
F* this is so hard!

I know that feeling, I said only the same thing to much husband.

I actually got a little excited for blood then it hits me that why...! Then it stops and I'm frustrated again.

I think I'm going to end up with the op but Just was not what I thought would happen.

I never realised a miscarriage would be such a nightmare. I didn't realise it doesn't happen quickly for some. That has been the hard part to deal with. I have dealt with the loss in my head and just want to get back to normal.

Funnybunnyfluff... any update? Did the bleeding restart?
I truly hope you don't need the operation.
No update here. No bleeding and still feeling very pregnant.

Nothing happened last night. Going back in today for another dose to try one more time.

If not surgery is my only option left. Maybe should have done that in the first place. However I'm scared iv never been to hospital for anything and it worries me.

I'm thinking of you. If you end up getting the operation it will be ok and then you know for sure that it's over.
Hang in there.