Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

I'm currently on the tail end of a natural mc at 6.5 weeks. Mine has not been textbook as I knew on Monday I would likely miscarry. All levels were too low. So I spent days in anxiety and fear of when it would start and how bad it would be. I lost so much sleep. Then 3 days ago I started brown and then the next day pink and the 3rd day it came. Passing clots and a lot of blood. I never really had pain until about 12 hours after losing a lot of clots and such. I started to cramp but super mild. Today I've passed the sac and more clots. Bleeding is still heavy, but no pain. I haven't had to take a single pain pill of any sorts, but highly recommend NOT being alone. I've wanted someone with me the entire time. Being alone felt scary as I didn't know what to expect. I never filled a pad with blood and would just have a "urge" and would go to the loo for 5 minutes and be done. Then maybe would need to go back 15 minutes later. Wasn't bad. I know everyone experiences are so different. It's so hard to know. Biggest thing is if you know in advance to start extra hydration and stay extra hydrated during the mc. You lose a lot of blood and need to not be dehydrated or imbalanced. I kept taking my prenatal vitamins to replenish the iron I was losing too. Big hugs and best wishes to you all.

Most bleeding done with now. I really feel that I have to go back on Monday. I've got a really important course on Thursday / Friday which gives me a qualification vital to my job role. Costs £600 and my work will lose that money if I cancel. Got a really stressful day on Monday. Not sure how I'm going to cope.

I found out 10 days ago that the heartbeat had stopped and pregnancy shrunk to 4.5mm.
(long story short, I was on the coil but very sick so took test got a shock BFP and had a scan to check for coil at 6 weeks, had 2 more scans each showing heartbeat at 7+4 then 4th scan at 8+4 confirmed no coil but also no heartbeat).
Head still in shock that I was pregnant, risks of coil and coil removal then loss.
Anyway I wanted ask how long people waited for mc to happen after they found out? I'm having dreams/nightmares that it happens but no signs at all in real life apart from no more pg symptoms (apart from the odd morning I've been sick). I feel like a ticking time bomb. Thanks.

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss. I felt just as you did. I found out on a Monday I would lose the baby. I was having zero symptoms. I started having anxiety and nightmares and just felt like it was taking over me. I was just waiting for it to happen and it was awful. I started to miscarry on Thursday. So just a few days after I found out. It's been a terrible experience. Not a ton of pain, but just the experience in general is awful. I have seen some people go for a 12 week appointment and found out baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and still hadn't miscarried. Everyone's body is so different. At my appointment baby should have been 6w6d and I showed 5w. So from time baby stopped growing I guess it took my body almost 2 weeks to start to miscarry. Sending you best wishes and warm hugs. Be prepared to stay at home several days and get lots of rest and fluids.

Thank you rmx3.
I can't imagine waiting 6 or more weeks for it to happen.
My logical brain says that the surgical option is the right one for me. I've had a number of ops under general anesthetic so that doesn't worry me its the 1/30,000 chance of a hysterectomy that worries me after I was one of a tiny minority who fall pg on the coil. My logical brain knows they aren't connected and my gut tells me to just wait it out naturally but I'm not sure how many weeks I could wait as I'd worry about infection.

Sorry, I also meant sorry for your loss too. I'm so sorry its been so emotionally painful for you. I have no idea how I will feel when it happens. Up until now I just feel a bit numb about it. Hugs x

Hi Ladies,
I am so sorry for you losses, this time is so rubbish, you have so much running through your brain and even after the event it takes such a long time for your hormones to get back to normal. I've had 2 Mcs, the first was natural and the second a missed miscarriage, so I opted for medical management- although I felt it helped me to deal with it as I passed it all over a few days , it was quite painful. My advice to all is to give yourself time, we have physical trauma to go through as well as mental anguish and loss. Lean on those around you and be ok with things being up and down for a bit. Talk to people, they will understand and many women will be able to share their experiences with you. Take big care of yourselves

Thank you for this thread - I've been reading it over the past week or so. Three weeks ago I found out I was pregnant during an abdominal ultrasound scan. But from the moment they told me it didn't feel right - they told me they thought I was 4-5 weeks which didn't sound right but I thought maybe I'd got my dates wrong. A week later I had some bleeding and my gp sent me straight to the early pregnancy unit. They did a scan and said the sac had grown and there was something inside but couldn't decide whether it was too early to see anything or whether it was a missed miscarriage. They booked me in for another scan a week later and I spent the week spotting on and off (usually after a bowel movement) and over analysing every symptom. I didn't feel pregnant but then I didn't when I had my first dc so didn't think that was much of a sign. The morning of my scan I got ready for work and went to the loo before leaving like I always do and I started bleeding more heavily with some small clots. I went to the scan as planned and they confirmed that it looked like I was now miscarrying and talked me through my options. I decided to go for the surgical option with general anaethestic (they offer it under local at my hospital!) after reading about people's experiences as I have dc to look after and didn't want them to witness my suffering. Also my hospital doesn't do the four tablets in one go - they do two and then two 48 hours later and the nurse said most women need the second dose.

I have been bleeding for almost a week. It hasn't been a great big gush like some have described on here and a lot less than my normal periods if i'm honest though more clots. I've been wearing maternity pads and had taken the precaution of putting one of those disposable mats on the bed. I've not had to change more than every couple of hours and not had to get up to change at night. I don't know if this is worse than it being over in a couple of hours or not. The pain has been intense at times but as long as I've kept on top of pain relief (paracetamol and codeine) and used a hot water bottle it's been manageable but kept me awake a couple of nights when pain relief has worn off. I have had intense sugar cravings for a few days which is unusual for me and driven me mad as there wasn't stuff in the house to satisfy them!

The bleeding is lighter today and I probably could've got away with one pad all day but have changed it regularly. I'm hoping that when I go to the hospital tomorrow it's all over and I don't need the surgery.

I wanted to share my experience so that anyone reading this can see that it's different for everyone. I am truly sorry for everyone that has gone through this and is still going through this. It's shit.

Emotionally I've gone from distraught and sobbing to days where I feel detached and clinical about the whole thing. Me and DP have had some humdinger rows because of my temper. My worst day was yesterday - the pain and bleeding had been less on Friday so I thought it was tailing off but it was worse again yesterday and I just wanted to sit on the floor and cry all day.

One thing I wasn't prepared for which may sound strange is the smell of the blood - it smells different to normal period blood and the same as the blood after you've had a baby. The smell upset me when the bleeding started because it was the sign that it was over I think.

Anyway I hope this helps someone. Sorry it's so long.

I'm going back to work tomorrow and most people in my team know what's happened but we work I an office with other departments and they might not know but knew I was pregnant. What do I say to them if they ask me how I'm feeling or how's pregnancy?

Oh Thingymabob,
Just take it one step at a time- have u got a helpful friend that can deflect? I'm a teacher and only wanted a select few to know what had happened and defo didn't want to talk about it at work as had to have me game face on. Most people will just want to know u r ok and read your body language. Try not to worry, but don't beat yourself up if u need a minute xx all the best xx

Aww Thingymaboob that's really hard and don't have a solution as I'm in a similar position... I was supposed to be in Spain this week so when I go back to work people will ask how my holiday was and I haven't figured out how to respond yet.

Is there anyone that could pass a message around?

So I had medical management yesterday and thought I'd share my experience as this thread was very useful for me when thinking about my options.
My hospital admit you for medical management so I was in hospital for 9ish hours. But it really wasn't anywhere near as bad as I was expecting. I think preparing for the worst helped a lot but the boredom was the worst. The tablets were inserted at 8am and I started getting AF type pains at about 10. Bleeding started about 2pm by which time I was just pleased as we'd been there so long. 3 hours later it was mostly over and I was discharged.
The pain was worse than 'bad period pain' but then I don't suffer from heavy periods with bad pain anyway so it was probably normal for lots of people, and it was nothing that normal painkillers couldn't deal with. The bleeding was heavier than a normal period, and with lots of clots bit I was prepared for that. It's now just normal period level bleeding.
My advice would be get baby wipes for cleaning up, and sleep in leggings for feeling secure.
The nurses kept saying I was very early gestation, which was a bit annoying as I was 11 weeks, but the sac stopped growing at 7 so I guess that's what they meant. And maybe that made things easier?
I've had a bit of cramping today, but ibuprofen and hot water bottle are sorting me out. I knew in my gut that this was right choice for me and if I had my time again I wouldn't do anything differently.

CharlieWeasley Thank you for sharing Interesting that your hospital keeps you in - I might have considered it differently if mine did and just goes to show how different it is for everyone even in terms of the treatment.

As I expected I didn't need the surgery in the end and the bleeding has stopped. But I've been told to expect some more bleeding as I still have some left behind my cervix. But otherwise I need to do a pregnancy test in 3 weeks and then that's it.

Saw a colleague at work today who asked me how my morning sickness was. I informed her that in miscarried last week and she burst out in tears and was so apologetic. Another colleague also came and gave me a tearful hug earlier too. This was just before I had to give an important presentation to my manager and a consultant anaesthetic. Can't believe I kept myself together!

Sounds like you did well today. Be kind to yourself tonight - all this emotional stuff is draining

I'm going back to work tomorrow. I've had 3 weeks off but had surgery last week. Im dreading it. One of my colleagues had her baby today and I can't face the baby chat. This is my 3rd pregnancy loss at its hit me much harder than the previous 2.

Oh Somethingfromnothing, I'm so sorry for all your losses; I know I kind of hope/ feel that although I never got to meet my angels, they are hopefully together now looking out for each other.

I wish you all the best for tomorrow, one of my colleagues came back from paternity leave on the day I went back and I did everything I could to avoid him and any baby talk for the first few days. You will be fine, being busy is good, but give yourself a break if you have a wobble, you're allowed to. Take big care

Oh somethingfromnothing that is hard hope it goes better than you expect

I've got another two weeks off (already had one) but I feel like I need it. Even though the bleeding has now stopped I get a painful twinge every now and then, have a headache, sore throat and feel wiped out. My skin is awful and I have a horrendous dry scalp. It's like my body has had enough

Something- sorry for your loss. I've found people at work really understanding and I'm sure they'll give you some space.
Littletike- I know exactly what you mean. I feel so drained and tired. My throat is sore along with my ear. My body has had enough too. I've eaten so much cake the last two weeks- I've probably put a stone on!!! Be kind to yourself everyone and do what makes you happy. I thought I would really enjoy having a few glasses of wine but I just got terrible indigestion and felt sick!!

How you all doing?

I'm struggling with how lonely and isolated I feel. Friends have text good wishes but nobody has really made an effort to see me over the past 2 weeks... maybe I'm expecting too much

That's me had 2 days back at work. Today was okay, yesterday I was very teary every time someone spoke to me. I don't think I've ever cried at work before so I found that difficult.

I feel the same littletike no one from work text while I was off which Upset me a bit. I know that people don't know what to say but it doesn't make it any easier. It really is so isolating.

I don't think people really understand unless they've been through it. Both my managers have had IVF & MC and they were so supportive and sent flowers.
TBH, it's probably that people don't understand

I guess they don't. I didn't understand before it happened to me but still would've reached out to my friends if they were going through it.

Hi everyone - first of all, sorry for all of your losses.

I have been googling for days now, and this is the most helpful page I've come across. I want to share my story, as I haven't told anyone (except my husband, who has been away with work all week).

We found out we were pregnant early last week - I did a test as I'd been feeling really sick...but thought it was odd, as I'd had a period (or so I'd thought) and then another one a few days later. When I went to GP, got my HCG levels done (49,000) and they decided to keep an eye on me as I'd been bleeding on and off. At that stage, I was about 6 weeks. 5 days later, went back to my GP (had a bit more bleeding) and sent me for an u/s scan - went by myself as DH was away. Took them ages to find the gestational sac, and ended up having to do an internal u/s. Also found out at that stage that I have a bicornuate uterus (something else to worry about...). Heartbeat was very faint (struggled to find one), and I could tell it wasn't great news. Got my HCG levels back, 45,000 - they had dropped.

The same day (this was Tuesday just gone), I just stopped feeling pregnant. No longer tired, so nausea, sore boobs disappeared. And weirdly the bleeding has stopped too. Now have an upset tummy (after having been a bit constipated when I had other pregnancy symptoms - sorry, TMI!).

Going back to GP on Tuesday, but I have accepted baby has gone. I am in a terrible state of limbo as I haven't been told categorically that is the case (I guess I might get another scan on Tuesday), but I just know. Started to get a bit of lower back pain on one side, and some cramping. I'm terrified of what is to come and when it will happen. I am randomly bursting into tears, and have sat all week at work unable to barely do a thing.

Sorry for such a long post, I just needed to get all this off my chest.

Hugs to everyone.

Hi Moringa1. So sorry you have to go through this. Sounds awful. Unfortunately all you can do is wait. The bleeding might not be that heavy / painful but as your HCG levels drop you might start to feel quite emotional. I would advise to take next week off work - emotionally this process can be quite draining. Also, you're right- you're in a period of limbo and you'll be so distracted thinking about it.

My mc is getting a bit weird. TMI alert. Seem to be passing pink mucous. The consistency is like when I'm at my most fertile. It's very cold, very thick and very sticky but it's pink / brown - like snot! MC started 2 weeks ago. No sign of infection.