Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Thought I should maybe share our story. We discovered we were pregnant much to our surprise after being told by fertility clinic that we had little chance of conceiving naturally and were overjoyed. We both tried not to get too overexcited due to previous miscarriage, but of course couldn't help ourselves. At 7 weeks had a slight bleed so went to gp who referred us straight to EPU, they did a scan and told us gestational sac was empty, did blood tests which showed hcg count was high, they repeated test- if pregnancy had been viable the hormone count would have doubled, sadly it did not and then gave us another scan a week later where they confirmed a missed miscarriage. The y sat is down and went through the 3 options and we chose medical management- they also gave us time to decide, needed that head in bits. The process itself was fine- although be prepared, pills work very quickly and you are sent home to deal with it alone. For me it was much more painful than my previous miscarriage ( I had sent hubby back to work as I thought I would be ok). I vomited lots too, so having a sick bowl to hand can help too and became quite feverish. Hot water bottles to curl up with. I also did lots of pacing and stretching. I would really recommend having someone with you as it can be quite scary passing it all. It's strange, each time I have never been quite sure what to do with it, it seems quite unceremonious to let it go down the toilet but inevitably that can be what happens. Do what feels right for you. I kind of feel that although I never got to meet my two little angels wherever they are, they are together now. Take care of yourselves ladies

First signs of pink spotting here. Any idea when it should kick off for real? My DP is supposed to go away with work for a couple of days from tomorrow but I don't want him to cancel if I still have a few days grace. On the other hand, I don't want to be here by myself if it happens.

Technically I won't be by myself as I have 2 secondary aged DC but they don't know and I don't want them to know. Worse case scenario is me having to get them to help me.

I think it's hard to tell derby I've been having heavy period like bleeding for over a week now which is why I'm going for ERPC tomorrow. With my previous mc I think it was a couple of days after the spotting started that the bleeding properly kicked in but I think my body is slow to deal with it.

First off, I would like to hug you all for what you have been through. Today marks the first anniversary of my miscarriage, and seeing messages of support from others is truly inspiring.

I am feeling at a loss today, I am currently 11weeks+4 and feeling extremely emotional. My scan is booked for Saturday and my due dates line up exactly a year to the day that my baby should have been born, which is putting me really on edge.

I don't regret trying and am so glad I didn't get to the year mark without falling again, but I don't know if the dates are making this pregnancy harder or not.
I haven't told any friends of this pregnancy as they are all dealing with their babies (12/8/4 weeks older than my little one should have been) as I don't want to see that sympathetic look in their eyes if I do miscarry again. But every little twinge or movement, the morning sickness which I never had with dd (3.5 years) or my miscarriage just make me feel like something is wrong.

I guess hope is what I'm feeling, hope mixed with a lot a lot of fear.

This blog has helped me so so so much over the last year, dealing with everything I have been feeling and I think if the worst were to happen again, I would be better equip to deal with those consequences.

So to all of you, thank you for sharing and helping xx

Derby I bled for 5/6 days before the internal ultrasound dislodged something and the heavy bleed. I'm sure it's different for every person though xx

Hi Derby,
With my first mc I had spotting on and off for a week before anything happened, I moved from spotting to light bleeding which gradually got heavier over a couple of days, any cramping yet? Try not to worry too much, i know it's a really horrible time and you just want it over with but you will be ok. I was on my own for my first mc and moved from toilet to bed and back again.

Be kind to yourself Derby and lean on those around you, if your hubby can't be there I am sure there are lots of lovely people around you that would be happy to look after you now. Take big care xx

Sah1987, good luck! I know it must be impossible not to worry but with each passing day your little one gets stronger. Your post gives us all hope. Thank you

sah pregnancy after miscarriage is so difficult. You should take a look at the thread in pregnancy about staying positive in pregnancy after a mc. There's lots of women on it around your stage of pregnancy. Wishing you well with your scan

Thank you, I have posted there. X

False alarm last night. Clinic just called and my HCG is static so I'm having medical management. Would have been today but DP is away so will likely be tomorrow now as you have to have someone with you.

Hi Derbyday,
I had medical management last Monday and I would keep your partner with you. The nurses inserted the pills and sent us straight home and already in the car I started experiencing cramps. I stupidly told my husband to go to work once we had got home but would have been much better off if he had stayed with me. The first few hours can be quite intense so make sure u take pain killers and the pills also made me sick. I slept when I could and was over the worst by the evening. Give yourself time to recover physically and mentally. Will be thinking of you

Thanks Nix. He's flying back tonight and I have no intention of letting him leave me! I'm hoping it's over quickly.

Hi - just after a bit of advice. I had blighted ovum confirmed just Friday (I'm 10 weeks) and have been sent home for a week to wait for it to happen naturally. There have been no signs so far so I've been reading the information the hospital gave me. I'm thinking of opting for medical management. Our hospital give you the tablet then send you home. Then about your 48 hours later for the pessaries. Can anyone tell me - will everything start once I have the tablet or will that just cause cramps?

Charlie, my clinic give all 4 pills in one go. I had mine at 11 today and whilst I have AF pains there's no blood yet. I was told to expect it to happen by tonight.

Thanks - just trying to get myself prepared!

Hi Charlie,
I had medical management last week , hospital gave me 4 pills in one go and began bleeding and cramping in the car on the way home. Unlike my first mc , where I passed it all in one go, I passed this time in chunks. I was in quite a lot of pain for the first 6 hours and was also sick, so keep a bowl by your bed too. I had the sweats too, so ibuprofen helped lots. The cramping lessened then but continued on and off for a few days. I think people react differently, but I would make sure you keep someone with you as can be quite overwhelming if you are alone. They expect the worst to be over in first 24 hours. Try not to worry and don't forget to give yourself time to deal with things emotionally too. It's my first day back at work today, but the hospital signed me off for two weeks- you need to give yourself time. Look after yourself and lean on those around you x

Hope you are all doing okay ladies. I had surgical management yesterday and I'm not bleeding that heavily today. I sort of expected more blood and I'm now worrying that I might have an infection. Argh I hate all this, it's just one worry after the next!

Hi Something,
I know your head starts to think all sorts and you worry about every little thing. I worried about infection too and phoned my epu and spoke to a nurse, they were really good and went through my concerns with me; when I phoned on the next day they asked if I wanted to come in and have a chat. Sometimes reassurance from a professional can help. Give them a ring,it might help.
Everything I have read about surgical management would suggest most of the bleeding gets dealt with on the day, if that helps. Take big care and lean on those around you.

I've just left A&E. The pain was off the charts and I was desperate for something to take the edge off. They took so long to offer me morphine that it had eased off, so we had a wasted trip.

Bleeding started at 2 along with the mega pain. Not too much blood so far and certainly no need to sit on the loo whilst it pours out. Maybe that will come later. I would never choose this option again though.

Oh derby that sounds awful! I hope it all happens quickly for you. That's rubbish about A&E, they shouldn't have left you in pain like that!

I would suggest that if the bleeding is so bad that you need to stay say on the toilet for hours or soaks through a pad in less than 30 minutes you should go to A & E. I know this because when I had mc2 I literally couldn't move from the toilet and rang the hospital (I'd had a scan earlier and knew to expect mc) they ordered me in and there I stayed until I'd had an emergency d&c. It turned out what I thought was heavy bleeding was in fact a haemorrhage! I ended up severely anaemic and nearly had to have a transfusion. After the D&C everything was normal and when I had mc3&4 I opted for d&c immediately and found it to be much less traumatic. A mc is awful enough without having to deal with the the horrendous physical effects.

Hey Derby,
Hope you are feeling lots better now

I'm much better thanks. Other than the 3 hours of excruciating pain on Tuesday it's been relatively ok. The bleeding has been really very minimal which is a surprise. I was going to go back to work today but figured another day off wouldn't hurt.

I took a week off, don't rush it x