Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

I just came on to say I've been having weird discharge, a sort of light brown colour. I've never had this before with my periods or mc. I imagine it's similar to yours thingy I'm nearly 2 weeks past my ERPC.

Hope you are doing okay moringa I took a couple of weeks off work as I found the stress to much and I was paranoid about bleeding loads when I wasn't in the house. I never realised that having a miscarriage could be such a drawn out process until I had experienced it myself. I hope you get some closure soon.

Thanks for the messages guys - I'm finding it emotionally exhausting because no one at work knows, and I don't want to say anything as it's my first time trying to get pregnant and then they'll all know I'm planning to..I know it shouldn't make a difference, but I always thought it would be straightforward and I'd just wait until you'd passed the 'safe 12 week mark' and then announce the great news. Coming on here has made me realise how many of us go through these hard times and struggle to talk about it.

I'm still waiting for anything to happen - it's like a cruel trick because all my symptoms have disappeared and I actually feel good, lots of energy, no nausea...

I'm going to call my GP tomorrow morning and tell her how I feel and that I need to talk about my options. Hoping I can get a scan to confirm the worst .

Hi moringa, you don't have to tell everyone at work. Just tell your line manager & take (at least) a week off. Your manager can't tell anyone else. I told everyone in my office I was pregnant as I had morning sickness. I'm really glad they knew. They were lovely. You need also to confirm what's happening.

moringa sorry ypu are going through this

I didn't tell my manager until it actually happened but I wish I'd told him when I found out all might not be ok as he was really supportive. My reasoning was because I was going for a few promotion opportunities and if it turned out that everything was ok then I didn't want to announce my pregnancy too early to influence the outcome. Best laid plans and all that...

Be kind to yourself x

Sorry for your losses all.
After 3 weeks waiting for a natural mc to happen I decided to book in for medical management which will take me to 4 weeks from when I found out (no heart beat at scan) or 5 weeks from last time scan with a heart beat. Has anyone else waited this long? It's called natural management I'm told. Feel a bit of an anomoly as it doesn't seem any people wait this long. Just wondered if I was the only one and how others felt about it. Thank you.

Hi ColdCottage
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through - it's a horrible time, and a lonely one too.
I've just had confirmation that my baby stppped growing at probably around the 5-6 week mark. I'm now over 8 weeks and absolutely nothing has happened (no pain or bleeding - apart from the early bleeding which signalled something might be wrong). I thought i might wait for it to happen naturally, but not sure how keen I am to potentially wait another month or more. I've been referred up to an early pregnancy assessment unit who apparently will be happy to do medical management there and then. Hoping to hear from them today. I don't know much about it, but I'm going to ask all my questions before I make any decisions. For example, if it doesn't completely work, how long before they have to do a D&C etc.
I'll keep you posted on what the clinic say. It's a hard time, but after a couple of long weeks waiting and wondering, I feel like I need to try and move things on.
Big hugs

Hi Moringa.
I am sorry about all of this , it really is such a horrible time. I had medical management 3weeks ago and the hospital asked me to do a pregnancy test this week, if there was any feint line then I would have had to return for d n c but thankfully all clear. When I had mine it was 4 weeks from when they said baby had stopped growing. It was quite painful and I would definitely recommend having someone there with you. Also, it's quite an emotional rollercoaster so take at least a week off.
I really am sorry for your loss.
Take care x

I hope you don't mind me sharing my story!! My head is so frazzled atm and I'm finding it hard to digest!

Found I was pregnant on 28th September... absolute miracle after 4 long years of ttc and the doctors giving up hope and saying I have unexplained infertility... then a month later on fell pregnant.

I am now on day 14 of bleeding... suspected miscarriage, but the doctor still hasn't sent me for a scan. Saw my lovely nurse on Friday whose been with me the whole way through this who decided she would do my bloods to try and get and indication on what's going on, got my results back yesterday and my Hgc levels were 1000... so not high enough considering I should be 12 weeks now. So has referred me to see the gp on Thursday and hopefully she will send me for a scan. I still have my first scan booked for Monday!
She seems to think I haven't passed enough blood to complete the miscarriage. I have been bleeding for 2 weeks, only had to wear a pad for 4 days and still not much blood then, only really there when I wipe and barely any clots (I've had 2 the size of a 5p)
My nurses thoughts are thay I might need a small procedure to help pass the rest! I'm dreading this... I've struggled to have time off work, I'm a nanny and my boss has a really important job and relies on me greatly! I had 2 days off when I found out I was miscarring. They've told me to try and take it easy but that's hard when I have two 1yr olds to chase about!

I just hate all this waiting around.... I really want this all to be over so I can start to think about trying again!

Sorry for the long post.

Love and hugs to everyone else who has had to go through this horrible experience!!

Nanny is there an early pregnancy clinic near you? If so it might be worth giving them a ring to see if you can self refer or something as it seems ridiculous to me that you haven't been scanned.

I'm a week on from bleeding stopping and 2 weeks from miscarriage starting. I've been ok but I think there must be something going on as the last two days I've been really uncomfortable and feeling hormonal again. I just want to feel normal again physically and emotionally. I'm still off work for another week and yesterday I thought I'd be ok but today I'm not sure.

Hi littletike
There is an early pregnancy unit near me but last time I spoke to them they said they wouldn't see me without a referral from gp or unless I'd be bleeding for more than 3 weeks!! Fingers crossed the gp will refer me tomorrow!!
I hope you start feeling normally again soon!! I just want all this to be over now...

Thank you Moringa1, I was told that they give it a week to see if the tablets work and then review. If it doesn't work then I'd need to go for surgical management.
Although my logical brain told me that the surgical option was best for me as I could plan it around childcare and hopefully it would then be over but when I booked it my gut told me it wasn't for me so after chatting to my husband I decided to continue to wait for it to happen naturally until last week after my 2 week follow up chat. Just had enough of not feeling myself, being sick occasionally still and not knowing what will be happening next.

nanny that's not good at all! How did you get on with the gp?

coldcottage where are you at now? my hospital seems to be a bit of an anomaly as they give 2 tablets and if they haven't worked in 48 hours then give the second dose and wait a further 48 hours.

My stomach feels weird and I'm going to start another thread about it I think... it could be unrelated but the discomfort is starting to worry me - it's like my insides feel bruised/tender when I sit down too hard or bend over and it feels similar to being pregnant in terms of pressure... the scan confirmed miscarriage was complete so not sure what's going on.

Sorry your feeling discomfort littletike
So the gp referred me and I went for a scan today... but they sonographer and nurses still can't give me a straight answer... there was a small sack but would only look like 5-6 weeks so no heartbeat could be round. Their not sure if this is part of the miscarriage or whether it's a new pregnancy, whether my dates were just wrong!! God knows.... got to go back for a scan in 10 days to see what's happened.... just so confusing! I'm sure my dates can't be wrong, and I've been having positive tests for 5 weeks now too!!
So I really don't know what to say/do/think, guess I'll just have to wait until my next scan!!

I'm in Oxfordshire, believe they give you all 4 in one go. Then you go home.

I was very anxious about what would happen in medical management but I feel I had the easiest experience I could have possibly had physically.
Tablets went in at 2pm (along with suppository pain relief) period pain like cramps started about 8.30/9pm so took paracetamol and got in the bath.
Bleeding started about 10pm in the bath so got out and was all over by midnight. No more bleeding over night or since apart from very tail end of period marks.
The reason for my post is just prepare for the worst (for me that was pain killers, tens machine, hot water bottle and comfort food plus other advice on here) and hopefully you will find its not too bad.
I'm sorry for everyone going through this. This thread really helped me see a real world reality of MC and MMC which helped me in tandem with the official support via NHS leaflets.

I was very anxious about what would happen in medical management but I feel I had the easiest experience I could have possibly had physically.
Tablets went in at 2pm (along with suppository pain relief) period pain like cramps started about 8.30/9pm so took paracetamol and got in the bath.
Bleeding started about 10pm in the bath so got out and was all over by midnight. No more bleeding over night or since apart from very tail end of period marks.
The reason for my post is just prepare for the worst (for me that was pain killers, tens machine, hot water bottle and comfort food plus other advice on here) and hopefully you will find its not too bad.
I'm sorry for everyone going through this. This thread really helped me see a real world reality of MC and MMC which helped me in tandem with the official support via NHS leaflets.

Feel the need to add my experience. This is my first pregnancy.
I had a bit of a sqwiffy period at the beginning of the month, continuing to have a brown to red discharge for two weeks. Did a pregnancy test at the end of last week which was positive, went to the doctors who referred to the EPU.

We had tests on Tuesday along with an internal exam which showed nothing there, but bloods came back at around 700, we were around 4 and a half weeks, which matched our dates. Thursday's bloods came back at 200, so we knew it wasn't viable.

However, I am disappointed that no one mentioned any of what has been mentioned on the thread, that this would happen, or was to be expected and planned for. I have just started a new job, so I was trying to keep it quiet whatever happened, but had I have known this was to happen I would have told them ( I went to work on Friday) so that they knew I may not be able to make it.

Just started bleeding heavily and had to quickly nip to the shops for supplies before they close at 10.

Oh Louise, I'm sorry to hear your news and sorry for your loss. It just feels like this is something people never mention but then when you do talk about it so many have been affected. Give yourself time and make sure you talk to people around you. Take big care

Hello, this is such an incredibly incredibly helpful thread. I suspect I am going to need it - measuring 6 weeks instead of 9. Got to go back for a scan but think it will just be confirming bad news.

My question is, and I'm really sorry if already been answered, if it stopped at 6 weeks would that be like a 6 week MC rather than a 9 week? I'm weighing up my options and am wondering how much "matter" I am likely to pass at this stage. By the time I go back for my scan I would have been ten weeks + 1.

I've read through half of the thread and will read the rest when I get home - so so sad to see that it's so many pages, although the information is helpful it's awful to see so many of you have had to go through it.

Hi,
Let me start by saying I am really sorry you are going through this, it's horrible and I don't think people really understand. I was in a similar position to you and opted for medical management; I passed lots of quite big chunks (sorry for tmi) unlike when I had my natural miscarriage and it all came out in a big wish but the thing I have learned is everybody is different. Give yourself time and lean on those around you, they will want to help. Take care

thanks Nixie that's really helpful.

Bumping this

God bless you for this thread. I had a mc yesterday night. Alone at home and without a clue what to do. You literally saved me! It has been as horrible has everybody describe. My personal thing to add is that I was sweating a lot over night so I have changed pijis 2 times.

Thanks again and a big hug to all the lovely ladies that had the misfortune to read this.

Thank you so much for this thread.

Discovered today at 12w I've had an mmc. Trying to get my head around things and think practically so this thread has been amazingly helpful. I'm booked for surgery on Tues but don't think I'll make it as already bleeding and just started getting cramps. Preparing for what the weekend will bring 😔

So sorry to all of you who've also been through this xxx

Hi Mochachocachino,
First off let me say how sorry i am for your loss, it really is such a horrible thing to have to go through and so confusing. Make sure you lean on those around you and take lots of care. Plenty of pain killers and pads. Lots of water as u may be dehydrated.
Thinking of u