Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Just a quick update. 5 weeks after initial bleed I have finally stopped bleeding and have been given all clear from hospital. It's been a long long 5 weeks but finally starting to feel normal again. Still hurting emotionally but I guess time will help. Decided to start trying again now...terrified but know that we have to try it again

We found out yesterday at our scan that our baby had died too.
I was 10 wks 4 days and it died at 7 wks 5 days.
Just sitting here in limbo....
Its been dead 3 wks and my body still think its pregnant, however I had none of the horrendous sickness i had had with the others and didn't know whether to feel lucky, or scared.
I tend to avoid medical interventions...It would be nice for this to resolve naturally, but now I am scared as I already tend to be a bleeder/gusher post partum, and I also don't know how long this 'pregnancy' will go on.
I want to try for another one asap, not be 'pregnant' for another month before this ends...so I don't know what to do?
I am scared that the surgical route (they use suction in our hospital and could do it under local if I wanted) could damage my uterus and mean no more babies, but also scared of all the bleeding if i do it naturally, and the fact i could wait for another 4 or 6 wks and still not miscarry? :/

Hello, sorry for your loss. I'm in the same situation, and about to have the surgical option this week. The doctors explained that the risk of damage to your uterus is very low- sorry I don't know any more details than that. I just wanted to know when it would happen (and am keeping my legs crossed that it doesn't happen before then as I'm scared too!)
I read something this morning saying it was better to wait a few months before trying again to reduce the risk of mmc again, but someone else said it was fine straight away - does anyone know?

My understanding of the basic biology is that the timing of a late-first-trimester miscarriage comes down to hormones.

Certain hormones control your body behaving as if it is pregnant. During the first trimester (so up to 13ish weeks) mothers body makes these hormones. As the 2nd trimester starts, foetus is bigger and it takes over the hormone production needed to maintain pregnancy. The mothers levels of hormone production reduces and is overtaken by the foetus producing these hormones.

This basic biology means that if foetus passes during early pregnancy, mothers own body will maintain that pregnancy until the time comes that mothers hormone production reduces. Because there is no foetus there to take over hormone production, so the hormone levels drop and the mothers body realises it isn't pregnant anymore - so the miscarriage happens.

This usually happens around the 12-13w mark, as the first trimester would end. It is unlikely that a mother who's body is maintaining the pregnancy would miscarriage naturally sooner than this. It's called a Missed Miscarriage.

I am fully aware that my post so far reads very matter of fact, I'm sorry about that (it's just what I'm like) but when I had my MMC these sorts of clear explanations and facts helped me.

I am sorry for your loss.

Do prepare yourself for a lot of gore if you do this at home the natural way. Personally speaking, I was happier letting nature take its course.

I read something this morning saying it was better to wait a few months before trying again to reduce the risk of mmc again, but someone else said it was fine straight away - does anyone know?

My cycles went to pot for the first few cycles after MMC. I had no clue when I was ovulating and while we were having unprotected sex, my cycles being unpredictable and the lingering hormones from the MMC meant I didn't expect I would conceive - and I didn't.

Ultimately I did conceive again and she is nearly 2 years old now. But she wasn't conceived quickly after the MMC.

Thanks for your reply.
I can handle frank.
I deal better with things when i understand exactly hoe and why, even if it's not nice!

Can I ask you then:
a) would the fetus most likely have died due to abnormalities?

b) I have always been super sick with the other babies, loads of vomitting, but this time not at all- I felt great, which was worrying...do you think that meant I wan't producing enough hormones, or do you think that had nothing to do with it, as i have read other women with a mmc say they were vomitting etc, but still had the same outcome?

and c) I normally like to do things naturall,y without intervention and i kind of felt like it would be the natural progression of this childs journey...but after reading this thread today, i kind of had a melt down and did a 180 turn thinking, |I have birthed all my children at home naturall,y with no pain relief, I was happy to do that and felt able to do that as i had a baby to look forwards to at the end of it, but i am walking around with a body that thinks its still pregnant, but i'm not.
I have my dead child in me, and it might stay in yet another number of weeks- and then I have to go through pain, agony, and tears to deliver a dead baby!
I want to just wimp out on all that maybe and not be a hippy for once and just go and get the suction done so its over, without all the pain and the gore, and my body can move on.
Why punish myself with all the waiting, not knowing when it is going to happen, being fearful of going out and losing it in the street, and losing more valuable time at 42 years old, when I could be trying for another one next month...
I am fearful of doing something that makes my uterus less able to hold a baby...Is the ERCP suction going to cause damage?
are there reasons I should just let nature take its course and not just go in and get it one?
I am so conflicted, as my normal choice would be to follow natures path, but i wonder whether I am just holding myself to an ideal?
I don't want to sit upstairs on ur only toilet sobbing and in pain and having to get off so one of the kids can use it...
I don't know whether I want them to keep seeing me crying...they understand and have had their cry but if this goes on and on for weeks, its almost just too much for them too!
i also tend to be quite a bleeder after birth, so that weighs on my mind.
I just dont know?

What should i consider?

So so sorry for your loss. I can't tell you the way forward as it's personal choice . However I can tell you of my experience these last 6 weeks which may help. I started bleeding out of the blue 6 weeks ago at 8 1/2 weeks pregnant. At first not much then heavier and cramping until it got so painful that my OH called an ambulance. I won't lie these 6 six have been hell and I only stopped bleeding a few days ago. I wanted to pass naturally but my body had order ideas, cervix refused to open and let go even though a scan showed inevitable miscarriage. I had been prodded poked and tablets shoved up me, forceps to pull the placenta out etc etc. My body still acted pregnant for weeks after and it's taken 6 weeks to finally get the all clear that everything is now out and didn't think I would ever be so pleased to see that BFN a few days ago. My body has recovered slowly. It's going to be a difficult time ahead for you I'm afraid but everyone is different and I wish you strength to make the right choice and to get through it. Stay strong. My OH and I now finally have the all clear to try again as the last week of bleed seemed to be AF... terrified but know we have to try again.

For
A) they said to me that yes the foetus is most likely to have had chromosomal abnormalities, and so would never have survived. I read afterwards that this is true in 90 something percent of cases
B) I'm not sure. I got the impression that they said you didn't produce as many hormones because the pregnancy wasn't progressing, rather than that being the reason it happened. People on other threads have said that their being sick/not sick hasn't matched when they had mmc/not mmc
C) I think you're weighing up the right things. For me, I was worried about being at home with my 3 year old when it happened, or being at work 45 mins from home, and that we're going on holiday in 2 weeks, and was worried about the amount of blood. So am hoping the erpc works OK!

I can't give you all the answers Onceupon, it is a personal choice thing.

A) Quite likely there was a physical reason that the foetus wasn't 'viable' (so wouldn't have lived)

B) in my experience pregnancy symptoms (like sickness, tiredness) did reduce and stop in the pregnancy I had a MMC. The hormone flooding your bloodstream can be a cause of these symptoms so the lack of these symptoms could be as a result of the hormone reduction. Having said that, lots of healthy pregnancies show little or no symptoms anyway.

C) there's no right answer, just do what feels right. I had my MMC confirmed at 12+ weeks (at routine scan) and the miscarriage actually happened less than a week later. I therefore wasn't facing several weeks of waiting, only several days. This was pertinent to my decision to wait for it to happen naturally.

Re: bleeding

I'd had 3 children natural delivery and am also a bleeder. There is a lot of gore. I think being a "gusher" anyway (both post- birth and with every menstrual cycle) and having birthed multiple times previously meant that the MC was over with quicker. The whole process too about 2 hours of build up then 2 hours of gore. All done from my own bed - where I spent the rest of the day resting

Re: the children

You don't say how old. Mine were 8, 7 and 3 at the time. We did shield them from it. On the day it happened, "tightenings" started 6am so I was able to lean over in bed and inform DH it was starting. He helped me get organised with towels etc, then kept the children away from me and left me alone until it was over. I wanted it that way. In a busy house of young children, being afforded the luxury of my own company and quiet thoughts was lovely at such an emotional time.

I might also add that I suspect my DH would have been horrified by the gore if he'd witnessed it. The children definitely. Longer term I feel it was right for us to do things the way we did.

But as mentioned, I chose to do it naturally only because I knew I wouldn't have a long wait. In your situation, at 10 weeks, I might think differently.

Unexpected3 - I just feel like I have been put thru the wringer enough, to make myself go thru the bleeding and cramping and passing of the baby we so wanted, not knowing how long it would possibly be before anything even happened!!!! I have had no signs whatsoever anything was wrong.
Even though all my kids have been homebirths, and I tend to do things naturally mostly, but after going thru all my options decided last night that I wasn't going to do that to myself, and that the ONLY thing I had a choice in in this process was this, so I went into the hospital today and talked to them and was booked in for tomorrow morning.

And then tonight, about 23 mins ago, it started :( so now i dont even get that choice!

you can go into hospital, if you want to

I am in hospital now, waiting for my ERCP.
I haven't had any food or drink since 10 pm last night, ans its now almost 2pm, so starving!
Although some bleeding started last night, nothing else happened thru the night and its just brown blood at the moment and not much.
After talking to the registrar I felt he was steering me towards managing it naturally, or using the pills if i wanted to speed it up so I agreed to that, then the nurse came and said the drug is contraindicated for breastfeeding, so they had to look into that.
In the meantime I googled to find out it would be fine, but saw loads of threads again where people were saying boy did they wish they went for surgical management, so I changed my mind and asked to be scheduled.
I just want this over with.
I don't want loads of cramps and bleeding and cleaning up muck.
I don't feel the need to 'birth' this baby, and I don't really want to associate all that with the birth process as I really enjoyed birth.
Despite how much you feel scared by all their warnings of complications and risks, it seems most people I have read about were happy with their choice for the option, and thats what i want to go with.
Hopefully all goes ell and i'm not an unlucky one...
fingers crossed.

Lovely tips Fin - very practical, especially to be gentle and kind to yourself.

I'm here waiting for erpc too! Good luck. The being starving is the worst thing so far

I was taken down to theatre hours ago, and then wheeled back here after a big wait, as the anaesthetist was whisked off to do a birth.
Hours later i am still here now wondering if I will get done tonight even, seeing as it is 6pm now!

I haven't eaten for 20 hours now, or had a drink!
They have me on a fluid drip so I don't get too dehydrated...

I have been here so long now waiting (almost 12 hours) that I miscarried the baby naturally.(well they had put the pills in there for the surgery)

I stood up to go to the loo, and I felt stuff come out.
I had to call and call as no one was around, and I couldn't move as i am on a drip.
The baby in its sack came out in the pan she placed in the toilet and I have it here in a jar...the only way i'll be able to hold it ever! :(
I only had a bit of backache, no obvious contractions, so it wasn't painful.
Thankfully!
I don't know what comes next now the baby and sack has passed?
Does more come out or just blood clots?
I am STILL not allowed to eat until the doctor has seen me! 21 hours and counting!

Sorry for your loss once I MC on Tuesday, have had on off bleeding since which is now lighter like a period. I did suffer with pain from the contractions and keep getting the odd twinge especially when I go to the loo. Rest up and take your time. I had my scan yesterday and was told everything had gone so other than blood test to check my levels are reducing there isn't much else medical wise.

This thread has been really useful to me so I'm sharing my story.
This was my first pregnancy. For the first few weeks my symptoms were up and down so the gp did my bloods and my hcg levels rose by less than 30% so I was sent for an early scan at 6w2d. We saw the heartbeat and it was just amazing. Over the next few weeks I just felt less and less pregnant until I really had no symptoms other than desperately thinking - oh I think I might have felt a bit sick for a few seconds just then. I even took a pregnancy test just to check (I realise now that was pointless). We had our booking appointment with the midwife and I told her my symptoms had stopped and she said I was lucky. I asked if the EPU would investigate lack of symptoms and she said no (I now know that is not true). The day after our booking appointment I had some brown discharge so I went to the EPU - they did an internal exam said my cervix was closed, it was probably nothing but I could have a scan the next day if I wanted. I said yes - glad to be able to put my mind to rest about the lack of symptoms as well as the discharge. I went to the appointment not expecting to get the news I got that our baby had died at around 7 weeks (I should have been 8w6d). The next day I decided I wanted to have medical management so arranged to go into hospital. I had pessaries then oral tablets four hours later - nothing happened. It is now 6 days later and still nothing other than occasional minor twinges and occasional small clots - but mostly still just brown discharge and for most of the day nothing at all. I have been working from home as much as I can (I can't let this happen at work - and they don't know why I'm not in the office). I have a scan next week to confirm the miscarriage is complete - but as things stand right now I'm going to be faced with the same three choices again next week - wait, medical management, surgical management. If the medical didn't work last time why would it work this time? I don't really want surgical but I can't keep waiting, not going anywhere, working from home just waiting for it to happen. I don't know how much more time I can have away from the office without telling them why. has anyone else had the medical management not work? How long did it take? I'm guessing that the medication opened my cervix which is why I'm getting an occasional bit of bleeding each day but my body is just not letting go. I'm ready for this to happen now but feel like I'm in limbo.

I have been here so long now that I needed to go to the loo, stood up and felt something, then called for the staff who took ages to come...one escorted me to the loo and put a dish in there and i passed the baby in its sack!
At least i will get to see it!
I have asked her to wash it off so I can have a look...don't know how much else comes out after the baby and its sack has passed?
I have been lying down and just having light grinding pain in my back after having the tablets inserted hours ago.

Sorry, I didn't mean to post that twice!

Poi098- I ended up having a medical miscarriage, even though I had picked surgical, and i almost think it was their plan all along!
To leave me there from 7am - to 7pm and still not be brought to theatre..
Around 1pm they gave me 4 tablets to insert , misoprostal.
It felt wrong inserting tablets to bring on a miscarriage, of a baby I had wanted so much!
Then I got back on my bed, and lay there for the rest of the dy, waiting, while I searched threads on mumsnet about what to expect etc.
It helped so much to read everyone elses experiences, and also realise that many other women also understand and have experienced such a dire thing too!
I don't know if I would have miscarried so soon anyway or not, but I am glad I wasn't taken to theatre actually and it happened as it did...it was really unstressful and not painful at all.
I had NO cramps or pain at all...I just felt a back ache that became a little more prominent.
They had given me panadol in my drip to help with the local ERCP I was going to do, so I don't know if that dulled it or not, but everything passed when I went to the loo, so I got to preserve the baby in the sac which I am glad of!

I wonder whether you could have another round of the tablets Poi098?
Maybe your body just needs a bit more help opening up?

We got to look at the baby last night...we placed her in a crystal glass with a torch behind.
The sac is uite soft and very fluffy, not like some of the taut clear sacs I have seen, and the baby looks tiny for age, because they shrink after demise at the same rate they ould have grown, but there was one tiny little window that was clearer than the rest and with the torch we could see inside and see the baby...
I looked and looked and then cried out to my husband that you can see its hand!
Its not a fully formed hand but more of a scalloped looking hand- prob around 8 wks by looks of others online...
Such a small thing, but so special to at least have seen a few tiny details of our child! That is all we will ever get!

My husband baked some fruit bread for me when I got home last night, as I really felt like some after being starved yesterday for over 20 hours before i was given the go ahead to eat, by which time I found out they had sent my dinner back to the kitchen and it was disposed of, as when they brought it out first I was still waiting for theatre!
I was so pissed off at them!
Today, I am the lightest I have been since my 16 mths olds birth..at least i got something out of being starved!
The hospital gave me a little sweet dream box made by a family who lost a child, that they give you to take your baby home in and it has some nice little memory things in, so i can put in our scan pic (remember to ask for one as I nearly didn't and she didn't offer one, I guess because alot of people would be offended by being offered a pic of their dead baby, but not me! I am SO GRATEFUL I remembered to ask for that, as that is all e will have! :/ )

Last night I had this really vivid weird dream, that flt so applicable when i woke up this morning!
.I had a dream that we lived near the Orme,(a huge big rock structure that justs out in the ocean near where we live, and lots of people live on it) and I was standing looking out the window for a while then suddenly it dawned on me, and i started shouting 'shit, theres a tsunami coming!!! in a panic,but I couldn't find my husband or the kids, as we needed to get to higher ground.
It hit the Orme and completely engulfed it and when it subsided, the water started to drain out of the bay... I knew there was something bigger coming and just at that moment my husband walked in the door and i started shouting we need to get out of here, and get to higher ground and grab the kids, but he said they had gone off with some neighbourhood kids to play and we had no idea where they were...despite trying to get organised and into the car it was just too late and we saw this enormous wave roll towards us many times higher than the house we were in this time and we thought this is it...too late, and it hit us, rolled straight over the top, but then I realised we had survived it..the house had held and not washed away, and we had survived this horrendous event...I had no idea of what had happened to the oldest too, but just the feeling that we could possibly have even survived that was immense...

Anyway, to sum up my experience, I was horrified by the thought of having to wait and wait at home wondering when it would happen, so asked for surgical management as I thought I wanted that, ended up passing the baby in hospital without ever getting to theatre,as I waited so long the misoprostol helped it along, and I am now very grateful the God knew what I needed although it was not what i would have asked for.
Some i have read have said medical manangemet was a nightmare for them and very painful.
Fortunatley that was not my experience and apart from low backache it was all very peaceful and relaxed, with a slight panic when I realised something was coming out and I was stuck to my bed not being able to move because of the drip with no staff around to help, but for those wanting to know of a different experience with medical management, it wasn't scary, painful or eventful for me at all!
Maybe because my sac was already starting to soften etc, my body had already started the preparation procedure so the misoprostol just helped it out?

Anyway, love and peace to all of you out there who are going thru this...it is so sad and so awful, and i wish I could say something to make it feel better, but unfortunately in life, the sun shines on us all, but then the rain has to fall too....and the rain certainly fell on us this week :( infact it poured and I felt like I we were going to drown in sorrow....but remember, also with the rain, comes new life...!
A washing away of the sorrow, and allows the sun to come out again.xxx

I did wonder about a second round of tablets onceuponatime but I have just spoken to the EPU and they said that most women who have one round of medical management that doesn't work don't opt for another so they couldn't tell me how likely it was to work next time around. I have decided to opt for surgical and if there is no progress by the time I have my scan next week I'll be booked in for surgery the week after. So I have 9 more days for it to happen naturally. I'd much rather have natural and - like you - be able to see the sac but I need to get back to some kind of normal life - this waiting is awful.

Why not consider a 2nd round while you are waiting for your surgery?
Then if nothing happens you can still go in?

Hello
I had surgical management, erpc yesterday and it was fine. Sorry to hear about poor Once who posted above having to wait for ages- for me it went quickly- in at 1130, pessary especially, op at 2, recovery after an hour or so, today and tea, home by 6. No pain or cramps and just a bit fuzzy today. Add others have said, everyone has to decide for themselves, but if it happened again I'd definitely have erpc again to avoid waiting and not knowing.

hi once - if I have medical again I think they will make me wait another full 10 days after that to see what happens and I don't think I could do that again.

Hi stealthtoast - I'm hoping my experience will be like yours (if I get to the point of having surgery). Thank you for sharing