Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Glad it went well for you Stealthtoast!

As well as it can go in a crap situation like this anyway...
I also feel normal today...not much bleeding, no pain or cramps...like nothing happened really.
We just finished burying the little one under our magic faraway tree in the kids play garden, in a little box with some fabric from my wedding dress surrounding it.
The kids wrote a lovely card and we buried it with the baby.

Never want to experience this again!

I just re read my post- damn auto correct - surprised you could understand it! Today should have said toast. No idea what the rest should have said!

Just want to verbalise my experience. No idea if anyone is interested but will help me, and if someone has a similar experience at least they'll know it's not just them.

1.5 weeks ago was getting worried as my slight nausea was less bad (quite bad morning sickness with DD), then a v slight tinge of brown on wiping.

Several days later this was heavy enough for a panty liner and a reassurance trip to the EPU where they saw a heartbeat - 7 wks.

Over the course of the next week blood turned brighter red and because heavier, more like a period.

Then last 3 days had cramping getting more painful in lower back and side. I was travelling so didn't book another scan or anything, wanted to see how things progressed.

Last day I was curled up with a hot water bottle cursing the ineffectiveness of paracetamol when I stood up and felt a weight drop 'inside'.

Waddled to the loo to pass a large clot and some blood. Felt like my cervix was open and between 7pm and 11pm passed several quite large clots and blood. Not as much blood as I expected, standard sanitary towels changed every few hours.

Went to a and e where they took my blood and stats, left me to get bored and discharged me at midnight. Slept reasonably well with little blood. They rang the next day (today) with an apt for EPU for the following day (tomorrow).

I did far too much walking today and feel like a proper invalid this afternoon, but not the blood bath I was expecting.

I didn't update when it happened but ... I went to my scan expecting them to say I needed surgery and instead they said it was a complete miscarriage - womb was empty. I had far less bleeding than a normal period and was upset to think I had somehow missed it - I now think I reabsorbed (after googling) which made me feel better. Still spotting a couple of weeks later and hoping to get back to normal soon

Back on this board as miscarriage is imminent. Such a comfort to read through and know the horror is kind of manageable at home. Last time I went to A and E in a panic at the blood loss but going to try and just camp it out at home second time round. A shitty thing to go through but kind of nice to take back a little bit of control xx

I'm sorry to hear of all these losses but this thread is a godsend. I had a missed miscarriage about a month ago which was at six weeks but not identified until the dating scan. A very distressing experience with the ultrasound operator who basically said this is what we would see in six weeks. Come back next week. I had to Google what that meant. I contacted my local Epu who were completely useless and kept trying to persuade me that I had a viable pregnancy. But I was certain of my dates. After a lot of fannying around I opted out of nhs care and went private for a erpc. Which was very quick and easy. I had some complications afterwards, contractions to remove blood clots which I experienced at work, pretty distressing and last week I became very emotional. I'm now having a week off work to recover emotionally having had a couple of days off beforehand. I've raised a complaint with my local nhs hospital about how this was all handled and since then this week have received calls from ultrasound and midwifery asking me to rr arrange missed appointments. I had contacted all teams to advice I was no longer pregnant. The CEO of the hospital has responded to my complaint and whilst it is right thing to do it's taken its toll on me emotionally. I'd recommend erpc to anyone, it's quick and easy. Take time off work. I didn't do this and its taken its toll on me. Get help wherever you can, I booked my dog walker and got ocado deliveries and the grannies came to help. Don't underestimate the emotional toll which happened much later for me. I was ok till I was not ok and crying in the loos at work.Hope that my experience helps someone else. Miscarriage is devastating. Hugs to you all x

thereisnocheese I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. Sounds like you have been really let down by your local NHS :(
I had a scan today and they confirmed I have passed it at home, this second miscarriage was a lot less painful and traumatic than the first. It almost feels attached to the first one because I've not had a period between my two miscarriages.
I wish you all the best moving forward now. You are absolutely right about having time off work you do need to rest it is such a traumatic thing to go through, you just have to be kind to yourself, eat shitloads of chocolate and watch lots of comfort telly under a blanket. Xx

Haz I'm so sorry to hear your losses. It's tricky this stuff isn't it. I'm also hypothyroid so I'm concerned that this is also an issue. Going to see an endocrinologist to review my treatment. I'm lucky enough to have an amazing 2 year old daughter who is a great comfort but also means I wasn't getting much downtime before I had the week off work. Grief is tricky especially when it's so personal. I'm hoping that time makes it easier to bear. I'm not going into all the complaint details here but suffice to say it was shambolic. So whilst it was important to me to raise this complaint as my experience was dreadful, emotionally it's really hard to go through it all again. I feel like I've aged ten years in three weeks. The only thing which makes it better is stomping around the park with the dogs. And wine. Keep strong ladies. This is so bloody hard.

A nice stomp in fresh air sounds nice. I've made myself a decent sofa nest! It must be so hard with a little one trying to explain to them. My niece and nephew are 6 and 3 and don't understand why I'm poorly but came round with tissues and chocolate for me this afternoon.
I think it is important that you raise a complaint if your treatment was unacceptable, if only to prevent some other poor woman in your situation suffering the same. X

I don't ever post on forums but have joined to say thank you to everyone who has posted and shared. I got pregnant through IVF and found out a week ago that it was most likely a blighted ovum. Want to try for a natural miscarriage and this has given me a good idea what I can expect. Going to go shopping for supplies tomorrow after my blood test. It's my first pregnancy and I can't believe I've got to my late thirties without knowing how common miscarriages are. I'm so sorry for what you have all gone through and it's very kind of you all to share.

I'm so sorry for your loss duck. I know what you mean. I blithely assumed everything would be ok this time as it was last time but obviously not. It's gut wrenching. Especially if you have come through ivf too. Can only imagine how sad you must feel. This thread has been a lifesaver. Can't believe how common miscarriage is. Xx

So sorry for your loss jojoduck. It's unbelievable how common it actually is, same as you I only discovered it when I fell pregnant for the first time this year then had a miscarriage. Shocking how little it is talked about, and you are expected to just kind of cope and muddle through it. This thread is a godsend, but sorry you're here :( xx

Ps I have found wearing huggies and Bridget Jones pants a lifesaver the last three days x

I'm in the same boat as you duck. Blighted ovum after IVF. They think I might have an ectopic with the second embryo so am waiting for the results of more blood tests.

I wasn't given any option other than to wait and see if nature sorts it all out. They will only intervene if it doesn't. I think I would have preferred the pills to get it all over with sooner but hopefully I won't have to wait long. I stopped my progetesterone yesterday and that would have been keeping any bleeding at bay.

This is MC # 2 for me, both after IVF although the previous one was in 2011 with my ex-DH.

I'm going in for ERPC on monday morning. Im so anxious about it. I have a daughter but have since had an ectopic and another mc which were early and self resolved. This time I'm further along. I should be 9 weeks and although I've been bleeding fairly steadily for a week now the sack is still there.

Good luck for Monday something. I don't have personal experience with ERPC but I have heard they are quick and painless (physically.) Sorry for your loss X

Derby that sounds tough. It's so unfair you weren't given an option, everything you read on the NHS website and other sources says you can choose between medical management or natural, but my experience has been pretty much cope at home unless bleeding gets so bad and you need an emergency procedure without anaesthetic, which was bloody (literally) traumatising! X

Derby I'm really sorry. Hope your blood results head in the right direction.
Hazandduck, it's so funny not funny. Got my mum on stand by for the Huggies. I don't think she ever thought she would ever have to buy me nappies again!

Somethingfromnothing so sorry for what you are going through. All the best for Monday my love xx

Thank you, hope you are all doing okay. I'm trying to rest but getting so fed up! derby I hope your bloods are beginning to drop. I have had a previous ectopic and my bloods dropped by themselves. My last mc was originally thought to be ectopic because the hormones did rise slightly for a few days before suddenly dropping. It's all very stressful so I hope you are doing okay.

It is so shit. And you feel like everyone around you is pregnant and having the easiest experience, and it feels so fucking unfair. But these forums are such a comfort because you see so many others in the same horrible boat as you, and often you can find stories of positivity where they do end up having a perfectly healthy baby after going through all this crap...I always think the worst but my mum told me today she had two miscarriages after she had her first (my brother) and went on to have three girls after. All you can do is hold on to hope...
jojoduck tell me about it, OH was laughing at me in my huggies the other night waffling around, if you don't laugh you will cry! My niece burst in when I was on the toilet the other day (like 3 year olds do!) and said why have I got a baby's nappy on, I just had to say I had a poorly flower! So embarrassing but they are the best thing for it! Xx

jojo how are you feeling today? Hope it's not too grim X

Hi everyone hope you are all doing ok. Someone on another forum mentioned that its miscarriage, stillbirth and infant loss awareness month and tonight there is an invitation to light a candle at 7 pm to create a wave of light and remember. I hope you don't mind me mentioning it here but I thought it might be helpful for others in the same situation. Hope you are all staying strong and getting through this really hard time. Xx

Might do the candle thing thank you. It's a lovely thought.
Hazandduck, I'm okay cheers. In limbo waiting for it all to start. Feel better though as thanks to here I have a bag of emergency supplies that is going everywhere with me! I do like to be prepared and it makes me less scared of it all kicking off when I'm away from my den. Funny about your niece. My sister's doberman wouldn't take her nose out of my crotch area today. Which was nice.

Hello ladies
Am so sorry to hear of your losses, I never think people really understand how we still feel we have lost our babies.
I am currently at tail end of medically managed miscarriage after discover had suffered a missed miscarriage ( this is our second miscarriage, we had a natural miscarriage 2 years ago). This time was very different, more painful and longer. Went back to hospital as so difficult and they said it will always be different- last time sac came out in one go but this time I seem to expelling large chunks for days. Hot water bottles and 400mg of ibuprofen have been very helpful. Water, chocolate and making sure you have lots of toilet paper as well as maxi pads. Talk when you want to and share with your partner. Be prepared to bleed on and off for quite some time. Give yourself time to heal emotionally and physically. The sun will shine again.