Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

I just had a MC at 5 wks. It was horrible... I was on bedrest for more than a week with visits to the doctor only for shots to help the baby "stick" but I lost the him/her/it anyway. I used the heaviest flow sanitary napkins for overnights and changed frequently. I also recommend using doggie pee pads under you in bed to protect your mattress and sheets. It works and is cheap.Get the big kind so you have more coverage. I stopped bleeding 3 days ago, supposedly, after the ultrasound I was all clear... then a few hours ago I started bleeding again. So back on the pads I go. To top it off, I get the flu! Fun.

licorice .
I had a mc at 9 weeks, three years ago. Looks like I will be starting on my second very soon. I passed the sac and foetus in one go. I didn't catch it, but did hover over the loo for a while, wondering whether I should fish it out. I didn't. I flushed. It seemed the only practical thing to do in the circumstances.

I have never looked at this topic on mumsnet- up until a few days ago I was 12 weeks pregnant.

Bleeding started a few days before my scheduled scan & was like a period. Had a bad feeling about it all, despite all the threads I read after desperately googling to find out how things had turned out for others.

Had a sense of dread before the scan and deep down knew we would be exceptionally lucky to see a baby and heartbeat on the scan.

So it was a missed miscarriage...apparently 1 in a 100 women.

Still bleeding lots, has been almost 7 days, ERPC is booked but I think I'm going to cancel it & take the medications instead. I have the feeling a lot of stuff has passed already. Surprisingly no pain at all so far.

Now starting to feel angry & annoyed at the loss. Seeing other women I know who are pregnant, a couple months ahead of me or so. So frustrating not to be having a baby now.
And the prospect of starting all over again.

This thread has been so helpful from a practical point of view, getting ready to face taking tablets/pessaries tomorrow & potentially kick everything off, although a fair amount had passed already.

Thanks to the OP for starting this thread.

Hello everyone

I thought I'd come back & post again about my experience of medical management of a MMC....

We learned of MMC at 12 week dating scan- baby stopped developing around 7/8 weeks.

I declined surgical management. Took the pessaries at home last week- within about 4 hours I had abdominal cramping, lots of bleeding & passing of large clots.

Thought it was all over and done with, then exactly 1 week after the pessaries, all dressed & ready to go back into work- developed severe cramping & bleeding then the clots just kept coming & coming.

Almost 48 hours after this episode, woke up with more cramping & felt a strange trickle. Got out of bed but barely made it to the bedroom room before there was a gush & fluid running down my legs and all over the carpet- was like water (with some blood)- I wondered if this was the sac rupturing/amniotic fluid going..?

This was followed a good few hours of bad cramping pains- in fact, like contractions, coming & going every 10 mins or so, with clots/tissue/blood coming out each time. When I say clots, they were approx the size of my palm and lots of them.

This was the worse episode by far- I was so very glad not to be at work/dropping my LO off at childcare/in the car/at Sainsburys.

So, yesterday felt like the actual miscarriage.
It's been well over a week since I put the pessaries in & almost 7 weeks since the baby stopped developing.
A bit fed up now, just want to be not pregnant & put this all behind us.

Just a warning to those who go down the medical management route- it does not always work straight away! Take at least 1 week off work...I thought it was all over & went off seeing friends and doing normal things, but now I'm staying close to home.

If yesterday had happened outside the home, my clothes would've been soaked in blood...I was soaking a pad in about 15 mins which was scary as I've never had really heavy periods before, so I could see it was relatively huge blood loss!

I was concerned it hadn't worked properly- as I had felt it had been too 'easy', not as much blood etc as I had been expecting (based on what other women have written online).

But also because I know it doesn't always work, I was one of the unfortunates to have a MMC, didn't see why I wouldn't be one for whom medication doesn't work.

I wanted to avoid surgical management at all costs.

All I can say is- if you go for medical management at home, do not venture too far from the bathroom/home, have lots of heavy duty pads in stock (I also made use of left over maternity pads!), pain relief and trashy magazines/reading material to distract you.

Good luck to all of you going through this horrendous time!

Hello everyone. It has taken me a few days to get to a place whereby I could talk about my recent experience with miscarriage. I have been seeking strength from this thread. It has surprised me how common the experience of miscarriage is but how even today we don't really talk about. Hearing other ladies experiences has helped me greatly over the last few weeks.

So I am 38, put off having children whilst I built my career, have been trying to conceive for 14 months, then at the beginning of May I had that wonderful BFP, I was overjoyed, although also very scared. Everything was going fine, then about 8 weeks later i woke to see that I had bleed a little in the night, only a little and it brown blood. I assumed it was juts old blood and tried to put it to my mind. Pregnancy symptoms were still in full force. Horrid morning sikcness (all day long) breasts so sensitive and sore I could hardly touch them. So I carried on as normal. No more bleeding so thought I was okay. About a week later I had a little bit more brown spotting, only when i wiped. Thought I better get it checked out. My GP referred me to my EPU at my local hospital and they arranged for me to have a scan the following day. I thought all was going to be okay, the bleeding had stopped and I had no pain at all. Oh how wrong I was. They scanned me and told me that the embryo looked small and not what they would expect at now 9 weeks. They took bloods and asked me to come back in 48 hours for a repeat blood. I duly did, my HCG level had gone from circs 50000, to 65000 but whilst going up it was not going up as it should. They asked me to come back 48 hours later for another scan. This time I took DH, they told me then that I had a blighted ovum, the baby had not developed, the sac was growing hence my HCG levels going up but no baby there. I was devasted, i fell apart in DH arms. I was sat around watching people have their baby scans and coming out with their smiles and pictures, my heart felt like it was breaking. They took more blood and told me that they would see what my levels were doing and then sort out what to do next. My levels rose again so they offered me ERPC or I could wait it out and deal with the situation naturally. They said that my body would catch up eventually that it needed to miscarry. I did not want to wait. My body had already taken so much time and not caught up I wanted an end to the matter! Next day i went in for the ERPC, the hospital were great. They put me in a private room so was not witness to all the pregnant ladies etc. I had the operation and all went well. I came back from the operating room and was told I should be able to go home in a few hours. After about an hour, i started to feel pain in my uterus, like period pain but not. I suffer from painful periods so am quite good at dealing with the pain and have a high pain threshold. This pain was off the scale, within minutes of the pain starting I was writhing around in agony. The pain was intense, I have not had a baby but it must be like child birth, I was contracting and pushing it was horrid. My DH came to pick me at the time he thought I would be going home to find me delirious with pain. No matter what pain killer they gave me it just did not touch it. Eventually they brought out the good painkillers and after 6 hours of agony they got on top of the pain and it subsided. Because of this they kept me in over night. Since then I have little pain, about a week of bleeding which slowed to a spot and then a stop. In the last week I have had an abundance of jelly/egg white discharge (It will 4 weeks this Thursday since the ERPC). I mean great big globs of it. If i was TTC i would be excited that I am ovulating but surely I am not?? We are not TTC at the moment. I am not sure I want to again. I change from wanting a child to not wanting a child almost hourly. So i have decided to take some time to sort my head out and then decide what we are going to do. All in all the experience was horrid and the pain (emotionally) is still on-going. I am sorry for all the ladies that have posted on here and those who don't post but just seek comfort in the words of others. Good wishes to you all.

Bumping for LeannRegs

Bumping for LeannRegs

Hi all. Struggling to find the words to say right now. Had a miscarriage this morning at 9 weeks pregnant. I am 45 years ago and my only child is almost 20 now. I'm tears and pain and struggling right now. Anyway just wanted to say hi and introduce myself

Hi Kaz, I am so so sorry you have had to come find us here.
I understand your devastation. Just keep breathing, hug those you love and ask anything you can't bare to out loud.

My only platitude will be this. It does get better. I promise.

Thanks so much moobeana. Really wasn't prepared for how much this would hurt both physically and emotionally. Want to keep busy to take my mind off how I feel right now and trying to stop blaming myself. However physically in so so much pain still that the second I try and do anything I have to sit or lay down again because the pain is unbearable

Hi everyone,

I've always been a bit too shy to post on forums but this thread is so very useful for me given my current situation and so I wanted to say thanks, and to share some experiences myself in return.

I still can't quite believe I'm here at all, I've always had a terror of MMC and worried about it constantly during my first pregnancy. That time I was lucky enough not to encounter it but yesterday, I went for an early scan (9 weeks) and was told the baby had stopped around 8 weeks and there was no heartbeat to be found. I feel like I knew as soon as I saw the screen, it was just so still. I'm sure I'll never forget hearing those words from the sonographer. It's making me feel pretty weepy to write this but thinking maybe that's a good thing as since the scan I've gone into super-practical, put a brave face on it mode, but clearly there's a lot of emotions hiding in there!

Anyway I'm currently booked in to start the medical management process tomorrow morning, and being able to read some straightforward no-frills advice about what I might be facing is so helpful. All of you ladies who've been through this and are prepared to share what you've learned are brave and amazing! Women are a tough bunch. Am feeling pretty terrified about the amount of blood and the pain if it's anything like labour pains as some have experienced, but I guess I'll get through it one way or another.

Think this thread should definitely be made permanent.

Hello,

I started bleeding and cramping this morning, have seen the gp, he's booked me in for a scan tomorrow morning. Currently at home with paracetamol. I'm only about five weeks gone, but I just can't stop crying

Hello again,

I hope no-one minds, but I'm using this thread as a bit of a therapeutic outlet as I sit here waiting for medically managed MMC to get moving. Despite having a lovely DH and a house full of relatives (mother and in laws here for unrelated reasons) I only really want to share feelings with people who've been through it.

Went to the hospital this morning to have various tablets shoved up various bits of me which actually in the end wasn't too bad, DH and I even found ourselves laughing as I fiddled about with self administering the pessaries and it was nice to have a moment of humour. Now though, it's a few hours later and after a very small bit of bleeding, nothing more is happening. I'm finding that pretty tough. Am in bed trying to get some rest and distract myself with books/tv, but the limbo really sucks.... Waiting, for the onset of heavy bleeding and potentially severe pain lasting hours or even days at the end of which all I'll have to show for it is a little dead foetus. Sorry, I think I'd be embarrassed to sound so self pitying in RL but I'm struggling to find anything positive in this situation.

Reading back over some of the previous posts I'm reminded that I might need to be more prepared for this to take some time. Had just hoped to have it over quickly. I feel guilty about not spending time with my DS who wants to be with me even though his grandmas are taking good care of him. But I just really want to hide from the world till this is done with. My family are so supportive and sympathetic but I feel, strangely and illogically, kind of humiliated that everyone knows what's going on.

Love to anyone else who might be reading this and in a similar position.

I'm now really worrying that my last post was so gloomy it will be unhelpful to others... I'm sorry! Just having a moment... When I'm through this I think I'll have some more useful and positive things to say xx

Hi willow

Can totally relate right now. I am still bleeding 2 weeks on from initial bleed. Been prodded poked had things shoved up me and placenta pulled out by forceps finally on Monday. Physical pain finally since then but bleeding ongoing which means I can't be intimate with my OH which is now driving me nuts!! All I want to do is put this behind me and try again but can't stop crying Coz I can see no end atm. Hcg levels still at 2400 and seems a long way to go before we can even start thinking of trying again. Self employed and 2 weeks off work unpaid etc but really not feeling up to returning at the mo. Just ranting now but thinking of you as I know exactly where your at and you're not alone x

It didn't sound too gloomy at all just real! I hope it's easier for you but I have been in pain for 2 weeks and it got so bad last Monday my OH called an ambulance. Cervix wouldnt open to let anything out even after medical management hence it being pulled out in end. Stay strong and I really hope it's easier for you than it has been for me

I went back to the start of this thread and have read through a lot of it! What wonderful advice and support I have found.

I miscarried just under two weeks ago, and was supposed to go back to work yesterday (I have only left the house to go to the docs) but night before last had the worst stomach upset I've ever had in my life! Literally it was like the films (sorry TMI!) Horrendous!! It felt like a definite sign that I wasn't ready to go back.

I wish I had found this thread before my miscarriage, people who had told me before that it's just like a heavy period did not prepare me for what I was going to experience. As many other of you poor ladies have gone through, I bled everywhere extremely heavily and pushing out clots with contraction type pains and at A and E had a D and C without pain relief, needless to say I screamed my head off like a total wimp! But afterwards it felt better (though sore.)

In my pregnancy pack I don't remember getting any info on this really. But it's a bit of a blur and I threw the whole thing in the bin when I got home from hospital. Thanks for all the information everyone has supplied over 4 years to this thread, the practical tips do make you feel better prepared in case this ever happens again.

My OH said we know we can survive this now. Which is true. He normally faints at blood but was actually cleaning up my clots as I couldn't bear to look at them. He was an absolute hero.

So sorry to everyone for your losses.

Hello,

First off, thanks Kim and Kaz for your support, it really made me feel better yesterday. I'm so sorry Kaz you've had such a rough ride, I hope it clears up very soon. It's a good thing to have a little rant!

I'm having a short burst of positivity.... Unfortunately, after a bout of heavier bleeding yesterday everything slowed back down overnight so I still haven't got it over with and am still in the horrible limbo. But I've had a hot shower and put some proper clothes on and killed an hour or so with some online retail therapy which I can highly recommend, was an excellent distraction. This afternoon I'm going to try and call an old friend and generally keep myself a bit busier. Fingers crossed for everyone.

Willow I totally agree putting on proper clothes makes you feel alive again!! I washed my hair and painted my toenails a day after I got home from hospital and although I was still bleeding I felt normal again. It's amazing what a nice shower can do for you. Hope it is over quickly for you. I want to get back to normal! Doctor has confirmed that my cervix is now closed and other than a bit of brown spotting think mine is over. I'm actually looking forward to DTD whereas last week I couldn't imagine ever wanting to again! Think I may give it a go tonight (hopefully it won't be too painful.) Wishig you a very quick recovery and sorry for your loss X

I don't really know why I'm posting but I just feel like this is a supportive environment to finally type 'tell' someone: I had a miscarriage when I was 17. It was over seven years ago now and feels almost an irrelevant thing to tell family seeing as it was so long ago. Nobody knew I was pregnant and hence forth nobody knew that I miscarried. I hope you don't mind me sharing here.

I began cramping while out for a meal with my boyfriends family, I didn't think too much of it at all as I assumed it was my (late) period coming. When we were back at his house the pains got progressively worse and I started to bleed so I decided to go home. My boyfriend drove me to the train station and then left (he offered to stay with me but I sent him home).

As I was buying my ticket I got a spell of dizziness and a sudden terrible nose bleed. After that had stopped I went to buy a pack of pads for the train journey home (2 hours) as I only had the one I was wearing. In the queue to pay my abdomen knotted and cramped unlike anything I had experienced, I managed to get the pads and to the bathroom just before blood started pouring out of me. I was in floods of tears at this point as I had no idea what was going on.

I stayed on the toilet for about 30 minutes and then stacked a few pads and tried to head for my train. Struggling to walk and for some reason disorientated I called my boyfriend crying because I couldn't find my train and begged him to come back to help me. I vividly remember him saying "I wish I could be with you to help" and "I wish there was something I could do" when he could easily have come back to help but I was too weak and upset to argue.

I went back to the bathroom and stayed for over an hour passing large clots and a substantial amount of blood before the attendant began banging on the door and yelling for me to come out as there were people waiting. I was in hysterics and so much pain but cleaned up as best I could with all the pads and left the cubical.

A really lovely lady saw that I was in distress (and covered in blood but I barely noticed that at the time) and asked if she could help and I just told her that I had severe period cramps and just needed to get home. She took me to A&E though despite my protests and bought me a hot chocolate and was so kind. I can't even remember her name. She had to leave before I was seen but she gave me money for a taxi home and was so incredibly kind.

I was then effectively informed that I was miscarrying and sent home as I was only about 6 weeks. Nothing more was really said to me and I wasn't offered any support. I didn't know I was pregnant so they just dismissed me, that's what it felt like anyway but retrospectively I appreciate that I potentially didn't take in all that they said to me. I cramped, bled and passed clots for about 2 and a half weeks after and then it was done.

I have two daughters now, but I still think about the miscarriage all the time. It was such a distressing experience and I know I should have told someone at the time but I simply didn't. Like I said at the beginning, I'm not expecting any responses to this, It just feels so good to finally admit and acknowledge that it happened and that my feelings towards it are valid.

I know this is waaaaay TMI, I'm so sorry.

Faya not TMI at all! Miscarriage is a horrific experience but is a very common reality for many women. Perhaps if it was discussed more openly that insensitive toilet attendant wouldn't have been so unsympathetic to your situation, and could have helped you! I am glad to hear you found comfort with a stranger, that is actually heartwarming. I am sorry for your loss, and happy to hear you now have two children. I don't feel like any future pregnancies I have will ever feel the same now. xX

Hi. I've never posted on MN before but have found this thread so helpful during my recent miscarriage (I read all of it!) and wanted to share my experience. I have included all the detail, so warn you that this may be TMI for some!

I was 8 weeks pregnant and had an upset stomach one day (don't know if that was connected to the miscarriage, but from what others have said it sounds like it could have been). I felt much better the next morning and didn't think anything more of it. However, that evening there was some blood when I went to the loo. Not a lot but enough to be worried about (it was bright red) but I decided to try to stay calm and see how it went for the next couple of days. After three days of dark brown discharge I decided I should get it checked out at the EPU. DH came with me and we waited about four hours to be seen. When I had the internal scan we were told that the baby was small for 8 weeks and they couldn't find a heartbeart. They told us to come back in a week as they said I could have got my dates wrong, but I knew then that I was going to miscarry. My first thought was how disappointed our families would be (we'd told close family I was pregnant - it was our first). The EPU sent us home with no information. The next day I started bleeding moderately, but apart from that there were no other physical symptoms. DH and I were already off work so I had a few days to cry and mope around before we went back. I decided not to stay off work as I thought it would help me to cope if I carried on as normal. I went back to work and didn't tell anyone and carried on feeling miserable. The moderate bleeding carried on all week and I started passing clots when I went to the loo.

Went back to the EPU for the second scan and they confirmed I was miscarrying. They said the sac was now empty and distorted. They sent us to wait in a counselling room which felt uncomfortable as by this point we'd already been grieving for a week. The nurse came in and said she was sorry for our loss etc and asked which of the three options I wanted (D&C, medical management or natural). As I was already bleeding and passing clots/tissue I decided to continue and opted for the natural miscarriage. As far as the nurse was concerned that was it and she was going to send us home with no information at all! I had to ask what to expect and she then told me to expect bleeding which might be heavy so buy some pads. She also said I might get cramps and paracetamol/ibuprofen would help. I felt like I was in a bit of a daze (and had been all week) so didn't think to ask anything else. It was only later when we were back at home that I started thinking things like, "Should I go to work", "how heavy will the bleeding get" etc. I started getting scared about what might happen and that was when I came across this thread. Hearing experiences from others made me feel more prepared and I really think the EPU should have given me more information. I suppose they think they might scare people but I prefer to be armed with all the information.

The bleeding remained moderate with clots when I went to the loo for the next few days and I had some slight period type pains. I was still going to work at this point but finding it harder and harder to be cheerful with my colleagues who didn't know. One day I suddenly felt like I couldn't keep up the act anymore and went home sick. After giving it a lot of thought, I emailed my boss that evening to explain I was going through a miscarriage and asked if I could work from home for the next few days. My boss agreed but during this time the clots I was passing became larger (probably around the size of the palm of my hand). That weekend it seemed like the bleeding was easing off. I cut the grass and did some cleaning and went nearly all day with no blood on the pad. However, that evening (around 6pm) I had the feeling I was bleeding again and when I went to the loo I had bled quite a lot onto a pad, but it hadn't leaked. I put a night time pad on and felt tired so I went to have a lie down. I felt ok after that and carried on pottering around the house as usual. Around 9pm I went to loo and after I'd washed my hands and was about to walk out of the room I suddenly felt a gush of blood and before I knew it there was blood running down my legs and on my clothes. Luckily I was already in the bathroom as it did go on the floor a bit! My night time pad was saturated and just hadn't been able to cope. I sat on the loo for about half an hour or so whilst more blood and clots etc came out (there was no pain). Although I felt a bit shocked, I knew this was normal for a miscarriage because I'd read about other people's stories. It would have been really scary if I hadn't read this thread beforehand. The main thing I kept thinking was that I was so relieved it had happened at the weekend and whilst I was at home. When I felt like the bleeding had eased off DH ran me a bath and I relaxed in there for a bit. I put some old towels underneath me in bed that night in case there were any leaks but the pad coped.

The next morning I felt worn out and decided to take the next couple of days off work sick. I wasn't sure whether that was "it" or whether I would have any more heavy bleeding. I didn't leave the house for two days just in case but the bleeding went back to moderate with large clots coming out when I went to the loo. I'm never normally off work sick and felt like a bit of fraud even though I was really tired and feeling a bit dizzy at times. I felt so guilty! I worked from home the following day but felt a bit pressured to go back to the office after that, as I felt like my boss thought if I was well enough to work from home I was well enough to be in the office (or maybe my guilt made me imagine this!). In hindsight I should have just told my boss at the beginning of the week that it was likely I would be off sick for the whole week. It was a mistake work from home as then I knew what was on etc and I said I'd be there for a meeting in a couple of day's time. I was still bleeding and passing clots when I went back to the office but thought it would help me move on if I got back into the old routine. I was wrong! Those two days at work were awful and because I'd already arranged meetings etc I couldn't go off sick again. I came home and cried to DH. I thought emotionally I was so much better but work was busy and I felt unable to cope. I was planning to keep the miscarriage to myself but ended up telling the two colleagues I'm closest to as I felt I might need their support over the next few weeks. When the weekend arrived I was so relieved and felt exhausted. After a good rest (happy films and biscuits!) I felt much better and the bleeding stopped on the Sunday. I went to work on Monday feeling so much better than the previous week. Hopefully I won't have to go through another miscarriage but if I do I won't be rushing to go back to work so soon.

I've not had any bleeding this week and went back to the EPU where they did a scan and confirmed nearly everything had passed. They said there was still one blood clot but they thought it would come away on it's own. I thought I would feel better after the scan but I felt really upset. It shocked me as I just didn't expect to feel so down afterwards. I think going back to the EPU brought back the bad memories and the staff weren't as sympathetic as they could have been. Again, they didn't give me any information and I had to ask about when to expect my period, when we can TTC again etc. I bled in total for 21 days so I wanted to know if this was normal and whether I should be concerned about iron levels etc but the nurse just kept saying to go to my GP if I have any concerns. I suppose they don't really want to get into conversation as it's so busy and they have a lot of people waiting but DH and I felt like they weren't interested. Went home and cried a lot again that evening.

Sorry about the long post. I am feeling better again today but I think there will be good and bad days for a while. DH and I are keen to TTC again and hope we will have better luck next time. Best wishes and good luck to all of you. x

To all the ladies who have shared on here - thank you for your bravery in sharing your story and I am sorry for your losses. I read all the posts and they helped prepare me.

I've never written on a forum before, but here's my story (quite long! and TMI) and tips;

Pregnancy was a great surprise we were waiting for my cycle to start so we could start fertility treatment. Had 4 weeks of pregnancy symptoms, our scan was booked in for 12 weeks though because of PCOS I knew the scan would show an earlier date. About a week before the scan I had a horrific nightmare that I had miscarried and woke up terrified and breathing heavily. In the week leading up to the scan I'd had some brown discharge but was hoping that it indicated placental development. Before we left the house on the Friday for the scan, I reminded my DH that it might not show the result we wanted to....."I'm sorry it's not good news" said the sonographer...the embryo showed as 6 weeks without a heartbeat and the pregnancy sac was 8 weeks. once the scan was complete, we were ushered into a side room to hear from the EPU nurse. They were very kind and explained the options and provisionally booked me in for a medical management...but 5mins of explanations and they wanted some decision about how I wanted to proceed, that was hard.

Told our families on Saturday and focused on the positives, which for us there are a lot in this instance. Sunday, I started bleeding, bright red blood. Our EPU and gynae ward were always available for phone calls and were very kind on the phone.

Sun/Mon - bleeding on and off, though got heavier through Mon afternoon. DH spoke to his boss and they've been great, telling him to take the time off we needed.

Tues - went in to take the first tablet in the EPU. Whole process of medication explained, including the suppository that would be given after the 2nd set of tablets (that wasn't in the leaflets). Bleeding and cramps, got heavier and more continuous in the afternoon but nothing unbearable (though I suffer horrific periods). I was too scared to look so flushed before I got up. Paracetamol helped. Slept through the night.

Weds - woke up OK but got more and more withdrawn in myself and just laid on the couch with a hot water bottle. Cramps kept coming in waves until they started to sting (very different to period pain) they felt purposeful. Felt weird more than painful. When I went to the loo I passed a significant amount of tissue and felt immediately brighter and more energetic. Bleeding still continued. Just used paracetamol. Woke in the night feeling dizzy but passed quickly.

Thurs - went to the hospital to complete the treatment. Again the medical side was explained but nothing about the experience itself (thank you ladies for preparing me). I had the 4 vaginal pessaries and stayed in bed for the 1h. Then the cramps started...it was worse than period pain because it was continuous for 2hours. Paracetamol didnt help much, but I was in the 'zone' so wasn't with it enough to ask for anything else. I found myself involuntarily rocking back and forth somewhat helpful and disappeared into myself into some sort of 'zone'. I got really really hot and sweated loads (hosiptal provided a fan). The cramps started to die down and I felt better after vomitting. All the while I was going to the toilet about every 15mins...each one felt like I was weeing but from the wrong hole...it was the blood. I was also passing tissue, as others have described, like chopped up liver pieces, that felt like I was passing a bubble, really weird sensation, but not painful for me. This continued for 3hours. They couldn't find any pregnancy tissue and recommended I walked up and down so I created a groove in the ward corridor. This did help and I had a gush of blood into my towel (which coped) and the final large clot was passed. After that I found that I could go for a wee without feeling like anything else would pass. All the bleeding started to ease as well. I was asked to insert an antibiotic suppository into the back passage, which was easier than I imagined and did not hurt. I was sent home with pregnancy test to do in 3 weeks. I felt hungry finally about 6pm having only felt thirsty during the day

Fri (today) - feeling tired and a little weak with some headrushes when I stand up, but light bleeding and little cramping/clots. Feeling brighter within myself though tired. Don't think the emotional side of things has hit me or DH yet.

From all of that here are my tips;

• Be prepared with items as recommended by other ladies, even if not used it helps feel more prepared
• Lucozade was my saviour, gave me energy and replenished some of the lost liquids
• DH was with me all the time (including the toilet trips) and I know I couldn't have coped without him, but I know everyone will be different. But do make sure you have someone around for things like hot water bottle replenishment.
• Hot water bottles, the hotter they were the more relief I found
• Have something under your feet while on the loo if you're short, my calves were quite sore having kept my knees up by being on tip toe while sitting
• I had lower back pain throughout and DH rubbing it gently helped soothe it as well as another hot water bottle
• take some ear plugs, the other ladies had their TVs very loud and were groaning in pain
• Have a relaxing shower when you come home
• If you have painful periods that cause you to vomit, be prepared for a similar experience with the pessaries as it's the same hormone.
• You will likely see some of the tissue you pass when in the hospital as it's in cardboard containers, so perhaps if you don't want to see, try use lots of paper and have the lid ready so you can put it on as quickly as possible
• talk to your DH/DP once you feel brighter, he's grieving too and might need a chance to talk. Keep communicating.
• take plain snacks, rich tea biscuits helped me
• take spare clothes but keep those and the ones you wear as light and easy to layer so you can remove or add items depending on your temperature
• if you feel bright enough, do walk up and down the ward a bit as apparently lying down eases the bleeding

Above all: Be gentle with yourself you are not to blame it is not your fault. I'm sorry you're reading this but hope you can draw some strength from these posts as I did.