Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Hi everyone- this thread has be invaluable to me. I mc'd in January, not for the first time but this was the first early one (my first was late at 21+5 days, natural birth of identical twins after PROM, also had a disappearing twin during my second pregnancy and one chemical + 2 healthy pregnancies).

My experience is quite different to many on here.

I have no idea what gestation my baby was at as I didn't know I was pg until midway through mc bleeding as Id been using the depo injection so hadn't had a cycle at all for 18months (depo injection was stopped 6 months prior to my mc).

So for me, my bleeding was very light and prolonged. In total I bled for 10 days. It was light and barely touched the pads I was using.
The day the bleeding stopped I passed 3 clots, 2 the size of a 50p coins and one larger which looked like my developing baby, quite long with what looked like arm buds and leg buds, there was no sac that passed either, the bleeding I had though was very thick and mucousy not like normal blood. I had had a scan at the epau the previous day which showed something there but they didn't know what as there was a lot of fluid and tissue floating around. I was also feeling very dizzy, nauseous and exhausted.

After the passage of the clots the bleeding turned to spotting for a week after. I had very little pain the whole way through, the pain was like a period pain you would get the first couple of days into your monthly.

After the spotting I had a lot of yellow/brown cervical mucus. I ovulated 15 days after the spotting stopped and had my period 15 days after ovulation. In total from the first day of mc to my new cycle it took 50 days.

I've trawled the net looking for other experiences and to see if mine is normal. This is the only thread anywhere that describes what actually happens.

MNHQ I think pinning the thread is a great idea for anyone seeking advice on what to expect as there really isn't anything out there for woman like us.

Sorry for everyone's losses

Hey all, just had a miscarriage at six weeks. This thread was full of brilliant advice. My friend had a similar experience so I knew about passing the sac, but I never would have had a clue about the reality of miscarriage without her and this thread. Even at the EPU they don't really comment on what to expect: I guess that might be because experiences differ so dramatically!
I would add that if you can't find a bed-pad in maternity or lady-product sections, you can buy something similar in the incontinence section of boots - sat on my Tena mat right now!
Take care lovelies.

Great idea MNHQ

to all in need if this thread.

Just had my scan and uterus is empty
No sign of eptopic though, which is good.

My story so far ....
Brown blood Saturday morning
Turned red and clotting Saturday afternoon
Called 111 Sunday morning. They sent an ambulance to check me over. There were all set to say just leave it until tomorrow and call the gp but they called their desk who said a+e for tests. Off we went in the ambulance (overkill). Luckily it was 8am on a Sunday so wasn't busy --- 6 1/2 hours later I get referred to the gynae ward!!!

Because it was Sunday they couldn't do a scan!!!

I had an internal exam (ow) and they saw the cervix was open and took some tissue out.
They wanted me to stay overnight for the scan early the next day - risk of eptopic and massive amounts of blood. This did not sit well with my anxiety at all, so I signed the form to discharge myself and came back first thing this morning.

I had an internal scan and there isn't much tissue left - so hopefully no tsunami bleeding on the horizon.

Feeling tearful. Lied and told work I had endometriosis - I wanted the story to not be the truth (it would affect the work I was given, promotions etc) but also be something gynaecological to make all the stuffy middle aged managers squirm.

Now I'm waiting to talk to the doctor to discuss the results and what to do next.

Hand holds for others in this situation.

Final part of the story ...
I had to wait 4 hours to talk to the doctor.

They were very non-committal and wouldn't say it was a miscarriage, wouldn't rule out eptopic despite no signs on the scan, told me to come back tomorrow for another blood tests to check if my pregnancy hormone goes down, then they'd give me a call.

Not sure what changed between then and the day before when I was advised to stay in and warned of massive bleeds and risk??

Anyway, 5 hours after I got there, off home I went. This morning went in for the blood test. Turns out they could do it and get the results in 10 minutes. My hcg levels had halved in 48 hours = miscarriage. They finally said it - I got the leaflet and everything.

Since then I'm still bleeding but not heavily, still aching but not excruciatingly. She said to expect a week of this and then a week of spotting.

Now I am exhausted, a touch dizzy, and a ball full of emotions.
Back to work tomorrow, I expect, but I'll see how I go.

So sorry to everyone who is going through mc - it's horrendous. My heart goes out to you all

Thank you to pp for sharing their experiences and bumping the thread so I saw it in the first place

I had a MMC last Monday: had seen and heard a beautiful heartbeat at 7+1 and 8+5, but at my 10w scan there was no fetal heartbeat and baby only measured 9+3

I was very lucky (if one can say that about experiencing a miscarriage) in that I was able to get the ERPC done asap, as whilst BUPA don't cover anything to do with normal pregnancies, they do cover miscarriages. We found out I had miscarried at 10am, I was in theatre at 6pm and home by 10pm. Quite a day. We didn't have to have any rescans as it was very clear the baby had gone, and the operation report says the Dr confirmed the miscarriage with a scan before beginning the procedure. Thankfully I was already under a general anaesthetic by then so I didn't have to see that horrific stillness with no fetal heartbeat again.

It felt so cruel that my body had tricked me - I didn't have even the slightest clue something had gone badly wrong until the scan.

BUPA don't cover any investigations which means I'm expecting a whacking bill to arrive at some point for the histology and cytology testing of the products of conception. The histology report was utterly grim - there's no nice way to dress up what is essentially an autopsy on your dead baby, with gruesome detail like 'Partially necrotic decidua' and 'Multiple fragments of pale brown tissue'

We hope the karotyping will give us some answers, although if the testing shows the baby was genetically normal then the thought that it was my body that caused the miscarriage is pretty horrendous. But as the NHS won't do anything until you've had three consecutive losses (this is my first miscarriage, our miracle baby from our second IVF cycle), I am enormously grateful that we have the opportunity to try and understand whether the cause was the seed or the soil

My Dr warned me to expect bleeding and some clots, however I didn't get any bleeding at until 5 days later. Which tbh I was thankful for as it felt like my body was trying to un pregnant itself and wipe the slate clean. Until that point I had felt physically no different at all when I was pregnant with a live baby inside me, pregnant with a dead baby inside me, and then not pregnant any more.

Oh and yes I think this thread should definitely be stickied MNHQ please

Oh and although I was worried about Ashermans post ERPC my Dr said it was very unusual if the procedure was done correctly

I'm very grateful for having had the option to have the ERPC, and so quickly too. As soon as we found out I'd miscarried, I just wanted my dead baby out of me as soon as possible. And judging by the histology report the sac was pretty sizeable, I can't imagine having passed it, so I'm completely in awe of you women having done this at home. Bloody warriors the lot of you. Xx

Hello everyone. So sorry to all those going through a miscarriage. The coping tips at the beginning of this thread are very useful. Thankyou.

I found out at the beginning of March that I was pregnant with no.3 just over a week later I started spotting, not very much at all and very dark brown in colour. I made a GP appointment who referred me to the early pregnancy unit. After an internal scan they discovered what they think is an empty sac although they aren't 100% sure as it's a very irregular shape. Because it's not very clear an ectopic hasn't been ruled out (it could be a pseudo sac they've seen on the scan)
My spotting has completely stopped and I haven't started to miscarry yet. For now I've decided to wait it out and hopefully it will happen on its own but I do feel a bit in limbo with nothing happening. My HCG is still quite high so it's been tested again and hopefully when it's dropped a bit more considerably the miscarriage will start.
Thinking of everyone going through something similar xx

Hello- I have found out yesterday I suffered a mmc around 6 weeks the sac was growing and is 9-10 weeks but inside it was only measuring 6 weeks and I'm off to hospital tmo to have more scans and then go through my options. I don't want to go to sleep for the surgery as I'm to scared so will they offer me the tablet option

Hi Alice. So sorry to hear you're also going through a tough time.
I was offered three options. Surgery under general anaesthetic, medical management which is the tablets or I could wait and miscarry naturally. I should've been around 9 weeks but I had an empty sac measuring 8mm with no foetus at all inside. This is why I chose to wait and miscarry naturally. I think if there was a chance I would see something that resembled a baby come out I would definitely have chosen the surgical option. It's completely up to you what you choose everyone's different and copes differently. I hope I've helped answer you're question.

Thankyou for getting back to me :) that has really helped Thankyou! it's horrible isn't it :( so so sad but I think these things happen for a reason and makes us stronger as a person.
I hope your okay now.
I think I will go for the tablet option jist because I am a wimp lol and where j lost it at 6 weeks I have been told I shouldn't see any resemblances to anything and more clots jist coming out. I hope the tablet will work for me Thankyou so much X

No problem at all. You sound really strong I agree these things do happen for a reason. I hope your appointments go ok tomorrow. x

to you. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope the next few days aren't too awful. Go easy on yourself.

Thankyou Thankyou I'm just freakinf out that I would have to be put to sleep but they have to give me options don't they?

I had surgical management under a general anaesthetic

I can't recommend it enough

No pain. Very light bleeding in the aftermath. Physically I recovered very very quickly

I personally felt that to pass a sac of that size (10 weeks) with a foetus of 9.5 weeks who would be distinctly baby shaped, would potentially be very distressing

We also had it done privately which meant we were able to pay for tissue testing on the products of conception, which we wouldn't have been able to do if I'd had medical or expectant management

It's absolutely a personal choice but for me the ERPC was 100% the route that I felt was right for me.

Hi Alice sorry you're going thru this. My story is similar to yours. I had a silent mc, baby measuring 6 weeks at 12 week scan. I thought I wanted to do it naturally so made appointment for the following week. Then the thought of that started to frighten me. Also the thought that bub was high nowhere fast, as had already stayed for so long without me knowing. I opted for erpc, and altho I was frightened, I can honesty say it was the easiest part of my mc. I was only under ga for 20 min and recovered fairly quickly. Light bleeding on and off for a week after. I felt it let me get my head round everything else that was going on. My hospital offered testing, and everything came back clear. They also sorted out the cremation and baby is in a kitty baby garden of remembrance at a local cemetery. I was only in hospital for about 3-4hrs, home by lunch time.

it is so sad when you have to think what the process of doing it is. I think it'll be hard ina way if I did take the tablet but I guess at 6 weeks I shouldn't see to much? I am just such a wimp when it comes to being put under by ga lol I have heard about the local anaesthetic option where your awake just wondering if every hospital offers this option?
I think personally for me I will either take the tablet or let nature take its course however I do think with the tablet atleast I know something is going to happen within a few hours of taking it I know it's a hard option to choose but I think I would just have to be strong and stick to my guns

I wouldn't make any certain decisions until you have spoken to them today. Ask about what you're likely to see if you do natural or medical management. They will be perfectly frank with you. I was around 6 weeks when everything stopped growing and I didn't see anything baby like come out. Just a lot of clots. I've stopped bleeding today so that was 6 days in total naturally but everyone's different.
I was told with the medical management (tablets) I'd be given 4 pessaries I'd have to insert then lie down for an hour to let them dissolve. This would've been difficult for me as I have two children at home who would've been asking questions.
I hope today goes ok x

Okay so aslong as they can't force me into anything I'll have time to decide. it's just so scary to think about it all you kind of want someone to say right lets do this and take control don't you.
Oh I see yes with you it wouldn't of been ideal with your situation and having children bless you. I just want to ask a lot of questions and just find out really why my body hasn't started it by itself yet as to me it's been awhile now why hasn't anything kick started but I guess your bodies work in amazing ways

Personally think it would be very useful to permanently pin this. Am currently in the horrid position of waiting for my MC to happen, and while reading the posts is making me weep in the office, the information is incredibly useful and am feeling a bit more prepared. Would have been in a much worse position if I hadn't found it.

Thoughts with everyone else going through the same.

So sorry you're going through this horrible experience too shrimpy. If there's anything else I can help you with don't hesitate to ask. xx

This is what happened at my scan again today for them to confirm the baby was lost ...
basically I am so confused with it all right but bjt they want me to come back Friday at 8.50 to have another scan to just make sure there is defo no heartbeat! which is awful as I know there isn't but there confused about my weeks and can't be sure that I'm not 2-4 weeks and at that stage there wouldn't be a heart beat so she said come back Friday and they can do another scan to confirm if there is a heart beat or not :/ just making me even more confused tbh :( and they don't do the tablet at the Royal Berks nightmare so I would have to either go to another hospital for the tablet or I can have surgery where I'm awake at another hospital xxx

It sounds as though they are being very thorough with you alice which is good. If there is any chance you could have your dates wrong or they think you may be earlier than you think they will double check with another scan a week apart. This is what they did with me too. It does make it a drawn out process but it's pretty standard procedure. Have they taken blood to check your HCG level? This should double every 48 hours roughly in a healthy, viable pregnancy. x