Tips for coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

[comeonbishbosh]

I?ve just had mc2, which has been emotionally more upsetting than mc1, but I coped a heck of a lot better on the practical side of managing it. And I realise that through the pregnancy books are full of tips on what types of sweets to pack in your hospital bag for labour, we?re pretty short of simple tips to make the sheer yuckiness of going through a miscarriage a little more bearable. I know there?s going to be big variations in people?s experience, and this is in no way to overrule any medical advice you get. But at least it might be a starting point.

For info, I had mc1 8 months ago, didn?t realise I was pg at the time (just come off breastfeeding DD, had massive problems conceiving before) but was probably 8-12 weeks. Didn?t realise it was actually a mc until a lot of mess later. MC2 was a few days ago, had a bit more notice as knew I was 8 wk pregnant, had been increasingly bleeding, and knowing a bit more what it was like through mc1. Neither time I needed to go to hospital.

So, this is what I would suggest helps from my experience, all offered as suggestions that may or may not apply to your situation!

1. Once you realise the bleeding has started in earnest, get home as soon as you can. You will probably need to sit on the loo for the next 1-3 hours, and that?s far nicer to do in the comfort of your own home.

2. If you need to travel in a car, sit on a plastic bag. (My 1st mc started at work, and by the time my DH came and picked me up in the car I had bleeding all down my trousers... it?s not glamorous).

3. Cancel everything, get childcare if you need it. The first time in the midst of the bleeding I tried to keep going, a builder came round to give me a quote for some work, DH went out on a pre-arranged cinema trip and I was putting DD to bed on my own. However hard it is to get a builder to quote, this was stupid priorities! Also, I now know best not to be left without another adult within shouting distance.

4. Settle in for the long haul. My mc2 was overnight, and I essentially camped out in the bathroom with magazines, world service on the radio, short scurries downstairs to make a hot chocolate. It was still horrible. But not unremittingly so.

5. Hot water bottles or hot wheatbags are great. And painkillers.

6. Get top quality sanitary pads, supersize. The maternity ones might be good for the first few hours if you can?t just sit on the loo, but they will make you miserable with their ungainliness. This is not a time to economise on the cheap versions.

7. If your mc kicks off at an evening or weekend, I found phoning my GPs ?out of hours? service loads more helpful, straightforward and kind than I have ever found NHS direct.

8. If take a pg test when you are miscarrying, it should come out positive. This is useful if, like me on mc1, I didn?t know I was pg at the time.

9. Take more time off work than you think. You are very much allowed to mooch.

Please do add any more tips. It goes without saying that I hope you and I never need these (again)?

Iris thank you for your story, it's already got me thinking how i'll cope at work on monday and onwards, and tips from anyone on getting through the weeks/months or what to expect would really help.
I hope you have a lovely holiday and enjoy the closeness with your husband. I don't know what you do about people quizzing you, except maybe focus more on the ones that don't - it may be they understand from experience why things aren't always so straightforward?

Thank you Anastasia

How are you and Sah getting on in your first week at work? I've been thinking of you.

I'm fully back in to the work routine now, except for the is bizarre obsession where I keep looking at the stomachs of anyone of remotely fertile age to see if they look pregnant...

Irispurple1 I am exactly the same.
Work is fine, I'm still bleeding....
Have a scan today, I don't know if I should be drinking loads of water or not.
I didn't ask, so now I'm not sure.

I've brought myself a necklace with wings & little feet on. I don't know why it's helped but it has, I think it's focuses the loss on that so I have released onto that and only allow myself to cry when I can, rather than all the time xx

How is everyone else coping?

And is anyone getting the "when are you trying again?"

Your necklace sounds lovely sah. I have a heart pendant that was supplied by an amazing baby loss charity and a little heart with tiny feet that says 'you are always in my heart', I also was supplied with two tiny teddy bears, one to put in with baby and one for me to keep, the charity also sent a little bear for my four year old to keep as she also is trying to process the loss. I agree with you that all these little things even a necklace seem to help somehow but also make me sad too. While I was still in hospital the Dr's were saying "we will see you next year with your baby" my dh was a bit shocked by that! I will discuss all that plus our genetic results from placenta etc at our six week post delivery appt with specialist
How are you all coping today?
I'm finding it weird that our lives have actually changed forever and we now need to find a 'new normal'

13 days post mc and all bleeding seems to have fully stopped.

I have moments every day when a wave of grief washes over me, and I burst into tears, normally when I get into bed at night. DH is being wonderful though.

We've got a failed IVF cycle appointment in 4 weeks when we'll plan on our next and final attempt. Last time was hard, we didn't expect it to work but I guess in a way it did. I could have miscarried without IVF. Seems so cruel to have tried so hard to get there and then to lose them both. Can't help but feel pessimistic and that life isn't going to take the path I thought.

Trying not to get annoyed at pointless and hurtful comments from people. They cannot possibly comprehend what we are putting ourselves through and I'm glad. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Hope you all get through another day xx

I want to say how happy I am to have come across this. From the way everyone talks I am guessing I may be the only one from the U.S. but I hope you don't mind me joking the club here. I found out Thursday our little one did not have a heartbeat at 7 weeks. This is our second miscarriage. The first was 5 years ago then we had our daughter and decided to expand our family. It feels so damn unfair to have to go through this a second time. I haven't had any physical symptoms yet. I desperately want to avoid a D&C but waiting for all this to happen is making me a bit crazy. Thankfully work has been really supportive and has allowed me as much time as I need. Thank you for all your honest and blunt answers about how shitty this is.

Rbarry4707 I'm sure no one will comment on where you're based. Sam circumstances different continent.
I truly feel for you, I don't think I would have coped if I'd have a mc before I had Grace, so I guess in a way I need to be grateful.

I went for my scan last thurs to check all was ok. Had the same lady and same room at hospital as last time and I came apart. Luckily had my mum there. And she was so lovely.
On the other side I still have some blood remaining, so am moving as much as possible to avoid any other medical intervention. Which I will find out in 3 weeks of I need.
It feels never ending, I kind of just want to be left alone to think, process, grieve on my own

Hope everyone else is coping xx

This thread has been so useful, thank you all for your stories. I hope everyone is ok.

I went for a reassurance 8 week scan on Saturday and there was sac and yolk but no foetal pole. Was upset and so disappointed but didn't really think through that I still had to miscarry. Started to bleed lightly last night and the pain/blood has got worse over the day. Worrying about work, boss has been lovely but know I'm leaving them in the lurch even though I made it in yesterday. Hope it's over with soon, have been referred to epu so hoping I can get an Eprc. Had lots of good cries over the weekend but now just feel a little numb about it all.

Again thanks for all the tips and stories on here xx

So sorry to hear about everyone's losses. My latest saga is placenta showed molar pregnancy probably partial molar as fetus did develop. I need tests now and hoping my HCG levels return to normal without needing chemo. It's like one drama after the other at the moment! Makes everything so much harder

Did my 3 week post mc test this morning. A definite negative. In a at its a door closed, ready for the next chapter. 3 weeks to IVF failed cycle follow up where we plan the next few months. In the meantime I'm hoping my menstrual cycle will get back to normal pretty quickly.

Hope you are all surviving today.

Fingers crossed for you ranch girl x

Hi, have just rad through this thread and want to thank you all for all sharing your experiences. I'm 5+5 and had a large red blood stain in my pants this afternoon, I haven't had any more bleeding but tbh my symptoms have subsided this week and have felt something just isn't right. I'm going to see how things go over tomorrow but if it progress too much I'll get to a and e.

So sorry for everyone's loss but being able to read through experiences, I now feel more prepared for what may happen

Thank you xxx

Sah your posts got me tearful again as I was due on the same day as you and had a MMC around the same date.
How are you doing now?
I'm in the odd situation where it's all happened whilst we're on a 3 month family trip (DH and DS) to Switzerland. We go back soon and I'll see 2 friends with small second babies and 2 heavily pregnant with 2nd/3rd babies. In fact one is arriving today for a week's visit. I don't know how I'll react and I'm worried about how jealous I'll be

Friend 1 just told me she had her DC2 yesterday. And I got my first AF since my D&C

Bump

Hi. Was at epu for scan today. Miscarried. So nervous as to what happens next. Having bad cramping now bit only light spotting. Was calm earlier but now have worked myself into a tizzy. Don't know what to expect

Hello all
First of all a big thank you to everyone who has taken the time to share their invaluable experience, this thread is awesome and I want to bump it to keep it live!
Roto72, sorry to hear you are going through this too. I see from other threads the mc ended up happening, hope all is ok, as much as can be in the circumstances!
Given this is a practical tip thread I wanted to share one: not all hospitals offer medical management! I went to the EPU of my local hospital in SW London, in Tooting, you know which one if you live nearby. They only offer the natural wait and see or the surgical options, not medical. I was taken aback initially as I had spent so much time deciding between all three. In the end I am booked for surgery next week and probably would have chosen that in the end, but just wanted to share the experience in case there are others out there currently doing research and reading the entire internet on the subject :).
Wishing everyone going through this buckets of good luck.

Hi. I had surgery on Friday. Was 12 weeks pregnant but baby died around 6 weeks. Surgery was the best option for me personally. Am recovering physically ok.

Such a useful thread, should be pinned.. Bumping for a friend...

A bit of a silly practical tip here, but most of the important ones seem covered already.
As it is nearly Christmas, I've been doing some baking whilst waiting to have the op following a mmc scan. I suggest thinking twice before cracking eggs - seeing the little 'blood clot' in some of them has upset me more than usual!

Bumping for echoes

Evening all,
I hope you are all dealing with Christmas well.
I am finding today particularly sad. I don't know why, I'm 9 weeks after, so my 20 weeks was last week & wasn't to emotional then.
I am putting it down to hormones, but just wanted to float out that I'm feeling it, and want to pass my love on to anyone else feeling it today xx

I would have been about 10 weeks but baby stopped growing at 6w. I have been bleeding very very lightly for 5 weeks with it only getting heavier two days ago. Passing few clots and stringy blood but no pain or cramping. Booked for D&c tomorrow but feel I'm going to cancel it. How long after bleeding starts should I expect to pass the baby? Have cried for a month now just feel numb.

I miscarried yesterday and wish I might have found this forum two days ago. I went for an early U/S at 10+3 as I was experiencing cramping. I'd been told this was normal and that the feeling of coming onto your period is normal in a pregnancy so was fully expecting to see a baby. When the sonographer said that things hadn't worked out as we might have hoped, I was absolutely shocked. I have been preparing to return to work 3 months pregnant and starting a new year with the excitement of our first baby. Reading all of your posts has helped me to realise that we are not alone and this helps a great deal. I am coming to terms with the fact that my body recognised that this baby wasn't to be and incredibly my body had not encouraged the pregnancy any further than 5/6 weeks. It is the mental and emotional pressure of trying to cope with the fact that I felt pregnant for a further 5 or so weeks after the baby had stopped developing - women on here say of their bodies tricking them and this is EXACTLY how I felt. I am now starting to realise that it was also my body's way of saying that pregnancy is possible, just that this one wasn't the right time for me. I would encourage anyone who is experiencing concerns early in their pregnancy to have an early scan - my dating scan would have been the 21st January and to have found out then would have caused further heartbreak. Good luck to you all in 2016 and thank you for everyone's advice on here - it was what I was searching for.

abigail12: I was the same - I would say that it might be any day now (but obviously everyone's body is different). It took from weds when the bleeding turned heavier to Friday late afternoon to pass the sac. I personally preferred being at home and having support, being able to watch tv / potter, and sit on the toilet for as long as I felt I needed to. Take care x