Thanks everyone for your lovely support. It really helped me in the slightly more mental moments. DH is brilliant at being calm and supportive, but I need a few crazy women who've been there to understand. I know that not all bleeding is bad news, but find me a single pregnant woman who is bleeding and calm about it. Thankfully, it's settled down a bit now, but it seems to flare up at the slightest thing, so no bedroom aerobics for me - not that I was really in the mood anyway!
Iggi Great news on the home insurance saving! Couldn't help but giggle at the Shehata fund. You have to laugh or you'd cry, wouldn't you? I'd keep quiet about seeing him at other appts tbh. It's really none of their business unless you want it to be.
mattsmama Thrilled to hear about the successful scan. Hope you had at least one stress-free day before beginning to worry again. It is so reassuring to get past each scanning hurdle, but I still occasionally think (after 3 of them) that someone will tell me I made the whole thing up!
Hairy Really glad you have a compassionate consultant. They seem to be few and far between. Also really pleased to hear that you've found an outlet that helps you. I was interested to hear what you said about blame. The topic has cropped up time and again over these threads and I think it's one of the biggest problems that most of us have. There is no one to blame for the loss of a child or an inability to conceive, which I think is why so many women feel as if they've somehow failed and often blame themselves. I think one of the strongest emotions I felt whilst battling infertility (aside from the total exasperation and helplessness of it all) was anger. I couldn't seem to direct it anywhere, but regularly felt like screaming at those who were lucky enough to fall pregnant and then complain about it!!!
digi Good news on all the positive lifestyle changes! Is the metformin causing you to have any adverse side effects? Hope they are minimal and give you the right end result.
frazzled I've missed you. Thanks for the words of wisdom and I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low about things. I think the best way to deal with the premature conversations is to treat them as compliments. Tiny babies are gorgeous and, whether your baby is a chubster or a tiny little one, there will always be someone somewhere with an opinion they just have to share with you, won't there? I know it's obviously a worry, but try to enjoy him while he is so little. I don't know - people spend so much time blathering on about how they all grow up so fast and then fret wildly when they're a bit smaller than average. The thing is, you have been the one to battle through the pregnancy, to deal with his early arrival and the fear of IUGR so you're no doubt on red alert and perhaps a little defensive when anyone says anything. Try not to take people's words negatively. They don't know any of the history. Chances are, if they did, they might connect brain to mouth before speaking. But, I know what you mean about it reinforcing all the worries you already have. None of this was ever meant to be easy, was it?
I read an article on IUGR the other day and thought of you. It seemed to suggest that most babies level out by the age of 2. I'm sure that is not the case for everyone, but hang in there. It's so bloody hard when you're completely exhausted on top of everything else.
And, onto your PILs. I really don't know what to say except I'm surprised you can even be bothered to go. I hope it went okay. I can't begin to understand parents who would not be there for their son at such a scary time of life. Hope you came up with something suitably cutting to say. mumatron's suggestion amused me no end!
confu3ed how we women must suffer for our art! 
I'd be bloody disappointed if it didn't work!
kittens I'm with you. I've travelled this road for too long to think a positive mental attitude with help. Loads and loads of people have commented that perhaps I finally fell pg because I relaxed and it's the biggest load of old horse ever! I am eternally grateful I fell pregnant when I did, because I'm really sure I had reached the end of the line in terms of sanity! However, never once before, or during this pg have I felt relaxed and positive and I'm always qualifying statements with 'if' rather than 'when'. It makes getting organised for a new person very awkward, because I genuinely can't entertain the idea that it will happen until unless they arrive. I'm not on aspirin. I think I must just have a sensitive cervix. As long as the blood is coming from me rather than the baby - that's the main thing.
I'm very much with you with regards to people not wanting to take new jobs etc. because they are trying/ newly pregnant. I feel irritated by such comments and then instantly mean for trying to remove that innocent practicality - as you say. Tbh, the first time around was such a perfect pregnancy for me, that it's hard to imagine that I even considered problems of this nature about 3 years ago. I got pg with DS within a month of coming off the pill and the whole thing was pretty much textbook. Once you've had one, you doubt your ability to get pg even less. Doesn't take much to shatter the illusion though!
pure I wish I could advise you on how to deal with family/ friends who are pg/ ttc/ rubbing it all in your face etc. I mainly relied on a diet of throwing things, ranting on here, crying and drinking too much red wine. It doesn't really lessen the difficulty, but it prevents you from going completely mad. I once had to send about 5 congratulatory cards on births/pregnancies in the space of about 2 weeks and it really got to the point where I just didn't have another 'congratulations' in me. A very sage lady on this thread commented that I must feel as if I had a clown smile permanently painted on, which rang very true, but I was less than smiley in private!
On a more practical note, I found that keeping a diary really helped me (and still does a bit) get through the things I wanted to yell at people who were so desperately insensitive about it all. Writing it down helped to offload all the negativity without unnecessarily upsetting people, although I have had my less than sensible moments where I've blurted out exactly what I felt. A few months ago, one of my friends had a baby and, when I made a nice but non-committal remark about it on fb, they commented that surely it was about time I started thinking about number 2. I was so bloody angry that I should have had my 2nd baby before theirs had arrived that I said something along the lines of - 'We were expecting our 2nd child a couple of months ago, but it all went horribly wrong.' Not my finest hour, but almost necessary in some ways. If I can just make the odd person stop and think perhaps, a) this won't be such a taboo subject that we have to shut up about in public and b) we won't always have to be the ones who apologise for making people feel bad about our own grief!
Claire Wrt progesterone, it was the only one of my tests that ever came back as abnormal - hence the reason I couldn't conceive, because I wasn't even ovulating. Not sure how much you know about it all, so apologies if any of this covers stuff you're fully aware of already, but progesterone is the hormone that makes ovulation happen (gives you the surge and temp rise following it) and it should remain high after ovulation until the next cycle starts, unless you conceive. Basically, it enables you to sustain pregnancy if you conceive.
Having said that, I was told that they don't generally give it to you until you get a BFP (bit of a catch 22 situation), because it makes your body think it's producing enough and stops it from producing the potentially limited supply it is already managing! Also, progesterone will not save a doomed pregnancy, but it does seem to have a very strong psychological effect, even if there isn't enough research to validate it's usage. An awful lot of women seem to have successful pregnancies whilst on it and there is proof right here if you look back through the old threads. It's unlikely that you would have a problem with progesterone because of your ability to conceive, but it's definitely worth getting it tested if you haven't yet. It's a simple blood test and I'm surprised they haven't already though of ruling it out.
coconuts Sorry for my absence and not responding to you quickly enough. Yes, I did get a doppler at about your stage. How many weeks are you now? What I would say is that, much like baby monitors, they can cause as much anxiety as they can help you. Unfortunately, when you need the reassurance most (i.e. before the 20 week scan) it can be surprisingly difficult to pinpoint the hb, because they are moving around so much and are so little. I find my doppler an absolute godsend now the baby is large enough to locate a hb for more than 10 seconds - particularly when you have other concerns like spotting. However, do not read too much into it if you can't find it. The other thing I should mention is that even fairly good home dopplers are not the greatest so early in pregnancy. You may need to mess around with it for a long time before you find anything and you will probably find that it's much lower down in your pelvis than you think it is. Think just above pubic zone. Hope it comforts rather than worries you anyway.
Lucky I had no idea scans were so cheap. It's probably a good job, as I'd have probably been forking out for them constantly if I'd known!
LAF You are a Mummy and I will be raising a glass of orange juice to all the Mummies on this thread on Sunday. Stay strong. You've come so far and keep reminding yourself that you're on the right road now. It's a long one, but you're getting there. My baby would have been 1 at the end of this month. It's very hard. Still. I still find it hard to be around pregnant women. I still find it hard to be around my friend who will be having her next baby in June, before me - when I should have completed my family by then or may have even been considering another baby. If an emotional storm is brewing then let it come and make it feel as it makes you feel as it's all part of the grieving process. It will pass, as they always do. Have a big hug from me. I'll be thinking of you this weekend.
Not much to report from this end, apart from being continually disillusioned with the NHS in general. I still haven't met my midwife and now can't even locate her because she's changed offices and contact numbers. 23 weeks pregnant, supposedly high risk and I can't even locate my own mw, nevermind meet her. SIGH! It's a good job I'm used to it. I've only seen the fill-in mw twice.
The spotting is still there on and off, but it's getting quite hard to maintain such high stress levels, so I've taken to analysing any bleeding and trying to assess it at home! The doppler is on hand and the hospital is presumably getting quite annoyed with my occasional calls. I have no choice but to ring them given my lack of mw!!! When I went into hospital, I clocked the massively overflowing box of pregnancy telephone queries, so the odd extra one from me won't hurt them. It is their job, after all.
Waves to anyone I've missed. x