Recurrent Buns - Miscarriage Testing and Beyond! Part three..!

[Julezboo]

Not so imaginative as lunatic !

Part One HERE

Part Two HERE

There are a mixture of Pg ladies, new BFP's (YAY) and new ladies who have sadly had to join us and are going through testing. Lots of OMW's and hand holding here!

Sit down, grab a cushion and a hot choc and get comfortable.

Quick one from me as I'm away from home on my phone.

mumatron she's perfect. You clever, clever lady!

Lunatic I'm so sorry you're being mucked about. Why is it that only a handful of people in this line of work has the sensitivity to understand and assist people in such emotional turmoil? I appreciate that they can't admit everyone, but a fleeting glance at your notes and knowledge of your history should surely entitle you to a plan at this point? This isn't just about yours and your baby's physical wellbeing. It's about your mental wellbeing and getting through these last few weeks with as much security and hand holding as you need. I hope the midwife comes through for you. It upsets me that the NHS is happy to wait for a potentially fatal recurrence than form a plan of action for you now. Big hugs. X

lunaticfringe I'm so sorry they're messing you about. Try not to panic, although I know being far away from care when you're worried about something happening is not easy. But do try to keep calm.
And sorry if my response sounded sharp, I didn't mean it like that. Was more me clarifying to myself my reasons for deciding to start the aspirin while chasing for consultant appt.

Thanks everyone else for advice. This thread really is an amazing place.

Another quick one to say that I'm disgusted by the way they're treating you, Lunatic and really hope someone steps up and speaks up for your plan tomorrow.

Am home (after much weeping). Finn puked up the first two lots of milk but not the third. He didn't digest it either, but I'm hoping that counts as progress.

He's so tiny and vulnerable, I can feel every inch of the several miles between me and SCBU. Going to go and snivel some more now.

Lunatic much like LAF's hideous experience with the EPU, it seems that decent communication is a huge problem in hospitals and that one staff member's view differs wildly from that of another; presumably because they haven't been informed properly of your plan. Unfortunately this can only make you feel like a helpless puppet. Once you get through the scared tears, be sure to unleash the angry ones. Let yourself be heard. I don't think it's at all justified of them to class you as traumatised or irrational. You're scared of losing your baby and/ or your life. Of course you're going to be upset. It's hardly rocket science isn't it? Take it from me, you are incredibly courageous and how dare they belittle that. Insensitive b*stards.

frazzled you are another supremely courageous lady. Leaving the hospital must have been so very hard. They'd probably have had to prise my fingers off the doorframe to get me to go if I were in your position. I can't begin to imagine how vast the distance between you and your little man must feel.

I hope he keeps that last feed down. I know he's tiny and establishing feeding is even more of a panic than it would normally be, but it may take his tiny tummy a bit longer than a bigger newborn to get used to milk. He's hanging in there though and you are doing everything you can as his Mummy. Try to get some rest. Big hugs.

Will catch up with everyone else asap. X

Lunatic @ the hospital staff! You are absolutely the strongest woman on this thread and its a very cruel of the person who wrote "traumatised" in your notes to brand you that way. I am sure when the shock and hurt has worn off you will find that amazing strength and sense of humour again and get back in there and demand to be cared for properly. Its such a shame that you should have to of course, but its well worth going back - if they can do a u turn on policy once they can do it again. You may find that with someone else on shift you get a completely different response. If you feel unwell in any way, just call an ambulance straight away. You have a right to good care, dont let anyone make you feel that you are less deserving than others. Much love xxx

mumatron oh she is beautiful! Hope you are recovering well xxx

frazzled thats good news that some of the ebm is going in. You are doing absolutely the best thing for Finn giving him that. Hope someone is looking after you while you are looking after him.

ladyB I think if i were in your shoes I would take the aspirin. Any luck getting your appointment?

julez good luck!!!

big waves to everyone else xxxxxxxxxxxxx

mumatron she is so yummy!! I am a little that shes here and I cant wait now!!!

lunatic I would get DH on the phone tomorrow. Its shocking how they can make you think you have one plan of care then change it grr I am annoyed for you.

Im still here, no baby but thats ok. Cx every 40 mins or so now. Insomnia has decided to hit and my arm is itchy and sore from flu jab...

I have an appt at the hospital tues so hoping for a section date then.

I hav lunatic on FB and can update from my phone should I end up being taken in. :)

Dear all- I've been off the thread for a bit as been traveling- but I see much has happened. Haven't yet had time to properly catch up, but well done mumatron and frazzled. Frazzled- good luck with it all. DD was in SCBU for 3 weeks and the distance was tough (and tiring). The one thing I wish I had done more or is taking the advice to not rush there all day everyday and use it as a chance to rest a bit and just recover. Of course you want to be there all the time and you will worry, but try, try, try to rest, watch telly, eat lovely food and generally take care of yourself. Once he come home you won't have time to put your feet up!

LAF thanks for returning. I hope you are doing OK.

My news is that I had my 12 week scan and all seems OK. I was terrified after 3 miscarriages and two scans where I thought all was well only to be told baby had died. I had a bit of a scare last week where the doc couldn't find a heartbeat with the doppler, but it seems we are OK. Still feels a long way to go, but I feel I need to celebrate each hurdle.

Hi to everyone else- I'll catch up properly when I am back home.

Hi all, busy again here, big catch up :)

mumatron Eliza is absolutely stunning, you must be very proud :) Glad she is feeding better now.

lady Hope you manage to get in touch with your consultant but by the sounds of it starting the aspirin can do no harm.

lunatic Hope you managed to get in touch with the head MW. It's out of order that they are messing you about like this. It is hard when one MW/consultant/doctor is away and someone else makes a decision different to the one the other would have. These conflicting opinions really shouldn't occur. Hope you are managing to rest at home :)

digi glad you had a nice weekend away. I'm thinking of arranging something like that for our wedding anniversary this year but not sure where to go. So many places to choose from!

frazzled It must be so hard to leave him behind in SCBU, hopefully it won't be for too long. Have they given you any idea on how long he may have to stay in for? try and rest up and enjoy your time at home as much as possible. He will be getting stronger by the hour :)

glittery hope you are well :)

julez Good luck Tuesday

mummy How are you feeling now your coil is out and the hormones are done?

lulu Hope you had a lovely time travelling? Did you go anywhere exotic?! Glad you've reached the 12 week milestone :)

Lunatic we should campaign for ESH to be shut. They really need to think about how they treat people. I was not in a critical situation like you have been, but what they have said to you and treated you is unacceptable. I really dread further involvement and appointments with ESH.

Regarding my situation with ESH, I am thinking of writing a letter, but I can't imagine that writing about my treatment at the EPU whilst I potentially have to go back there in the months coming up. Complaining about the sonographer when she has another chance to put dildocam inside me might not be a good move. I don't know if writing to the EPU directly would be the right thing or if there is someone else that would be better placed to deal with my feedback.

I had a letter from my midwife about my blood tests when I made it to my first appointment. I am not immune to rubella and am Rhesus negative. I'm not sure if DH is Rhesus negative too, but it is unlikely, as only 15% of the population is negative. Could any of these be a factor in miscarriage? The searches I have done and the pamphlets warn of what happens if you contract rubella and pass it to your baby and how anti-d can be damaging to your baby. I'm going to get the MMR jab and will wait to see about what St Mary's says about anti-d. Maybe it can also be a marker for other conditions?

Eliza is beautiful mumatron I hope that things are getting better with finn frazzled and your babe is in your arms julez

You are very right about the grieving process lady The baby wasn't visible to others and you don't have a visible marker that your baby was there and part of your life. No one knows or understands, so you have to carry on as normal.

Hope all is well with everyone else.

LAF when I had DD I found out I wasn't immune to rubella. I am also rhesus negative. I had to have anti-d injections throughout my pregnancy and also at my mcs/ERPC.

I was told that anti-d is not damaging to the baby, it is to prevent rejection if the baby is a positive blood group.

I was given a rubella jab when I was discharged after giving birth to DD.

LAF I don't know how reliable this is but have just found this information about anti-D.

LAF I very much doubt that the people in charge would tell the sonographer who complained, just that there has been a compliant (probbaly more if she treated others the way she treated you). Hopefully they will pull her up on it and she will be nicer in future. I think you should really write the letter.

lunatic She didn't have the number to hand as we were in Sainsbo's but she said she would facebook me it next time she's online. It's hard to just sit and wait for bloods and appointments. I feel a little useless, like I'm not being proactive!

Right, I am GOING to do some proper updates!

digital, Yay for SFF. Night away sounds fab, just what you needed. What frivolous things did you buy?

coconuts Good to hear about your RL friend - and must say, even if it doesn't get you pg, reflexology is entirely fab and well worth going for. Most relaxing thing ever.

Julez I did remember that you'd had a similar issue, but didn't realise your DS was even earlier than mine. Thanks for the hope! Is there anything I should watch out for/plan to do once Finn's home? Do IUGR babies catch up, size-wise? I refuse to start Googling, I always find scare stories and freak out...

banana I'm sure you're right to wait till you feel emotionally ready to TTC again, it's hard enough as it is. Sorry to hear about your friend - but good news re the other one! Always nice to hear a pregnancy-post mc story.

mumatron Loved the photo of your beautiful DD, hope the expanded family's all settling down nicely?

LadyBee Very many and belated CONGRATULATIONS! Sorry not to have said before, but I was thinking it.

Brook really glad there's been some progress for you - HSG does not sound at all pleasant, but then Glittery is pg v soon after one so hopefully it'll really help.

Glittery, I was still in pg denial till about 30 weeks so you may have a while to go - although if you get massive that might force you out of it . Will keep everything crossed for your scan.

LAF77 So so sorry for the bad place you're in, but glad you came back to vent about it. My DH was the same - impulse is to fix it, but it can't be fixed. Had you considered counselling? I only had one session, post-mc2, but with lovely lady who just listened to me and told me that I just needed to let the pain happen and wait for things to get better. Which it did, eventually, although it seems so impossible at the time. BTW I am also rhesus neg, and asked several doctors who all maintained it didn't affect mc rate. But who knows?

lulu thanks so much for the advice - it's only been a few days, but I suspect you're right and burnout could be a real danger. Thing is, it's the only place I really want to be, which makes me feel guilty about DS1. There's no balance, is there?

lunatic Kick off! Stamp and demand and make a right PITA of yourself if that's what you need to do. You are NOT better off at home if that puts you out of reach of help, and leaves you a terrified wreck. And also point out that you weren't bloody traumatised until they started arseing around with the plan you were comfortable with. Idiots. Grr.

DH is at hosp now, and I will go up later. Finn's now digesting 2.5mls of milk every four hours, which is another improvement, although he's still jaundiced and has lost some weight (70g, which is half of what he could lose without causing concern). Drs aren't worried, but I am - he doesn't have any weight to spare!

Having bad weepy moments at night because I have to set alarm to pump, and first thing in morning. Also had nightmare moment yday when pictured how I'd explain to DS1 (who's v taken with his baby brother) how I'd explain if things went wrong and he wasn't coming home. Had to sit down and breathe for a bit. Can basically accept that he's doing well and it'll be a long slow process, but panic never far below the surface, you know?

frazzled Finn sounds like he is doing so well, but i can imagine why you are feeling like this. it's hard when they have no medical issues to deal with! have they given an idea of how long he may be in for? or is it the standard untill edd?

all good here, will try and post a bit more about birth when i get a chance.

Frazzled thinking of you. It's great news that Finn is taking milk, esp as its breast milk which is the best thing for him right now. Are you able to have skin to skin with him? That would be the best thing too. I cannot imagine how you must be feeling emotionally, try to remain positive, especially as the dr's have an optomistic outlook.

Any news Julez?

CD1 today. We are still not trying this month and starting in Feb. We are both doing booze-free Feb too so hopefully will be in with a chance of a sticky bean :)

Hello all - gosh lots going on!

Quick question. I want to get the day 21 test done again as it's now a year out of date, but should I have it on day 22 as my cycle is 29 days long?

oh and also - I get my AF on the 29th day, which I then cal day one, so am I 28 days or 29 days?

Lunatic so, so very sorry you are getting this bad treatment.

I feel so angry for you - I hope you get some better treatment very, very quickly :(

Hi LF I've been hiding LOL.

Just trying to get my head together, and not fall into too much 'internet' time, because I am on thin ice at present due to the miscarriages and worrying about whether I will ever get pregnant, and carry to term, and the impending consultants appointment.

This week I have been asked why I don't adopt - so instead of punching the offendor in the face, I said 'because it's as hard as TTC, actually, and we are not currently eligible, and we would have to have got to the point of giving up TTC, and there is an 18 month ish vetting period'.

and my 'best' friend said last night:

HER: So and so's cousin had five MC and they couldn't find anything wrong, so she took low dose aspirin and had a baby.

ME: Yes, I know. I have bought some ready for my next BFP if that ever happens. I also need to consider Heparin injections, if the consultants will agree to a 'just in case' treatment regime. Although apparently I don't have the condition that Aspirin helps.

HER: why don't you take it now?

ME: because medical advice is it can prevent implantation and to only take it after a BFP

HER: but you could take it now, just in case

ME: perhaps we'd better stop talking about this as I will get upset, and we're at x's 40th birthday party in a busy restaurant

HER: But if you start it now, it might work, so and so's cousin had five MC you know, and
she took it and got pregnant and blah blah blah

(sorry for vent but jesus do people think I was born yesterday?)

Glad you are ringing the mid wife - sounds like a good plan to me.

Thamknks for that. I think I therefore have a 28 day cycle (as I count first bleed as 1 and on the 29th day AF arrives).