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Original poster

Left the job I love due to the menopause :(

229 replies

Greaselightening · 17/11/2024 16:12

I can't believe it. I've left a job I love due to crippling anxiety from the the menopause. I feel so empty inside 😞

OP posts:
Enigma52 · 02/12/2024 21:27

runningpram · 02/12/2024 20:29

I have had a similar situation op - but the anxiety was the last ten days of my cycle. I ended up raking a low dose of Sertraline which has made a huge difference

What dose do you take? Does it help with anxiety? Any major side effects?

Brightlights23 · 03/12/2024 07:13

I think I will give it till end of next week when I have 2 days off work and if I feel no better will go back to doctors to see nurse about the anxiety. Will have been on the gel for nearly 4 weeks by then.

yesterday was a mix of anxiety and feeling calmer at times. Sleep not great again last night and it’s back to work today after5 days off. Palpitations galore.

week 9 of a new job and in my rational mind I know it’s the peri that is causing the anxiety. I think the job will be ok with room for growth (unlike like my 2 part time jobs I had previously and more money)

so hard when all I would like to do is stay at home, hide away and watch TV and potter about the house.

I also wonder if a part of the anxiety is that this is my first full time job in 19 years since I had my first child and it’s managing work, home and kids. Probably is.

hope everyone is ok today. Took my magnesium just before bed and no real sleep improvement but will try again tonight.

so difficult to find the best way to deal with it all

Brightlights23 · 05/12/2024 07:55

How’s everyone doing?

Growsomeballswoman · 05/12/2024 08:15

I'm not great, my digestion is horrible at the moment. I'm so tired and tearful. Has some bloods and waiting to see doc with the results as my bone tests and lft and ferritin are all not normal. I'm wfh today as keep crying.

Brightlights23 · 05/12/2024 19:10

I’m sorry to hear that you feel that bad. Good that they have done tests to see if that explains how you feel. Do let us know what the dr says.

I rang the dr this morning on the way to work and got an appt next fri to see about revising my HRT with the nurse. Mentioned I may need something on top of this for anxiety but need to see the dr, so I’m working from home tomorrow so I’m going to see if I can get an appt in the afternoon and ring up at 2. Christmas party tomorrow evening and people are probably stopping around 3.30 so I can pop out if I need to to the dr as everyone is working from home. I’m going the second party next week.

really feel like I need something more than HRT to get me through now

Original poster
Greaselightening · 05/12/2024 19:20

Growsomeballswoman · 05/12/2024 08:15

I'm not great, my digestion is horrible at the moment. I'm so tired and tearful. Has some bloods and waiting to see doc with the results as my bone tests and lft and ferritin are all not normal. I'm wfh today as keep crying.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much :( Low iron can make you feel dreadful, so hopefully they can give you something to help xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Greaselightening · 05/12/2024 19:22

Brightlights23 · 05/12/2024 19:10

I’m sorry to hear that you feel that bad. Good that they have done tests to see if that explains how you feel. Do let us know what the dr says.

I rang the dr this morning on the way to work and got an appt next fri to see about revising my HRT with the nurse. Mentioned I may need something on top of this for anxiety but need to see the dr, so I’m working from home tomorrow so I’m going to see if I can get an appt in the afternoon and ring up at 2. Christmas party tomorrow evening and people are probably stopping around 3.30 so I can pop out if I need to to the dr as everyone is working from home. I’m going the second party next week.

really feel like I need something more than HRT to get me through now

Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. This whole thing is such a slow process, isn't it :(
I've had a terrible few days with the anxiety and pelvic pain. My mood is very low too. To say I am not in the mood for Christmas, is an understatement.
I know you all understand how I feel. The future seems very bleak and I am having negative thoughts constantly.

OP posts:
Brightlights23 · 06/12/2024 08:04

Another night and morning where I couldn’t get to sleep and then woke early with my stomach churning and heart palpitations.

most definitely going to ring to see a dr today as I’m aware even if they give me sertraline or something on a low dose to help it could take weeks before I see a difference (was on them about 8 years ago).

got a big meeting this morning so will call at 2pm and get something for this afternoon as I’m working from home today so easier to go after lunch.

next step is putting my gel on to see if that helps. Can’t say I’ve massively seen a difference if I put it on before work or when I get home but maybe it makes me feel slightly better knowing I’ve got it on.

as I type I can it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest.

im sure it’s generalised anxiety from peri and then anxiety over new job, some family stuff and adjusting to full time work. Needed to help my daughter with some school work when I got home at 6pm last night as she’s struggling a bit, but my hid my head could not concentrate for ages and heart was ten to dozen!

Growsomeballswoman · 06/12/2024 08:27

That's sounds so rough for you. Hope the GP helps later.

Original poster
Greaselightening · 06/12/2024 09:18

Brightlights - I am so sorry 😞 It is such a horrible place to be. I hope the gp can help you today. Let us know how you get on xx

OP posts:
JinglingSpringbells · 06/12/2024 11:51

@Brightlights23 A review of your HRT is the first port of call before adding in other drugs.

The key thing that stood out for me when reading your posts is that the anxiety seems to be coming from going back to work after a long break. You did say that yourself. This is completely normal and understandable.

Would you consider a talking therapy to help? GPs are supposed to offer either CBT or counselling anyway before ADs. Also mindfulness apps like Headspace or things to try before drugs. Also yoga and meditation (self-help exercises on youtube etc.)

Do you think that if you talked about the work anxiety it might help?

It's definitely not a good idea to add ADs onto HRT when you're only 3 weeks into HRT- this is because you won't be able to tell which is working or if you need to increase your dose of gel. It won't make any difference when you apply the gel- it takes a few weeks to build up in your system- it's not an instant fix.

Medical advice is give HRT 12 weeks before making any other changes.

i know this is really tough for you but you could try some self-help relaxation exercises especially yoga which focuses on your breathing and calming everything down.

Brightlights23 · 06/12/2024 15:10

Called the doctor at 2pm for when afternoon appointments open and 6th in queue and none left when got through. So wait till Monday I guess.

I do have my HRT appt next Friday.

this is week 4 of the gel which is the same dose as I was on with the patches for the last 6 months. Been on HRT for a year now.

this is my first full time job in nearly 20 years, although for the past 2 years I had 2 part time jobs which worked out at pretty much full time hours, but one of these jobs the work was either set evenings for meetings and rest of work done whenever which meant around my other job and weekends

I think currently the new job is a trigger but it was fairly high before in my old job and over the past few years it has ebbed and flowed but the last 4 months has increased and maintained at this level.

tried CBT before and talking therapy for other issues, and would prefer talking if went down that route

maybe best to wait till appt with HRT nurse on Friday

JinglingSpringbells · 06/12/2024 15:50

Brightlights23 · 06/12/2024 15:10

Called the doctor at 2pm for when afternoon appointments open and 6th in queue and none left when got through. So wait till Monday I guess.

I do have my HRT appt next Friday.

this is week 4 of the gel which is the same dose as I was on with the patches for the last 6 months. Been on HRT for a year now.

this is my first full time job in nearly 20 years, although for the past 2 years I had 2 part time jobs which worked out at pretty much full time hours, but one of these jobs the work was either set evenings for meetings and rest of work done whenever which meant around my other job and weekends

I think currently the new job is a trigger but it was fairly high before in my old job and over the past few years it has ebbed and flowed but the last 4 months has increased and maintained at this level.

tried CBT before and talking therapy for other issues, and would prefer talking if went down that route

maybe best to wait till appt with HRT nurse on Friday

It's quite easy to increase your dose of gel and you don't need permission for that.

How much do you use?

The max per day is 4 pumps.

Many women settle on 2 pumps and are fine, but if you're having symptoms still like anxiety, you can just use another pump for a few weeks to see if it helps.

Also, if you 'run out of skin' for 3 pumps, divide the dose morning and evening (but don't shower within an hour of applying it.)

It may really help to spend some 'you time' each day listening to some meditation apps to try to reduce the anxiety you're feeling. Worth trying.

Brightlights23 · 06/12/2024 19:35

I have 3 pumps. Tried using it in the morning before work to see if that helps but didn’t today and I was working from home.

nurse said I could reduce to 2 if I felt worse but I just feel the same.

I do pump per arm and one on leg.

will look at meditation apps to see if that helps.

today my heart has been racing for most of the day, and apart from breakfast and dinner I haven’t eaten, as my stomach was churning so much.

going to sit on the sofa in my pjs for the evening and try to relax to see if that helps.

Original poster
Greaselightening · 07/12/2024 14:12

How are you today Brightlights. The racing heart is horrible 😢

OP posts:
Brightlights23 · 07/12/2024 14:21

I was a mess last night. Did text SHOUT at about 11pm but they were so busy I gave up just after midnight.

didn’t sleep well and all day I’ve felt awful. Did my Pilates class this morning which was online but that didn’t really help.

lack of appetite and still got palpitations and churning stomach.

still unsure if I need to think about going part time or just getting a 9-5 job that I can go in and do and if I’m not there someone else will do. My new job is about £6k more a year than my previous part time jobs. But if i decide another job is needed (larger company, cover when I’m on annual leave, more routine, can leave work at work once I leave at 5 and maybe some more wfh) then I reckon as long as I can earn the same as previous part time jobs at around £20k then that would be fine. Maybe I just need an entry level job on £20k to adjust to full time working and getting through per, anxiety and life with teenagers.

god knows.

sitting on the sofa mainly today really.

JinglingSpringbells · 07/12/2024 15:44

I have 3 pumps. Tried using it in the morning before work to see if that helps but didn’t today and I was working from home.
nurse said I could reduce to 2 if I felt worse but I just feel the same.

@Brightlights23 I appreciate you're feeling awful but it takes time for a dose to settle down. I've always been advised to give any new dose at least a month to see the effects. Getting your estrogen stabilised on a different dose isn't an immediate reaction (like taking a pain killer for instance) but I'm sure you know that anyway.
Hope you feel better soon.

Growsomeballswoman · 07/12/2024 16:51

This weather is really affecting my anxiety. I never used to be like this 😫😫😫

Seasidewalker · 08/12/2024 09:27

How is everyone doing?

I think I may have reached a tipping point in my ability to cope with work 😢

I don't want to give too much identifying info but I run a team of under 10 in an in house professional support function.

There has been lots of very needed change in the business but this has identified failings in many areas and led to an increase in work for us.

We've been struggling to keep up for well over a year which comes on top of some other challenges for the business for the last few years so it's been challengingfor a while. Probably 80% of what I are doing is fire fighting currently.

My team are struggling, budgets mean that I don't know if we are going to get any more resource and with health issues I feel like I've been hanging on by my fingertips for well over a year.

I had a final straw moment on Friday with a email from a colleague who we have moved heaven and earth to facilitate their project for months. I worked additional hours to get it over a line, got thank you's from the Board (I don't need these I do the job I'm paid for) and then a fecking whinging email from this colleague about how they feel I've treated them. Copied to the fecking Board.

It just feels like the final straw, I don't have the energy or the resilience to deal with it and quite frankly I don't know that I want to 😢

Physically the palpitations I've been having have kicked off massively over the weekend, I've had to take my migraine meds at I've woken in the night with migraines.

I don't know what to do or how to move forward, I'm clearly not up to the role currently, how can I support my team who are also struggling if I can't cope myself? 😢

Brightlights23 · 08/12/2024 10:19

Seasidewalker · 08/12/2024 09:27

How is everyone doing?

I think I may have reached a tipping point in my ability to cope with work 😢

I don't want to give too much identifying info but I run a team of under 10 in an in house professional support function.

There has been lots of very needed change in the business but this has identified failings in many areas and led to an increase in work for us.

We've been struggling to keep up for well over a year which comes on top of some other challenges for the business for the last few years so it's been challengingfor a while. Probably 80% of what I are doing is fire fighting currently.

My team are struggling, budgets mean that I don't know if we are going to get any more resource and with health issues I feel like I've been hanging on by my fingertips for well over a year.

I had a final straw moment on Friday with a email from a colleague who we have moved heaven and earth to facilitate their project for months. I worked additional hours to get it over a line, got thank you's from the Board (I don't need these I do the job I'm paid for) and then a fecking whinging email from this colleague about how they feel I've treated them. Copied to the fecking Board.

It just feels like the final straw, I don't have the energy or the resilience to deal with it and quite frankly I don't know that I want to 😢

Physically the palpitations I've been having have kicked off massively over the weekend, I've had to take my migraine meds at I've woken in the night with migraines.

I don't know what to do or how to move forward, I'm clearly not up to the role currently, how can I support my team who are also struggling if I can't cope myself? 😢

Really sorry to hear this is how you are feeling.

Are you on HRT?

Could you see your GP and get signed off for 2 weeks to see if that helps?

I understands how you feel as I had another night of bad sleep and now I have a headache over one eye, stomach hurts and palpitations.

I reached out to SHOUT yesterday and I’ve done some breathing exercises but not really helped

already feel anxiety rising as it’s work tomorrow (although rationally I know that is not the only reason as have a family issue over Xmas day that I’m waiting to hear on and this is a factor too)

i don’t run a team thankfully although I can see how this would add to how you are feeling and receiving the email will impact massively.

if not the GP do you have an employee assistance programme at work that you could call for support?

JinglingSpringbells · 08/12/2024 10:48

I think I will give it till end of next week when I have 2 days off work and if I feel no better will go back to doctors to see nurse about the anxiety. Will have been on the gel for nearly 4 weeks by then.

I hate to say this but medically, you're rushing things @Brightlights23

The guidance is to give any new type of HRT 3 months. And any new dose within the same type of HRT, a month. So you should really try to stick with 3 pumps for at least 4 weeks before adding in or changing anything.

I've been told this by my consultant (and I've used HRT for over 15 years.)

If you simply add ADs you're never going to know which ish helping and what dose of estrogen you need. And this is why NICE advises against using ADs without adjusting HRT first.

I really do sympathise but if you read some of the advice on the MH sites like MIND, one of the main things that can help is exercise. Maybe because the weather is so bad at the moment and you're working full time this is hard but a brisk walk every day, outside, in the countryside is known to help anxiety and mood. if you can, try these self-help things first as well as yoga and mindfulness exercises. Pills aren't always the best answer as they come with their own side effects too.

Seasidewalker · 08/12/2024 10:56

Thanks Brightlights, I've been on HRT since earlier in the year and it has keep me in work. I seem to have some other issues that are causing the fatigue and palpitations which I'm struggling to get a solution to which is making it all difficult.

We've got an EAP which I could reach out to. I'm not sure I feel able or ready to at the moment, I really want to find a cave to crawl into.

I have also got a GP appointment booked for later in the week as a follow up to some tests.

I'm usually so practical and capable, I can always find a plan and a solution but I just don't feel able at moment.

I think the answer is some time away but I worry what will change and how will I go back with an even bigger backlog than I've got now. I've been trying to avoid this situation but I just can't see a practical way forward. I will just add more pressure to the team, but if I'm not capable of supporting them, what good am I?

Thanks for responding, I really appreciate it 🙏

Brightlights23 · 08/12/2024 13:48

JinglingSpringbells - I have decided to hold off on seeing the Dr for AD’s and will see the nurse as planned on Friday. I can then discuss with her if I need to stick with the gel and dose or to tweak it.

I can then also discuss my anxiety and if I really need talking therapy to help me deal with all the areas in my life that are contributing to the anxiety.

very difficult to know what is the root cause and I suspect it’s multifaceted. I lost my mum 10 years ago and the run up to Christmas is always hard, plus my dad might not see my brother and me this year due to his new wife prioritising her family only. Still waiting to hear which is really not helping.

maybe my job is ok, or maybe for my first full time job in 20 years I should of got a more entry level one and not tried to increase what I earnt from my part time ones. Time will tell. Also aware that even if I wasn’t having all the anxiety that this new job may not still be the right fit as it’s been a long time since full time and could take a job or two to find the right company, team and role.

Brightlights23 · 08/12/2024 13:50

Seasidewalker · 08/12/2024 10:56

Thanks Brightlights, I've been on HRT since earlier in the year and it has keep me in work. I seem to have some other issues that are causing the fatigue and palpitations which I'm struggling to get a solution to which is making it all difficult.

We've got an EAP which I could reach out to. I'm not sure I feel able or ready to at the moment, I really want to find a cave to crawl into.

I have also got a GP appointment booked for later in the week as a follow up to some tests.

I'm usually so practical and capable, I can always find a plan and a solution but I just don't feel able at moment.

I think the answer is some time away but I worry what will change and how will I go back with an even bigger backlog than I've got now. I've been trying to avoid this situation but I just can't see a practical way forward. I will just add more pressure to the team, but if I'm not capable of supporting them, what good am I?

Thanks for responding, I really appreciate it 🙏

It is so hard to know what to do for the best.

see what the dr says about the other results.

reaching out to the EAP is always an option .

I think I may just need to talk to someone. Will see

JinglingSpringbells · 08/12/2024 14:40

I have decided to hold off on seeing the Dr for AD’s and will see the nurse as planned on Friday. I can then discuss with her if I need to stick with the gel and dose or to tweak it.

That's a good idea but be aware that nurses vary hugely in their training on HRT. Ideally she will follow the medical advice of allowing 3 months with any new HRT.https://www.menopausematters.co.uk/review.php See 'review after 3 months when changing the type..'

The other issues are 'life events' and are not necessarily going to respond to anti depressants. You sound overwhelmed by work and family so maybe the focus needs to be on managing those, through reframing how you react? You can't do anything about your Dad and where he'll spend Xmas so maybe try to let go of the anxiety over that?

I can see how it's hard going back to work full time after 19 years. If this isn't what you want, maybe that's the thing to focus on and change? I know it's easy for other people to offer advice but in a nutshell I'd say you need to put yourself first, do things that make you happy and you find relaxing, and give the HRT more time.