Terrified by menopause

[Elaston]

It’s great there’s more awareness on the menopause, but does anyone else now just feel eeven more anxious to enter it?! The discussions have turned away from supporting women to treating through ‘the change’ towards labelling it as a ‘disease’. Literally. Terrifying!! As if women don’t have enough to deal with…

I don't get why they're so bent out of shape by women who are experiencing problems that they need to butt in to conversations that are only just beginning, after centuries of silence

I don't get why people get so bent out of shape pointing out that some women's experience isn't universal and that not everyone has problems, either. What you're saying is another version of 'woman, shut up, we don't want to hear it.'
A different viewpoint isn't 'getting bent out of shape.'

As for 'butting into conversations,' that's how chat threads work.

Just go on as normal and deal when it happens.

I expected to be fine with menopause as my puberty and periods all my life caused me zero problems.

Menopause slammed me like a tonne of bricks with extreme anxiety (never had a second of anxiety before), brain fog and awful periods.

Straight to the GP, on HRT, all back on an even keel now.

So don’t be terrified, just be prepared and take the support as and when you need it.

@DappledThings right. And the counter-narrative of "sailing through" is motivated entirely by concern for younger women? Ok.

Incidentally I know plenty of women who will tell you they sailed through menopause but blatantly did not - my own mother will blithely state that she "just got on with it" and I guess that you could say spending seven years shouting at your kids and colleagues before leaving the workplace altogether age 55 hurt, confused and aggrieved, then age 65-70 breaking every bone that tapped a hard surface is "getting on with it" but I do wish that she and other women of her generation had had some awareness, support and treatment for the ways that the drop in oestrogen affected them.

So on the basis of your mother every woman who says she didn't have a difficult menopause is lying?

I'm 50, perimenopausal and can't wait for my fucking periods to end. Absolutely can't wait. I am the complete opposite of terrified. So far perimenopause has meant I no longer have greasy skin and no longer constantly freezing cold. Give me menopause over puberty any day of the week!

So on the basis of your mother every woman who says she didn't have a difficult menopause is lying?

No.

You can tell that I didn't say that because I used entirely different words with entirely different meanings. Hth.

Hey, this post made me really sad Sweetness. Look around you, look on TV - see all us 50+ women still here, many looking as good as we ever did, still smashing it at work, still thriving and enjoying life!

We might have had a shit few years while we got meno under control (I certainly fell off a cliff but I got myself back pretty quickly when I found the right HRT and other coping mechanisms).

But we’re here, not broken. Not exactly the same, probably, and definitely wanting the tits and necks we had in our 20s, but not broken. You’ll be ok x

Your scaring me now.
How long have I got post menopause before my bones start crumbling?

How long have I got post menopause before my bones start crumbling?

It isn't a given that they will. Weight bearing exercise and you can get a bone scan (only private, unfortunately) that will tell you what the risk is.

@DappledThings right. And the counter-narrative of "sailing through" is motivated entirely by concern for younger women? Ok.
Nope. It's motivated by "there's no point anyone getting terrified about something that might not happen. Might be bad and here's some resources and conversations if it is but there's no benefit in every woman hitting her 40s and becoming terrified and spending money on unnecessary private consultations"

Why do you want everyone to be fearful?

I'm sure that made sense when you pressed post.

Menopause isn't just about the end of periods though.
There are short and long term symptoms/illnesses that are directly linked to loss of estrogen. Even women who get away with no peri symptoms are still likely to find they have vaginal atrophy as the years go by, the risk of heart disease doubles that of men , and then there's osteoporosis which affects 1 in 2 women. I'm not being all doom and gloom but these are scientific facts. All can be treated or prevented to an extent with foresight and lifestyle changes.

How long have I got post menopause before my bones start crumbling?

I don't know who posted this but to answer the question...

Bone loss is greatest in the first 5 years after your last period. It can be as much as 3-5% annually.

The idea that weight bearing exercise helps(like walking) is a bit misleading.
For most women, their bones don't respond to 'just walking.' The impact and stress on the bones isn't enough to make much change.

There are research papers that have investigated this, in detail. To be of benefit, you have to walk above 4mph and ideally with a backpack to load your spine.
The best exercise is resistance training, using weights (free weights, bands, gym machines) to load the bones.

Both the ROS (Royal Osteoporosis Society) and the NHS have osteo exercise videos.

Why do you want everyone to be fearful?

Good question. I wonder what the answer is?

It's not a disease, but can be shite for many women. Symptoms can be debilitating or mild.

I've got secondary BC ( now that is a fucker of a disease!) and on hormone blockers. Every symptom under the sun has hit me for years. My body is screaming for oestrogen, the devil that feeds my cancer.

There are always options when dealing with the " horror pause". No one should suffer or be scared of it.

Fiona Bruce, Davina Mcall, Kamala Harris, Carol Vorderman, Lorraine Kelly, Nicole Kidman, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep…. (And so many others)

Do these women strike you as frail, flabby and broken?

And you don’t even have to be a celebrity to thrive beyond the menopause. I am (in my 60s)surrounded by women who are fit and healthy and not suffering. That is not to deny in any way that some women do suffer and openness has put pressure on the medical profession to take it seriously which is obviously a great thing. But unless you are suffering there is no need at all to feel anticipatory fear.

Sounds like you may have endometriosis if you have heavy painful periods..Ask for a gynae referral.Menopause is when periods are absent for a year plus.

This is exactly what my GP and physio both told me. Too many women focus on walking and it's of no great benefit. I've been advised to "shock" my bones (simple exercises such as 'heel lifts' are good) so I skip and run (purposefully) up and down stairs multiple times a day as well as doing weights and kettlebells, Hiit, pilates etc on youtube. Also balance is so important so I do balance exercises every day and have a balance board.

I’ve been on HRT since my late 40s when the chronic insomnia and itchy hands because too much. However I don’t just rely on HRT. I changed my diet, lost weight and exercise regularly including with weights. I’m healthier than I’ve been for a very long time

vaginal atrophy was the worst thing for me, the itching! The endless going go to the loo! I had no idea what was happening to me but again now I have topical oestrogen and use moisturisers and it’s completely under control

you may well sail through it, lots of women do but if you don’t then there is help available.

Why do these threads always result in women arguing?

Every single thread ends the same way. Women who had an easy menopause jump in to say 'Oh it's nothing'. (But then some have illnesses that are linked to it, like bone loss or heart issues- or will have in a few years' time.)

Women are allowed to feel as they do! No one is right or wrong.

The British Menopause Society on their website says that 75% of women will have menopausal symptoms.

Some will be severe, others moderate. Some will have them for a few years, others for 15 years, others for life.
This is not anecdotal- it's research-based.

With all of this, there is a middle way.

Women need to be informed of the risks of menopause, how to treat symptoms and whether to use HRT, in the context of their family history and personal risk of heart disease and osteoporosis.

I think it's great that menopause is out in the open, that women are better informed and can take control of their health in what still is all too often a misogynistic/ paternalist medical profession where women's health is concerned. (Apart from some excellent doctors.)

On the other hand, the commercialisation of menopause with special face creams, supplements (that rarely work) and even describing it as a disability, is going too far.

Why do these threads always result in women arguing?

Because we can, and we're allowed to. A board where we just took one side's opinions for granted and didn't challenge it would be pretty dull and we'd miss out on some interesting debate and information.

I think it's great that menopause is out in the open, that women are better informed and can take control of their health in what still is all too often a misogynistic/ paternalist medical profession where women's health is concerned. (Apart from some excellent doctors.)

On the other hand, the commercialisation of menopause with special face creams, supplements (that rarely work) and even describing it as a disability, is going too far.

That we can agree on.

I think it's great that menopause is out in the open, that women are better informed and can take control of their health in what still is all too often a misogynistic/ paternalist medical profession where women's health is concerned. (Apart from some excellent doctors.)

@JinglingSpringbells , I think there needs to be balance with this too. Awareness has turned into something that feels like ramming health issues down our throats.

I don't want to live my life preoccupied with diseases and dysfunctions all the time. I say this very much as a cancer survivor. I've had enough of clinics to last me a lifetime and more (although I received very good treatment and some of those who treated me were absolutely lovely.)

It seems like every women's magazine, programme covering women's issues, women's interest social media, clothing lines, skincare lines, supplement industry hyper focus on women's bodies and health. Sometimes I really want to say 'hands off!' I want to live rather than hang around in waiting rooms. Men don't get this quite as much, I don't think.

It's good that there is awareness but menopausal shouldn't be taken as being definitive of women aged 45-60.

What is it that you are struggling to make sense of?

Because we can, and we're allowed to [argue.] A board where we just took one side's opinions for granted and didn't challenge it would be pretty dull and we'd miss out on some interesting debate and information.

But why argue at all?
Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to.

It's not about 'taking one side's opinions for granted'.
It's more about accepting that all experiences are valid and individual.

The OP was (I assume) asking for women's experiences.
What I meant by 'arguing' was some women aggressively dismissing other women's experiences as invalid or 'extreme'.

I may have misread, but sometimes the posts from women who didn't, and haven't , suffered from peri or post menopause symptoms, seem a bit unsympathetic towards women who have had a difficult time. They don't seem to understand they are in the minority and not representative of most women.
Some also don't seem to understand there are 2 stages of menopause - peri and post- and some of the serious health issues arise years later.

This is only anecdotal, but two colleagues who 'sailed' through the menopause now have osteoporosis in their early 60s. So no one can say they 'sailed through' until they are in their 80s or older.

Women have a hard enough time dealing with some GPs without other women arguing over it all.

I am one of those who has posted on here to say that I have no had any problems going through the menopause and whilst I would be very open and sympathetic to any friend, colleague, neighbour or acquaintance who suffered with it , I have never actually met anyone.

However I totally recognise that:

1. Women have for centuries been ignored and dismissed when sharing their issues and it is so important that we now take them seriously.
2. I can tell from reading and watching etc. that many women do suffer

BUT it is irrational, unreasonable and ageist to be ‘terrified’ of the menopause and to think that it means that women become ‘frail, flabby and broken’ (a previous PP actually said this)