Terrified by menopause

[Elaston]

It’s great there’s more awareness on the menopause, but does anyone else now just feel eeven more anxious to enter it?! The discussions have turned away from supporting women to treating through ‘the change’ towards labelling it as a ‘disease’. Literally. Terrifying!! As if women don’t have enough to deal with…

I've no idea who you think that counter narrative is coming from, but what I see a lot on here is one that says 'well just because YOUR menopause was easy doesn't mean everyone's is!' In other words shut up if you don't subscribe to the 'it's going to be absolutely bloody awful' narrative.
Same with breastfeeding. It's always "It WILL be hell for the first few weeks. It WILL be agony. You WILL be trapped by cluster feeding for days and days".

None of which was my experience but you're not allowed to say it might not be like that. Sometimes it really is easy.

I do think a lot of this "stop scaring younger women with your menopause stories" is simply yet another variation on "women, be quiet".

I get what you are saying here but it cuts both ways. Positive stories need to be heard too! And all too often people hyper focus on the negative.

Plus as I said upthread there is a very definite commercial agenda which exploits this. Telling women they are broken, need fixing and hey presto! The solution is here and it costs £££! And even if it doesn't cost the individual money does change hands somewhere along the process.

I am all for women being supported when they do have issues but telling women they have issues when they are quite well / very definitely will have issues in the future is not genuine support IMO.

Last post @Heparit

Sadly, it’s just not that simplistic.

I am 51 have always had a bmi of 20.5, I exercise, never drink alcohol (in fact I only drink water), I eat well and and have the healthiest lifestyle of all my friends yet perimenopause has hit my like a sledgehammer, I have felt like shit every day for the last 5 years and nothing I do naturally helps. I hate the thought of ‘medicalising’ something which should be a natural female progression through life but fear that I just won’t have a choice unless I want to continue feeling like crap every day.
Being slim, exercising and living a healthy lifestyle sadly isn’t helping me one jot.

I am also glad it is being talked about a lot more these days and don’t feel it’s over the top. Joining many FB support groups has made my realise that I am not alone and my symptoms are similar to many other women across the world, that gives me quite a lot of peace of mind.

I've no idea who you think that counter narrative is coming from

The counter narrative is coming from various angles but the overall impetus is the same as every other patriarchal drive to tell women they're moaning, exaggerating and speaking out of turn, whenever they speak about their own bodies.

@Heparit what we need is balance. Women need to be taken seriously when they're coping fine too as well as being believed and helped when they are not. Saying you are doing ok doesn't belittle women who aren't. It would be simply disingenuous to pretend and that would actually belittle those with real problems.

@Blimpton - could you get a private consultation? Thats what I did and got prescribed HRT. I did pay privately for a few years but just recently switched to getting my HRT through the NHS with pharmacy2u and a ppc. It’s very straightforward. The private consultation was about £250 and over zoom.

I'm 54 and like you was dreading it especially the idea of "brain fog" as 18 months ago I took on a new relatively responsible job and wasn't sure I'd cope.

So far all that's happened has been heavy bleeding about six months ago which was a challenge at the time but has now stopped and some noticeable middle age spread. I think all you can do is be well informed about your options and see what happens.

@Blimpton no one would listen to me. I booked one private appt at £95 and listed all my symptoms. Immediately got prescribed HRT. It has literally changed my life. I also take citalopram specifically for PMDD (suicidal ideation) please keep going back to your doctor. Life should not be this hard for anyone.

To OP it hadn't even occurred to me that peri would be so horrific and for most people I know it isn't. I'd suggest not worrying unless something gets bad for you, you'll probably be fine as most are.

My symptoms for reference:
Severe muscle and joint pain
Severe fatigue
Diagnosis of fibromyalgia (prob a misdiagnosis)
Onset of Rheumatoid arthritis
Plantar fasciitis (which I didn't think was a symptom until I started hrt and it disappeared!)
PMDD increasing in severity
Uncontrollable rage and anger
I had no period symptoms at all!

I think all you can do is be well informed about your options and see what happens

Which is the message I've given a friend going through peri.

Thing is, if you are 'terrified' of something you'll send your sympathetic nervous system into the fight or flight response which, long term, is bad for your overall health. If you are relaxed about it you will be better equipped to deal with it.

@Elaston I don't feel there is any scare-mongering going on. It's about education. I think it can only be a good thing that at least one area of women's health is being talked about publicly. The best starting point, if possible, is to ask your own mother and grandmother about their experiences. If they had a particularly difficult time, or there were certain symptoms they experienced but not others, that's the most useful guide as to your own likely experience. And now you've got the benefit of more information about options to manage symptoms.

I am 63 and I don’t recognise this at all. I am definitely not frail, flabby and broken. In fact, I am much stronger and fitter than I was in my 40s and 50s as I am no longer caring for children and parents and juggling it all with full time work. I feel liberated and energised.

It’s not just me. None of my friends my age are frail, flabby and broken. At my exercise classes and at the gym I am surrounded by women from their 50s to 90s who are living an active life. I really sympathise with people who suffer through the menopause and it’s great that they can now openly talk about it and that there are treatments, but I don’t know anybody who has suffered and I am sure the majority don’t. It feels like we are returning to the Victorian era when women were expected to spend their time on the sofa suffering from hysteria or the vapours. It’s weird.

Interesting you mention that, because I recall reading years ago that Japanese doesn't have a word for hot flushes or menopause - their phrase means 'renewal years' - women have a much more positive atttitude towards the process and seemingly as a result suffer far fewer negative symptoms.

https://www.womenshealthnetwork.com/menopause-and-perimenopause/menopause-in-different-cultures/

@heyhohello Me too. I was late 40's didn't have any peri symptoms. Got diagnosed with breast cancer and had my last period 2 weeks after my first chemo and nothing. No menopause symptoms apart from some hot flushes (which has saved on heating at times ). Couldn't have any treatment anyway.

Whilst it's good that there is awareness and that there is help it does make it into a 'scary' thing and frightens a lot of women whereas amongst my friends not one has had any real problems.

@CountTo10 yeah, I did have potentially some symptoms but nothing serious enough to make me do much about it. Have had hot flushes but not debilitating.

It hasn't been a massive thing for me so it isn't awful for every woman. Do address your diet though as I find that makes a big difference with flushes and aches and pains. Sugar, coffee and alcohol are not great for me if overindulged and my sleep habits are now different. I did not take any medication but added some supplements for joints.

Women who are coping fine don't need anything - obviously they don't; they're coping fine. I don't get why they're so bent out of shape by women who are experiencing problems that they need to butt in to conversations that are only just beginning, after centuries of silence. It's like those reviews you see on Amazon going "I don't know what it's like because I haven't opened the packet yet". If you really don't know about troublesome menopause effects, genuinely have no experience of them, then maybe just try listening to those who have, first off, and consider how you can support them.

Your GP might be right it is not peri-menopause. Your symptoms should be investigated.

Dry eyes is a separate issue and HRT can actually cause dry eyes. I would see an optometrist to be checked out, maybe get eye drops or if something more a referral to eye hospital.

The really heavy period with constant pain isn’t peri either, and you should get a referral to gynaecology as well unless GP blood tests show something simple like iron deficiency anaemia caused by blood loss from heavy periods causing chronic pain and fatigue.

I don't get why they're so bent out of shape by women who are experiencing problems that they need to butt in to conversations that are only just beginning, after centuries of silence
Because there are women like the OP and others who are now terrified of something horrific happening to them that might not be at all a problem. Nobody has a problem with women discussing their own experiences; it's when that discussion becomes insistence it will be horrendous and you will need help and you need to pay a private clinic for a consultation right now.

As I said upthread, same with breastfeeding. Discussing experiences is helpful. Shouting that it's awful and hard for everyone is not.

@Heparit again get your point but there are posters on the menopause telling people that if they don't take HRT they are storing up massive problems for later life. As you can guess after having breast cancer (problematic in terms of HRT) I can be a bit sensitive to that type of rhetoric.

So I believe in listening and respecting all women's lived experiences.

Menopause boards

My only issue was very heavy periods but I took progesterone back to back which stopped them altogether, then shortly afterwards I went on hrt. Haven't got brain fog, Haven't suffered unbearable flushes, piled on loads of weight, got pains, I'm fine. (Age 54)

I'm in my early 40s and started HRT for peri last year. I knew it was creeping up for various reasons but my mental health plummeted and I was beginning to feel so anxious and was having some suicidal thoughts. HRT had transformed me. I am losing weight as I can actually be bothered to do something about it and I'm feeling the best I have done for years.

I was skeptical and said to the GP that I didn't know if I needed HRT or antidepressants but due to hot flushes, sleep, libido etc we tried the HRT first.

I have friends who are menopausal and are fine, not many symptoms. Mine is fine now I'm on medication.

I agree. Never thought about it before a few years ago. Now I'm very worried.