Terrified by menopause

[Elaston]

It’s great there’s more awareness on the menopause, but does anyone else now just feel eeven more anxious to enter it?! The discussions have turned away from supporting women to treating through ‘the change’ towards labelling it as a ‘disease’. Literally. Terrifying!! As if women don’t have enough to deal with…

I used to get dreadful headaches before the menopause, now I don't. It's been nothing but great for me.

Knowledge is power OP and although I find all the hysteria about menopause to be OTT (I'm 50 btw, so definitely have skin in the game) I do think it's positive that people are talking about it, that women are better informed and that HRT is much more readily available for those that want/need it. It's only a handful of years since most women were wholly ignorant about menopause before it happened to them and that peri-menopause was not discussed or recognised by the vast majority of GPs. You were really lucky if you got a GP who was well-informed and who was able to group all your symptoms together and suggest you tried HRT - most of us had to lay out an argument for it and sell the idea to them. It was ridiculous and shameful that something that happens to 50% of the population was an OPTIONAL part of GP training. Thank God that has changed!

My eyes are bone dry and it’s affecting my vision.

@Blimpton try this: https://www.boots.com/belpha-eye-bag-warming-eye-mask-10318857p

I used it after eye surgery and it's great for dry eyes. You put it in the microwave for 30 seconds and then sit with it across your eyes for 5-10 mins once or twice a day and it really helps.

See another GP or menopause specialist. Of course it can be peri at 45. Don’t take no for an answer.

Blimpton...
Are you aware you can take a tablet to stop heavy periods? Traxademic acid does wonders.
That with a good doctor and hrt it would hardly be able to be described in such a extreme way.
It is another natural change,,, i can not wait to have no periods.
My only concern was a change because of a worldwide shortage on my brand of hrt, covered with an alternative much the same.

I'm terrified. It sounds as though it's an absolutely devastating process and once you're on the other side your body is frail and flabby and broken. I'm so scared.

Same here ( although I do have osteoporosis - strong family history so no avoiding it). Otherwise I'm fine at 55, maybe it's still coming!

Mine was fine, a few symptoms but none over whelming. Just take it as it comes.

My body is not frail and flabby and broken! I go to the gym 3 times a week, sea swim, cycle, feel fantastic. I'm 60 BTW.

I was a little anxious, more slightly wary I would say, but it's been truly great. I don't want to wish my life away, but I'm one of the lucky ones so far. Periods stopped at 50 and I've felt hormonally balanced, physically I'm no longer bouncing between the different phases of a cycle. The big changes to my body happened during peri - peri went on for about 10 yrs. No hrt or anything different here. Some people do really suffer, it's a lottery. You're waiting to find out how it will be for you.

What the fuck? Disease? Flabby? Broken? Mental difficulties? Christ have a word with yourselves!

I understand your fear and I confirm it is hideous for some, it is for me.

I’m barely surviving, my marriage is barely surviving, my kids are … well god knows how they are viewing life with me over the last 3 years, and it’s still ongoing. I’m hanging onto my job by my fingernails. Things are bad.

It’s day by day survival, and it is “survival mode”.

I also dispute the theory of the public and medical profession being more aware and understanding. When you read about the issues women have trying to access medication, help and correct information you can see it’s a fucking battle.
I went to a webinar at work that they proudly presented to demonstrate their awareness and understanding, this is in direct contrast to how they actually treat peri and menopausal employees.
Business is business after all.
Its dire.

Never have I felt so incompetent, useless, old, pitiful and stupid. All confirmed by the treatment I experience from my job and my performance.

It’s like I have had a body and a cognitive functional swap with a potato.

I’ve no answers for you, my advice is you just have to get on with it as best you can. The big positive is that you care a lot less.

If you really feel like this can I kindly suggest you seek some help

This is a perfectly natural process half the population go through, not some hideous, crippling, life limiting disease. Perspective is needed here

It has been medicalised and labelled, as is the trend now. Ridiculous. It is a normal phase of life where we should be aware that it will affect us emotionally and physically, to some extent, but it is not a disease. I went through the menopause during my thirties, no help available because no-one believed me, but once it was over I never looked back. 1 year of HRT, then I decided I didn't want to pop pills for the rest of my life. Now, I'm fitter and more active than most 70 year olds and took part in an open water swim yesterday for charity. I've had over 30 years without the mess and emotional roller coaster of periods. That's a win!

Have a look at the Menopause Support Network on Facebook. You can have a private consultation and they write to your doctor.

45 isn't too young at all, your GP needs to do some research. HRT can be prescribed on symptoms alone at 45.

Hello,
I’m 41 and my endocrinologist picked up in May that my FSH was rising and warned me I was approaching ‘the change’ and lo and behold, my FSH was even higher just last week two cycles later…I am fit, no real symptoms (had one 21 day cycle when I was super stressed after starting a new job in early March, otherwise back to 26-7 days), full-time job, and felt I was going a pretty good job despite pre-existing autoimmune thyroid and adrenal failure. I was absolutely devastated in May when my endo told me. Crying a lot. It was such an awful shock as just didn’t think I would have to deal with it yet. Didn’t sleep all Thursday night after getting most recent result. I am worried about getting fat, feeling suddenly ancient, osteoporosis (strong family history) etc etc. but really trying to calm myself down. I’m lucky I have a very menopause-aware endocrine team at a large London NHS teaching hospital (one of the few benefits of chronic adrenal disease). I am going to have to trust them. I was terrified of my previous diagnoses when they came through and I’m trying to tell myself that I manage those really well despite all the scare stories of effects of being steroid-dependent etc…but it is scary. I guess no choice but to deal with it though so just going to crack on with it.

Everyone is different you don't know what it will be like until it arrives. I had to take tamoxifen for 10 years at 45 so was put straight into menopause. No symptoms of menopause at all for 8 years then started to get UTI symptoms went to Dr's said it was vaginal astrophy put me on estradol it was fine for me to use as it is a localised pessary. Symptoms cleared up almost straight away. So some have no issues at all.

But the key thing is, at 45 you’re definitely not too young. I have friends who faced it at 36 and 40 in addition to all the others on here (and me!). Shop around for another opinion. It is scary but ultimately there should be people who can help us all through it, and so much attention to it has to mean that if we don’t get on with the first person we meet about it then carry on going until we find one we can!

This 'awareness ' is the worst thing that has happened for middle aged women imo. We are now getting treated as stupid. We make a mistake then it's because we are no longer fit to do our job because we are menopausal.
Then we get people like OP being terrified.
Employers not wanting to employ us brain fogged rejects (never had train fog in my life)

Enough already.

@Houseplanter I am already chronically ill, and have been for a long time. My body is already my enemy. The fact that a highly damaging process is coming over the horizon towards me, which is almost inevitably going to leave me tireder, weaker and fatter than I already am, does terrify me. Sorry if that's not empowered enough.

I'm 69, well on the other side and I'm not frail or broken, either physically or mentally (I'll admit to a bit flabby). Unfortunately there's a whole industry out there, aided by flint eyed opportunists looking to boost flagging media careers, that has a vested monetary interest in persuading you that 'frail, broken and flabby' is inevitable.

All this!!
A good diet and Exercise, lots of it, have been great for me.
I’m 60 next week OP. There is really nothing to worry about, but given all the hysteria around it, I understand why you are.
All the incontinence adverts don’t help. The only time I’ve seen anyone buy Tena, they’ve been old men.
My bladder is as strong as it was 40 years ago. I’m still of sound mind. I’m not bursting into tears at every normal life event.
Please don’t worry, I definately had symptoms of the menopause in my 40s, but nothing unbearable.
I chose not to take HRT.

I do think a lot of this "stop scaring younger women with your menopause stories" is simply yet another variation on "women, be quiet". Menopause only started being talked about openly less than a decade ago, and for most of that time there's been a strong counter-narrative that the discussion is too doomy, too commercialised, too sensationalistic. It's depressing. Whenever women open their mouths they are told they're speaking wrong.

I've no idea who you think that counter narrative is coming from, but what I see a lot on here is one that says 'well just because YOUR menopause was easy doesn't mean everyone's is!' In other words shut up if you don't subscribe to the 'it's going to be absolutely bloody awful' narrative.

And I do think the argument around it has become commercialised. It's a very lucrative bandwagon - scare women about what's going to happen and then cash in. It's just a continuation of what we get the minute we hit puberty.

Agree with this

I think it’s good it’s being talked about, but it’s OTT and too medicalised.

I am 52 and sailed through menopause. I love not having periods anymore and I am fit and healthy. I think you do have to put a greater focus on health and fitness as you pass 50 though and try to stay slim.