What is causing this extreme burnout? Meno, depression, or undiagnosed autism or adhd. And how can you find out?

[Suboptimumumma]

I am in my early sixties and very depressed atm. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. It’s in my body as much as in my mind. Like I’ve swallowed a lead balloon.

I’m not sad as such and having nothing specific to be depressed about, have a supportive husband and family, but I am just very very flat and finding it very very difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

It’s like pressing the accelerator button pedal in your car and there being no response.

I force myself to wash and dress and brush my teeth but find it an ordeal. I could sleep all day if I let myself. I don’t want to socialise but there again I’ve always preferred my own company. I’ve let the housework slip except for kitchen and bathroom. Just about hanging on to pt job.

So my question is: if your symptoms fit all three conditions how do you know which to treat? And how do you approach it and in what order?

I know I need treatment but the thought of untangling this seems exhausting. Please can someone with experience of similar issues point me in the right direction?

Thank you.

Do you live alone? Work? Children?

Live with husband. One teen and one adult dd and a dog. Both away at uni and back for holidays. Work five mornings a week and volunteer two afternoons.

YA teen going through autism assessment.

The critical piece of
information is how
happy you are in your marriage
and do you enjoy your work?

what is your fitness and activity level like?

friends? Social life?

Marriage ok, over 25 years long, generally supportive but he has a big job so is tired a lot of the time.

My job is ok but a bit meh and it’s just something I do to keep a bit of financial independence. I’m lucky that we don’t really need the money for essentials but it helps towards holidays and presents, meals out etc. Not that I am doing any of those things atm.

My fitness is awful. I’m three stone overweight. I walk 7,000 steps a day when not depressed.

Have a few close female friends and some friends we go out with as a couple. Given the choice I would naturally be a happy recluse but I do usually enjoy it once I am persuaded to go out if it’s with people we know well. Again, too depressed currently.

Well the easiest thing to try first of all is hrt. Give that 2 or 3 months and then see how you feel.

I was a few years younger than you. I had a complete burnout, breakdown. It took years to be in any way recovered. I focussed on accessing talking therapies. Bearing in mind that if you need NHS support for mental health you have to fight for it, and that my state of being was much like yours is now, it was very difficult to access the help I needed. But eventually I did and it worked.

Find a therapist and start talking. And yay to walking when you can. If you can occasionally socialise it will probably be good for you. I'm autistic and cut out all the socialising because it hurt too much. I feel better without it but realise I'm in a vulnerable position as a complete loner. Have you had any massage therapy, spa treatments? I think the non-sexual skin stimulation can help. That sounds a bit dodgy and I didn't try it myself but people did recommend it so I'm passing it on!

Ask GP for a blood test to check all the basics: thyroid, liver, potassium, b12, vit D. Plus check oestrogen. HRT might help.

Not really, getting out for a daily walk would be easier!

How are your iron levels, would a general multi vitamin be worth a go too?

Is that an option in your sixties, so way after menopause is well and truly over?
Don't remember where, but I read it was dangerous to start HRT if you are well beyond meno. (Asking because I have similar issues to OP.)

Read up on hormones and avoid HRT like the plague!

With being overweight you're more at risk for obstructive sleep apnoea and say you could sleep all day.
https://www.asthmaandlung.org.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea-osa/epworth-sleepiness-scale
How do you score on this?
Would get GP appointment and ask for bloods and referral for sleep studies if score high on the above before going down depression route.

Thank you.

I think that will be my first step
as it sounds very logical Oblomov23 thank you.

I should add that before I started being depressed I was very active.

That’s not something I had considered. Thank you I will have a look.

NO secrets here. 60 is the beginning of the age called elderly. Your body apparently is a bit tired

I am so confused by the subject of HRT tbh.

I hear that British menopause advocate saying all of the time that everyone should be taking it. Then I read an article sourced from USA that contradicts it.

It’s been five years since I had a period SoWhatEh and again some people say it’s fine to start HRT after this gap and some don’t.

It’s bewildering!

Trust me this is more than tired.

This is bad depression. No enthusiasm for anything. No energy. Cannot be bothered about anything or anyone. Not normal.

I’ve got too much iron last time they checked Summerhillsquare but not enough to cause alarm.

Yes perhaps it’s just being fat and unfit that’s causing this?

It wouldn’t hurt to lose weight and eliminate that potential cause would it.

But I am finding exercise hard because I am depressed.

And anti-depressants often cause weight gain.

Don’t know where to begin!

What you describe sounds so much like classic depression, OP.

The other possible factors (meno/autism etc) may be feeding into it.

Definitely see your GP for blood tests etc. Depending where you are, your GP may be able to refer you for ADHD and autism assessments with Psychiatry UK, but there will still be a waiting list.

Could you afford psychotherapy to explore what you are feeling?

As a pp said the psychological help provided by the NHS is often very limited for depression, but that doesn't stop you self-referring to talking therapies for an assessment: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-NHS-talking-therapies-service/

I don't think you'd be likely to get a GP to prescribe HRT for the first time in your early 60s. It would probably have to be referred to an NHS menopause clinic.

Did you feel affected by peri and menopause when you were actually going through it? @jinglinghellsbells is excellent on menopause and HRT.

Thanks very much Gardeningidiot having read a few definitions it does seem like text book depression.

I’m very grateful
for everyone’s replies

I can’t help noticing though that the responses on here are as varied as the choices are in rl so there doesn’t seem to be a clear path. I will obviously rule out anything physical first.

At some point, with medical advice, I am going to have to choose a route forward. I suppose it will have to be a process of elimination.

Tbh I wasn’t affected at all but I had a hysterectomy involving uterus and ovary removal and it was only about three years after that when menopausal symptoms appeared. Which is a bit strange looking back.

Thank you I will look out for jinglinghellsbells

Tbf, OP, we are just a bunch of randoms and you've had some rather unhelpful responses (just old age, just get out for a walk etc). There are quite a few things you can start to investigate though.

Would reading be a possibility, or audio books as there are lots of good books looking at depression, and different ways to understand and address it.

The Happiness Trap or The Reality Slap by Russ Harris

The Compassionate Mind by Paul Gilbert

Exactly @Suboptimumumma I don't think it's normal to have zero energy and zero enthusiasm in life just because yu've turned 60. I know loads of women for who their sixties was the most lively decade of their lives. No longer tied to children or elderly parents, full of vigour and passion for life. that's how I want to be...