What is causing this extreme burnout? Meno, depression, or undiagnosed autism or adhd. And how can you find out?

[Suboptimumumma]

I am in my early sixties and very depressed atm. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. It’s in my body as much as in my mind. Like I’ve swallowed a lead balloon.

I’m not sad as such and having nothing specific to be depressed about, have a supportive husband and family, but I am just very very flat and finding it very very difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

It’s like pressing the accelerator button pedal in your car and there being no response.

I force myself to wash and dress and brush my teeth but find it an ordeal. I could sleep all day if I let myself. I don’t want to socialise but there again I’ve always preferred my own company. I’ve let the housework slip except for kitchen and bathroom. Just about hanging on to pt job.

So my question is: if your symptoms fit all three conditions how do you know which to treat? And how do you approach it and in what order?

I know I need treatment but the thought of untangling this seems exhausting. Please can someone with experience of similar issues point me in the right direction?

Thank you.

Well tbh if all ok 3 months ago i doubt there's a needs for blood check repeats, your op suggested you hadn't sort medical review or investigations at this point.

If medically all ok then lifestyle etc may well be your focus or as has been suggested reconsider ADs/cbt.

I can’t quite remember the precise date tbh such is my brain fog tbh. My doctor will have the details. It could have been four months or so. And all of the things pps have listed weren’t being tested for. It was mainly to test for high blood sugar levels after fasting. She did test iron and cholesterol heart related things too but not thyroid.

I’ve been feeling quite low since the pandemic but only really depressed for about six months. One of the issues is that I go to the gp but there is no continuity so every single time they start from the beginning again.

There’s a book called Burnout by Emily Nagosaki that’s aimed at women. It’s an easy read. The things that have most impact on how we feel when burnt out are rest and then exercise. Have you got something that can track your sleep? They aren’t 100% accurate but it could help to see if you aren’t getting enough sleep. I have an Fitbit.

Obviously sleep isn’t just rest - do you get time to yourself and not just work/volunteer/house/family? I find doing lots of things less more overwhelming than doing more of one thing I.e going to work for five hours is less stressful than doing two hours of work, one hour shopping, two hours volunteering etc.

Also if your dc are leaving the nest, maybe this is you crashing after years of holding everything together?

Be kind to yourself anyway - if you’re knackered and struggling, a standard low cal diet and exercise regime is destined to fail and you will feel even more tired and depressed after. Maybe after you’ve rested a bit look for movement and food that nourishes you. Best of luck 😊

There is a lot of helpful and concise advice about depression on this thread that has opened a new perspective for me personally. Thank you OP for starting it and thank you to all of the helpful people who have posted here.

There may be hope after all.

Of course, whatever you say @Togiveandtoreceive

Do you think you may feel less depressed when your children are back and you have more of a focus and company?

Is there anyone in RL that you can talk to? A friend? Sister?
would you consider opening up to your husband?

What a lovely post Whataretalkingabout I hope you find your way through and out and upwards 💐

Is this terrible but tbh I am rather enjoying the peace! I am not depressed because of an empty nest. My dc were very badly affected by the pandemic and I am delighted to see them out in the world, making friends, going in trips and doing all the things that young people should be doing! So I am happy about that!

This depression is something different altogether. Hard to explain. Not sad or distressed in my head but in my body somehow. Very odd!

My dh is a very good person and a supportive husband but he has very old fashioned views about taking pills in order to feel better.

He is a very driven and effective person so he doesn’t understand why I can’t will myself better. Nor can I if I’m honest!

He just doesn’t get it and I can’t force him to understand.

Ok so… what about friends?

Thank you for this book recommendation SomethingFun

I have no problem sleeping but unfortunately I don’t feel sufficiently rested after about three to four hours of being awake.

I have three or four close friends.

I might tell one of them.

The others are struggling themselves with elderly parents or with illness in their families or with problems with teen or adult dc.

I know what you are saying 😊
A problem shared etc.

Hello. I haven’t read all the pages so perhaps am repeating another post. You sound very depressed and like you know that that’s what it is. I have been there myself and was there earlier this year. The ‘how do I fix this’ thought loop is part of it. I have resisted antidepressants for years but when very low this year and therapy and all my efforts didn’t help I went to the GP and requested them. They have helped enormously, although the first few weeks are tough and you have to stick with it. This time I had support of a GP who finally took it seriously and my DH who helped me stick with it. It’s hard to get the benefit of talking therapy when you are so low that it’s hard to do everyday tasks. Anti depressants can help you get back to a point of functioning where you can start to work out what’s happened and how to move on. Be really kind to yourself, tell the people close to you how you feel and that you need their help to get treatment and go to see a supportive GP (and if they aren’t supportive go to see another one). Depression has all the physical symptoms you describe, it’s very common to feel it physically. Take care of yourself.

Thank you beebee23.

I think your advice and that of wp65 are going to constitute step two!

I hope it goes well. I read back, my DH is also a bit baffled by the need for pills and hasn’t been that keen on my taking them in the past. This time I said to him that it’s what I wanted and I needed him to help me through the initial weeks and tell me to stick with it, even if it wouldn’t be what he chose for himself. He did do that and it was really helpful. Will you post again about how you get on? Only if you feel like it of course.

Will do Beebee23 thank you again.

I hope you find something that helps, you've had lots of sensible advice. I haven't seen anyone mention long COVID. Is that a possibility? I felt exhausted for a year after I had covid. I plodded on going to work but I wasn't myself.

It’s not possible to know for sure but I never had Covid or never tested positive for it anyway.

OP I assess peoples mental health for a living and the very first thing I would be asking is have you had a full physical health check recently? Full set of bloods?
We ask GP’s to do checks for reversible causes of depression and at 60ish you are at that age where things can change.
We wouldn’t even be thinking about autism or adhd as for those the issues have to gave been lifelong they don’t develop over time.
Get your physical health checked first, maybe take a few weeks off sick to allow yourself to rest as well and take it from there.

I'm a bit like you and seem to have hit a point of burn out. Have just had an ADHD diagnosis. I understand menopause can exacerbate ADHD symptoms. It's odd. I'm not depressed. Just have hit a big wall.

Some of your post resonated with me op. I am a decade younger than you and in peri-menopause.

I have been wondering about autism/adhd as my daughter shows signs of this and I can identify with some of them. I have another mental health diagnosis (only recently) but has been with me all along. The lockdown was a catalyst for me trying to do something about it. Most of my activities/hobbies I enjoy are insular and I've got myself into isolating a bit as people tend to irritate or trigger me.

I am now finally likely to get treatment on the NHS. It is hugely difficult to access the correct treatment you need and I am not minimizing things when I say I have had to literally fight for treatment. I'm sure I'm depressed but like you, not sure what is at the source of it. Good luck op. Wishing you all the best.

Thank you very much for the the latest posts. I’m very touched by all of the support on here.

Tbh I was bracing myself for a few “get off your backside” comments but everyone has been really kind.

I’m sorry you have had to go in to battle to get the support you need Georgethedragon478347 which is hard to do when you are feeling so low. I hope it proves helpful.

Thank you Endofroadinhs I definitely am getting a full health assessment as my first step and I am going to be a bit more vocal about my difficulties this time. I feel so embarrassed about being depressed when I have no earthly reason to be feeling low that I tend to play things down.

I haven’t put my whole history on here for privacy reasons but I am not querying autism for frivolous reasons. I have had various issues since childhood but not depression like this. Following family discussions, one of the hcps who carried out the first part of my dd’s ASD assessment surprised me by saying I had strong indicators. As you say, it could be something else entirely though!

Francesthebadger that’s exactly it! And it is a very odd feeling. I hope you get the support you need following your diagnosis.

I work with children with autism who are in mainstream education. It's not usual for a parent to spot similarities in themselves or often in the other parent. As l said in a previous post these things were not picked up on in our day and there is far more awareness. I know if you got a diagnosis of autism now you would still have to find ways of dealing with the issues but even knowing would help. Could you read up on ways to make like easier for someone with autism ..it will be useful for your dd anyway...and see if putting certain things in place would help.
A lot of what you described l have to say points to autism..especially in females.