What is causing this extreme burnout? Meno, depression, or undiagnosed autism or adhd. And how can you find out?

[Suboptimumumma]

I am in my early sixties and very depressed atm. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. It’s in my body as much as in my mind. Like I’ve swallowed a lead balloon.

I’m not sad as such and having nothing specific to be depressed about, have a supportive husband and family, but I am just very very flat and finding it very very difficult to motivate myself to do anything.

It’s like pressing the accelerator button pedal in your car and there being no response.

I force myself to wash and dress and brush my teeth but find it an ordeal. I could sleep all day if I let myself. I don’t want to socialise but there again I’ve always preferred my own company. I’ve let the housework slip except for kitchen and bathroom. Just about hanging on to pt job.

So my question is: if your symptoms fit all three conditions how do you know which to treat? And how do you approach it and in what order?

I know I need treatment but the thought of untangling this seems exhausting. Please can someone with experience of similar issues point me in the right direction?

Thank you.

Why do you think autism or ADHD might be in the picture?

Those things don't wait until age 50+ to happen to you. What about you at age 20 or 30 might have indicated autism or ADHD?

@Suboptimumumma the symptoms you're explaining could be a condition called Hemochromotosis, when you said your bloods showed too much iron, the fatigue & depression are symptoms of this. Worth checking it out.
Btw dont know if i spelt it right 😂

It sounds alarming, but can be controlled with regular bloods done & diet tweeking

There is a strong link between diet and mood. Alongside getting checked out by your GP and reading the helpful books suggested above, you could see a dietician and radically improve your diet (I’m guessing it’s not ideal if you are 3 stone overweight) including sorting your gut health. It’s worth a try.

You are well past the menopause so unless this started years ago I would rule that out as a cause.

It’s a bit long to explain here but my dd is going through assessment and it’s become very clear during this process that I share a lot of the same traits and they are traits I have had since early childhood.

Thank you I will look in to this although I would have thought that my gp would have said something at the time.

Thank you again GardeningIdiot I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful for everyone’s suggestions. I suppose I am frustrated that my gp isn’t able to offer more direction.

Yes I do need to address this. I eat a healthy diet in terms of variety and lots of vegetables but I eat too much and have too many sugary snacks on top.

Too many replies here to tag everyone BUT to correct a few posters.
Just one @GardeningIdiot (no reason, your post just cropped up!)

HRT can be prescribed at any age (older age.) My consultant (well-regarded menopause specialist has started women of 80 on it.)

The guidance is that women over 60 use transdermal sorts to reduce the small risk of blood clots.

The maximum benefit to the heart is if it's started within 10 years of the last period.

So @Suboptimumumma I'm confused as you say your periods stopped 5 years ago but you have had a full hysterectomy. (not sure when.)

I think you should do two things.
See a menopause specialist for an initial appt if you can afford it ( about £250 and you'd get 45 minutes to discuss everything.) The British Menopause Society has a list on their website.

You might need testosterone (for energy) as well as estrogen.

As you have had a full hysterectomy you only need estrogen (as HRT) and that has no breast cancer risk (in fact the stats say it lowers risks.)

Second, you have to tackle the weight. Health-wise that is a huge risk.
Again, it depends on what you enjoy. Most local authorities offer health walks, led by a volunteer leader. Or you could set yourself a target of a 15 minute walk a day and build up.

MIND has some very useful information on the benefits of exercise and low mood/ depression. For low mood and mild depression, exercise is as a good as drugs (and the bonus of weight loss and no side effects.)

Books- see posters have mentioned books.

I suggest you read the books by Prof Tim Spector on food and diet, and follow the ideas on his Zoe website- Join Zoe- (look in the Library and Science sections of the website.)

Tbh I wasn’t affected at all but I had a hysterectomy involving uterus and ovary removal and it was only about three years after that when menopausal symptoms appeared. Which is a bit strange looking back.

No, it's not strange at all. I'm confused about the timeline though!

You're early 60s but your periods stopped 5 years ago (so late 50s?)
But if you had a hysterectomy, when was that? What was the reason for the surgery?

It's perfectly normal to have menopause symptoms a few years after menopause. It's a bit of a myth that symptoms only occur in peri or for a few years after the last period, then stop. In some women the symptoms start later and carry on for many years.

This diet along with your lack of movement will be a huge contributory factor.

Get outside today. For a short walk.

why don’t you go on holidays? Eat out? Etc

The Weight.
You could find a forum here on MN for support, or maybe a buddy to support you?

These articles here are very helpful and might give you a bit of a push.

There is a LOT of credible science at the moment showing how your gut health (microbiome) affects mood and can even be implicated in depression.

https://joinzoe.com/learn

I am your age. One thing that stood out to me is your dd being assessed for autism. You may be going through a grief process over this. Also you may be autistic as you already suggested. It was unusual in our younger days for this to be diagnosed so l would definitely look at this. I have a friend who was diagnosed at 50 so it's not impossible. Coming to terms with this and your dds diagnosis may be impacting you more than you realise. Have you ever had therapy..it might be worth looking at. If you suspect you may have autism you have been dealing with a lot of stuff throughout your life without really knowing why. I hope you can find some support .
Would your GP not give you an antidepressant..l may have missed that in your posts

Thank you everyone that is all really helpful information.

JinglingSpringbells
My periods stopped as a result of hysterectomy and ovary removal in other words I had an unusually late menopause like my mother. Admittedly my periods were getting erratic before the operation which took place because of a large ovarian cyst and four large fibroids. The cyst was showing signs of sinister changes but happily it turned out to be benign.

I will book to see a menopause specialist. I am slightly worried about taking oestrogen only though as I felt physically very well and mentally very positive during pregnancy which means that progesterone suited me I think. I will see what the specialist said.

I need to tackle the weight anyway so will focus on that immediately. I have read about the Zoe app. It’s difficult when seriously depressed with zero motivation to make significant lifestyle changes but I need to do this somehow and start by introducing small but realistic habits.

I have heard on the radio about the potential link between depression and gut health. I do already eat a wide variety of vegetables because my dh grows them.

Togiveandtoreceive I walk over 7,000 steps a day with the dog normally but my depression has affected this over the last few months. I need to
return to this and up my step count.

I think I might try and take an anti-depressant straightaway as all these actions above require motivation which I don’t have much of currently.

So at least by talking on here I have a running order now so thanks everyone.

@junebirthdaygirl I am sorry but I completely disagree with your post. An assessment for autism does not usually cause a parent to grieve. Autism in an adult (which is the daughter) is more likely to be Asperger's and not 'full' autism.
The most likely cause of how the OP is feeling is loss of her ovaries (which also produce testosterone, which give energy) and being 3 st overweight.

MIND has lots of useful ideas like this onehttps://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-for-everyday-living/nature-and-mental-health/how-nature-benefits-mental-health/

Thank you again GardeningIdiot I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful for everyone’s suggestions. I suppose I am frustrated that my gp isn’t able to offer more direction.

I wasn't suggesting you were being ungrateful at all, rather the opposite - not to take a rather motley bunch of suggestions too much to heart!

Thanks for your update @Suboptimumumma
Truthfully, ADs are not supposed to be offered now for mild depression.
Self help is the best way forward, such as the ideas on MIND.
GPs are being advised not to offer ADs unless other avenues have been tried first, like talking therapies or the ideas on MIND like exercise.

If your low mood and loss of energy is hormonal, ADs don't work for that.

Can you create your own tick-list? ie Walk outside in the countryside for 30 mins a day? Don't snack, don't eat sugary foods? Make a spreadsheet so you get a sense of achievement?

I completely agree with @Oblomov23 that a range of blood tests will rule out, or in, quite a lot. Do not underestimate the effect of thyroid dysfunction on mood (and also weight). Do you have any physical symptoms? Dry skin, dry, gritty eyes, feeling cold (or unable to cope with extremes of temperature)?

Thank junebirthdaygirl it might be worth investigating further after everything else! I certainly have many traits in common with one of my dds. And I am only ever truly happy when home alone focusing on my special interests. The depression has put a stop to those too atm though.

Part of the reason why autism cropped up is that as well as a high degree of anxiety I have always had sensory issues and I only realised after my dd’s assessment that a lot of my wierd self imposed rituals are aimed at diminishing sensory overload.

The other indicator is that prior to the pandemic I always had lots of time on my own in the house but I couldn’t cope at all when everyone was at home virtually 24 hrs. I literally went to pieces and had panic attacks. It was all very odd because at the same time I was very happy that we didn’t have to go out or socialise.

Everything seems to have got worse since then.

Thank you JinglingSpringbells for your input on this.

Witjout wishing to sound ungrateful, your post is indicative of my problem ie it’s difficult to know where to focus one’s efforts because if you go to a meno specialist they will suggest one thing, if you go to a mh specialist they will
suggest another, and if you go to a dietician, yet another. It’s only natural I suppose that specialists are invested in their own area of practice.

But it’s very confusing and tiring for a depressed patient without any specialist knowledge to know where to start!

One of my daughters is being assessed for autism and although we are waiting for the final tests, all the indications are that she has ASD. If the tests confirm
a diagnosis of autism I think we will be happy and sad at the same time. Sad that so many difficulties could have been averted had her condition been picked up earlier. But relief and happiness that she has explanations for some of her challenges and perhaps some working strategies with which to tackle them.

However, as I understand it, Aspergers is no longer a correct term because you can’t have “just a touch” of autism. You either have it or you don’t, like being pregnant or not.

And it’s complicated in girls and women in particular because any “deficits” that arise from what is essentially a difference in the way the brain processes information and experiences the world, are masked, so what appear to be functioning adults can behind the scenes be undergoing all sorts of internal torture and difficulties hence autism = auto = self.

And as every autistic person is an individual they have difficulties in different areas of life relating to social interaction, executive function, communication, etc.

This is what I understand from having read up on the subject while my dd is undergoing assessment. I am sure others are more expert on this subject though.

Thank you BatshitCrazywoman this is step one 😄

I would obviously prefer not to take ADs.

I am not sure if my symptoms qualify as mild or not. The depression atm seems overwhelming but obviously I am no expert.

😃💐