Menopause and feeling utterly lost - any tips and advice to feel like me again?

[BreathingDeep]

I'm 48, menopausal and to say I've lost my mojo is a huge understatement. I feel utterly lost, exhausted, overwhelmed and I'm living with a constant knot of dread in my stomach - a feeling of impending doom and it's really hard to carry on with life as normal. I feel like I'm made of the most fragile glass and could shatter at any moment.

I've recently started HRT and on my practitioner's advice, have upped the oestrogen element in the hope it will make things feel better, but right now, I'm feeling so out of sorts and I'm really struggling.

I have a really busy life and stress is high. I run a busy business (which was battered during Covid and we are still in survival mode, trying to repair the damage and get back on firm ground) and as a result my work can often be intensive and pressured. I have children who need my attention and need me to be on form, not forgetting things left, right and centre or so tired I can't keep my eyes open. I feel like I'm saying 'yes, of course, but give me a minute' ALL the time to them, before promptly forgetting whatever it was that they wanted me to do.

My friends, lovely as they are, are all dealing with their own lives and I'm trying to keep all of this inside and as a result, I feel like I've hit a wall and just can't cope. My husband is very, very supportive, but only understands so much. Plus I have zero libido.

I've put on weight too and I know I need to tackle it, but I feel too exhausted and time-poor to attempt exercise and the lure of comfort food is too high. Making an active decision to take care of myself feels a step too far right now. As a result, I feel worse about myself - I'm bigger, I have limited clothes that fit and look good, my hair doesn't look great, my make up doesn't seem to work the way it did and everything feels just... off.

I know I'm far from alone and I would be so grateful if any of you could share your words of wisdom. If you've been here, what helped you get your mojo back? I know I need to give the HRT time, but is there anything else I can be doing to help myself?

I am 48 too and definitely in peri-menopause.

I went on HRT and perhaps it helped a bit, it also made me put on weight, which I absolutely hated, so I have come off it 7 months ago now.

My view is that it is all a bit of a wake-up call - your 'menopause health' is a direct reflection of your overall health (psychological and physical) and it becomes important to take good care of these things now so you can optimise your every day life.

Sleep
Nutrition
Exercise
The way you handle everyday stress

These have made more impact than HRT (IMHO only)

Hamsterarse thank you - it's good to know I'm not alone. And you're so right - I'd never thought of how my general laissez faire attitude to my own health and wellbeing would actually be why my menopause health is far from brilliant. I don't take care of myself - at all. In fact, I actively sabotage attempts to do so. An issue to explore another day, I think.

I'd love to hear what you've done in these four areas that have made improvements?

alphabayrx reported for your oh-so-subtle sales pitch.

Does anyone else have anything helpful they can share?

Try the menopause board on here, lots of women in the same boat sharing experiences.

'My view is that it is all a bit of a wake-up call - your 'menopause health' is a direct reflection of your overall health (psychological and physical) and it becomes important to take good care of these things now so you can optimise your every day life.'

Absolutely agree with this. In our 20s and 30s we can all get away with unhealthy lifestyles, too much alcohol and caffeine etc but once you get to peri it all kind of catches up with you and adjustments and attention to lifestyle are needed.

Janiie, thank you. See, this is what I mean. I didn't even think to look and see if there was a menopause board. Jeez

Will go and look now!

Girl same. I'm nearly 46 have such a low mood, stomach knot, impending doom and sweats with irregular periods.
I just worry about everything all the time and feel so lonely x

I can relate. I feel as though multi tasking has gone to pot in meno and as I focus on one thing the others go to pot. Our bodies aren’t as forgiving and demand more care and attention and yet the other needs of everything else to be attended to are still there as well. I think trying to tackle too much feels overwhelming so maybe prioritise nutrition and rest if you can. Someone on here posted that how we care for ourselves in menopause is also important for our health going forwards as well.

I found getting my HRT helped a lot (+ testosterone for libido and general va va voom).

But I think around 50 life does change in difficult ways. Your body slows down, kids are more mentally demanding, work is more stressful if you’re climbing the career ladder or more boring if you’ve been doing it for ages, parents might be becoming needy rather than supportive relationships are more routine etc etc.

I found I am having to relearn how to put myself first - definitely good health habits (you can’t get away with crap diet and no exercise any more) but also good self-care, saying no, being honest with everyone including yourself.

I understand how you are feeling @BreathingDeep but there must be some small changes you can make starting today!

As PPs have said, you should really try to prioritise yourself for some of the day.

Maybe get a notebook and write down what you want to achieve?
eg healthier diet, weight loss, new haircut, make up, more time for yourself.

Start with one single change today. Might be omitting the refined carbs from your meals today, or adding another extra portion of fruit and veg .
Not having wine today if you normally would.

Go for a walk on your own for 30 mins?

Have a day out away from the family at a weekend?

Book a haircut?

Go to a store and have a make up lesson? Bobbi Brown are great for mature women! all very natural looking products. Maybe if a full face is too much, just go and ask about mascara, or foundation?

I suggest you also get your kids to be more self reliant. There are bound to be things you do for them that they can manage themselves. If they are early-mid teens they should be able to sort out a lot of stuff themselves and learn to be responsible.

I am lucky. HRT worked instantly for me....then it didn't for a bit so upped it and now working brilliantly (all the niggles/sweats/aches/anxiety gone)..

But I do "look after" myself. But not with any verve/intensity. It is just something I prioritise a bit. So:
Run 4-5 times a week. It is not pretty or fast. I dont particularly enjoy it. But i don't hate it. I aim for 20km a week. I get up at 6am to run 4 or 5 k on workdays. If I am lazy and miss one I have to run at the weekend. If I miss 2 I will need to do a 10k at the weekend. It really, really helps my mental health, us mylove of Wotsits.

I try and avoid bread and alcohol. Bread makes me pile on weight. Both bring on night sweats. Recently been reading a Newson article on histamine intolerance which explains it. I love bread though so do indulge in toast at the weekend, but know it means I have to do the 20km a week to balance it.

Pushing back on wife-work a d perfection mainly via Post-its and a blackboard. The kids or DH want something? They have to write it down. A to-do (pay for ballet exam/renew canoe licence) write a post it for me. Need peanut butter...write it on the blackboard. I am perfectly clear with them...I have a lot in my brain, I cannot guarantee to remember, so if is important they need to bother to write it down.

And then other stuff. Sharing out chores. I call everyone for tea 10 mins early and have a post-it list of quick jobs. Setting table/doing bins/folding washing etc share it out. First one down gets first choice of job.

I hope hrt helps. Do tweak it if it doesn't and give it time.

Try L-Tyrosine-it's an amino acid and helps with energy and focus...is working wonders for me with HRT (with testosterone) xx

You will notice an immediate benefit with L-Tyrosine..same day, maybe even within and hour-I honestly can't tell you how much it has helped me 🌸x

Those on a successful HRT regime what are you on please? I'm on the 75 patch with coil, but feel it's not working too well. The 100 makes me feel irritable and wired and gel
doesn't get absorbed well. Might try tablets.

Anyway, OP, I fully empathise with you. My specialist told me last year, that as we age, we simply are not able to operate how we did in our 20s and 30s. We slow down mentally and physically naturally. It's up to us to look after our well being now and that can be tough when you have a demanding family/job etc .

If you can, delegate jobs/chores?
Testosterone can improve energy and libido apparently? Make some subtle lifestyle changes perhaps?

You are definitely not alone 🌸

I’m 50 and have been on oestrogen since I was 46. I felt like the sky was falling. I have in the last few months started taking Venlafaxine which is an antidepressant and it has been fabulous. I feel like the lights are coming on again. I sleep better, I’m eating more normally and it has also helped with the breakthrough hot flushes. Exercise is vital also. I find sugar makes me feel vile, so I am sticking to lighter, higher protein meals.

My specialist told me last year, that as we age, we simply are not able to operate how we did in our 20s and 30s.

Isn't this a very negative thing to say to a woman?

I really don't agree.

I know women in their 50, 60s, 70s and even 90s who are still full of energy.

To dismiss women as they hit 50 is really out of date. many are in their prime and running companies at that age.

That's what she told me @JinglingHellsBells so don't shoot the messenger😊

On reflection, yes it was a pretty negative comment to make and at the time, I thought " oh well, that's life over and done with"!

The reality is of course, that women are going full force, just like men and if they are struggling, all the more reason to get the correct HRT and make appropriate lifestyle changes?

I honestly feel like menopause is our “Best Before” date and after that we’re basically slowly curling up our toes like a lettuce in the fridge if we don’t get hormonal assistance.

Men who are castrated are not allowed out of hospital until their hormones are rebalanced because of the medical problems that ensue. Once we are no longer producing hormones from our ovaries, it is basically the same thing. We develop cardiopulmonary diseases, thinner skin, mental acuity decreases, dementia risk increases, metabolism drops, osteoporosis increases…. There are no benefit is apart from ditching periods, etc

Checking in. I started HRT in July and things finally seem to be settling a bit physically now. I have the coil plus gel and piled on almost a stone in the first three weeks, with bosoms straight out of a Carry On film! My libido is gone though, and some days I feel so sad and mad and bad.

Like pp I find running very helpful, but am currently off my feet with plantar fasciitis and in physio for that.

I would like to follow your post if that’s ok?
it could of been me writing that post apart from I’ve been on hrt for 18 months now and I’m peri menopausal. I even stopped the hrt as I thought what’s the point if I’m still feeling terrible but I got back on it quick the symptoms worsened.

You are definitely far from alone. I could have written most of your post but am not on HRT. I find what has helped me has been little or no alcohol, running (nothing dramatic, 5 min bursts with walking on treadmill), dog walks and trying to push myself to do something fun or outside my comfort zone each week. Of all my menopausal symptoms which come and go, the knot of anxiety is probably the worst.

I also take red clover and menopace plus.

Do you feel the red clover and vitamins work? The anxiety I have is just horrendous x

My PF disappeared once I got my HRT right (increased the oestrogen).

Ditching alcohol works (sadly)

prioritising rest and sleep over work - sounds inpossible but maybe cut back on work days for your health?

eating plenty of veg etc

and yes hrt but I don’t think it can work without all the other things too