Peri-Menopause Support Thread

[OldEnglishSheepDog]

Hello – would anyone else be interested in an ongoing peri-menopause support thread? I would love to chat with other people going through this utterly miserable experience.

Here’s my story. I’m 38, I have one child. We had hoped for another but after two rounds of IVF we decided to be grateful for what we had. Last month, after a few symptoms started making themselves evident, I went to the doctor for a blood test which confirmed that I am now officially peri-menopausal.
I’m starting this thread because I have never felt quite so lonely and scared as I do right now. The physical symptoms of hot flushes and occasional but intense headaches are bad but there is a whole new world of anxiety, depression and existential angst which has opened up since around November. I suffer palpitations which send me into a panic. I fret about my relationship while simultaneously withdrawing from it. Yesterday, I cried at a Radio 4 programme about The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I have quit alcohol completely. I am eating more healthily than I ever have before and exercising regularly and yet my middle has thickened and refuses to budge no matter what I do.

I find the menopause support web pages patronising. They seem to want to paint the whole experience as a new and exciting chapter as opposed to the slow death that it seems like at the moment. So I wanted to start a support thread that acknowledges the darkest aspects of this experience and allows us to wallow a bit before providing some practical suggestions.

If I end up just screaming into the abyss on my own, that’s fine. But if anyone else wants to join in, please do.

Hello again OldEnglish. I’m sorry to hear of your miscarriage. This is a really helpful thread, thank you for starting it.

Thanks chocaholic72 for that tip, I’d never heard of a menopause cafe, it sounds great. I looked up to see if there’s one near me and found this website about it www.menopausecafe.net

I have an appointment next week but spoke to my GP on the phone. She didn't seem too keen on HRT, I got the feeling she felt it was too early for that (45), she mentioned a couple of things for regulating my periods and making them lighter.

Oh and thank you to the pp who mentioned 'pressure in the head', I've been having this, a thump, thump pressure that feels like my eyes are going to pop out, I had no idea it was a symptom!

Can anyone advice on whether HRT would be the better choice based on my symptoms? My GP isn't the most helpful so I want to fight my corner at the appt.

Periods 7 days early
Lighter flow with a few flooding incidents
Emotional/feeling down/anxiety
Can't get to sleep
Waking up to pee 2/3 times a night
Sometimes feels like things crawling on me in bed
Aching more than usual at the end of the day
Hot head with thumping pressure.

Read the NICE guidelines- and use those to argue your case. They state that any woman aged 45 or over can be diagnosed as perimenopausal based on symptoms alone, without any blood tests etc. So it is not ‘a bit early’.

I can’t hear the nonsenses ‘you are too young’!
I think that many gyns are not informed or they don’t care at all! There are ladies who have their meno at their 20s or 30s !
My last gyn made his diagnosis based more on my symptoms and less on my blood tests, my FSH was about 35. I had almost regular periods when I diagnosed at 41.
Don’t delay to find treatment if you cannot handle your symptoms and your quality of life is influenced!

Washerwihersen and LoveMaltersers, thanks for the info. Very useful! I did try the Mirena, but the lovely consultant tried to insert it for an incredibly long time, before saying there was no way it was going to work (due to damage done during DC1's birth, reconstructive vaginal surgery, cervical prolapse etc...)

But it does at least sound as if HRT isn't ruled out!

Apologies for the thread crash and I don't mean to sound stupid but does this sound like peri?

Periods used to be regular 26 day cycle.
I had a mirena for years then had it removed in August 2015, since then my periods have been all over the place. Periods anything from a week apart to 36 days apart. Bleeding from 3 days to 3 weeks.

I'm permanently exhausted but I am a teacher and I hate it so that could explain a lot.
My immunity has plummeted so I catch everything going.
I feel frequently feel anxious, weepy and low.

No hot flushes.
No change in heaviness.
No PMS.
No breast tenderness.
No weight gain.

I'm 45.
I know I should probably get to the GP but I've recently moved and my new GP is not as approachable as my previous one.
I don't expect a firm diagnosis-by-internet, I'm interested in your thoughts.

Could it just be that I need a change of lifestyle?
Or perimenopause?
Something else?

If it is perimenopause what can I do to help myself?

Just found this website after a recommendation and I’m so glad I did! I’m 41 and I’ve had symptoms for about 4 years but have been told I have “low mood” and was given anti depressants! After looking into the symptoms I can see that my memory loss (forgetting to pick up the kids for example), inability to remember names, waking up in the night with soaking wet hair, pain in my chest and palpitations (which they are still ruling out a heart problem with ECG’s) and painful joints, headaches, fatigue, the list goes on....not once have any of the various GP’s at my humongous practice have ever mentioned Perimenopause!!!! WHY ?!?!?!?
I realise it’s hard to diagnose and that every person is different, but if it wasn’t for my friend I’d be convinced that there was something more sinister going on and would probably be checking out really soon! I even thought I had early onset dementia.....I’m back at the GP next week so might have to chain myself to his desk until he helps me! Xx

May I re-ignite this thread? I've found it helpful, thank you OP.

I am probably the most dumb woman ever but I honestly didn't even think of menopause for my varied symptoms - I just didn't tie them together until yesterday when I was moaning about not being able to remember my cousin's name(!!) and DP asked if I thought I might be menopausal. Total lightbulb moment!

I'm 48 this summer and have some of the symptoms listed upthread.

1. My memory for names is horrific and I often find that I can't think of the appropriate word. I even did a Dr Google online "Do you think you might have dementia" quiz I was so worried.

2. Infrequent and varied periods. My periods have always been erratic and I took the mini pill for years to try and make my cycle more regular and also to alleviate the migraines I got every month. For this reason I didn't see the irregular periods as indicative of menopause. However I haven't had a period at all this month (now at least 2 weeks late) and for about 6 months they've been rather random.

3. Nightmares. I am not suffering from insomnia but I am being woken by horrible, very vivid weird dreams.

4. Hot flashes. Just the last few nights I've woken dreaming that I'm being put feet first into an incinerator. The heat starts at my feet and then rushes up through my body. It's horrible and I wake up anxious and scared (and hot!) It has been very hot though and I put the flashes down to a combination of the dreams and the weather.

5. Joint ache. About 6 months ago I went to the GP because I thought I was getting arthritis in my hands and wrists (big family history) and she sent me for an x-ray which showed no big problem. I'm now thinking this might be a menopausal symptom instead.

6. Back / hip ache. Again I didn't realise this could be a symptom. I've always had back issues and had an operation 5 years ago to fuse three vertebra which fixed most of the back ache but recently I've started experiencing it regularly again.

Although, on the up side I haven't had a migraine for months.

Is it worth going to the doctors? From what I've read I'm too old for blood tests and my symptoms are nowhere near as severe as those others have posted about. Would HRT help? I've read so much negative press that I'm wary. Although if it lifted the brain fog, lethargy and allowed me to remember family members names I'd be grateful

I'm thinking of just taking some supplements and watching my diet as a starting point. I'm not a gym person but I walk a lot (high maintenance dog) and am generally quite active.

Hi - I shouldn't worry about feeling daft - info on menopause is rather murky and hidden in a pile of articles about how invigorating and life affirming the whole process is if you eat enough linseed and soya . I thought at menopause, your periods stopped and you had a few hot flushes at the time, then when you got old your bits shrivelled up (see - I knew about vaginal atrophy [smug] ).

In reality, there are lots of different symptoms and lots of different people and we aren't all made the same. So it is worth looking at as much sensible info as you can and making your own mind up as to what is the best course for you. This is a good start. www.menopausematters.co.uk/menopause.php. If you decide to go for hrt it is worth downloading a copy of the NICE guidance www.nice.org.uk/guidance/conditions-and-diseases/gynaecological-conditions/menopause#pathways as GPs are not always up to date on this.

I have joint aches and had blood tests to check for arthritis. These came up clear but showed a vit D that was just into deficient, so I now take vit D, and also a little magnesium as the rise in vit D uses up magnesium and this causes aches too. Low vit D seems to give more aches around hips, lower back, hands and feet and seems to show up around meno, so worth getting it tested if you can. Also, they usually run kidney/liver function and bloods at the same time.

I went on hrt for the joint problems - I had an old school feminist gp at the time, who thought it was a good idea. It has not helped as much as the vit D, but I think it should buy me a bit of time before any serious arthritis problems set in. It has also helped in other ways.

There are a lot of women who have mood/depression problems with hormone swings and often their gp will prescribe ADs, rather than HRT, even though the guidelines say otherwise. GPs prefer symptoms like hot flushes and night sweats

Keep up with the walking and enjoy the sunshine. Pilates is good for strengthening core and posture. It is a good time to review things such as healthy diet.

I didn't have a clue about perimenopause either, and my sister didn't realise until years later when I was going through the same thing!

Agree with getting vitamin d tested, thyroid and ferritin levels might be useful too.My aches and pains definitely improve when I take vitamin d.

If you find a way to solve nightmares please let me know. I have really vivid, horrible dreams and when I wake up from them I have a hot flush so it's definitely hormonal.

My memory's awful too, I feel like things just slide out of my mind if that makes sense (probably doesn't).

What works for me is exercise, ditching alcohol and cutting down on sugar. Magnesium too thought it's so hard to tell what helps and what is just down to another hormonal shift. Maybe keep a symptom diary to keep track of things.

Melamin and ParisUSM really helpful replies. Thank you for taking the time. I will get Vit D and Magnesium supplements as a starting point and I've been reading the Menopause Matters website this lunchtime too. Cutting down on alcohol (can't promise ditching it entirely just yet) is something I have actively been doing anyway so this just gives me added reasons to do so.

Melamin I thought the same as you about shrivelled bits, stopped periods and "personal summers"!

It actually makes sense of such a lot of the things which I've been worried about over the past 6-9 months. I honestly thought I might have some sort of early onset dementia and it was scaring the life out of me.

I will make an appointment to see the doctor and ask about blood tests. I've recently signed on with a new medical centre as we've moved and they've offered a free "healthcheck" so I might take them up on it and throw in the perimenopause blood test results.

I'm sorry that you are getting nightmares Paris. I have never been an anxious person but when I wake from the nightmares I feel as though I'm about to have a panic attack. I can see why AD's are often prescribed by mistake. I will certainly let you know if I find anything helpful out.

I hope you are both enjoying this wonderful weather too

Glad this thread’s back and thanks for sharing information.

I’m doing CBT for the mood problems - anyone else doing it? It’s been worthwhile.

Also eating prunes and Vitamin D following tips on this thread.

Thanks everyone

I'm finding heavy duty vitamin B, magnesium (in Epsom
Salts baths) quite helpful. Without sounding too nawwwww I am
Also finding talking to others and reading accounts/experiences like yourselves really helpful. I did think I was going a bit mad. I keep calling things the wrong word. Like yesterday trying to describe some garden furniture to DP and couldn't remember the word for reclining so said "the chairs didn't have a shape-shifting function" and the other day asked him to put the hot water balloon on instead of the lecky blanket. Haha! Also have terrible achey joints. Will add vitamin D to me list of supplements. Am about to embark on taking DHEA which might help. Wishing you all a good sleep with no nightmares or sweats.

Reading this has been like a lightbulb coming on!

I'm 41. About a year ago I went to the GP because I was having awful night sweats...waking up literally soaking wet/pillow soaked etc. Had blood tests (not exactly sure what they tested for) and was told they were normal so just left it. The sweats died down quite a bit not long after though.

About 9 months ago my cycle started getting shorter and more erratic and recently the nights sweats have started again.

In the last few weeks my mood has been awful - I'm angry, short tempered, irritable and have no patience. I've been horrible to be around and my DCs have born the brunt of it. Even though I know I'm doing it I just can't stop myself and haven't been able to work out why it's happening.

But I've never put all of that together until reading this. I think my memory and energy levels might be worse as well but it's hard to tell because of other health issues that affect those anyway. I think I need to make a drs appointment.

HHH3 I’m exactly the same, 41 yrs old and an absolute nightmare. I keep being asked when my mum started hers, but she had cancer through her 40’s and died when she was 54 so I have no idea! I hope you get some help, I’m off to the GP soon so hoping to get to the bottom of mine too. Let us know how you get on x

.

Hi All - since starting this thread my symptoms have changed dramatically. As I mentioned up thread, I had a miscarriage which seems to have utterly confused my body. I'm not suffering the headaches at present but my periods are heavier and longer and I seem to be under a constant cloud of wearied depression. I don't like throwing the "d" word around as it's not something I've ever been diagnosed with and I don't want to make light of something that others suffer from properly but I don't really know what else to call it.

I seem to have constant suicidal thoughts - not ones that I would act on - more just theoretical musings about how and when. I'm not - please don't worry about that - but I don't like how much of my brain space is taken up by the idea.

I'm not keen to go to the GP again really. I feel a bit self-indulgent. But if anyone has any natural suggestions for dealing with this, I'd be grateful. I already (grudgingly) do lots of exercise. I don't drink. I'm eating quite a lot at the moment which is adding to the self-hating thoughts. Maybe I should just take up alcohol again!

I found CBT quite good for helping with mood without taking any medication but @OldEnglishSheepdog this sounds really bad and I’m sorry to hear how it’s affecting you. It’s not self indulgent at all to go to your GP. You don’t have to waste headspace with these kinds of thoughts.

I have just come on on day 48 (my periods are on and off) and i have beem so completely depressed and anxious the last two days :( it's hell. I know it will pass but I also now have I days of heavy bleeding to look forward to and I have to speak at a co defence Wednesday followed by a four hour train journey and two days away from home. I am utterly miserable.

@OldEnglishSheepdog definitely go to the doctor You shouldn't feel at all self indulgent by going to speak to him/her. You've a lot going on and you need help - there's absolutely nothing wrong about that.

@limon Have you thought of picking up tranexamic acid to help with your heavy periods. I use it overnight on heavy days to stop having to get up every couple of hours, and also if I'm on a journey or staying away from home. If there's no time for a doctor's appointment, you can pick it up at Boots (just have to have a wee talk with the pharmacist first). Hopefully your mood will lift a bit once your period gets going.

It's an awful thing this perimenopause, but we will all get through the other side :)

Paris I've just got some from the GP last week. My last period was at Easter and it was 8 days of bleeding through. Totally unbearable.

I feel for you, it's horrible I know, painful and stressful in a way I'd never have imagined during all those years I was so lucky to have light periods, and didn't realise it. I am sure the tablets will make a difference, think it halves the amount of blood I lose when I use them. Fingers crossed for you

It's absolutely not self-indulgent to see the doctor OldEnglishSheepdog. You are having a difficult time and you could really benefit from the help and support the GP could give

I may ask about tranexamic acid too Paris. I have fibroids and my periods have always been heavy and painful but, previously, short. I'm dreading the thought of what one will be like after I've missed a few.

I'm having several hot flashes each day but not sweats, which is something I guess. I'm taking the vitamin supplements recommended and getting as much fresh air and exercise as I can. I have had a couple of dizzy episodes where it feels as though all my blood is falling to my feet, the world swims around and I feel rather faint. But a couple of minutes siting down and I feel okay again. I think this is related to the hot flashes - I hope so anyway!

OldEnglish get thee to a GP! And I hope you feel better soon.

For all those flooding women, you had my utmost sympathies.
I wish we lived in a time when if you needed to go to the hut of moon blood and chill on your own you bloody could!