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Menopause

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Peri-Menopause Support Thread

384 replies

OldEnglishSheepDog · 09/03/2018 11:46

Hello – would anyone else be interested in an ongoing peri-menopause support thread? I would love to chat with other people going through this utterly miserable experience.

Here’s my story. I’m 38, I have one child. We had hoped for another but after two rounds of IVF we decided to be grateful for what we had. Last month, after a few symptoms started making themselves evident, I went to the doctor for a blood test which confirmed that I am now officially peri-menopausal.
I’m starting this thread because I have never felt quite so lonely and scared as I do right now. The physical symptoms of hot flushes and occasional but intense headaches are bad but there is a whole new world of anxiety, depression and existential angst which has opened up since around November. I suffer palpitations which send me into a panic. I fret about my relationship while simultaneously withdrawing from it. Yesterday, I cried at a Radio 4 programme about The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I have quit alcohol completely. I am eating more healthily than I ever have before and exercising regularly and yet my middle has thickened and refuses to budge no matter what I do.

I find the menopause support web pages patronising. They seem to want to paint the whole experience as a new and exciting chapter as opposed to the slow death that it seems like at the moment. So I wanted to start a support thread that acknowledges the darkest aspects of this experience and allows us to wallow a bit before providing some practical suggestions.

If I end up just screaming into the abyss on my own, that’s fine. But if anyone else wants to join in, please do.

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 15/04/2018 19:58

I've had horrible pain in my elbow for a few months now and crushing fatigue. Brain fog too. Starting to wonder if these are peri symptoms- I'm 42..

nogeybose · 16/04/2018 01:27

Hello waves. Thanks for starting this thread, I've been getting very frustrated by the fact that nobody seems to talk about perimenopause ever. I suspect because it means admitting your body is ageing and no-one wants to admit to that, do they? I recently found out that I'm perimenopausal at 42. Extreme PMT mood swings, hot sweats, pressure in my head, crap memory, raging like a mad angry bastard all the time... it feels pretty full-on. I've been told by GP that HRT only delays inevitable symptoms so not sure what the point of that is. However, the evening fucking primrose oil the GP recommended is not exactly taking the edge off, so I'm watching this thread with interest.

Threewheeler1 · 16/04/2018 09:07

Thanks so much washewihersen. That sounds like a positive turnaround! So good to hear that hrt has worked for you - everyone I speak to about it irl is so negative!
I am off to book myself an appointment with the doctor - decision made!
Thanks again x

Marv1nGay3 · 16/04/2018 13:51

It is not true that HRT only delays symptoms. Any symptoms you have after stopping taking it are symptoms you would have had anyway at that time. Hrt does not ‘delay’ the menopause. That is a myth. A menopause specialist told me this.

LovesMaltesers · 16/04/2018 16:00

I've been told by GP that HRT only delays inevitable symptoms so not sure what the point of that is

1 Symptoms don't always come back if you stop. The menopause happens with or without hrt.
2 You don't ever have to stop. HRT is licensed for as long as you need it so could be 5, 10, 15, 20 or 30 years or more.
3 So even if you have ten years on HRT with no symptoms, then you decide to stop, it's not worth it?

Emerald13 · 16/04/2018 19:25

I agree!
The symptoms we might experience after stopping HRT are the same symptoms we would have experienced even if we had never taken hormones.
The duration of use is an absolutely individual decision and it depends on many factors.
Regarding docs there are a lot of different schools of thought, oncologists don't want to hear about hrt, gyns have different aspects, endocrinologists the same...

citychick · 18/04/2018 05:05

@shampain
Good to hear that.
I must make Dr appointment.
I've not been good at being a nice person and have been a mad angry bitch of a viper recently.

I reckon I'm at the tail end of the peri - having looked at info and actually thought about symptoms.
Fed up fire fighting my way thru the weeks and months.
With holidays over and all back to work I need to try and keep myself a bit more balanced.

Tis hard.

GoldenMcOldie · 18/04/2018 05:32

I am 43 and suffering many of the list of 66 symptoms.

My GP has done a full blood screen (not including reproductive hormones as it's apparently too early). Bloods, except cholesterol (which is off the scale) are all fine. My main symptoms - weight gain (10kg); extreme fatigue, ventricular/rhythm irregularities, extremely sore joints, soaring anxiety and disrupted sleep have no real cause. I am having a follow up on my heart but that's precautionary due to the cholesterol (I am not obese).

Assuming this is peri, I am keen to know what treatments made a difference?

Longest list of symptoms :-(...

  1. Change in Menstrual Cycle, Cycles may get closer together or farther apart, lighter and shorter in duration or much heavier, lasting longer than one has been accustomed to. Menses may seem to take forever to begin with dark spotting for days until you actually flow, or you might feel like you have your menses every two weeks.
  1. Headaches, Migraines, especially before, during or at the end of your menses debilitate and radically interferes with normal functioning.
  1. Decreased Motor Coordination, Clumsiness, almost begins to make the woman who experiences this feel like she is a bit spastic, certainly less than graceful during perhaps an already awkward period in her life.
  1. Lethargy, a persistent feeling sluggishness physically and mentally, that seems to negate ones ability to do much.
  1. Physical Exhaustion , and Crushing Crashing Fatigue that can come on so suddenly and grip you into feeling like you will collapse unless you stop this instant.
  1. Insomnia, this includes a new or unusual pattern of either difficulty falling asleep, or dropping off to sleep for a few hours and then awakening with the inability to return to sleep.
  1. Sleep Disturbances sometimes are from nightmares, night sweats, or just a vague sense of restlessness keeping you up or disrupting your precious revitalizing retreat from this realm of responsibilities.
  1. Interference With Dream Recall interrupts the sense of normal sleep, if you are someone accustomed to vivid or at least some detailed memory of your dreamtime.

  2. Muscle Cramps can occur anywhere in the body from legs to back to neck, and sometimes reflects the need for more calcium, or simply that your progesterone levels are too low.

  3. Low Backache often worsens before or during menses, but if your hormones remain at low levels, you can experience it on a regular basis.

  4. Gall Bladder Symptoms of pain, spasms and discomfort felt in the right upper abdominal quadrant under the ribs, which may be accompanied by belching, bloating, and intolerance to certain foods reflect the increased liver load with declining hormones.

  5. Urinary Incontinence, the uncontrollable and spontaneous loss of urine, or the Urge for Incontinence, can occur suddenly or feel continuous, and not only in response to coughing, sneezing, jumping or running.

  6. Food Cravings, often for sweets or salty foods, but can include sour or pungent foods.

  7. Increased Appetite, especially at night and after dinner contributes to that unusual and unwanted weight gain.

  8. Dark Circles Under Eyes can also be caused by adrenal exhaustion and thyroid dysfunctions, but no amount of sleep seems to eliminate it.

  9. Joint and Muscle Pain, Achy, Sore Joints, Muscles and Tendons, which sometimes develop into actual carpal tunnel syndrome, or give rise to the questioning of other disease possibilities.

  10. Increased Tension in Muscles demonstrates itself in those hunched up shoulders as you work or talk about anything uncomfortable, along with promoting lower back pain and a stiff neck.

  11. Increased Hair Loss or Thinning anywhere on body, including your head, armpits, pubic area.

  12. Increase in Facial Hair especially under your chin, or along your jaw line. It may be defined by generalized hair growth, or a specific and coarse single strand of hair that pokes out, even curls.

  13. Breast Soreness/Tenderness/Pain/ Engorgement and swelling, occurs particularly a few days to one week before bleeding actually begins, which usually potentiates complete relief of any pain or swelling.

  14. Being Accident Prone, bumping into things, not even realizing it until the bruise reveals itself later and then lacking the ability to recall the causative incident feels perplexing and a little scary at the prospect of something more damaging.

  15. Hot flashes initially may be described as mild to severe flushes of heat waves, and for some women these evolve into intense outbreaks of sudden heat with sweating and turning bright red all over.

  16. Loss of Sexual Energy, our Libido, can be marked by a gradual or sudden disinterest in sex, to the development of an actual aversion.

  17. Dizziness, feeling lightheaded and the loss of physical balance, and even a bit wobbling at times, requires pause in movement to prevent falling over or deepening into vertigo or feeling faint.

  18. Ringing in the Ears, Tinnitus, can be experienced as a pulsing sensation, a whooshing sound, an almost musical or buzzing sound with a fuzzy sensation.

  19. Abdominal Bloating comes on suddenly often after eating, or seems to be all the time, and can be visibly evident making you feel that you look like you are pregnant.

  20. Weight Gain disturbs most women, particularly when it seems to happen over a couple of days, settles in the waist, buttocks and thighs, promoting a visceral thickening from the waist down, the classic middle-aged figure.

  21. Palpitations or Heart Racing usually comes on suddenly, without warning or provocation, and dissipates spontaneously. The experience can be so wild and intense that a woman may become alarmed and wonder if she is having a heart attack.

  22. Irregularities in your Heart Rate may feel more like your heart has just done a flip-flop or skipped a beat.

  23. Gastrointestinal Distress, Increased Flatulence, Unrelieved Gas pains, Indigestion, Nausea all can reflect intestinal changes due to hormonal imbalances.

  24. Slow Digestion often goes along with the bloat ? what previously took four to five hours to digest, now seems to take all night. It seems worse in the evenings.

  25. Lack of Appetite may be experienced as more of a lack of interest in food, going to the frig and standing there with the door open and staring blankly. Feeling completely uninspired, you busy yourself with something else and forget that you need to eat.

  26. Puffy Eyes, not only from sleep disturbances, but also can accompany low progesterone.

  27. Facial Pallor alternating with Facial Flushes is often intermittent with hot flashes.

  28. Flare up of Arthritis worsens with low progesterone levels and increase sugar intake.

  29. Dry Hair, Change in Skin Tone, Integrity, and Texture, becomes more wrinkled, and may begin the thinning process.

  30. Changes in your Fingernails characterized by easy breakage, bending, cracking and getting softer.

  31. Muscle tone seems to slack and sag, and loose its previous response to normal exercise.

  32. Pelvic Pain can be random and independent of cycles and may feel continuous for some women.

  33. Teeth Aching or the experience of a strange sensation in one?s teeth or gums, often accompanied by an increase in bleeding gums.

  34. Memory Loss or Lapses in time, makes one feel disoriented and less focused, especially when you go into another room to get something specific and seconds later cannot remember what you went to retrieve.

LovesMaltesers · 18/04/2018 07:56

Goodness that sounds like a nightmare! You in the UK?
What worked for me was exercise- walking at least 45 mins every day as much as possible fitting round work and family, cutting out sugar to almost nothing, no alcohol, getting 6-7 veg/ fruit a day, reducing refined carbs to almost nothing, and HRT. But I was 10 years older than you are when I started peri. Really recommend exercise even if you don't feel like it.

Marv1nGay3 · 18/04/2018 08:13

I was suffering a lot of the above, ( I am 45), particularly insomnia and terrible joint pain ( especially hip pain). Am now on hrt- estradot patches and utrogestan progesterone tablets. I was sleeping normally again within days and my joints are now completely pain free, although it was a couple of months before that was completely back to normal. There is no risk associated with taking hrt under the age of 50.

GoldenMcOldie · 18/04/2018 08:45

That list looks awful but its just the 66 symptoms of perimenopause less the bits that don't affect me.

I am going to try and increase exercise + ask my GP about HRT. Thank you

Shampaincharly · 18/04/2018 18:14

Then there can be VA to contend with as well.( vaginal atrophy)
45 minutes walking is not going to help that.

nogeybose · 19/04/2018 15:16

Thanks so much to everyone offering HRT advice. Just from personal experience, I've noticed that while it's the default suggestion from male medical professionals, female medics seem to advise against it.

Interesting to hear the different perspectives we all get from different medical professionals.

Meanwhile, I'll still raging like a mad angry bastard...!

I know what everyone's going to say. I need to try doing more exercise and generally being healthier before I start on the HRT, don't I? Sad

Marv1nGay3 · 19/04/2018 15:20

I have been prescribed hrt by two different female doctors no problem. I have not ever experienced this male/ female divide at all!

everyonesgotanopinion · 20/04/2018 08:01

I'm 49, have had mirena for 17.5 years so no periods. About six months ago was struck with bad mood swings and crazy anxiety. After a bit of reading realised it was probably peri menopause. GP wanted me to go on ADs which I refused. Absolutely no physical symptoms yet. But insomnia bad. I've started Evorel 50 patches which have helped with mood swings/anxiety. It's a very uncertain time because I fear what's coming next and no-one talks about it! Apart from on here. I just don't know if I've done the right thing going on the patches, just fumbling my way through it all.

Melamin · 20/04/2018 09:48

Yes the patches are the right thing. Not everyone has obvious hot flushes, but there are a whole load of other symptoms connected. I hope your insomnia improves. The nurse at GPs said that insomnia was NOT a symptom but for me it really is. I can't get by on runs of 3 nights of not-quite-sleeping Sad. It makes me feel disconnected, and I walk into/drop things. I have not had it happen since I have been taking HRT.

My GP tried to get me to have a mirena at 49 and said that you can have patches or gel with it if you have symptoms, and that you get no periods. I was chicken so didn't, but I so wish I had given it a go.

BabyTeeth · 20/04/2018 20:08

nogeybose - I don’t know about telling you to get more exercise and get healthy before the HRT...But, that is kind of my plan, for what it’s worth. Not sure when I’m actually going to start on this great health drive. Wine

bedtimestories · 20/04/2018 20:24

@OldEnglishSheepDog your first post could have been written about except I went to Drs for what was initially suspected to be ovulation pain, waiting on a blood test to confirm peri menopause.

AthenaAshton · 20/04/2018 21:29

Reading with great interest. I am 46 and have many of these symptoms. Periods used to be 28 days apart on the nail. Last one was 9 days after the previous one. The one before that was after a 52-day gap. Sigh. Brain fog, tiredness, weepiness, accident-prone-ness, etc, etc.

What I can't find any info about online is how people get on with HRT if they can't tolerate the Pill. I tried several types of Pill, and they all made me feel suicidal (and I'm not exaggerating there: I remember planning how to throw myself down a concrete stairwell). I haven't touched anything hormonal since then, and although I have no objections in principle to HRT if it gets rid of some of my horrible symptoms, I certainly don't want a repeat of my Pill experiences.

OldEnglishSheepDog · 20/04/2018 21:57

Oh my - this has taken off! Glad we've all found each other. I stepped away from this thread as, bizarrely enough, I fell pregnant. It lasted for four days of elation combined with panic and ended with a very predictable miscarriage.

Funnily enough, this month I feel better from a peri point of view. I wouldn't recommend it as a cure though.

OP posts:
Justturned50 · 20/04/2018 22:15

So do we need to have peri diagnosed? I'm not sure where I am really. Random sweating particularly in the morning. Anxiety for a few years now so not sure if it's related. Should I be doing anything? Oh and 52 this year only skipped one period. The rest are annoyingly regular.

bedtimestories · 21/04/2018 07:59

@Justturned50 the dr is giving me a blood test because the pain I'm experiencing takes my breath and stops me in my tracks and has got worse. Not sure if it's standard procedure to diagnose menopause with blood test

washewihersen · 21/04/2018 08:30

AthenaAshton - I never tolerated the pill when I was younger it made me put on weight and feel depressed when I did try it.

After much procrastinating about synthetic hormones and after childbirth, having more people fiddling with my foof, I had the Mirena which I'm so glad I did. It has totally sorted out my heavy & irregular periods. When the peri symptoms got worse my FEMALE GP prescribed Evorel patches. No blood test or anything, she just accepted I was in the right age-range (45) at the time. I feel almost normal again it's brilliant.

Since then I sleep better, less brain fog more energy and have felt able to get fitter and lose weight as a result. I'm not sure why some posters think they should do that first before trying HRT.

chockaholic72 · 21/04/2018 18:18

Sheepdog - very sorry for your MC.

I've recently been prescribed HRT by my female GP (I'm 45) who said that there was now a school of thought where HRT was prescribed almost as a pre-emptive strike where peri was concerned. Two months in and a low dosage has definitely taken the edge off my symptoms.

On a completely different note, I went to a Menopause cafe in Manchester a few weeks ago! It was amazing. None of my friends are at that stage yet and I felt I had nobody who knew how I was feeling. It was so good to meet other normal women who were going through similar things, and who had such good advice to give, that I cried within the first five minutes! There is talk of it becoming a regular thing - if it is, I'll post the details. I think there have been others in Stockport and Sheffield.

LovesMaltesers · 21/04/2018 19:05

@AthenaAshton You can't compare the Pill and HRT. It's like comparing aspirin and ibuprofen. (Both will work on pain but are totally different.)
The Pill is a much higher dose of hormone- has to be to stop ovulation. It's also a synthetic hormone. HRT is body-idential. The estrogen is the same as we have ourselves and one of the progesterones available is too. You'd be replacing your own stuff, if you get that!

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