turned 50 and HATING it - what can i do to feel better?

[lastlines]

Hi

I'm so fed up. Turned 50 last year and am constantly exhausted. Wake up feeling hungover (despite no alcohol). I work from home, and find I'm fighting off sleep all day long, or napping. When DC get in from school I'm too tired to do anything and often nap again then.

I have no energy or focus to do anything at all - no desire for anything. But I don't feel depressed (had severe and middling depression before and this feels different. Just a feeling of lassitude. No longer enjoying my work or any hobbies, mainly because I'm way too tired to put any effort into them. (Even a year ago I loved running, walking, painting, did extra tutoring to raise cash for us to go off for the weekend etc. Now I can't be bothered.)

Also feeling anxious a lot. Even in depression I never got anxious. Worried I never see the DC anymore, worried they're glued to screens all day (they are.) Worried I'll drop down dead, never amount to anything, DH will run off. Just general low level pointless fretting. None of it feels like me.

GP no help at all. Done bloods and said they're fine. Said this just happens during menopause.

I'm about 20lbs over weight now, hair thinning, skin sagging. I just look and feel clapped out and ready for the scrap heap.

Please can anyone help? Have you got through this? do you know of any miracle cures? Even just a bit of sympathy would help. (Pathetic, I know.)

Noddy, I know someone else who went onto paleo at this age and was transformed. Lost lots of weight and gained loads of energy.

I think I may try it as she has benefited in so many ways not just the menopause stuff although a lot of her symptoms def were that She is not the type to do a faddy diet or anything either

Just reread your post lastlines and noticed the hair bit She had that too the thinning hair and I saw her last summer and it was terrible and she was distressed about the thin hair a lot. Saw her about 2 weekends ago and hair back to normal too :)

Adopting a healthy diet is one recommended way of improving meno symptoms. The paleo diet basically ditches carbs and in their place you eat more protein, fruit and veg. It's likely that your friend was short of nutrients- including quality protein- which made her hair fall out. Hair is a very good barometer of overall health.

I think her diet before was quite healthy she was slim pre menopause and generally very fit etc She also gave up alcohol initially

well the paleo is just a healthy diet but cutting out all cereals, potatoes and other carbs, it's not complicated. If you cut those out you will lose weight as you will ditch the bread, pasta, pizzas, cakes, biscuits and all the fat and sugar that's in those too.
Alcohol is very bad for meno symptoms and it's suggested women cut right back on it anyway as it's a high risk factor for breast cancer.

She didn't just lose weight she had a massive improvement in many symptoms She is like a different person seriously better for her than HRT She had a healthy diet before and the hair moods anxiety etc all appeared together it wasn't that her diet previously needed overhauled from what I can gather. I won't be able to take HRT so am interested in alternatives

It doesn't surprise me at all.
Have you seen the list of foods for the paleo diet ? Link here Paleo foods

Most of what is cut out is the basis of 'junk' foods. I'd say I am 90% Paleo anyway and have been for years and years because I can't eat gluten, dairy or drink alcohol. I have a tiny amount of dairy over the week - only natural greek yoghurt. I don't buy gluten-free cakes / biscuits etc because they are full of all kinds of stuff though I do have a small amount of gluten-free bread.
I wonder if your friend was intolerant to gluten perhaps? many people who are not coeliac still have a low level intolerance and when they stop eating it they feel so much better in many ways.

Are you absolutely sure that HRT is out for you? There are very few women who can't use it at all- main reason would be recent breast cancer, recent heart disease, liver disease etc on a serious level. I've read so many posts over the years from women who say they can't use HRT but sometimes they are basing that on mis-information and out of date stats. Sorry if this is not the case with you!

Indeed pinkfrocks -what do you do if you can't try HRT? I have had BC and have been told I can never use HRT and not use any natural remedies as they simulate HRT in the same way?

Hopped on to this thread because of the title mainly - I'm 51 and hating it. Can't stand all my [mostly younger] friends saying it's just a number but I am at a big x-roads.

Reassessing my marriage [20-year anniversary in May]; DH is aob all the time now; kids teenage and struggling with GCSEs / jobs / college; no pension provision; debts to our eyeballs; no recourse to HRT; more post-BC reconstructive surgery to do - and on top of all that I am under stress at work and last night had a screaming / crying fit as I had tried to do some work at home and it all went tits-up.

The 2 DSs who were in the house at the time don't know what to do with this screaming witch and I'm sure they find it quite terrifying. Poor DH doesn't know how to cope with my mood swings which can be extreme. And yet, after a blood test last spring there's no sign of me actually being anywhere near meopause! Maybe I am now?!

So fed up - no support; no DH to take the strain [he's actually no help anyway as he doesn't 'get it' and wants to 'fix' things when all I need is a hug and a cup of tea really!]; no medical alternatives - trying St Johns Wort? Can't cope with the future if it's going to be like this. Roll on 52!

She wasn't coeliac as she was fine the rest if her life! No HRT for me for sure have health condition which means a definite no My consultants have always told me this. I think the diet has helped her as her symptoms were sudden and related to menopause she had many tests etc. I am seeing her again next month and plan to ask her. She had and has a very high pressure budy job and she was very fit and healthy and capable. It is not going to work for everyone but was more successful to than HRT for her.

Wotch I feel your pain :( It is horrible. I think maybe go back to gp? Spring was a long time ago. Also, I would recommend evening primrose oil for mood swings. Talk to your DH. Tell him you need a hug. I can be quite unaware sometimes if my DH is having a bad day.

noddy sometimes allergies and intolerances ( and I know coeliac is not an allergy) can start around menopause.
I don't want to contradict you because you know your own medical history BUT I'd advise you and any woman who has been told she can never take HRT to ask to see an expert gynaecologist who is an expert on menopause. There are lots of drs who tell women they can't use HRT and sometimes - sorry to be blunt- they don't know what they are on about!

In his book Your Change Your Choice, BOOK my gynae (one of the most respected in the UK) gives a list of the conditions that mean HRT is not suitable for some women. These include:

Active or recent heart attack or stroke
Active DVT
Undiagnosed breast lumps
Recent breast cancer
Active breast cancer
acute liver disease
undiagnosed vaginal bleeding

To a lesser extent, a very strong family history of any of the above ( which means a 1st degree relative diagnosed at a young age - usually before aged 45) means you have to weigh up the risks more carefully.

HRT is not a panacea. You need to make all the lifestyle changes you would anyway and HRT is the icing on the cake. For some women making lifestyle changes and reducing stress ( which could mean a career change or downsizing, getting out of a bad relationship etc etc - tough, I know) is needed.

wotch If you could afford it I'd really advise that you see someone very good and discuss your options. There are drugs for meno that don't affect the breasts and there are also other treatments like acupuncture, chinese herbal treatments, mindfulness, meditation, yoga, colour therapy, - and loads more. The downside is you have to pay for these and in your situation I appreciate this is going to be hard.

Just to add- it may seem I am always plugging HRT but the truth is I had no intentions of ever using it and got to almost 54 without a hint of peri meno- except some short temperedness and anger at times. I only started on HRt because my dr agreed that I was doing everything possible already- diet, exercise, etc etc - and as I work and want to carry on working ( part time) I couldn't cope with insomnia and hot flushes every hour when in a customer-facing role.

Yes I do know medical history inside out and am sure it's not for me and never would be. Am on other meds that contraindicate it and theynwrebkeeping me alive! Friend luckily has no hot flushes or insomnia but then those weren't ever her issues. Everyone is different and HRT is one choice and a good one for many but not the only one I have had to work with alternatives for many things over the years and persistence and trial and error have been key for me.

I don't want to pry - or ask you to answer here-but as bio-identical HRT simply replaces what you already have now pre-meno- why would it be dangerous for you to use it when your own levels of oestrogen fall?
The only meds I am aware of- and this comes from my consultant's knowledge- would be drugs like herceptin and tamoxifen and other oestrogen-blockers for breast cancer.

I have had 2 transplants and cancer I know my body and history and my doctors are incredible and very open to doing what they can to make my life good

I know you have been ill from other posts on the forum. I don't know better than your drs- not for a minute would I say that- but all I would say is make sure they and you are up to date with the latest on HRT because unless they are menopause experts they may not be and you may be refused treatment that could help you. You might find it helpful to read or look at the Menopause Matters forum because there are women there who have had cancer or have been refused HRT only to find other drs have a completely different opinion. The latest evidence out today by the British Menopause Society makes the point that HRT saves lives, rather than shortens them. I will try to link to their recent press statement.

BMS

as bio-identical HRT simply replaces what you already have now pre-meno- why would it be dangerous for you to use it when your own levels of oestrogen fall?

That is a really, really good point, pinkfrocks.

Thanks:)
I just felt it was worth making the point- not necessarily for noddy alone- because all the old research is done on HRT in pill form, conjugated equine oestrogens, ( rarely used in UK now) on women who were overweight, and many over 60.

The newest and best HRT it tailored to each woman: it's the same molecular structure as our own, if it's transdermal there is no risk ( or practically none) with blood clots and if micronised progesterone is used instead of synthetic progestogens there is very little, if any, risk of breast cancer ( breast surgeons are evidently in favour of it and regard it as neutral re. breast health.)

Wotch OP here. Hi. I feel for you.

We've really got to sort out how to do more than struggle through these years. They are so tough anyway. I have a mum with Alzheimers, a dad who can't cope as her carer and the rest of the family are hundreds of miles away; DS2 just been diagnosed autistic. DH and DS1 on spectrum, which means we have a, to my neurotypical mind, very poor social life - they have no friends round, DH and my social life has dwindled to nothing because he dislikes every man he meets and makes no effort with them. I have a social life with friends but as a family and as a couple, zilch. I feel exhausted from being the only NT person in the house trying to communicate with three autistic men (that sounds mean - all three of them are gorgeous and loving, I just wish it were easier to have a normal conversation sometimes.)

Everything is so draining. Maybe HRT is the answer. How else can we refuel ourselves? I've been trying to get outside for at least one hour a day. It helps a bit. And cut down massively on alcohol. Now only 2 glasses a week. Helps a bit.

My consultants are very much up to,scr.atch as am I. Not all replacement therapies have the same effect on the body as naturally produced but I am happy that this works for some but is not for me.

noddy I think my consultant would be ideal for you- he works very much in a holistic way and has a personal and extensive interest in complementary treatments for menopause, as well as being an eminent Harley St consultant. If you think it would help to know more, feel free to PM me any time.

lastlines: what do we have to put up with?! I feel for you - one of my closest friends is married to an aspergers and her two DCs are severely autistic, so I know [albeit second hand] how draining it is. And then to top it all - God gives us the menopause! Bah humbug!

LOL to bah humbug.

I might break my Lent ban on wine given that today was the diagnosis, and have a glass. Or just another cup of tea! And poor DS2 has come home with a high temperature so is probably coming down with the flu I had for a week and wouldn't wish on anyone.

Things have to brighten up soon!

S xxx

I think that is a very good reason to break the Lenten wine ban . I broke my Lenten sugar ban within a day, re-instated it a couple of days ago, and then saw nutella cheesecake at the farmers market. Gluten free nutella cheesecake no less.......