Premature Menopause Support Group...anyone ?

[erilou38]

Hi there. I'm just thinking about setting up a little group for us poor ladies going through premature menopause. My doctor tells me that menopause is considered premature if the woman is under age 40. I'm 38 and believe i have been in menopause since i was about 35. I had hormone blood tests a year ago that showed i was borderline menopausal...only age 37, i could hardly believe it!! Anyway i now have lots of symptoms: irregular periods, periods are lighter a nd shorter. Hot flushes at night in bed, heart palpitations, insomnia, vaginal dryness, feeling tired all the time, hair loss and hair is dry and brittle, anxiety and depression. Oh, and i almost forgot, forgetfulness as well!! I find this whole premature meno very distressing and alone very isolating. Women that i know who are around my age don't understand as they are not going through it. None of my friends are experiencing it yet so i can't talk to them. I feel very alone a nd frustrated and get tearful and angry, (menopausal moods swings to blame i would think!) I'm sure some of you ladies must feel the same. Apparently prem meno happens to one in every hundred women so we are in the minority. Just thought it might be helpful if we could chat and share our thoughts and experiences. Erilou x

Poking my head in here.... erilou38 is familiar with me already.
I am beginning to think i may well be perimenopausal too. I started to run warmer and warmer since two summers ago and chalked it up to a bad run with Asthmatic Bronchitis during the summer. Somedays I find i am sooo warm that I have to wear a tank top even in the dead of Winter! Often I wakeup and the chest area of my shirt is wet or there is sweat in my hair. My hair is dry and falls out quite easily. I have split ends galore no matter what I try.
The last months DH has said my moods have been horrible and I am often snapping at him for the slightest things.
I came off BC in September as I foolishly wanted to try for another child. Since then I felt like a pile of shit. I have barely any energy anymore and want to do nothing more than sleep. I feel rage for the stupidest things.
I have trouble to fall or stay asleep, my boobs are growing more and more tender and my periods are irregular (I know they can do this after the pill, but they seem worse as each cycle passes).

Thanks Sudden, i will give those shampoos a try.

Had my bloods taken today. 4 little pots full!

I then had a long awaited catch up with my BF who lives miles away.
I told her that I might be menopausal. Her face dropped! I've been sort of ok about it (ish) but telling her and seeing how shocked (almost horrified) she was was awful! She was lovely about it and we had a good chat about what if the blood tests aren't good.
Has anyone else experienced similar when talking to friends?

Hi sudden. It's good that you had your bloods taken. When i told my 2 closest friends earlier this year they actually laughed and said, " that's silly, you can't be, you were always super-fertile, no way you are in menopause"!!! Since then iv'e mentioned it a few times buttobe honest they don't really want to know. Don't think they know how to handle it. They are both my age (38). They are not going through it so they don't understand i guess. It's lovely that your friend was supportive, at least you could talk to her about it. When do you get your blood results ?

I've got a dr appointment to discuss them on Thursday next week.
She was lovely but I won't be forgetting the look on her face in a while!

Ah bless you, i do so hope you are not in early menopause. I had lots of hot flushes in the night, they are definately getting more frequent this last couple of weeks. Iv'e to have my FSH checked again on day 3 of my next period, god knows when it will arrive though. Hoping and praying my FSH is low so the infertility clinic can start me on the Clomid. Think i'm just kidding myself though. Nothing is gonna help me to have another baby not this bloody menopause has taken a hold! Keeping hoping i'm pregnant, actually did a test yesterday as i have been feeling so tired and irritable. As usual i got a BFN. Fed up.

erilou I really feel for you - am sending lots of positive vibes your way for good results/ hormone levels etc! :)

I'm ok about the possibility of beginning menopause (today). I'd just like to know why I feel like permanent PMT! As long as it's something fixable rather than the dr saying they don't know what's going on and to wait and see! That would drive me mad right now!

Urgh. Lost my Christmas spirit. :(

Possibility of early meno has really got to me over the last 2 days. Have struggled with the dc because I'm tired and stressed and full of PMT (despite being mid cycle) and not feeling myself at all. I want to hide and cry.

Have also just discovered that Christmas with MIL (which I wasn't entirely thrilled about) has now turned into Christmas with ALL of MIL's family! So there will be about 20 of us! DH knows I can only manage them all in small doses but this change is out of his hands. There are also unnecessary demands being placed such as Christmas jumpers, bling and other crap that I am NOT in the mood for!

I am being a miserable cow but am unable to stop myself!

Oh I feel for you, Sudden.

I can't face the thought of social situations of any sort at the moment. I've put on so much weight over the past 12 months that I don't want to go anywhere or see anyone, really.

I just feel like hibernating with my family at home. I made myself go for a really brisk walk this morning, though, before the DC were up, and did a minimum amount of jogging, and it has made me feel a bit better.

Are the 20 or so family members all coming to your house?

If they are we might need to set up a separate support thread just to get you through it! Put it this way, we would be if it were me!

Sending you some Christmas spirit!

Thanks! :)

No we are going to MIL's. Christmas Day was meant to be 8 of us. Which is bearable, just. The 20 is MIL, her parents, her sister and her family plus partners, MIL, her dc and partners and us 4. Plus there will be some random person as there always is at these things.
They will be loud and talk over each other (a pet hate of mine which now makes me ragey)and expect my dc (the only little ones) to behave perfectly and perform.
We will be 150 miles from home so no escape.
Then we get to do it all again on Boxing Day!

I am so full of self-pitying rage now. :(

And I've also just had a bath which was lovely for my aches bits but now I am far too hot!

Misfit - I started c25k in the summer as a definite non runner. It was really good and not too hard. Might be worth a try?

Suddengeek, i feel just like you, a permanent feeling of PMT. It's like my mood swings come in waves, i can be feeling happy one minute, then half hour later i am irritable and depressed. This happens most days, or i can be ok for 2 or 3 days and then another bout of 'PMT' hits me. Oh if only it was PMT, real PMT and i knew i only had to put up with it for 3 or 4 days!! I'm actually mourning the loss of my proper periods, an end to my fertility i guess. I always felt healthier when i was having normal regular periods. Now they are irregular and the bleeding is always pathetically light, lasting no more than 2 days. I only need to use a panty liner. I never feel like going out anymore, even going food shopping seems like a major chore. Always feel so tired and irritable and can't concentrate. Hair is becoming worryingly dry and keeps falling out. Also, yesterday, i think i may have had my first daytime hot flush!! I can really feel menopause is kicking in big time now.

Are we allowed to swear on this thread? It's so fu**ing shit that we have to put up with all these symptoms - it just seems cruel to me.

I must admit I've had a pretty ok-ish week, and at the moment, I seem to be less ragey on the outside in that I'm able to control the floods of fury much more, but, I'm so changeable that I don't know from one day to the next how I'm going to be, and neither do my DH & DCs, of course.

Not so long ago, I went through a really ragey period. I can't even remember why (obviously there is no justification) but in one week I ended up smashing a plate in the back yard (flung it as hard as I could against the concrete,) and on another occasion, smashed a pan so hard on the cast iron hob, that it actually smashed the metal .

Sudden it sounds horrific, I'm sorry you've got to face all that over Christmas. I'm just trying to think of suggestions that could help you get through it.

Will you be able to get out for an hour or so for a walk and let the DCs have a run around? You could even sell it to the MIL as if you're doing her a favour 'Me and DH will take the DCs to the park (if there is one) so that you can have a bit of peace and quiet'.

I don't know how many children will be there in total, and it might not be practical, but it might be worth trying to casually organise it in advance so that at least you know you've got some fresh air and a break from all the adults to look forward to.

The pressure I feel for my DCs to behave over Christmas for other people's benefit is very stressful, and it's nothing on the scale of what you're facing, so I really feel for you.

Sudden you're a runner - wow! I'm in awe of you

I started a thread yesterday on exercise, and a few people mentioned that c to 25k on there - thanks.

How often do you run? And are you up to 25k yet?

I'm not a proper runner! I stopped at the end of November as it got too cold!
The furthest I ran was 2.2miles which I was pretty chuffed with. I'm trying to swim now but I've not managed to go as much as I want.
Couch to 5k (c25k) is a plan to get you running 5k in 8 weeks. I downloaded a free app, bought a pair of running shoes and that was it. I really enjoyed being on my own and only having to think about putting one foot in front of the other.

Christmas is going to be carnage I think. I've resigned myself to it. There isn't going to be any break at all - even if I take the dc out for a bit there are all of dh's cousins who love the dc and will want to come too, they have a tendency to get the dc extremely hyped up which usually ends in tears.

Dh rang his mum last night to find out what we were doing (ie how many people and whose house). One of her gems was that we needed to relax more with the dc! From the woman who accused my dd of being naughty for crying at 6mo, and who offere to take the dc to the park then came straight home and said they'd given her a heart attack by... Climbing on the climbing frame!

Maybe I need a separate MIL at Christmas with menopause thread!

Anyhow I felt utterly miserable yesterday but in the evening I started sewing presents for ds' teachers. I'd forgotten how soothing repetitive hand actions are! I felt SO much more relaxed afterwards! :)

Mmm,maybe i should take up sewing, or perhaps even knitting. I guess it might actually be relaxing. Just eaten a family size bag of Cadbury chocolate buttons so am now feeling a little bit contented LOL. Think in the long run though the chocolate makes me feel worse, was lovely though! Iv'e heard a lot of women say that they put weight on in the menopause yet i don't seem to be. Not loosing any weight but gorging every day on chocolate but not gaining anything. I guess it's the stress of worrying about this shitty bloody menopause that's keeping my weight in check!

Yes there's been a lot of chocolate consumed here! I'm trying to lay off if now though as it doesn't do my ibs any favours! :(

I'd recommend knitting, sewing, crochet etc to anyone who is feeling stressed, anxious, depressed. I think the repetitive action quietens down all my negative thoughts an I just focus on the rhythm of the task iyswim. :)

How is everyone?

I'm off to the dr for my blood results tomorrow. I don't care what's wrong with me - I just want a diagnosis and some good drugs to fix me! :)

Well my bloods are officially normal!
I have been on here as an imposter!

Really hope everyone gets on ok and has a lovely Christmas! :)

Ps still don't know what's wrong with me!

Congrats Suddengeek! That's great news, I bet you feel relieved and a bit happier now. I always thought that at your age, 32 was too young for meno. Hope you get to the bottom of your problem xx

Wow Sudden!! How do you feel about that, then? I'm thinking it might just have been easier for you to have been told 'Yes, it is indeed the menopause'. (I think you said you don't want any more DCs, but if I've got that wrong and you do want more DCs, then this is brilliant news!)

Don't leave us! This threads as good as any for a rant and a chat, I reckon.

How are you feeling on the run up to your impending extended family-fest of doom? Christmas?

How are you erilou?

to be honest Misfit, iv'e felt shit all this week, the week from hell!!!! Iv'e had hardly any sleep all week as i have been getting night sweats which are really bad. I go to bed fine, drop off to sleep easily and then, bang, i'm awake with my heart racing, boiling hot and drenched in sweat! The bedsheets have even been damp iv'e sweated so much!! It's very frightening, i thought something terrible was happening and almost called 999!! I do often feel hot at night in the run up to a period but never before had night sweats as bad as these have been. I'm on cycle day 30 at the moment. My cycles seem to range anywhere between 35 and 42 days. I seem to think i might be nearing the end and my periods will stop for good soon. How are you feeeling anyway ? Do you have night sweats ? x

erilou that sounds awful! :( Are you hanging on for another try with clomid or are you resigned to HRT now?

misfit - honestly yes - it would have been easier to be told it was definitely x, y or z. GP can't find a reason so I had a chest X-ray yesterday and I'm also going to be seeing a gastroenterologist about my ibs.

I'm now feeling fairly calm about Christmas and the IL-fest. Think it's because I haven't felt the need to madly clean for any visitors here! :) I'm sure I'll get ragey about it again. You may well find me posting some IL related angst come Christmas Day!

Really hope you all have a great Christmas and the hormones are kind!

Got my day 3 bloods taken on Monday and my FSH came back at bloody 20, the highest it's been for months and a definate menopausal level!!! Was hoping to start Clomid with my next cycle to try and help me have a baby as the infertility clinic thought i had polycystic ovaries, although i always suspected early menopause. So now i can't do clomid as the clinic won't treat with an FSH over 15. At least i know now that i'm definately having a premature menopause and can now stop fucking around trying and hoping to have another baby. Feel so sad and empty though. It's also shit as every night in bed i'm having the most awful sheet-drenching night sweats and my vagina is as dry as the Sahara!! ~Most definately going to start HRT asap. Havea doctor appointment on 8th January. How is everyone else doing ? Did you all have a good Christmas ?