West London June thread (one day early)

[ComeOVeneer]

Almost made it to the end of the month. Children are gone. I am free until Sunday lunch

Morning all. Didn't mean to worry anyone last night, and in the grand scheme of things it isn't a huge issue as things go. But dh and I have a long discussion about having a 3rd child and he agreed that if it meant that much to me we would go ahead.

Since then he has started a new medication for his psoriatic arthritis which has made a huge improvement already. Just a couple of weeks go his knees were so painful he was contemplating sleeping on the sofa as going up the stairs made him wince in pain and he had to use the mouse with his left hand as the fingers on his right hand were so swollen. Now he is virtually pain free. So basically he will be on this medication indefinately.

The down side is it is absolutely a no no to get pregnant whilst he is on it.

Whilst I realise that I am fortunate to already have 2 and dh's health is paramount, having just got him round to the idea to then have it snatched away has put me in turmoil.

See I told you it wasn't a huge thing in the grand scheme of things (weak ).

being assertive does not a bunny boiler make
why not put your concerns in writing send registered mail make sure it is on record

i can't be online too long before dd starts asking for cbeebies website! i obviously spent too long here ignoring the track she brought over along with all the trains so the last recourse is making me change site

CoV, didn't realise your dh suffered from PA. I get psoriasis and a few years back was on medication that had similar restrictions. Unfortunately I had a bad reaction and had to come off overnight so suffered a massive rebound.

Have not yet developed PA but it's a possibility.

Have a look on www.psoriasis-help.org.uk/forum/ it's a fantastic resource for psoriasis sufferers.

HTH and good luck

SFX - that's a good idea about sending recorded post. I rang on Monday and his PA asked him to call me. I left a very polite message on Tuesday on his voicemail. To call again this week would make me look slightly intense I think, so it might be worth sending a letter on monday if he hasn't responded by then.

I e-mailed him 3 times in March on other matters and he ignored all three e-mails. One was about a pay claim we had discussed (his idea, he said I don't get paid enough)and he ignored it!!! I then e-mailed Head of HR asking fotr a progress report and she said "will get back to you" that was about a month ago!!!

They are all very nice people BTW, nit your usual shitty bosses. I need to be very assertive on this one, without them starting to think I'm a bit crazy. Its difficult to keep things in perspective when you're not there and they won't respond 'cos they have 1,000 other matters to deal with.

Cov - I know excatly how you feel as it took me two years to persuade DH to agree to go for a third baby. Is it him sleeping alone which prevents you from trying, or is it the medication making it unsafe, or is it 'cos he doesn't want to?

Foxy it is the medication. He spent ages saying he was happy with just 2 then we had a long heart to heart which made him realise just how much it meant to me so he agreed. But now he is on the medication (and probably will be for years/indefinately). It can cause severe birth defects/stillbirth/miscarriages so you are told if you are on it (or your partner) it is imperitive you use birth control. Whilst I realise he isn't doing it unpurpose and it is making his (and therefore the rest of the familys') quality of life so much better, I am selfishly resentful toward him for preventing mehaving this 3rd child.

CoV - just ead your post again and it appears to be the medication that's the problem, rather than him!

Could he take the medication for 3 months, then have a break? Or could you both visit GP and ask if there is an alternative medication he could use, or perhaps lower the dosage.

Conceiving is pretty major - it needs to be taken into account. To give up hope of having another child because of the medication seems so extreme.

Is your DH keen to have a 3rd baby too - i.e. would he maybe take a medication break in order to acheive that? Also, how many months do you nromally take to conceive. I guess there is a big difference between him coming off meds for 2-3 months, and the prospect of coming off for 2 years - depending on how long it takes.

This sounds a bit far fetched, but could his meds free sperm be frozen so you can use it at a later date without him having to come off the meds?

Sorry Cov - x posts

Foxy he is already taking the meds so no sperm freezing. He needs to be off the meds for 6 months before we could even start trying by which time he would be crippled with pain again. I feel that is too much to ask of him. For the past year or so it has really taken its toll on family life as he has been able to do very little physical activity with the children, nor play golf (which he loves). This, combined with the constant pain has made him pretty crabby and short tempered.

Don't actually now how long it would take me to conceive as both times it was by accident rather than actually "trying".

Foxie,
I know what you mean about losing perspective when you're not in the office.

I'm not sure whether this is the right approach for your workplace and you but would it be possible for you to drop in and discuss this with your boss in person?

I find that with work, out of sight means out of mind.

I agree you need to be assertive.

hello chaps

rubbish mum moment (just the one? yeah, right...)
forgot to switch to my alter ego as tooth fairy and swap ds1's tooth for coinage last night..first time i've ever done that (or not done that..). dsq1 came padding into our room at 6am crestfallen the tooth fairy hadn't been. i waffled on about it being the tooth fairies' busiest time of year and to put under his pillow tonight. ds1 didn't look convinced...

this is compunded by last week, while dd was ransacking my jewellery box, ds1 saw a little stash of baby teeth in a tiffany's pouch (classy, eh?) again i went on to drivel mode, saying:"They're MY baby teeth, sweetheart." of course he then said:"but why didn't the tooth fairy take them, mummy?" ARRRagghhhhhh

and that, my friends, is why i don't lie. nothing to do with morals,i'm just very bad at it...

at 7, he's just on the verge of not believing in father christmas/tooth faairy, easter bunny any more, but i want to keep that magic going for as long as possible. plenty of time for RL and ASBOs...

did feel guilty, though, at being distracted by life/deadlines/BLAH BLAH that i forgot about an important little momnent in ds1's life...i'll just leave him a blank cheque tonight.

kc - yep, projectile vomiting is a force of nature, isn't it?

COV, so sorry to hear about your dilemma. it's so hard to ignore that desire to have a baby, isn't it? hope you can work things out.

foxie - Do NOT send any more emails/phone this week. know it's hard and bloody irritating when people don't get back to you, but, as you've said, it's nothing personal, they're just busy. they've got a million things going on, while you're focussed on this one thing. it's really up to them to get back now....fair enough, you've obviously got to follow up if no-one phones you back by next week.
sadly, even though things have got better i think, most companies are lax when itb comes to keeping you in the picture while women are on maternity leave. think they reckon your brain cells have gone AWOL, so why bother..(hmm, maybe they've got a point [wink} but that's no excuse
toodlepip

Help - I just found out my boss has completely stitched me up!!

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?rn=92323&topicid=2310&th readid=335582&redir=92323 advice needed urgently

Oh Feck it!!!

http://mumsnet.com/Talk?rn=92323&topicid=2310&thread id=335582&redir=92323 Help

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?rn=10280&topicid=2310&th readid=335582&redir=10280 look

and now I can't even do bloody links!!!

readid=335582&redir=10280 here foxy

try again

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=2310&threadid=335582 &stamp=070607123925

Lordy - thanx Cov!!!

No problem. Can't offer any advice though I'm afraid, but I'm sure some of the others can help. Hope you get it sorted.

CoV - would it be worth you both going to visit his GP/Consultant and talking about the options. I'm sure there must be a way round this.

Has he suffered from this all his life?

Is there any other meds he could take foe 6 months, which may not be as effective, but would at least manage the condition until you can conceive. From what you say, it might only take a couple of months if you buy a opredictor kit. You sound pretty fertile (most couples have to "try" and time their attempts so it ties in with ovulation)

He has tried many many treatments (he has suffered psoriasis since his early teens and psoriatic arthritis for the past 5), including steroids (oral and creams), UV treatment, herbal, visited the dead sea for 3 weeks,and other medications. None have been terribly effective so he has been put on the strongest stuff they do so to speak.

I think its early days yet Cov - you might want to see how your family life changes as a family of four with a fully functioning DH. It may make you think twice about the idea of getting him off the drugs? I can absolutely see why you would be disappointed even though you know really it isn;t his fault. What would you expect him to do if it was you with the arthritis?

and of course there's always adoption...

(sorry don;t mean to be flippant!)

foxie, you poor thing. you've got to go through HR with a very calm, business-like email/folow-up phone call expressing your "disappointment" that you've been left out of an important decision. make it clear, again couched in calm measured tone (don't want to give them any lead to pull the hormonal new mum card) that you're not happy about this.

not quite sure how much they're legally obliged to involve you in these decisions?

but make sure you sound very positive - ie: that you're committed to the job, care about your team/looking forward to coming back, hence your disappointment about what's happned. avoid at all costs (however understandably upset you feel) any hint of emotion/whinging/i know someone who can break your knee caps

as for your boss being bessie mates with head of HR - i think that's all the more reason why HR has to be seen to be doing the right thing to avoid any accusations of cronyism.

i do understand how upsetting it is to feel ostracised while you're on ML, but usually it's nothing personal, simply a matter of "out of sight, out of mind."
good luck
x