Inbetween BCs Thread #2

[SayraT]

We filled up the last thread and we still have 3 weeks to go until the next official BC so here is our new inbetween BC thread.

Link to previous thread

So, I was good yesterday and now all of my confessions are lost on the previous thread but I am going to carry on with daily weighing and food recording so this morning I weighed 225 lbs.

I have come across this 7 day plan that looks pretty good. She also does a 3 day plan I think. 7days I like how it's all counted carb wise so you can see exactly what you're getting. It also has all the recipes. HTH.

pata yes to the cauli rice question. I did the oven roasted method a few weeks ago here

Then cooled and bagged, yesterday I defrosted a bag in the fridge while I was at work then re-fried in coconut oil but see no reason why it could not be re-heated in the oven, just wanted to get the maximum oil in there. I will say that I think it shrank on re-heating as did not seem very much in the end compared to what was in the bag so must evaporate even more water. It went lovely and brown and crispy though so not knocking it and very handy for those days when you don't have time to faff about or have a cauli in the fridge

I have loads of unfinished projects too! I've only been doing it 2 years though, so you win with the 10yr old unfinished jumper!

I'm on crochet UK on fb. It's a good group, but I had to hide it for a while as it was making me obsessed with downloading patterns and buying wool, in a kind of not wanting to miss anything way.

Thank you for the well-wishes. It is personal cr@p, and I honestly really don't want to have a big discussion about the cr@p, I have just been becoming slowly aware of a weight/body-related issue as I have got closer to goal, which I can't really ignore any more. And this combined with other FWittery going on, I just slumped.

Lots of it is not relevant in a weight loss forum, and whilst I have written it out, to get it on paper, I am not posting all of it. XH was very controlling, also regarding food – what, where, when - his pattern of eating = how everyone had to eat. Lots of carby food I now know I am sensitive to. I put on weight. I was unhappy with this, but he used to take parts of my fat and tell me he liked it. He said I was too skinny when he met me. I eventually developed allergies to every food I ate, till I could eat almost nothing without a reaction. I lost some, but not all of the, weight. I left the marriage but put it back on with the stress of leaving. That is only one part of it all, it has taken me a while to straighten out my head, and I have reached the end of the road with what support I can access on the NHS as I am ‘high-functioning’ (fair enough, mostly I manage and I am blessed with what I have, I just can’t afford private therapy).

When I started BCing, I set my goal weight 4lbs under what I was before I met him, as I was at that weight comfortably and wanted a bit of a buffer before moving to maintenance. I am there now, but – instead of being over the moon - I am still just seeing the fat he held and commented on; the remaining bits of the body he created and abused, which became not me. So, the scales are telling me one thing and I am seeing another.

I realise I could easily say, okay, I will lose another half stone and see if I can get rid of that fat, but that tips over into not healthy and it is almost putting myself in another type of prison. I rationally know I am the dress size I wanted to be, I have clothes I want to wear etc.

I’m working towards a plan: namely, to do the first two weeks of bootcamp from Monday, as I am bootcamping at the moment as I had stalled, to assure myself I am able to stay at goal weight and it is not an abherration. Then to spend the rest of bootcamp doing BCL and working on establishing maintenance (utterly terrified of failing with this). But I will not be aiming for weight loss and I will not post about weight, because I am not in the same place as people starting out, and it would also be unhealthy for me. I will use BC to keep on track, whilst I establish maintenance, and to offer support to newbies where I can, as I have also benefitted from it over the last few months.

Does that sound okay? I might join a gym to tackle the problem areas, following the conversation on here.

By the way, if any of that makes people uncomfortable or you feel it is in the wrong place, I will ask MNHQ to delete it. I have tried to edit it as much as possible.

Two words: Raverly, Pinterest. I have been crocheting since I was about 14 (made a string bag as my first project) and I first fell out with knitting when I was 5. I have been sewing since I was 3. I was the sort of kid that needed to be crafty all the time. Needle crafts were less messy than glue based ones and mum had the skills and patience to teach me. I have several sewing projects that are older than the jumper but they require a level of concentration not possible with a wild child who needs attention yesterday in the house. So I will work on them in spare time when he is with his dad in the summer. Keeps my mind busy so I don't miss him so badly and if my hands are busy I find I pick and snack less. Plus I was reading some evidence that suggested things like knitting actually helps lessen fibro pain, was to do with a protein P and the effect of repetitive action of hands on reducing the protein levels and thus its influence on pain reception.

Romey, I suspect that this might be the situation. It is really hard to get out of the influence of ex who are controlling. It is hard to believe what you factually know is ok when everything you have been conditioned to believe is nagging away in the back of your mind. Bootcamp has always had a mixture of maintainers, and returners and newbies. Stay, talk, and try not to beat yourself up if your doubts are still nagging. It will take time, you will have moments of doubt but you know what you are doing is right, and what he said and did was wrong. Your confidence in this knowledge will come. My advice is to do something nice for you that helps you believe yourself and your judgement. I know how hard it is, 7 years on and I can still hear my ex's voice telling me I am useless and pointless and incapable of making any good decisions. I still occasionally give in and listen to those voices last week was bad. This week someone told me that because of the advice I gave them (which they listened and acted on) they had achieved their dream. I am clearly not those things the ex said. But we are our worst critics and it is very hard to relearn to trust yourself and your view once the doubt has been sown. You can do this, you will get to a point where you stop listening to that voice. It is possible. But in the meantime and I hope you can find a positive voice to pay attention to because he was wrong. x

Also romey if you would prefer that response deleted, do ask HQ to make it so, no offence or issues from my part. Better be happy with the thread than for a post to cause you problems. x

No, no need for it to be deleted, Dark, for your time in writing it and sharing, I really appreciate it. I am feeling utterly drained, so heading off to bed but I have read it, huge thanks. I am really sorry you had a bad week last week, it is not fun.
I do need a positive voice but I can't imagine finding it at the moment - I guess I have to get there a bit more myself first.
I am going to stop making sense soon, so signing off. Please don't get the post deleted, unless you want to, I would like to read it again in the morning.

Oh romey (((()))).

I'm not an expert by any stretch of the imagination but I have got a gym instructor qualification, so I have some knowledge. If you want me to help you with a personal programme you can pm me.

Where do you live? Is it anywhere near me? North west?

I had a controlling ex. It wasn't with food though. More the mind and thought police. I had punches, kicks, plates smashed over my head, knee to the groin causing a hernia when i was pregnant, and he even spat on me on 3 separate occasions, so I totally understand the mind fuck. I am 14 years separated this sept though and although I still have some ishoos, I have more self esteem than I ever had. It is very hard though. Feel free to pm me about this too if you want.

Romey
That was a really brave post.
We would be honoured to have you in Bootcamp - you have some valuable experience to help others with.

for you Romey and for Dark, sass and all the other posters who have escaped fuckwit abusive wankers and are still processing the shit from them.

I struggled a bit today trying to meal plan and do shopping list. Couldn't find anything that appealed. I'm a bit funny with food; something I really fancy one day might repulse me on another. I've always been a picky eater, and although I love to cook and have a wide range of foods I eat now, I'm still very fussy, especially when I'm anxious/low/hormonal/stressed/oh hell any time really!

Anyway got my arse in gear in the end and stocked up on low carb veg, meat, fish and sausages, so have got the basics for the next few days.

Food today
L: was a bit of a disaster really - couldn't decide so just goats' cheese, olives, more cheese and tomatoes.
D: salmon with asparagus in a fennel and dill butter sauce.

Oh and I had a grape, in a moment of weakness when I discovered some hiding in the fridge (they were meant to have all been eaten).

Romey Tbh my wobble last week was the deer in headlights thing that happens when work decides you are capable of an increase of responsibilities and you feel completely out of your depth. That wobble was nothing to do with fuck wit ex, more the fact that I don't like to be in a position where I have to make any decisions in the office. This is a personality trait and would happen pre-ex. It is part of the learning process to distinguish between the two, and took a bit of hindsight to realise this. But it is why I know it is possible. I am out the other side. And you will be too, you'll get there; even if the road is bumpy you will get there. Hang in there and if you have a rough day say. There are a lot of mnners with wise words and support or just an ear.

Romey you are really brave to post like that. You are digging your way out of a bad place and proof that it can be done. On top of that you are almost always the first to offer support and encouragement.

I can spend hours on Ravelry Dark! I learned to knit age 5 and to crochet a couple of years later. Crochet took off as I got old enough to teach myself from books as it was my Gran who set me off and she lived miles away. I was always crafty too. Never been very good at sewing but I could embroider. Can't hold a sewing needle now though. About the most I can manage is a thick, knitters needle. I tend to go for things with minimal making up so I pretty much just have to work in the start and finish bits.

Sass theres no such thing as too much yarn or too many patterns! I console myself that I don't smoke, I can't drink and I don't eat sweets so its my vice.

I slipped up too Crabby! I had a cube of fresh pineapple. I was cutting one for DH and just popped a cube into my mouth on auto pilot. I shall blame fibro-fog. I sort of came to my senses when I got the sweet hit. I did stop at one cube but I hope he eats it quickly. Its sort of whistling from the back of the fridge!

for Romey

A tiny victory today for me, ds(19) bought himself some Asda jungle bites.
chocolate cereal laced with crack
I knocked over the box and around 10 fell out.

I gave them to the birds!
Not a single habit forming, narcotic laced piece of chocolate crunch passed my lips!

It's a landmark for me

romey I think it's a special kind of space here that enables us to share the process of some of the most difficult aspects of our thoughts. I really support your choice to post what you did.

miffy you are so right! romey is so lovely to other posters, and also in saying one cannot have too much yarn I have rather a lot at the moment as Dp cleared out the art room at work and brought home three black bags full of mostly 100% wool, which I'm currently turning into granny squares, or ballet slipper type slippers or hats. I love crafty crafting!

No dairy day two has been completed. Had cup of tea with coconut oil and coconut cream this morning. Breakfast was mushroom omelette with some ham on the side and Mayo, but I couldn't finish the ham. Then lunch was smoked mackerel and a chunk of cucumber. Dinner was a hm beef burger with lc gherkins (punch the air, I've been craving them for weeks but couldn't find any - these are 1.9g per 100) and a courgette and egg fritter with some kalamata olives and marinated anchovies on the side (and some Mayo)

Had a herbal cuppa and a cocnutty one and drank almost three litres of water.

Oh Romey what an eloquent post. look how far you have come already: you had the courage and conviction to leave him, manage two Dcs on your own (with allergies) whilst working and you have lost weight! - you are stronger than you think and also just an incredibly lovely person as it shines through from what and how you post on this thread.

Sounds like you are about to turn a momentous corner with how you view everything, just keep posting. I think your BC plan sounds perfect.

you lovely ladies. I didn't post for sympathy (I was kind of expecting someone to say my way of thinking was disordered and not helpful here. reading your posts I can't say anymore but thank you right now, because they make me want to howl and I don't want to go to work with panda eyes. I am feeling very fragile, but less damaged this morning. Glad I fought the urge to email MNHQ and ask for deletion; lots of food for thought (pardon the choice of words) in what you say.

It is a long journey, sass and dark, thank you for putting in perspective how long

KOKO everyone

Many of us have complex issues with food, emotional eating and self-esteem that need to be tackled as part of our weight loss journey. I have seen it many times on Mumsnet that when someone posts about their problem just how many others have been in a similar place and offer support and encouragement. I do think there's a place on the Bootcamp threads for that as it is part of the process. And not only the big issues, lots of us have more minor problems that we need to overcome. There can also be crises in everyday life that will come up during Bootcamp where people need extra support. So please don't be afraid to post because of derailing the thread. We're all in this together after all.

Morning ladies, and to Romey and anyone else who has suffered through a bad relationship. It makes me very angry that men have caused you to feel this way about yourselves.

My only suggestion would be would exercise help perhaps? If you know your weight is where you want it, maybe doing some exercise and seeing your new body in action at the gym might help you believe you are fit and strong? Please ignore me if I'm way off

This has been a wonderfully supportive thread - thank you to everyone who has posted on here.

romey awh, no one would say that, or even think that. ((()))

Abusive men are a headfuck, that's their strategy. I found hanging out in relationships and feminist chat helped me. I got self worth from reading all the MN posters trying to give ops self worth. I got angry too. How dare anyone make me feel like this, who the hell are they to do this to me etc.
I hope you have a nice day at work.

I'm on raverly and pinterest. I have patterns saved on both. I have patterns saved on my laptop, my nexus and my phone. Hundreds!!!

I have a big stash of wool in a plastic tub that has to be kept in the garage, as it is that big.

I have books I've bought, books from the charity shop that my mum finds for me and magazines......

Does anyone go to wool fest or yarndale?