I'm back and have finally caught up with the thread. Can't reply as fully as I'd like or it'd be one of those super replies which exceed the MN character limit and besides, I must cram in as much more fish-obsessing as possible before DD returns from her dad's tomorrow. 
I've missed you lovely Trashy and you make me laugh so much! Arf at 'my friend thought I looked like an escaped disney character' and 'my mother is an extraordinary cunt'!
Eva I love the sound of that crustless spanakopita. Might try that today.
Whoosh I really like vislas and they were on our fantasy list of possible second dogs (fantasy because there's no way we can afford the insurance on a second dog). Cautions, however, were their high exercise requirements and a tendency to slobber. Ooh I see you're going for a lab. I've never seen a fox red one. They're usually black or choccy down our way.
LMD that doesn't sound like 'minor' surgery at all - it sounds pretty traumatic to me. So glad you're feeling a bit better now. Trashy your pending surgery sounds awful too.
So many bootcampers struggling with chronic pain. 
and [decent analgesia] for everyone who needs it. Notso that laser thing sounds interesting.
Heir don't bow out. I've been a carby twat too and I'm still here (when I'm not obsessing about fish) 
Gator so glad you found your cat.
For those of you with narrow chests and big norks (like me), The ones which give me the best scaffolding support for my 32FF/G are this Fantasie one and this Freya one.
Just want to say a big WELL DONE! to all of you keeping on keeping on (where is she, btw?) with the low carb, even with the odd transgression. And congrats on all this continuing weight loss I'm seeing here. It's really inspiring.
Sayra "Do not worry, you can mistreat me as much as you like" from cute colleague would make me have very bad thoughts too. You are reeeeeeeally going to regret asking me about the fish... Those of you not of a fishy disposition can ignore the rest of this post!
I had a tropical aquarium as a teen and loved it, but in those days your only source of info was a book out of the library and whatever they told you in your local fish shop. DD wanted an aquarium years ago but I decided that she was too young to be trusted not to stick her hands in and meddle with the fish. Her dad got her one at his (resulting in several fish deaths due to her sticking her hands in and meddling with the fish 
) but didn't do any research and just believed what they told him in P@H. He got a tiny tank, didn't know anything about cycling it and just stuck whatever fish DD fancied into it. I stayed well out of it but over the last 6 months or so have been keeping an eye out on freecycle for a tank, as DD would like to keep tropical fish (xDP's was a temperate tank) and I think she's old enough to do it properly now. xDP then asked me to look after the tank whilst they were in NZ, bringing down a tiny tank (even smaller than the one they're usually in) with what I assumed was the usual filter (it wasn't, it was one that'd been lying in the bottom of the wardrobe for years, so not cycled at all), an elderly and decrepit platy and a single WCMM. The WCMM seemed really stressed and panicked and I guessed that they're a shoaling fish and he needed other WCMM to feel safe. I bought 3 from P@H and he seemed much calmer. I started reading about them, though, and realised that they are a very active species which need plenty of space. 
To cut a long story short, the platy was looking sadder and sadder (fin rot, I think), and xDP showed no signs of wanting any of the fish back. When I pushed the point he said that technically the WCMMs are mine and my responsibility. Meanwhile I got hold of a 64L tank on freecycle and started reading...and reading...and reading. Realising that the best thing to do was do a fishless cycle, and also discovering that the filter in the tiny tank wasn't cycled and that the fish must be really uncomfortable and stressed, I decided the best thing to do was give the WCMMs to P@H, putting them into better conditions and easing the bioload on the tank. I've now got the original filter (which remained in the original tank, but not switched on) running in the little tank along with the one it arrived with, and have got an API test kit. I've been doing frequent water changes and the levels aren't too bad. I'm treating sad platy for fin rot and he looks a bit more lively now.
I would have liked to keep the WCMMs as they were such cheerful, lively little things. But I couldn't leave them in that tank once I realised what I was doing to them, and the alternative would have been doing a fish-in cycle in the new tank, which I understand is stressful to the fish (when I'd already put them under a lot of stress). I figured at least P@H have kick-arse filtration systems.
So we're going to go with a tropical tank in the 64L, as there's so much more choice of fish. I'm going to get some ammonia today and start cycling it, and I'll probably try a bacterial booster to try and aid things along throw my money down the drain. I am resolutely ignoring all of the lfs employees (we've been to 5 shops) who tell me that I can put fish in within a week. I want to do things properly this time and it's good for DD too.
The main issue we have is Surrey's hard, alkaline water. I tested the pH yesterday but I'm not very confident at reading the colour chart. It's between 7.2 and 7.8. Will see if I can be a bit more confident with that today. I've got a GH/KH test kit on the way. According to the water report for my area, my water has 7.4dgh/133 ppm caCO3 which is moderately hard, and a pH of around 7.2, which would be pretty good. That might have changed since the floods though.
This limits our choice of fish, and plants. We really fancied cardinal tetras but they seem to be a bit of a no-no on pH and also on space. I'm already planning to get a second, larger tank. So many of the fish which appeal to us prefer soft, acidic water. Damn our calciferous southern rocks!
I've got a shortlist of fish now and a number of possible options going round my head. I would rather get fish that'll be happy in our conditions from the outset, especially as pretty much a novice fishkeeper. I might let DD keep balloon mollies in the 64L tank (which is in her room), which she thinks are cute but do nothing for me, and I'll keep my list of interesting/more unusual fish for when I get a bigger tank. Or, we could start that tank with some of the others on the shortlist... Endlers guppies, black phantom tetra, threadfin rainbowfish, indian glassfish, peacock gudgeon (not all of these, obviously, those are just some on my shortlist that I fancy), and then look to get another, larger tank up and running. When the 64L tank is mature and stable, we could move the fish into the larger one and maybe get dwarf puffer fish for the smaller one, which DD would love.
God I warned you you'd regret asking me... I can't imagine where DD inherited her Aspergers and obsessive interests from...
Any advice very gladly received.