where did they all go

[toffeecupcake]

I have no social life whatsoever. My best friends were there one minute then disppeared (none had children) and suddenly I realise I have no close friends to confide in or socialize with. I know others mums to chat to when I bump into them but not to socialize with. I've just finished a year course at college which i loved going to because it meant i got to talk to other people but thats now finished. I made friends with a couple of people but one is going travelling so i wont see her and the other person i texted at the weekend but he hasnt texted or e-mailed back. Has other lone parents felt isolated and lonely at times and how did they get over it. I hate feeling like this. Maybe when i find a job i'll feel better but i'm not getting anywhere with that.

Can I join you?

I am Lp to an 11 yr old DS and 3 yr old DD.

I feel also that the mates 'we' had in my previous life as a practising lone parent (don't ask) have disappeared.

Feel quite alone TBH.

Am not one to be wanting nights on the town, just adult fun conversation, drinks and laughs.

I feel let down and it's almost as if they dont know what to say, or can't be bothered to be bothered anymore, IYKWIM. x

Hi all, another one who would like to join in.

I sometimes feel lonely, especially at weekends but I am trying hard to meet people. It is exhausting though. I had to move areas after splitting with my X a year ago and starting over takes time. I hate reaching the part of the conversation with new acquaintances where I have to admit to (or not) being a lone parent. Maybe it is my paranoia but some people can't get away quick enough. Do they feel tainted by association? Sometimes I feel like yelling, 'You never know when this might happen to you, you know...' But possibly that wouldn't help matters.

I am a SAHM right now looking after my DTs who are 22 months. I would like to find a job though. Right now all of the days of the week run into each other. I crave more adult conversation. I find that I am so used to staying in at night now that I hardly miss going out. It does feel a bit like being in prison but on day release sometimes. My X is hardly ever around so I don't get the chance to escape much.

Morning x

He did get the kids and their overnight stuff, but still not a word about anything, jees i wish he wld grow up just a little and see its about the kids not me!

Anyway, have been in the loft (v hot), hoovered, washed etc and in need of a cuppa now and a shower. But all jobs done am going to try and take it easy and relax, weird tho how lost you feel when the kids are gone, despite having wished for the space!

TMB and DOTP, you need a night of girly gossip and giggles, we should arrange one, bring a glass of wine, some nibbles, or whatever to the computer and we can all join in, when is everyone free!!!

Good idea iwillmakeit, can i join. I know what you mean TMB and DOTP about craving adult conversation, i dont want to go back to going out every fri/sat getting drunk like i did before i had dd, it would be nice just to talk to another adult. My poor dd (14) probably gets fed up with me talking to her non-stop in the evenings but to me she likes having another adult around but i have to keep remembering shes not an adult but still a child.

Sounds a great idea. If I get the chance to go out I don't want it to be as if I'm trying to reclaim my early twenties. It's nice to get out but want to be able to have some proper adult conversation!

Iwill, hope you get to have a bit more me time today rather than being stuck in a hot loft!

Had a nice wkend in the finish, very civilised but nursing a hangover!

Kids came back properly filthy, fun was had! But with cut feet which im not happy about, all clean and feet smothered in savlon now, do I worry about tetenus? Cant remember if its part of the normal inoculations or not. Am going to send him a shirty email tho.

He really does nothing to help an "amicable" relationship develop with all his p*ing about!

More the merrier for our night out i think! We just need to choose a night (hmm will consult my busy diary and get back to you...lol!)

Hiyer i'm new to the site, i moved to the area i live about 18mths ago and still have no friends here. I don't meet any other mums as my kids walk to school its only around the corner and when i have seen them they stand in there little groups and ignore everyone else.
I'm a outgoing freindly person, and i am feeling so low, my friends are only a phone call away but its not the same is it.
My partner at the time was good company and i guess i've had to learn to live with having no girlfriends around, but now he's gone and my youngest is getting older and making new friends i am feeling so much more alone.
I've tried the womans centre no use infact useless really...i work on supply so move from one school to the next and so no connections here.
To be honest the village i live in i do feel some of the women are hostile and just not friendly....
If anyone lives near preston and would like to get in touch i would be grateful...x

Hi tiger, sound hell, playgrounds can be so clicky cant they, cant help at all other than listen, feel free to moan.

Am not brave at all so wouldnt do it but could you do an "evening" thing and invite nieghbours, sch mums etc theres lots like virgin v, pampered chef etc?

Just a thought but tell me if its crap! x

Hi tiger, nice to hear from you and everyone else that's joined this thread over the weekend.

Iwill, it's always niggly things isn't it that wind you up
about the ex? Mine always seems to lose things of DS whenever he has him. Add to the fact that I still have no idea of where he lives which makes it impossible for him to have overnight access. So weekends are really tiring for me and I never feel that I get a proper break.

Not a bad weekend for me overall although I seem to have come down with a virus today which has left me feeling rotton and not able to make the most of today with DS who seems to have a ridiculous amount of energy at the moment!

Morning everyone, had a busy weekend so never got round to making my list but going to have a bash at it tonight. Hope everyone is feeling ok after the weekend

Hi another one wanting to join, if I can. I have DS age 5 and ex has no involvement. I too am struggling to find paid work. For all those looking into setting up a LP group and word of warning and an idea.

I tried earlier in the year but unfortunatly the only people who seemed interested wanted either unrocipricate babysitting or expected cheap trips out 1 mum even offered me a joint ? when I first visited her house. I was introduced to these people via the school head of year. I spoke to her about my worries and she is now looking into the possibility of running a group through the school, that gives you the getout clause that if you see/hear something disturbing social services have to be called.

As far as voluntary work goes its always worth asking your LP advisor to speak to the career advisor who normally works with JSA claimants, I pushed for an interview and mine was fab, opened my eyes to a whole new career opportunity and had loads of info on who to approach for voluntary work to get me into that field, unfortunatly due to the budget many of the organisations are loosing funds and can't afford the volunteers I wanted to get involved with survivors of DV and young mums etc.

Sorry I do tend to go on and on, by product of no adult conversation I guess

Swallow feel odd no more I am in the same boat. Feel sad for DS as he so needs male role models atm but again I am lucky that school have been made aware of that and have a brilliant Family Links program so we are looking and ways of getting so male influences.

The joint issue in itself wasn't the problem but the mothers attitude and they way she interacts with her children was disturbing to say the least. I discovered that Social Services were involved with her but am now trying to avoid her at the school gates. Her latest comment to me was that she thought I should have her 9 year old for a weekend as she never gets anytime off when her 5 year old goes to her fathers. The same child that kicked my lo black and blue whilst she sat there and laughed [shock}

Hi all, AAAAHHHHHH! Bad day here. Poor DD2 is ill and being extremely trying. She doesn't want to eat most of what I give her and isn't happy with anything we do. Oh the joys. Thank god that DD1 is her usual jolly self but I have to admit that I have felt like leaving home about 100 times in the past 4 days. Not to mention putting the DTs on a plane to see their dad. Yes I am a bad mother!

I like the idea of a girly night. Any excuse to drink wine is good as I never feel quite right drinking much when I am home alone ie. usually. I should be glad about this as at least I never have a hangover and it only takes one glass to get tipsy nowadays.

Iwillmakeit you made me smile with being in the loft at the weekend as that is just the kind of thing I do when my XP actually turns up. For some reason rather than heading for a spa pampering session (must admit have never had one of these but it sounds good) I find myself desperate to hoover in peace without the DTS wailing (scared of hoover) or cooking in bulk or tidying cupboards. Why are we programmed to be ridiculously sensible???

Afternoon all, have taken next week off work and want to spend that time sorting out stuff, like finances, house, health, routine, etc etc etc. Am very overstretched at minute and need to take some time out to, for want of a better description "reinvent myself!":]
Any suggestions greatly appreciated!!

Hi Duck, no you are not a bad mother, completely normal in fact imo. DS had chicken pox the other week and ran a very good line on the whole man flu thing and he's only 2.2! Managed to loll on sofa in a very pathetic fashion.

Desire, time off sounds a great plan - might see if I can do the same even if just for a a day. Plan a short nap for each day - sounds silly but really worthwhile. Also, can you do something that's a real treat for yourself like getting a manicure or something? Even if you can't afford it doing something like that at home during the day always seems quite decadent to me especially if I'm watching a cheesy film and drinking a glass of vino . I usually try and make a list too of all the things I don't really want to tackle and for every nasty thing on the list that I do I treat myself by doing one nice thing.

Wish me luck for this evening. Meeting the ex to talk about urggggh, finances. We're meeting up in a local pub but I can't even have a drink for Dutch courage as I'm on antibiotics for tonsilitis [frustrated emoticon here!]

Went to doctor yesterday and ended up bursting into tears in front of her. She got me to fill in a questionnaire about depression and, yikes, I got a really high score. She wants me to go to counselling (which is what I went to her for in any event) but also was encouraging me to try ad's. For some reason, going down that route would seem to be an admission to myself if not anyone else that I was failing abysmally to cope. I really want to try and pull myself through this by myself. Does anyone else have experience of this? I didn't really know much about depression until I met my ex and his father suffered from it very badly on and off over the years. The attitude to FIL wasn't overly sympathetic so I guess I've kind of it had it instilled in me that to start ad's/ suffer from depression means you are a bit of a failure and you can't cope with rl. I know in my heart of hearts that's not the case but I;ve decided to give myself another month to try and make some positive changes before reconsidering. Does anyone know of any natural remedies etc that i could look at? I know exercise is good and I haven't been able to do that as much recently so perhaps that's been a contributing factor? I try not to over indulge on the vino either but any other tips would be great plus some reassurance that if I won't be doing the wrong thing if I decide to go on ad's.

Sorry for being so long but I didn't really want to raise it with friends or family as I don't know how they'd react particularly as most of them think I am coping really well ifswim?

ex just cancelled this evening due to work commitments - can go home and die on the sofa in peace instead, phew!

Ezma sad to hear you're feeling so down,ads i have had! On and off for 6yrs (eldest is 6!) and OFF 6mths after h left - guess it never was pnd then!!!

On bad days when I can feel my blood boiling i take kalms, works for me! Read once that a 30min brisk walk does the same for depression as 50mg of sertraline.

Counselling via dr after h left helped me think from a different angle if that makes sense, start believing in yourself and little welldones for what you are managing to do, nothing is quick though the ads made me feel really ill for 3-4days and then take a good2-4 wks to start working. I can only explain it as wearing a blanket, all the crap you felt is still there but at a distance if that makes any sense BUT can truely say nothing was dealt with until i had the counselling so now feel i have control over it maybe not for ever but certainly for the forseeable future!

Also not one of the counsellors (mine and relate as couple) I've seen seemed to like ads, saw it as a quick fix type rather than a cure, or gave that impression.

Desire my tip is similar, always make sure I do the crappy things (like the loft!) in the morning as am up, then shower and get dressed b4 lunch then the afternoon or a few hrs is mine to do what i want has taken my ages to decide that tho!

My dd has just turned 2 and if i hear "No!" one more time i might go mad! She is such a madam, i thought the boys were bad, so i have every sympathy for you dotp. Think shes teething arrrgh!

Hello all,

Just wanted to see how everyone was doing and how their week had been so far. Hope you've all got at least one nice thing planned for the weekend.

Hi everyone, hope everyones well. Ezma hope your feeling better.
SAF and nixnjj, i'm in the same situation my dd (14) has never met her dad, he left before she was born, i do worry whats going through her mind about the whole situation.
I've been spending most of this week with my sister helping her pack, so i have had someone to talk to this week and i'll probably do the same over the weekend.
A couple of years ago my dr gave me ad, i really didnt want to take them and after reading the side effects i threw them away. I've been struggling since but i'd rather find a more natural way to get through my bad days. Has anyone found a more natural way?

Yup, stay in your pj's all day, eat chocolate and watch dvd's. Works for me!

What I mean is don't feel you have to be happy. And if you feel down or too exhausted to do anything then give yourself time to deal with it. If you're hurting, sad and need a good cry, then let yourself do it and don't feel bad about it.
So much easier when you realise you don't have to be perfect, some days will be worse than others, and you don't have to super woman.

thanks Gillybean, really good advice. I'm very bad at putting the brakes on when I need to and just try and fill up my weekends instead. Toffee, glad you've had someone to talk to this week. Makes a big difference.

A few years ago while on Mumsnet we were having a similar conversation..
Someone came up with the idea to make friends on facebook..
I know it's not the same as talking in real life, but we still keep in contact on FB...
It's nice to know that i'm not the only one in this situation, so we will sit and discuss tv shows, weather, news etc...

I'm up for making new friends if you lot are...

I've set up a Facebook group if you want to join???

Mumsnet lone parents

Hope to see some of you soon..x

Does that mean I have to figure out how to use facebook now?! I can feel my stress levels rising just at the thought!