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Lone parents

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Original poster

where did they all go

129 replies

toffeecupcake · 07/07/2010 15:20

I have no social life whatsoever. My best friends were there one minute then disppeared (none had children) and suddenly I realise I have no close friends to confide in or socialize with. I know others mums to chat to when I bump into them but not to socialize with. I've just finished a year course at college which i loved going to because it meant i got to talk to other people but thats now finished. I made friends with a couple of people but one is going travelling so i wont see her and the other person i texted at the weekend but he hasnt texted or e-mailed back. Has other lone parents felt isolated and lonely at times and how did they get over it. I hate feeling like this. Maybe when i find a job i'll feel better but i'm not getting anywhere with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
toffeecupcake · 08/07/2010 16:50

Ezma, good idea but for me its not really about lack of babysitting, my dd is 14. I just cant seem to get past that casual had a chat with another mum i bumped into, to finding people to socialize with.
Good news though, my college just texted me to say i wont have to pay exam fees if i want to enrol on the next level, i wouldnt have been able to go back in sept. So at least i know if i dont find a job by then i can go back to college.

OP posts:
Ezma · 08/07/2010 17:01

brilliant news toffee, that is great! i know what you mean about the socialising thing. hmmm, will have a think about that one this evening......

iwillmakeit · 08/07/2010 20:37

Do you mind if I join in? Feelinf shit ,grabbed by the title and so nice to read through as y0u all get more positive!

Been an lp nearly a year, been using up my meagre savings to bury my head in and realised this month they've all gone! A reality check.

My 3 are 6,4 and just 2 so have to ask permission to go out - i mean arrange babysitting!

"beloved" is having them for the wkend (only the 4th time in a yr and wonders why the wont settle. Think thats why im so down, batteries are completely flat!

Am also in essex so always happy to meet up with others.

Not a jolly post but will attempt to cheer myself up soon!

foureleven · 08/07/2010 20:41

Where do you live, you can come and play with me?

iwillmakeit · 08/07/2010 20:47

Im in Ongar near Chelmsford, r u near by?

swallowedAfly · 08/07/2010 20:50

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Message withdrawn

foureleven · 08/07/2010 20:52

No, sorry I will make it, im London. Have you gone to toddler groups etc? Do you have anyone to have your child fro you of an evening? maybe get on some dating sites...? not to find a man as such but to get yourself out and meeting peoplein general.

I found the same as you when I was on my own with DD.

swallowedAfly · 08/07/2010 20:58

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iwillmakeit · 08/07/2010 21:02

Dating sites! Arrrrgh!!!!!!!
Am embarressed to say I've joined one, not really getting anywhere, have a "hate every minute of it" attitude, which isnt really helping, signed up while under the influence and if it wasnt for the money i paid i would have retreated gracefully by now .

My parents are great and am thinking of signing up to an evening course but feel guilty they wld have to commit to sitting every week, but I just want to get out!

Last time the kids were away i went to sainsburys at their bedtime just coz i cld and how sad thats the only place i cld think of going!

AM SICK OF IT[ANGRY]!

Feel better thats out my system, sorry all x

Ezma · 08/07/2010 21:36

Oh arse, spent ages typing a post on my phone and have just accidentally deleted it. Haven't forgotten you all and will post again in the morning when back on a proper computer!

foureleven · 08/07/2010 21:39

I dont mind at all, potters bar.

I really do get where youre coming from iwillmakeit, but if it helps I have made two whole new circles of friends through men on mysinglefriend and I eneded up meeting the love of my life as well, so dont be embarrassed!!!

Seraph2 · 08/07/2010 21:40

Dear iwillmakeit I know just how you feel re. the going to Sainsburys bit! Have been on my own with ds for 2 yrs now whilst also looking after my 80 yr old mum who lives with us. Feel so flat and desperate.

Having moved us to a very rural setting my ex had a major mid-life crisis and ran off with an eastern european pole-dancer young enough to be our daughter (I joke not), whom he's now married and is gadding around living the life of a single man whilst I'm nose to the grindstone here.

He's just returned to UK and will take ds for 2 days over my birthday soon. You know what, I just can't think of anything I want to do/anywhere I want to go, I feel so flat - expect it'll be the local Budgens ... (at least yours was a Sainsburys!)

But don't feel guilty about yr parents having to babysit if you do an evening course. Guilt is only something that strikes us females. Your parents would be delighted to help, I'm sure - they often feel helpless to offer assistance in this kind of situation - so take up their offer and go stretch that brain, or whatever!

poshsinglemum · 08/07/2010 22:13

Hi all,

I can relate to a lot of what has been said on this thread. However; at least we don't have a mna dictating our social life. My abusive ex (not dd's dad) isolated me from my friends anyway and dd's dad was a boring sod who prefered eating pizza on the couch to going out anyway.

I have made sure that i get out occassionally as mum and dad have babysat but mum has cancer now so I can't expect her to help out anymore.

desiretochange · 09/07/2010 10:15

Morning all here's to a brighter day today!

Ezma · 09/07/2010 10:32

second that, desire! Just had a look at a letter I wrote to noone in particular about 4 months ago and it left me in tears as I couldn't believe just how awful I felt. reading it again has been a bit of a kick up the backside tbh.

iwillmakeit, i know what you mean about the dating sites. I haven't met anyone yet that is the love of my life but i have met men who were genuinely nice. It is all a bit excruciating at first but i kind of took the view that at least it is only online and not rl(unless you get to the date stage). i'm v cheered up by foureleven's experiences.

swallowed - the voluntary work has helped my social life quite a bit mainly because we're all mums and looking for any excuse to get out of the house for a few hours and a cheeky glass of vino. it can get really frustrating at times but i do wonder whether it's because i tend to channel my frustration/ anger into that rather than against my ex H which, perversely, means that i don't get so wound up by him ifswim? It does have its moments and there's been loads of times when i thought i'd pack it in but i think i am just too bloody minded and hate to give up on something too readily.

another resolution this morning - if someone offers me help of any kind, just accept it. it's no judgment against our ability to cope if someone offers help, usually just a genuine wish to give us a break!

Original poster
toffeecupcake · 09/07/2010 10:42

morning everyone, hope everyones feeling a little bit more positive (even if its only baby steps).
Have found that since i finished college last week my minds been swirling round trying to find things to fill up the daytime. Today i'm going to help my sister pack, shes moving (mixed emotions). The weekends arent too bad dds home, but from monday next week havent a clue what to do.

OP posts:
desiretochange · 09/07/2010 10:59

Don't think too far ahead toffee, you have today organised and you say you are ok for the weekend. Maybe Monday could be the day you set aside to make out your list

Ezma · 09/07/2010 11:04

good idea, desire. perhaps even plan a treat for yourself like going for a long leisurely coffee and a trashy magazine?

desiretochange · 09/07/2010 14:52

Just thought I would check in and see how everyone's day is going if anyone wants to celebrate or vent

Ezma · 09/07/2010 15:19

just counting down to the weekend - have been more proactive on getting some social stuff organised and also on my voluntary work.

Planning on taking DS down to the local park with a paddling if weather is as hot as they say it is going to be. Will be going on my own but hoping I'll have the guts to just talk to random strangers at the playground if we go.

how about you desire?

desiretochange · 09/07/2010 15:56

Nothing really planned, (except of course making out my list tomorrow)hopefully it will be a nice, relaxing weekend

Ezma · 09/07/2010 16:08

sounds like a good plan - enjoy!

desiretochange · 09/07/2010 16:15

Will do, no doubt we will be in contact over the weekend seeing as the idea is that we are all here for each other

iwillmakeit · 09/07/2010 20:37

Hi all, am also a bit cheerier, dd went to presch with ds2 for a taster so I went to sains (again!) and pottered about at home, b4 going to meet a friend 4 a picnic.

Thanks seraph2 am going to look up an evening class and book it, mum said she didnt mind so will take her up on the offer.

Emza, am joining you in not turning down offers of help, especially after refusing a lift the other evening in this heat and having to walk over a mile home, pushing a buggy and carrying ds2 (4) akwardly as he had cut his leg open, was a friends hubby and was having a "proud day", if it had been her, not a problem!

Seraph2 is our mum an "old"80? My nieghbours are that age and very sprightly, I mean can u just escape for a half hr walk or similar? Know its hard sometimes feel I'm trapped here, not so bad at mo cause we can escape outside 4 a bit, but when its cold will have to fight cabin fever to!

Kids finally in bed and glass of wine to hand might finally start ti unwind, tho saying that "beloved" has not yet confirmed if hes having the kids for the wkend GAMES!So if he doesnt you might hear me explode!!!

Ezma · 09/07/2010 21:47

Iwill, feel free to explode but fingers crossed you get to have some time to yourself.

I know what you mean about cabin fever. DS had chicken pox last week and it was really hard not being able to get out and about a bit especially when hot. I took him out a bit last weekend in spite of the wrathful looks we were getting. I felt like putting a sign round his neck announcing that he wasn't contagious any more! Thankfully he's more or less ok now so escaping to a park tomorrow for as much of tomorrow as possible!