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Original poster

No one ever gets it

28 replies

MrsMorgan · 27/03/2010 23:05

I put up a good happy face, but even when it starts to crack, no one ever notices and I am left to cry on my own, pull myself together and carry on.

i am so tired of pretending

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Lulumaam · 27/03/2010 23:07

oh i am so sorry you are struggling

don't pretend anymore

tell people

ask for help, ask for support

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 27/03/2010 23:11

I can't, it's hard to explain. I cope with the kids, just about, cos i have to and money and stuff I suppose, but I feel so, lost.

I will be talking to someone and they will just bugger off and i think ' well thanx for that'.

I am too needy

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMorgan · 27/03/2010 23:12

I want what doesn't exist

OP posts:
newyorkshire · 27/03/2010 23:13

Oh dear MrsMorgan, I know what you mean. I have had a few days very much like that.
You just have to tell people how you are feeling, stop pretending once in a while, reach out and they will be there to listen, if not today then tomorrow maybe.
A problem shared..?
I hope you feel better soon.

newyorkshire · 27/03/2010 23:15

Not needy, just normal with feelings .

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 27/03/2010 23:19

Thanx

I can't, tell anyone, there is on one to tell. I am not cloe enough to anyone.

I will be ok tomorrow, I have to be.

OP posts:
Lulumaam · 28/03/2010 09:03

doesn't sound needy.. sounds like you need a friendly ear.. remind me, how old are your DCs? do you qualify for homestart ? any lone parent groups near you? or NCT ones? wher eyou can meet people in similar situations who mighg have more empathy and understanding...

ToccataAndFudge · 28/03/2010 09:06

MrsMogran - 2yrs ago I thought I wasn't close enough to anyone to tell anyone, then I just broke down and told someone and I discovered I didn't just have 1 person, I had 3.

mamas12 · 28/03/2010 11:46

Mrs Morgan I feel like you. My bestest friend is having health problems atm and my other friends have thier own lives I feel I think they won't want to be bothered with me.
It's horrible thinking you have no one to talk to. I haven't spoken to another person since Thursday and won't until Tuesday. That's 4 days. Unfortunately that's my norm and it's shit isn't it.

talie101 · 28/03/2010 14:14

Know how you feel and not sure how to help.

There's the other side of the coin too, whereby I am too honest and if anyone asks if I'm ok I'm happy enough to say no I'm not and give my reasons - but then I feel like I'm such a negative person at times that people get fed up with hearing about my problems and then don't like asking!

Can't win either way can you

Hoorah for mumsnet - at least someone listens

maristella · 28/03/2010 17:52

i think my family are really tired of hearing about it; after years of begging for support i get support for practical things, which is great, but not the emotional stuff.

daphaneee · 28/03/2010 19:44

Hooray for mumsnet indeed.
It's not the same as a 'real' ear, but it's something isn't it?

I am hearing you.

BelleDameSansMerci · 28/03/2010 19:50

MrsMorgan, what is that you want that doesn't exist? Would it help you to tell us?

I think many lone parents feel like you do a lot of the time. I cried my eyes out to Bride Wars yesterday evening (the end bit) because I don't believe I'll ever have a wedding/decent man who wants me/life where I have someone who is there for me. I'm 44 FFS. I should be beyond this by now...

Just saying to illustrate that a lot of us struggle. x

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 29/03/2010 09:39

Thank's all. Sorry, didn't come back to this yesterday.

I want my life to be what I wanted it to be, which isn't a single mum of 3.

I know I can't change that though, and being a single mum is preferable to being with xp.

OP posts:
BelleDameSansMerci · 29/03/2010 21:28

Oh, yes, MrsM. I completely understand that feeling.

macdoodle · 29/03/2010 23:06

I get it
Its the wanting what you thought you had, the family and husband, the thing you realise you never really had, the thing you cant go back and do again because its already gone, because it's too late, and you have to keep going forward
I get it

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 30/03/2010 16:07

Thanks, it does help to know that there are people who get what I mean.

I thought i'd be over this by now, but seems not.

OP posts:
serajen · 31/03/2010 10:17

I get it, I really do

pinksmarties · 31/03/2010 20:32

I get it too. x

SingleMum01 · 31/03/2010 20:44

Mrs M - how are you today? x

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 01/04/2010 14:18

Lots better today thanx, how about everyone else ?

OP posts:
Meglet · 01/04/2010 20:22

Glad you had a good day MM.

I get it too. I have lots of practical help from my family, but no one to talk to. I just bumble along and grit my teeth, that's not healthy is it?

I would love to let down my hair and go out and have fun and chat to people. I can't chat at work as I try to appear organised and don't want to crumble in front of people.

The keeping going forward thing is exhausting isn't it. No time to enjoy the present.

Original poster
MrsMorgan · 01/04/2010 20:53

I know exactly what you mean meglet. I have lots of family nearby but i won't sit down and have a whinge to them really.

I have made a bit of a desicion though. I always try to hard to please other people and it stresses me out, so from now on i am going to please myself. I feel better already lol.

I have also made myself arrange a night out with a mate, and suggested we stay over in a cheapy hotel so that I can really let my hair down.

OP posts:
mellowdramatic · 02/04/2010 21:32

I get just what you mean. Last year split up with h - he was a good dad but really selfish and always put himself before the 2 ds's and me. Since he had his affair and i kicked him out he gets loads of sympathy because he's having to set up home and has had damp problems/decorating to deal with. No one (except other single mums) asks how i cope with full time job and 7 and 4 yo. But even if they do i just say fine cos i don't feel like they're really interested.

Saw xh tonight - he's been fell running all day today and showed me his medal. Like he wanted me to congratulate him. Yeah well i've been looking after our kids all day - in fact for the last 2 weeks with no help from him- do i get a medal?

Just because you're a mother you're expected to give up your life for the kids and cope with it all. With no thanks from anybody. It gets me down a lot, but having said that i love my kids to bits and wouldn't want to be without them.

Hang in there xx

MavisGrind · 02/04/2010 22:41

It's not about the day to day. That we can do - and well!

It's about the fact that we have been left at the fag end of some dream where "death til us part" or the unspoken equivalent. Where apparently this is optional dependant on mid-life-crisis/shagging some younger model.

Because we never wanted a future where our children refered to 'our house' and 'daddy's house'.

But we are here. We can do this. We really can