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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (pt 17)

993 replies

Remotew · 18/01/2010 18:03

Has no-one beaten me to it yet?

Juicy sounding good.

WG old friend is worth seeing again.

Second not to arrange a meet up without me. Maybe down south in May.

OP posts:

kdk · 19/01/2010 20:49

A very attractive (well, according to his phot anyway) has added me to his favourites on soulmates - bit older than I usually go for - but no message - why do they do that?

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 20:50

I think I wouldn't go to any meeting organised by a dating site. I like to have the possible weirdos captive behind the screen and the "block" button just inches away.

kdk · 19/01/2010 20:53

Ah but you get invited out on dates by nice men - I on the other hand get asked out by men with lots of scars and a disability scooter or by men who want to lick my toilet clean .... so would almost rather get them all out of the way at once!

whethergirl · 19/01/2010 21:02

Well I don't need putting off any more for the POF parties, glad that's cleared that up. kdk - tell me what you think of the lunchdate event (and then show me which fork to use ) Sometimes when I've been added to faves, I get an email a few days later. If not, then add him to your faves if you like him and put the ball back in his court!

hatesponge - nice to have something exciting to drool over do at work, have you been making an extra effort getting ready in the mornings?!

I'm put off very skinny men too. The rule of the thumb for me is that if their thighs are thinner than mine, then it's no go. Juicy, whey don't you use the line I got when I got dumped on New Years day by pof'er "I think you are fantastic...but not for me." Mind you I did tell him to go and fuck himself, but I'm sure skinny man will be more polite!

kdk · 19/01/2010 21:12

I have to say I always used to go for pretty skinny men but have to say that after a relationship with one particular bloke I've learned to love guys with a bit more padding - though my xh didn't an ounce of fat on him.

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 19/01/2010 21:17

god i feel horrible. told him i didn't feel we "clicked".. which was true.. but didn't mention it was because he was too skinny. such a waste though. handsome in a real mans man way in the face... but the poor bloke started shaking when we were outside having ciggie as he was cold as no meat onhis bones

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 21:19

Sometimes when I've been added to faves, I get an email a few days later. If not, then add him to your faves if you like him and put the ball back in his court!

Top tip!

kdk · 19/01/2010 21:19

nah, you're right, juicy - that is too skinny - slim's okay but thin to the point of emaciation is not. Offer him a home-cooked dinner instead?

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 21:24

But... do we need to "click" with someone straight away?

I once met a guy who had plenty of things in common with me, we had a great time talking to each other, he was very attentive and lovely and bla bla bla, but I felt no "click" for the first few weeks, but when it finally "clicked" (through knowing more about him) it was absoluely FANTASTIC, I fell in love like an idiot.

Sometimes it takes a time, although if all the bells are telling you "run, ruN, rUN, RUN!!!" then, better put some distance in between asap!.

kdk · 19/01/2010 21:27

I think sometimes there can be a sort of slow burn thing going on but for me there has to be a spark of attraction at least if not a full-blown conflagration ...

whethergirl · 19/01/2010 21:37

I hear what you're saying Mongolia. I went out with someone for a couple of months off POF. I wouldn't have bothered as I wasn't that impressed by profile, but he did not give up and in the end I thought, hats off to you, you deserve a chance. 1st date...I just thought, nice bloke but....nahhhh. But he persisted, said all the right things, made loads of effort and then I fell for him (yes, like an idiot). But it does leave me wondering...is it possible to fall for someone just because they are so into you? I mean I know not always, and with some people it would be impossible.

meltedchocolate · 19/01/2010 21:40

Gosh it's gonna be hard to keep up with this thread.

Canttouch - Been single for 7 months really. Not been single before that. I married aged 18 and alone now nearly twenty. Husband left and got addicted to heroin. Have given as many chances as I can.

Sorry, what is POF? I am asuming it is a dating site or similar?

kdk · 19/01/2010 21:44

God melted, you really have my sympathy - on Friday it is/would be my ds's 44th birthday - only coming up 11 years ago I found her dead after she OD'd on smack. Have to say I'm a firm believer in tough love and no second chances as far as heroin goes ...

Keep looking after what's important - yourself and your little one

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 21:49

I don't know whethergirl, I have never been able to fall inlove with someone just because they were so into me.

However, I think I fell in love when, through the conversation, I learned things about them who wouldn't come up at first glance, and which I really admired. Once the admiration was there, infatuation followed.

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 21:54

Sorry to hear you both have gone through that

meltedchocolate · 19/01/2010 21:55

I agree kdk. I kept letting him come back and telling him that he could stay in the room and get through it and I would help where possible but he kept leaving (it is a very long journey to his home town from here, about a days travel!) and getting more. He was allowed to come back at Christmas but with many conditions - one being NO alochol whatsoever - he broke that on his journey back - so I told him to turn round and that he had blew his last chance.

I will not have a person in that life style around my son. I have stopped all contact until he proves that he is truely trying to change his ways. So far he is no where near close. He is just wallowing in self pity and I have no time for it anymore. I need to move on with my life for mine and my son's sake. He alone is my world now.

whethergirl · 19/01/2010 21:55

kdk - can't find the words! Just can't imagine. Big hugs xxx

meltedchocolate · 19/01/2010 21:56

And sorry kdk about the death of your daughter. I can not imagine and pray I never have to find out. My heart goes out to you and I hope you get through Friday ok.

Mongolia · 19/01/2010 21:58

Good decision, and as difficult as it may be, it may be for the better. Perhaps a good idea not to give him anymore chances until he has been "clean" for several months? it may be that that kicks him into action to do something about it, but if it doesn't, at least you are not exposing your self and your child to more of that.

Best of luck.

kdk · 19/01/2010 22:02

Thanks Mongolia and WG - have to say that even this far down the line it still hurts and there are very few days that I don't miss her but .... the immediacy and the raw, extreme hurt gets less ... one of the things I regret is that she never knew my kids - nor they her.

Melted, stay strong, addicts are so good at telling you what you want to hear - and then turning round and taking everything you have that they can use to fund their next fix. Much as I adored my sister, I can't tell you the crap things she did in nearly 10 years of using on and off.

If you ever need support/a chat feel free to get in touch ok?

kdk · 19/01/2010 22:07

should clarify - was my sis that died - not quite old enough to have a 44-year-old daughter.

Off to bed now, night night all.

meltedchocolate · 19/01/2010 22:08

Oh sorry your sister, not daughter, i have just realised

Thanks kdk. I have opened up my own bank account now after he took the £60 i had in my bank out on Christmas day

He is getting less angry and contacting me less often now, thankfully.

He will go one of two ways. he will clean up his act and sort himself out, or he will carry on the way he is and end up back inside (yes i married an ex criminal who has ended up going back to his old pathetic life!) and it will prob be the latter.

DONTtouchMUMSfestiveJUICE · 19/01/2010 22:14

kdk - sorry about your sister

i've tried before with blokes who were nice guys. but i know myself well enough to know if it doesn't click on first meeting then it never will i'm afraid.. but... he has got me agreeing to stay in contact. bla bla bla.. i agreed simply as otherwise i would need to be very very harsh. he's persist. but here's hoping we can just fizzle out.

lou33 · 19/01/2010 22:18

kdk, great minds, i told him he could tell me face to face when he saw me

meltedchocolate · 19/01/2010 22:21

How do men treat you all for having children?

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