Where have all the men gone? thread 14

[ninah]

it won't accept any more messages ladies. As you can see I decided it was time to get less picky.
Lou, I hope you didn't leave your phillips

Hmm, this is all very interesting!

Betty, he texts me during the day too- but I always get that text before 8am every morning.

He's not really a chatty person over the phone, I get about 5 mins out of him. He said long ago he doesn't really like the phone so fair enough.

I must say dating this side of my marriage has been very different. As I have gotten older I am able to analyse more than just reacting which is a good thing so long as I don't make excuses for him-I check that balance every once in a while.

I have been reading a lot of stuff written by Christian Carter. Has anyone else heard of him? He claims to be a relationship expert. It's all very USA like but I have to admit some of it makes sense. I didn't buy the programme that is sold on the web but do receive a weekly emails and whilst some of it is BS some parts are worth a second look.

For example I feel I know know the difference between an 'available man' and an emotionally avaiable' man. I had never recognised the difference before but after thinking about it can really see the sense in it.

differences??? enlighten me? whats the supposed signs?

is this same as what i term a man who is emotionally stable and an emotional retard?
(excuse use of language but just a term that was coined by myself and friends many moons ago)

me and rl friends openly admit to being the latter everytime we come out a relationship. always takes a bit of adjustment to find yourself and be emotionally ready for another relationship.

juice-i had a good laugh at the 'emotional retard'!

hells-sounds interesting, I want to know more to!

not keen on the use of the word retard but i get what you mean

i know its not idea word lou. hence my disclaimer. when we first coined the term it was probably pc correct. however due to the ever changing terms we are allowed to call things these days it is now out of date and offensive.

but i'll be damned if i'm going to start using the phrase.

"persons who are unable to connect with their emotions in a ways which is healthy and not deemed as agressive/needy/stalker/loon/etc etc."

god i keep putting my foot in it just thought of it as funny in terms of a bloke, not thinking of the word in particular, sorry!

don't worry betty. I think it's the sort of word which some use as a matter of course/fact and others take offence to. personally I hate the word, however can understand the context in which RJ uses it.

perhaps emotionally challenged? lol. (althou to be fair I think that covers about 95% of men! )

cant say i have ever been keen on it ever, regardless of pc ness or not

anyway im really not up for a heated debate about it, i am hideously sleep deprived and have just burst into tears at the doc begging for sleeping pills to change my pattern round

its one of those words that make me wince, thats all

emotionally closed/immature/guarded

etc etc

i just had a so called friend piss me off with a comment about having swine flu as well, even tho he knows ds2 was just diagnosed with it yesterday

oh dear lou not a good day then - did you get tablets? if not Valerian is v v good - (not that I use it or try to spike DS's milk with it!)

* honestly wouldn't do that and am only joking!*

i did get the tablets, i have a history of sleeping trouble, but i do try not to ask for pills that often, which means when i do they are happy to give them, though this is the first time i have actually cried in front of them over the problem

it's worse than usual atm because i have had weeks of the kids being ill, so when they have been waking in the night i have found it impossible to get to sleep afterwards, so often not getting off til 5 or 6 in the morning

of course that means i am then finally sleeping in the day and unable to sleep at night again

its grim

anyway the pills will mean i can bring the pattern back round and be able to function better

i do not expect to be up late tonight

happy days

Oh dear Lou, hope the pills manage to get you back into a better pattern of sleeping

she said i can take 2 for a few days instead of the usual one, which i am planning on doing

Lou - I have sleep issues too. Don't feel guilty for a short course of the right drugs, or for sleeping in the day when you need to. Sleep is so so necessary for mental health.

belle- what makes you think gymboy's not a 'player'??

rj - it's about learning for me too, and enjoying! I have never fallen in love like this. I never realised before that I wasn't ready then but that I am now. I think a while to let off steam is normal and to be encouraged.

Am pondering sex type issues, a lot of them.
Crazy busy at work. Moving house a week today. It's stressful. I have met a decent man tho. I am lucky

just be careful with taking 2 Lou.

mousie - basically, it's partly instinct, but also things that he's said & has been doing - all about the action I think. so in the sense of playing games and having a string of women on the go - no I don't think thats him.

(nosey here but what sex issues?) - glad you're happy as well.

Well, I was raped abt 6 months ago by an ex with dd in the house and still get flashbacks.

But even without that ... he is very slow and sesual and I am faster, kinky, but lots of postcoital talking and touching. And reconciling it and talking about it - we are doing, and trying, but I just want to make it right, and right now. Have a thread in relationships for more details.

will have a look. sorry was insensitive of me, I remember you saying about that.

a mixture of both id good. but I imagine he is also being respectful of you as a person as well.

Not insensitive at all, I brought it up - it's good to have somewhere I can talk about it.

ive taken 2 before its been fine

i dont feel guilty i love them, they save my sanity

Morning all

Hope you had a good sleep Lou.

Beautiful day here. Even got on my bike.

i had a lovely sleep thank you

now i need to tackle the days of chores i didnt get done, to be ready for friday when lb pitches up

hello all

scl-wish it was lovely here, its cold and wet!

lou-glad u got a better nights sleep

mousie-sorry to hear about what happened, i hope you get some good advice on the relationship board. Glad to hear u r loved up tho

belle-have u been back on the dating sites yet?

Well I've got a date tonight it's the one who lives about 45 mins away so we are meeting a bit inbetween, but he's having to do more driving. Hoping it's a good night

good luck betty

btw - do you think it was strange of me to offer help to exbf - he prob won't take me up on it but offered almost as I would to anyone who said they needed to sort their life out!! A sort of you know where I am sort of thing.

Someone said they thought I was trying to rescue him. Surely if I was truly that type I would have tried to help samename as well.

Just pondering.

I think the person who said it was overthinking it tbh.