Where have all the fit and interesting men gone part 12a

[lou33]

seeing as there has been discussion about using 13

(not that it bothers me)

i feel sorry for myself my back is still playing up, and i just tripped and made it hurt in the usual lower back place

lets hope the promotion does not jinx it lol

he just called actually to see how i was, he is as shattered as me

i'm sure you'll work it out either way Lou.

Just got back form gymboys jury is still out on that front for the minute while i'm deciding my next move. We had fun y'day thou. think it's as AF is due sometime towards the end of the week I think so bit out of sorts)

i was in bed by 10.15 last night and woke up at 11 this morning!

i called lb and he didnt get up til 9.45 which is v late for him too

i feel much more rested though, now i just need to get the kids to their father for 1 pm so i can not rest and catch up on chores, and get ready for back to school tomorrow

no rest for the wicked

oh fabulous, i just picked up an email exh sent me yesterday

he has no food or drink or anything for the kids, so i have to bring it all

bet he has had money for booze and fags tho

i already provided him with a microwave and a futon mattress and some throws and took food for them last week

he reckons in the "near future" he will make sure he has food for them

and he owes me money already

Hi girls

I a lurker on your thread and would like to ask some advice.
I met this fantastic guy on a dating site. We clicked, like really clicked. We were on msn for hours and hours at a time, like 5 or 6 hours. I feel very strongly about him, he said he did about me. He talked about us having a future together etc, it was always him that brought up talk on that. I know he is who he says he is as he is very googleable, and he sent me stuff to prove who he was.
Then two weeks ago, he got in a huff with me over nothing and we didnt talk for a week, he got back in contact so i was pleased. Full on chatting and talking about meeting up.
Wed he gave me his number, so i text him. I had no reply. he text me thur to come online as he needed something he sent me. Which i did, he was only online for maybe 10 mins but said he was working ( not unsual) and couldnt chat, he said goodnight and ended the conversation with a kiss.
Friday i texted him that i hope he wasnt working too late thur night and again got no reply.
I stayed offline friday.
Last night i got in late, saw he was online and said hi, he said his battery on his laptop was about to cut out. I said, ok, i get the hint. He said, no, not at all it is.

texted him this morning, to say sorry if he thought i was being stroppy and i had just missed chatting to him. No reply. Saw him online, said hi, no reply and he went offline.

I dont get it, i dont get how we went for talking for 8 hours a day to nothing. I feel hurt and upset as it was the first person i let my defenses down with. I feel like ive acted like a fool.

annoyed - honestly he sounds like he was playing games with you. it's very easy I find to get drawn into online chats emails etc etc with someone and get to know them that way, when really in RL they are totally opposite (my XP was a prime example of that)

fwiw I wouldn't bother now, i'd let him come to you, if he's genuine you'll know and he'll come back around, but if/when he does contact you don't get too drawn in to the full on/hopes up again.

(then again I can't take my own advice on that front lol)

Lou - one day he'll sort himself out eh bit poor form tbh if he can't even feed the kids - what's he doing with regards to work/money etc to provide for them when he's got them?

Well i'm off up to the pool for a quick splash around & then to the gym with my uncle for a bit of a run - hopefully will come back with a clearer head.

Can I ask you girls a question - cuddles etc in bed, are we for them or against? gymboy y'day was totally anti cuddles (well not totlally that's an exaggeration, he wanted me to cuddle into him - but what's wrong with him cuddling into me?) and literally draped his arm over me as if I should be happy about it - but his back was to me - and then wondered why I got the arse. This am he was as usual, v attentive thou when it came to me leaving with kissing etc. Why do I get the feeling it's all one sided with this one - well prob about 65% me re the whole hugs & touchy feely and 90% him on the texts/calls/contact. Not sure what to do from here. possibly to see him tonight or tomorrow, tonight works better for me but get the feeling he's gonna be saying tomorrow.

annoyed, i think he isnt serious , i am sorry to say, there are many people, male and female, who love the initial getting to know you stage, who get a kick out of making someone feel oh so special, but they dont ever have an intention of taking it further

dont feel badly about it, nothing awful happened really, but i would not have ny more contact with him if i were you

belle, wrt gymboy, it seems to me you are letting him decide how the relationship progresses, when you need to be takiong a bit more control of it

i dont think it is a good sign that you are so full of doubt already about him

as for my exh, i turned up with the kids and he was on the phone, whoever it was said they wanted to hang on whilst the kids arrived

i said ot him i thought it more important he actually paid attention to the kids over the phone call and whoever it was could possibly call back

luckily he agreed and told them he had to go, then said to me he didnt want to upset them

i said well i thought the kids as children really needed the attention over an adult

anyway the house was tidy tho still empty, i took along some food and drinks for them, and some sushi for him, and as i was leaving he asked if he could speak to me in private

he asked if i could lend him some money and could he please use my phone when i came back as he had no credit on his

i did agree to loan him a small amount, because if he is unable to feed himself he isnt going to be in any state to have the kids

on the plus side he has furniture arriving slowly next week i believe, and he has said he would have the kids so i can go to this party with lb in november

and i got an apology out of him for some of the nastier most recent comments he had made towards me and told him if he can ask me a question reasonably then i will answer it, but he will never get a reply from me if he is abusive in any shape or form

i said he needed to get over the impression i was tryign to ruin his life, because if i was trying to do that i wouldnt be initiating contact with the kids, loaning him money, buying a microwave etc

i said he needed to stop criticising me and what he thought i parented like when he had been virtually absent from their life for years, and putting himself first instead of them

he tried to disagree but i pointed out that the money he seemed to find to fund trips to thailand and build a house out there could have gone towards the kids at any point, but it didnt

so he shut up and apologised and agreed with me that the kids have to come first

but we will see

and i just realised i have a few patches of dry and sore skin on my face from friday night with lb lol

not nec doubts re him, just considering all the aspects. pondering to make sure I make the right choice.

fingers crossed your EX starts to tow the line a bit more and get his butt in gear. sounds positive thou.

hi all just popping in. Mums taxi out and about alot this weekend.

Sorry for what's happened annoyed I think Lou's right, it sucks - though chalk it down to experience. I think with some cybermen let my defences down. Not really active on any sites atm.

My exh up to his usual tricks - ringing me to check whether I had given ds2 a bath (er he had him just after football training yesterday so why didn't he). He got a mouthful from me about that and various other things such as his new p putting ds2 on 'the naughty step' locked behind the stairgate. He's 8 btw!! He was only at her place for six hours - they were arguing over a spoon FFS. Pick your battles I say.

Am out tonite (rare occasion) with ds1, my friend and her ds. We're going to a gig (showing my age) in Covent Gdn. DS2 is away with the school.

Lou think I saw your nm on your facebook page- he looks v nice - glad it's going so well.

Not sure when I will see Samename again. He's a bit low atm. I was quite hard on him really. Also told him he should really think about meeting dses.

And for the first time in ten days wearing make up. Nothin will cover my black eye so have put some purple eyeshadow to match the other one.

annoyed - chalk it up to experience and try not to let it hurt you too much. I think, from what I have learned, is not to let it get too intense online before moving it into RL - a phone call or a coffee, etc. Actually, not to get too intense too soon at all. I am bad at it, and it's taken some difficult experiences to get me here. But now I have a recently acquired new bf and am forcing myself to be slow - fortunately he is not trying to go too fast, which helps. Be choosy - the girls here taught me that - it's right. Hope you get your confidence back up again.

belle - you know what I think - for these early days, I am not that impressed by what you say of him, and think you are worth so much more.

lou - I am glad you had a wonderful night and a break

My dd had a brief trip to my ex. I spent a bit of time sleeping, a bit of time with family, and a few hours last night with bf. It was the first time in the 3 years since his divorce he's had someone in his home whilst his son was there (he was sleeping) and I think we were both a bit tense and anxious. It was great to see him though. He is still such a gentleman - not a 'type' I've experienced before but I like it! I need to have a talk about the difference between our earnings and disposable income... but I just don't know how to bring it up. He knows I took a "big" pay cut a couple of months ago to enable me to not work nights/weekends and be at home more but I realised his company car allowance is about the same as my salary and, um, surely that's bound to become an issue, isn't it? So far - usually I cook for him so the couple of times we've been out he's paid, but that can't carry on, and he's talking about planning a night or two away and I don't know how to say that it might be a problem for me money wise.

scl sounds a fab night out. Hope samename is ok, and a positive thing in your life.

lol @ purple eyeshadow

we must catch up scl, your night out sounds fun

kids are back, i loaned exh a tenner in the end, not loads i know but it was all i could spare anyway, he already owes me a fiver for buying him food the other day

i also somehow managed to manhandle a table into the back of the car for him to use , though i dont know where the legs are, but at least he has a surface for the kids to eat from next weekend

he says he has a sofa arriving next weds courtesy of freecycle so things are getting more like a home for them slowly

i managed to get my living room looking decent while they were gone, ready for them to wreck it again now they are back

annoyed - agree with others. often cybermen like the attention and initial contact, then run off as never have any intention meeting. chalk it up as another arse pillock that is found on the path to a decent one.

lou - your really making effort with exh. hope it pays off.

belle - re the cuddling. some people are just like this. i simply cannot sleep if entwined with someone. so for me when it comes to sleeping i compromise.. i agree to initial hugs when we get in the bed... but i withdraw , usually turning my back on them... and if they creep over and try and strangle put their arm around me.. i threaten to issue seperate duvets unless their limbs can be contained to their side of the bed.
this has caused issues with partners before, but its blooming great when i meet someone similar. exp used to be like this.. and used to get full nights sleep no problem... when i'm with someone who sneaks over and attachs like a limpet when i'm sleeping it wakes me up and i have an awful night sleep.. needless to say.. i would then avoid spending night with them, which kills the relationship as they just would not understand my sleep issues.

luckily bf is similar sleeper. and he doesn't snore much.. but when he's drunk... he clucks

i've encountered this 3 times with men... anyone else experienced a clucker?

mousie - dont bring up salaries in exact figures. but you will have to point out you simply cant afford nights away at present or he'll wonder why you dont want to go. but i definately wouldn't go into discussing you financial situation in too much detail at such an early stage. he knows already cash isn't plentiful, you making him dinner and going to an effort is a good way to repay him for his dinners out. unless he complains dont make an issue out of it... but buying something smaller like coffee's, etc.. shows you would like to contribute where you can afford to with regards to your daytrip/dates.

scl - lol @purple eyeshadow

Can I CAT someone and find you all on facebook RJ - thank you, that makes a lot of sense.

i've not got cat anymore. whats you email. i cant post mine as its my name

CAT'd you. Headed to the shower now and to doing prep for tomorrow's crazy teaching. I am paid less than a schoolteacher and I teach undergrads all day - how did this happen???

mousie - at least you have a job.

cat worked.. my subscrption had run out. weird. but i've added you to FB

scratch that. i've not added you. says it doesn't know your email .. sent you email with my addy, look me up and add me.

you can search me on fb by my email

morticiatsf at googlemail dot com

i hate being suffocated in bed when i am trying to sleep

i dont mind the contact but i dont like to feel smothered, one ex literally wouldnt let me move without engulfing me and i hated it, ended up having to say something, we didnt last long

lb is v much in agreement with me wrt sleeping arrangements which is good

in fact we are pretty similar on most things, he said i was the female version of him on friday night lol

it's been said on many occasion i'd "make an excellent bloke"... supposed to be a compliment

thanks mousie.

Well he knows i'm boyless and so far hasn't rung - I said I was off to the gym, tbh phone's gone off, i'm going to sleep on it and decide tomorrow I think. Will not turn my phone back on, Will not turn my phone back on!!! lol.

tbh the sleep thing - I like the initial when u get into bed cuddles but yes then turn away etc and go to sleep but to just do that I was left a bit and he said i'd changed straight away as soon as we got into bed - wonder why! lol. anyhow...

mousie - also agree with juicy - gymboy & I have huge differences in money (ie his family are literally multimillionaires) and mine are well not! so he likes to basically think money is no option - ever. so far i've got around it by paying my way when I can, (ie if we go out for a cheaper meal then I pay it all, if it's a bit more expensive we go dutch) re the going away - I'd suggested just a travel inn type of a thing - would he go for that - if you pay one night & he pays the other - in some cases you can get a deal for £29.00

belle - its still early for gymboy though .. is it not after 9pm heading towards 10pm till you hear from him.

may i be so bold as to ask why the heck didn't ask him if you were seeing him tonight if you knew ds was away?.. rather than wait for him to ask you?.. or did you already tell him and he's not mentionned doing anything?

I did I said to him earlier when he rang, i'll hopefully see you tonight - he said well we'll at least talk, After I finished in the gym I rang him & it rang out. I know it's still early for him, but usually thou he'd have rung/text by now. as I say am over it all.