Where have all the fit and interesting men gone part 12a

[lou33]

seeing as there has been discussion about using 13

(not that it bothers me)

i feel sorry for myself my back is still playing up, and i just tripped and made it hurt in the usual lower back place

hello
it wasn't really v nice ladies
he was really really upset and when I dropped dc off I knew what he was going to say
we had the chat later
he is not sure he's ever been truly in love, doesn't know if I am right, sometimes he thinks yes sometimes no - but doubts.
he can't offer any more commitment
he is going to sort his divorce out for def but is petrified about it
he needs to get his life together and I shouldn't wait
he is worried that the dc are not bonding
he is used to being on his own
so basically it was a huge thumbs down.
He kindly offerd to sleep in ds bedroom. Did I take him up on that no
we clung together like two unhappy limpets all night

oh ninah, so sorry to hear that.

how are you doing? is he on about your DC's our your combined DC's?

be good to yourself.

combined dcs
he lives with ds 14 who is v territorial, they are v close since split and his ds is afraid to let anyone near his dad
his other ds has moved to his mum's recently but is emotionally all over the place
so I can see the practial reasons why the timing is all wrong
just had thought he was really into me
bit gutted and not sure how to proceed
he says he still wants to be friends etc but I am not sure
my dc have grown really fond of him and today in preschool my dd said she was special 'because I go to nm's house'
fuck

oh meant to say sorry to hear about samename scl, well at least it answers some of the puzzle - how he is ok

sorry to hear your news Ninah.

Let's hope he sees the error of his ways!!

Try to look after yourself, he does sound as though he has many issues.

I really do think that things happen for a reason but still for you and your dc.

Even I have been having some pangs recently about lack of a 'normal' family life. I am coming into regular contact with a family who appear perfect and my dominant thought is how do they do that and why couldn't I have done that. I know its unrealistic but that's what I'm thinking.

This is the first time I have felt like this in three years. Perhaps it's all part of the process.

well I guess that's understandable of his DC's.

your DC's will come to adjust, i'm assuming they're still quite young? (not that I realise it helps you right now)

re the friends bit - tbh I think you should take some time out for you to decide how you want to move forward from here with regards to that bit. (but feel free to tell me to bugger off)

I suspect he was really into you, but tbh if he hasn't had the time yet to grieve for his prev relationship and properly deal with the emotions from it he will be unsure etc on things.

scl - it's not a case that you couldn't do it sweetie, it's a case of god give you apples and gives them lemonade, you do the best with the hand you're dealt and hope it works out for the best.

I'm sure they're not as perfect as they first appear. It's easy in a lot of respects to think why if I did this or that or the other, but it's here and now that counts and how we use the time we have.

besides - i'd rather be lonely alone than lonely and with someone. you split up for a reason - remember that.

know what you mean scl I've just done a parents eve and all those blooming couples - aaah! it is getting to me
I dunno how it will go now. He is just so mixed up. I kind of wish I hadn't stirred it all up but just had nice weekend instead. Now it's all been said I'm feeling crap and needy.

normally quite happy being alone tbh not sure why I've had such a strong reaction to these people.

Certainly being v picky as not replied to anyone from the sites over the last few days.

I think some of the best times in my life have been as a single
I'm actually really curious as to how it feels to be happily married
blame all the dark eves, the clocks changing and the spectre of Yule know what

I think it is the time of year yes - summer time it's all parties and such, winter is all about snuggles on the sofa.

Happily married - god what's that, don't think I ever was even when I was - well that's unfair some times was.

I do worry, are we destined to end up alone? Still, I do believe we'll all find happiness again, and better to be alone than with an abusive idiot!

do think xmas doesn't help thou - the whole family being around the tree & all.

exactly - I really want to know what it feels like!
belle I feel pretty sure you are not destined to end up alone (and I'm usually right - asbm?!)
nm is so not an abusive idiot, he was so worried about hurting me. Sometimes I get irritated cos he's indecisive but exp was an overly decision organising arrogant shit
at least I can pick good men now, just don't know what to do with them once I've reeled them in!

(sorry ninah, I didn't mean he specifically was am talking in general terms here)

have you always been a lone parent?

the good times with XH were quickly followed by v v bad times.

will you keep in contact with nm?

totally
I am dreading it now more than ever
Do you ever have the feeling that you are just too much (not nec too much woman scl) - but just too much to be handled
he says he dreads talking to me cos he can't express himself, and I am his intellectual superior
I need a lobotomy ladies

ah no don't worry belle!
I was married when I was 21 - lasted 18 months, I wasn't really in love with him
other sig relationship (of course there were others) is exp who I loved hopelessly but was a bastard
seeing him - I don't know
we had a goodbye? shag
and we keep talking
just need to grow a spine and keep walking

no you don't ninah, if you're intellectually more superior to him then that's a good thing, it suggests he has isshooos over him not being worthy of you - which tbh may be right?. He does seem quite down on his choice as well.

sometimes I think society puts too much emphasis on being a part of a couple & being loved up as it were. it's the social norm and we're failures for not achieving it.

but please believe, this isn't your fault, and isn't anything you've done, as I said b4 this time would have happened eventually, deep down, you deserve more than compromising your long term wants and needs and settling for second best as it were.

come on lady don't be so hard on yourself. get some choccy, and a bottle of wine, I assume the munchkins are in bed now so sit in with it all.

re XP well, possibly get some space from him for a minute as well?

yes I know, only I kind of brought it about by being honest and bringing it all to the surface - thinking I was stronger than I am to be able to handle it
Do wonder the kind of man who could cope with someone like me actually
are you still in touch with gb?

x-post
you are lovely belle thanks a lot
gosh this thread has seen some drama!

yeah we're going to the pics tonight - but that's a whole other story! lol. (better jump in the bath in a bit infact, but hey ho he doesn't rush so why should I?!)

you will find someone, you're a smart lady who clearly knows what she wants. it's making sure that he is good enough for you and your DC's is all you need to worry about.

and you are stronger than you think - tea bag and swan remember. it hurts like a plaster being ripped off, will be hurting right now and for the next few days/weeks but i'm sure you will come to see that it is for the best - on some level.

As I say don't compromise what it is you want and your core principals for someone - esp a man!

yeah I know lol.

thanks backatcha - we'll find our princes. x (apparently they exist but we have to be kissin a lot of frogs first! )

puckering up - ribbit
have a lovely evening belle, keep him waiting a few mins tho!

lol.

oh I will do - when I get the call after he's been running (has the big south run on sunday so is in training) we'll see, have decided for friends anyhow I think. (was 100% y'day am 95% now) - will see how tonight goes, either way one more wobbler and i'm def off, no friends or anything.

ninah - still here?

so sorry your talk hasn't gone well.

but at least its all out in the open and you know where you stand. must be a relief he has made a decision and come out with that he's unsure about love.

truth may hurt, but face it... you want to be with someone who is 100% they are mad about you. not someone who feels very ho-hum.
and the children is a very big issue thats been a wedge in your relationship that you cant ignore.

yes... it will hurt like bugger.

but better love and lost than never loved at all.

as you say yourself. at least now you know how to have a relationship with a decent bloke rather than the bastard types.

chocs, wine, soppy dvd.. let it all out and you will feel better in the morning. if not. repeat for a few days.

and yes there is decent blokes. but finding one you get along with is just as hard as finding an arsehole you get along with. difference tends to be the arseholes are more brazen is why you seem to find them more. it's more like they find us easier.