Where have all the fit and interesting men gone part TWELVE

[lou33]

starts here

why would you bin off gymboy before asking about it?

he may well just have been checking mail or hiding a profile or something, talk to him before you dump him

irish

i need luck too, i am about to go meet my exh in the new house he has near me to check it over for what i need to bring for the kids and wheelchair accessibility, when he sees them sunday

also had a run ni with school this morning

but had a nice chat with lb afterwards on the phone which helped

just having a quick catch up as things aren't half busy on here
sparky say no more you do right to remember my views on LDR..
...and 100 miles..

good luck to lou and juicy

Another vote for Irish

ITM sorry to hear - see you are down for the christmas bash

As for me need some sympathy had stupid accident on the way home last nite - was carrying my bike up soome steps slipped bike hit me hard in the face - have a really swollen and black eye!!

feel rough

to make mattersworse have big family celebration tomorrow!!!!

scl that's rotten and it always happs.at worst time too,can you pop an ice pack over your eye and take some arnica,it will at least speed up the healing process
rj-fingers crossed for the job interview and i'm opting for irish too despite you failing to send me a piccy yet{dropping hints emoticon}
lou-what can i say really re exh?but at least you have the prospect of LB to keep you going atm.
eve-bet you're excited,what type of restaurant have you booked?
mousie-yay!glad to see you're smiling again
llaj-at least he's still in touch..
sb-take care and don't overthink but you're right to be cautious only you will know when you're able to drop your guard.
sparky-hmm,am with Lou on this just because he's planning on staying out doesn't mean you are obliged to as well.when you're ready to go home just go and leave him to make it back to his hotel on his own.entirely your choice here and v.much about you being in control of the situ.hope you both have a great evening
ITM-????? thought every thing was peachy there?

i think i am going soft in my old age, i actually felt sorry for my exh

he has literally nothing, no bed no mattress no chairs no cooker, no carpets

the cooker isnt coming for 3 weeks, rest of the stuff is as and when

i ended up going out and buying him a cheap microwave, i figure it will benefit the kids, at least he can give them some beans on toast on sunday (he has been loaned a kettle and toaster), or something

i have also said he can have the old futon mattress i am throwing out to sleep on til he gets a bed , atm he has a thin layer of foam and a sheet

the girls want to go help him paint hte place up this afternoon, so will drop it all round then

i told him as long as he can stop the abusive messages and be civil and not stop worrying the kids that he is going to try take them from me, then things will be ok, but if he starts trying to intimidate me again then i will report him again

lou think that's really decent of you let's hope he appreciates it and does keep his side of the bargain

i did say to him that he had made my life hell these past few years, he tried to say no he hasnt done that fr a couple of years now, but i continued and said he had never stopped

i told him that the main priority here was the kids and that if he can just be civil to me and not send me or them abusive messages about me, and start getting to know them again, and leave my private life alone, then i am more than happy to have a polite relationship with him, and will even help him by running him about sometimes to get bits of furniture and what not

i then said if he did revert back to type then that offer of help would be withdrawn and i would continue along the route he forced me to before, which i would prefer not to do

i am going to try teh route of keeping him sweet by being nice and showing him he can see the kids whenever he likes

i said to dd2 that the quicker we get his place sorted the quicker he can have them to stay and they have more things to do (and i get time off )

she is there with her father now helping him paint, i am going to pick up the boys and dd1 and drop dd1 there to help him for a bit too, and show the boys his place for a few mins, then leave hte girls there for a couple of hours before i go back and get them

i figure if i am showing willing to "reconnect"(to use his wording" him and hte kids then he cant really argue

he did try and say i misunderstood his text where he made veiled threats to remove the kids, but when i said no i didnt , but refused to be drawn on it as dd2 was in the room, and continued with my piece about working reasonably with each other, he shut up

and i think this is the first time i havent felt scared or nervous of him for years

i felt quite sorry for the poor bastard actually, so lets hope things will improve and he can put the kids first and his animosity about us behind him

Hope it works well for you Lou and he starts acting like an adult and a father. You could then get some support which we all need.

I, as you know get none at all and sometimes wish it was different.

yes well i wont hold my breath but at least i know i have behaved the right way

i wont expect anything to change though

lou glad you've said your bit and think it's great that you were able to,shows how far you've come
eve how are you?any more news about that hot 2nd date?

AFAIK it's still on for tomorrow night. He didn't want to drive home so I was going to sort it for him to stay at my friends B&B but he's booked up. Was going to let him stay at mine in the spare room but DD doesn't like the idea.

Will hopefully speak to him tonight but have to tell him I havent arranged anything. Decided that if he really wants to see me he will either drive or try and sort somewhere to stay.

hi all.

lou - think your ex has had a personality transplant which seems to have worked well.

asbm - i dont have a photo of irish... but he's similar to superman. remember what he looked like? and i dont know if he has a profile still and i've not checked. i simply dont have the urge, trust him iykwim.. no questions asked.

went for lunch with BB today. had a good laugh as usual.. but became more obvious the differences between us.. there was some crazy loon singing in princes gardens... and he wouldn't let me ask why.. he was afronted at me wanting to go and ask a random stranger why he was singing to himself.... so i've firmly drawn the line under that. i also told him i could never trust him

and thats not like me to be untrusting... but turns out he was on holiday sharing an apartment with 3 girls!!! yet... i had to interrogate him to get this info out of him... if you have nothing to hide then why not just be upfront. turns out "nate" and "danny"... were actually. nathalie and daniella!!

then went over to see the lovely irish for a coffee.

and..... i got the job!!!!!!!

yay!!
how are you planning to celebrate then RJ?!
eve-think that sounds like a good plan
well i'm off to deal with the ex and the handover and then a quiet night in til bf gets here later..hope everyone else has a good evening

p.s yes i do remember superman

i shall be celebrating tomorrow with irish.

congratulations juice

i think irish sounds like the better man doesnt he?

wrt my exh , i doubt it is anything more than temporary, but i am going to try and go along with the be pleasant route unless it proves to be impossible

in actual fact this is what i have always tried to do, but he just ends up making it impossible to communicate with, so as we have been here a few times before, and it has always been brief, then i will not feel too optimistic

time will tell

i do like the fact i didnt walk away from our encounter shaking and feeling extremely unnerved tho

i dont know so much which is better. how can anyone tell so early on...

i dont distrust in a cheating sense... but i do distrust that he could be another abusive arsehole pretending to be nice iykwim... which i know is silly as i've had quite a few relationships whereby the fellas have been really lovely, but just not right for me. but why does it take just the one real prick of an arsehole and you find urself 2nd judging your own instinct on whether someone is good or bad.

you know that little niggly voice that says

"you were well and truly fooled before... who's to say your not being fooled again"

i think you have enough doubt in your mind about bb to leave it where it is, which is fair enough

when i say better man, i mean in so much as which one you seem to gel with more, of course they all have flaws, but out of the 2, irish appears to be more suited

agreed juicy - irish is the prefered choice on the thread! plus as you say BB and you had dinner and the differences became more noticeable. sometimes (and i'm sure you've said this to me) we just gotta take a chance and take a risk, the leap of faith that hopefully he won't be a twat and will actually be one of the good guys out there - apparently there is some! oh and big congrats on the job front what's it doing? - enjoy irish! and which super man are we talking here - the christopher reeves or the younger ones?

Lou - fingers crossed your ex keeps up his end of the bargin as you & the DC's are trying so hard to be accommodating with him. Glad you were able to walk away in a stronger position now not feeling worried etc after you see him.

Eve - don't worry about him staying in a hotel - only thing I will say is the sailor booked a hotel down here, we went out had drinks/a meal he wouldn't let me pay for a thing and then the end of the night tried it on. point is just cos he had the room doesn't mean he got anything - (well he did a mouthful) but that was it.

mousie - is there any chance you could find work closer to home? good luck tonight btw.

misty - aww no, hopefully you'll be able to sort something out - we were a beacon....

scl - awww you poor thing, make sure you look after yourself, and see if same name will come and pamper you.

blondie - the guards drop, then a slight set back ups them back up with an extra level as well for good measure. still i'm sure if he's worth it it will come down eventually.

well not much going on here tonight, we've been in contact today, i've been to the gym, my mum walked in the am when we were in bed well she stood in the back door, ho hum - I thought it was amusing he didn't know if to jump up and out or cower under the covers! lol. He's out with the boys on the presentation thing, so phone's off in the car, just gonna jump in the bath I think and have an early night. Tomorrow am having DS and mummy day, so again phone and laptop are going off early morning till DS is in bed so can focus on him totally.

Thinking about suggesting he comes over for dinner next week - d'ya think a roast dinner would go down well?

sb - roast sounds good.

at your mum... my sister came by last wkd when irish was here... i had to explain i was hiding an irishman in my bed from dc .. she thought it was

superman - was an internet date from waaaaay back in may.

and i'm sure your guard will come down if he's up to the mark.

lou - irish is most def suited better. we never take each other the wrong way. same humour.

then all the signs are there - irish all the way I think - key thing is not taking each other the wrong way.

ahy poor mum - least your sister is younger! lol. said sorry to mum earlier, and she said, oh no i'm so sorry just wanted to remind you not to forget DS's shoes (think she was really after a bit of a gander at him) lol.

guards - he's doing a good job at breakin em down (i'm jsut doing a good job at keepin them up as well)

me and irish chucked the guards out the window on that very first date.

i told him who i went for lunch with and that i "tied up the loose ends".

how long have u known/been seeing him?

whic .. irish? this is our 3rd wkd we'll be spending together.

but been in contact with him since about june but never got round to meeting.

he asked me outright why i was in edi.. and i cant lie.. so i kinda mumbled and made shifty feet things.. we were in asda.so he said i didn't have to tell him if i didn't want to. when we got back to his i just told him. only thing he said was "where is he from?"

that was it. end of convo.i didn't give much detail. just that it was "tied up and loose ends sorted" was enough for him obviously.

cool. fingers crossed. - I guess he figures that you've made your choice now.