Where have all the fit and interesting men gone part ELEVEN

[lou33]

dollparts he messaged me through a dating site i forgot i was on

Oh forgot to say scl, a little strange of him behaving like that. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to hear what he has to say but I would be thinking it had better be good!

Now I completely ballsed that up didn't I? I meant rj (told you I am not thinking straight)

scl - glad to hear your feelings have subsided over exbf. start of load to forgetting him. perhaps the extra time with samename has been a good help for you hear.

janos - cm2, hot and cold drives you a bit insane doesn't it. make up mind already.

dollparts - think everyone has the odd bad week and affects how we feel about everything in life and questionning ourselves... but fear not, tomorrow is a new week.

as for copper. might hear him out, but it would need to be a bloody good explanation, or bloody good apology. more i think about it today.... it was bloody rude just not to show. and i agree with you ladies. i cant possibly imagine doing that to someone. and at very least not contacting the next day if it was too late on that actual night.

hi winnie

darkhorse turned up at mine at 3am this morning after he called me and got a v teary conversation, so he left what he was doing to come make sure i was ok

then all day i have been banned from leaving my room, turned out him and 3 of the dc's had been transforming my living room into one that i dont mind sitting in, and cleaning the kitchen

he has now taken them to a sweet shop in my car as a treat for helping do it, while i am about to have a bath

that's nice you deserve it. Darkhorse is a good guy and sounds great with your dcs.

Drama here - water started to cascade out of the ceiling - cue me panicking and turning off electrics etc. Couldn't get hold of landlord, so called plumbing company they have just been and unblocked toilet.

Hope my landlord will reimburse the cost - it's about two weeks food money and money I don't have.

lou, it sounds like you've had a good day. Enjoy

dollparts, hope you are ok. I ovranalyse when I am tired and stressed and it doesn't help but knowing that doesn't help either does it. A bad relationship can be moved on from but unfortunately I do believe the scars remain so old expectations do resurface from time to time Hope you feel better soon.

sincitylover, hot and cold isn't good but glad you are feeling a shift in feelings towards exbf it is hard.

Janos, hi

ridingjoker, I think it is very odd and frankly rude behaviour by copper and, easier said than done and have a feeling you will be reminding me of this one day, is this an omen? If he treats you like this now...? Maybe give hime the benefit of the doubt once but make sure he doesn't get another chance if he does it again. (Don't listen to me! What do I know about relationships lol)

I was having a rather crappy Sunday as it is a day of the week that is difficult for me: it was always family day and now we are half the family we were (with x out of my life and dd all grown up and not living here) and ds just wants to chill out playing with lego and I wanted company and to get out of the house...

Anyway, x husbands girlfriend text me and a crap day turned into a particularly crap day. I know she is doing what I was doing: refusing to face the obvious BUT I am sick of it. He is still playing games and I am no longer anything to do with him and it is still impacting on my life!!!!

its been good in so far as what has been done for me (another friend also came round with cake), but i do still feel v low

though i guess not as bad as i was yesterday

not sure if darkhorse is staying tonight or not, he has stuff to be getting on with tomorrow

OH lou, I am sorry you are feeling low.
Have tried reading thread from start to finish. Why are you feeling low particularly? Is it ds, dd or 'everything'? I know sometimes I just feel completely overwhelmed. What would help? {{{}}}

Winnie-thanks for that

Am feeling a lot better this evening. Went for a long walk with nm and spoke about what's been getting to me this week. Just saying it out loud helped my stress levels. He was very, very good for me today. Sometimes it helps to get some perspective from someone that knows you but doesn't know everything iykwim?

He said some very useful things and reminded me that I am dealing with a lot right now-working full time, studying, selling house and divorce (amazing I even fit him in!)

Had lots of cuddles (ahem) when we got back home

News just in: Well as Im sure the whole world knows my s2b exhb is away next weekend. I have dd and am thinking of a trip to London Zoo etc and was thinking of asking nm along too? Am breaking my own rules here but think it would be ok...maybe? Help me girls!

I find I can be very up one day and very low the next - have absolutely no idea why tbh. And I often feel very overwhelmed with everything.

Lou I hope you feel better soon. Don't know what else to say without sounding trite.

Dollparts - I often cry tears of frustration when dealing with exh - I don't see that ever changing. Colleague caught me sobbing at my desk the other week after telephone convo with him.

It's weird re exbf - I just sort of gave up hope with him and also thought wtf am I doing. I want him to wonder about what I am doing rather than the other way round tbh and think he may get in touch again at some point.

It's a bit like in those stupid american films when they ask someone why they don't do something anymore and they say 'it just got too hard' well that's how I feel about him.

it could have been the samename effect but actuallystrangely think it was the work thing. There was such a mismatch between pulling off this high profile event with all that entailed and being this person who was banging her head against a brick wall and responding to the whim someone who felt he could pick me up and put me down when he felt like it.

i was actually feeling more positive, and was watching a film with the kids and darkhorse, but then their father messaged me oldest with some choice words about me which upset her

i sent him a message to ask him to stop and he replied telling me to fuck off

he must be drunk
anyway am off to bed night

sorry you are having a horrible time lou.
rj that is odd behaviour from copper
haven't updated in detail but seems a few people are having a difficult time atm.
I desperately need some advice, not sure where to post, but wanted input and usually get good advice on here ...
ds has been an utter nightmare. He is not adapting well to nm at all and his behaviour has ranged from stealing small items from his house, general cheek and defiance to yesterday weeing in a neighbour's garden. Nm is v patient with it all but the strain is beginning to show. We have spent a lot of time together and having a break atm to spend time with our dc. As nm says, we hve become a bit wrapped up in each other and need to give them some attention. His dc (older) accept me up to a point but are wary of the changes which of course I understand too. We love each other, he is a good man, but I just can't see a way forward. I don't want ds to be unhappy - should I put him first and stay single? cos I think he would e like this with any man in our lives. persevere? ds is not used to being in a family and things are v unsettled with us trekking between two houses, makeshift beds, not knowing what arrangements are in place from week to week. I am supposed to go on hol with nm next week when ex has my dc but I don't feel like spending romantic time and getting more and more involved with someone when there are so many problems in way of a long term relationship. I didn't go into this thinking long term but we are way past casual and I'm feeling lost and v confused.

ninah perhaps this would work better for your ds if there wasn't so much upheaval.

perhaps have less contact instead of completely finishing? make sure you have some whole wkds every month where its just you and ds?

nm and new house and now sibling type relations are alot for your ds to get used to.

perhaps some counselling would help with ds behaviour and allow him to talk things through or find a way to express how he feels about the situation with you.

lou, it must have been the night for it as I ended up having a text/email 'thing' with xh and his girlfriend. I am so sick of the lies and his trying to play us off against each other & in the last week he has been horrible about her & oh so nice about me ... even thought it has not been asked for (he tells people what he thinks they want to hear). I just let rip; & don't feel good about it. In fact I feel very sad as I don't like being harsh with people BUT I have had enough. He doesn't stop playing games, their relationship is very unstable and ds is in the middle of it

ninah, fwiiw, I agree with ridingjoker, perhaps just slow it down a bit and give ds time and space to adjust. In the long term it is not good if he is dictating your relationships BUT equally his feelings really do need to be taken into account (as you are obviously doing). Good luck, it doesn't sound easy.

glad you are around rj! thanks so much
sure you are right, and I know this week apart will help clarify things.
I had assumed ds was feeling OK about things, as we have seen nm reguarly for year or so now. But recently the behaviour has escalated. It is hard to know what is going on inside ds's head, but I know he is unhappy atm. he is much more affected by break up by dd. Sometimes I hate my ex for doing this to our family!
nm is really making an effort with him, (ie taking him off for boys day out with his dc etc) and just seems to be getting through to him when ds will switch off and be really rejecting. I think he is afraid of finding another dad and losing him.
I suppose a monthly chld only weekend might be the answer. On the other hand in order to get to know each other we have to spend some time and what with the dc shuttling between us and our exs it seems scarce enough already. Right now I'm thinking fuck it it's all too difficult! but I've had an awful evening and no sleep

ninah it doesn't have to be a whole wkd. but definately 1 whole day and night with just you and dc a month. you say his dc are accepting to a point. they would perhaps also benefit from getting a time with their dad.

plus... are there times when you ,nm and his dc are together while ds is at your ex's?? this might be putting you ds's feeling out of place as he will see this as you off having fun with "new family".... if this is a case i would say counselling is the only way to combat this. as it will be very difficult for you on your own to show him he is not being excluded from the "new family" and sent off to exh iykwim.

ok that's certainly a way forward. it works out like that in the main and we try to be careful to spend time with our respective dc but over the summer hols we have been seeing a lot more of each other - his dc were away last week and he was popping over in the eves. And yesterday I left early in the morning but he asked me to come back for dinner and I did, so there was that.
We have the same fortnightly pattern with exs so when my dc are away his are too, we are not having family time without my dc. My dd has totally accepted it. His dc are OK but like time with their dad, naturally. It is just my ds who is really upset, and I think he would be that way with whoever, he just wants me to himself the way it used to be.
Have you heard from copper yet?

how old is your ds ninah?

I do think they like one on one time with their parents. I was thinking of asking exh to do this more with ds2.

I think that you would get this reaction to an extent with any nm.

ninah - think you will work it thru. just letting ds see you are still his main priority.

copper - its been left for me to let him know when i'm free for him to give his excuse. really cant be arsed tbh.

ex has buggered off to italy. so no free time or maintenance for unknown period. could be 1 week. could be 8 weeks.

plus still talking to BigT
and some others floating around so really not desperate enough to go listen unless he's willing to make a really over the top effort to get me there.

ninah, are you sure these isnt something else on his mind which is causing this behaviour, after so long?

scl he is nearly 7
even in a birth family it is good to have time with the individual parents, isn't it - I can see this is needed, and we do have plenty of one to one - tho less now I have bf and a job. Tbh he is really hard work atm, fine one moment and then defiant rude and horrible, just had another scene with him in town and now another at home, and we are by ourselves no bf in sight.
can't believe your ex rj! how do you cope?
good to hear big T is still hanging in there

ninah - i just have to. i'm used to it. bigt is still hanging about. but never managed to make a meeting past our first one. was supposed to meet sat night after party. but doubt thats going to happen till ex returns now.

and i do think kids benefit from 1 on 1 time. mines are younger but both like a little time with me by themselves.

my ds2 behaviour changed about age 7 he was just 5 when we split and is now 8.

He doesn't seem much different from his peers and its hard to say what is the reason for the change

examples

answering back

swearing

tantrums

He was an adorable toddler and little boy - the change came after he got into Year 2 I'd say.

omg scl yes, that's it
I am constantly and
he smirks and shrugs and looks at me like dirt
I am struggling with one to one time atm rj he is upstairs listening to Queen
he's like a mini teenager
he gets into year 2 in Sept - can't wait for that!
wishing I could bugger off to italy right now myself actually
you see a boy behaving like mine and it's a Daily Mail editorial of the pitfalls of single motherhood might as well pull back my hair a la Waynetta and go down the offie for some Wckd all the fresh vegs and help with spellings is a waste of bloody time

no i'm not MIA tho wish i was tbh!
must be something in the air
my dd has been vile this weekend and she's a similar age to your ds ninah
am in much the same situ as you as am really at a loss for what to do
nm is v.patient and supportive and does go out of his way to spend time doing things with her but even he felt the full force of her anger and rudeness
exh has always had a poor relationship with her too so maybe she is just pushing her boundaries here?
who knows?
told nm that i wouldn't blame him if he wanted to call it a day
he said no and that we'd work thru this together
so we'll see
the joys of parenting eh?